BlogHer - "Dressed up" is a state of mind - Comments

I love to gussy up

OldDani — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:52:21 -0500

I don't really dress like other Mum's. I never have dressed a whole lot like those around me.Not in a vastly different way, just a little left of centre. So I dopn't know what message my clothes send others.

My work attire is bathiing suit, wetsuit, rash vest. Yoga pants over the top to get to work. So the rest of the time I like to feel good in what I wear. Any opportunity to go out for social activity is an excuse to frock up for me. Why? Because it makes me feel good.

I totally agree with the point about mother's having a "who's worse off" competition. I don't buy that. Negative talk creates negatvity. Compete about how good your life is if you must compete, at least the self-actualsation will be beneficial.

Blogging at http://www.thekitchenplayground.com
"Farnham (n.) The feeling you get about four o'clock in the afternoon when you haven't got enough done." -The Meaning of Liff, Douglas Adams

There are people who just don't care about dressing up...

writergal8 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:53:18 -0500

...and it might have to do with the casualization (is this even a word?) of our society. The Wall Street Journal recently posted an article on office dress codes and how young people and older people have a different interpretation. I wrote a reaction to it in Prospere Magazine. As for dressing up for services at a place of worship: At the church I used to go to, I've seen people go in wearing shorts in the summer and ripped jeans in the winter. I would never, ever, ever wear jeans or shorts to church. I was brought up to know better (as I'm sure those people have too...they just choose not to dress up).

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Prospere Magazine: In Work... In Life... She Prospers A new monthly business and lifestyle blogzine for women
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Dressing up for Easter

stephaniekscott — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:00:02 -0500

This is a very interesting topic. As one who could be categorized in Oprah's "schlumpadinka" group, I often struggle on the line between being comfortable and also not looking dodgy. I never wear sweats or yoga pants around the house because that just makes me feel sick, so at least I put on clean jeans, but it's always the same old polo shirt or cardigan and tee combo.

As for Easter, I was always told "Jesus didn't die on the cross so you could have a new dress." So there's one more thing to talk about on the couch with the shrink.

Since you asked, I'll be wearing my "dressy" black pants, black boots and a green and pink argyle sweater, because, sadly, at present that's the nicest outfit I own, and with my body type, a dress is really out of the question.

My baby daughter will be in a fabulous little lavender cotton dress however, because I don't care what my mother said, the girl will have a new dress at Easter.

yes it CAN be about the clothes

Susan Wagner — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:00:08 -0500

I'll tell you my honest opinion here: I am so tired of this whole Casual Friday attitude, where we NEVER dress up for ANYTHING. There are certain events in our culture -- weddings, funerals, church services, dinner in a nice restaurant -- that warrant nice shoes and a dress or skirt or SOMETHING that is not Mom Wear. Period.

My sons go to a Catholic school; one day week, they go to Mass. They have a specific dress uniform (shirt and tie for the boys, jumper and blouse with tie for the girls) that they are REQUIRED to wear. I love this, because it is a reminder that once upon a time, we treated certain things with tremendous respect, and we showed that respect -- for people and institutions and rituals -- by dressing up.

So yes, you SHOULD wear a dress to church on Easter. But I guess it's still not really about the clothes then, is it?

Hmm.

Friday Style | The Working Closet | Friday Playdate

getting spiffy

JenB — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:13:39 -0500

I look better, I guss "dressed up, like no sweats, ratty pants, when i leave the house. I am sometimes home for days and it feels nice to put on make up for my psychiatrist or the sales people at the mall. that sounds too lame to be true.

hallelujah!

babaliscious22 — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:06:35 -0500

Excellent post! If you don't take time to care for yourself, eventually it will catch up to you- and you can't take care of anyone else, if you don't take care of you!

As mothers we all know that nobody else is taking care of us- except for our own mother... but we have to do it ourselves:)

thanks for the post!!

http://rangersrus5.blogspot.com/
http://happinessfromtheinsideout.blogspot.com/
http://lifehaveityourway.blogspot.com/

Bertie

Sometimes, though, can't it be about the clothes?

shannonhylandtassava — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:23:58 -0500

I wanted to add that I agree with Jordan and Susan above, too; it's just that, in my original discussion of this topic on my blog, I was trying to focus on, specifically, the dressing-up-for-a-holiday part of this larger issue of self-care. It was never that I felt that doing so was the only way to take care of one's self or prioritize one's own needs; it was simply that, with a holiday coming up and all, I wondered what other moms did and thought about looking nice on Easter (or any other "special occasion"--or any occasion, as Susan points out!). I don't think a mom HAS to dress up, or wear make-up, or do her hair, in order to model self-care or positive self-worth to her daughters, and I do agree that there are other ways in ADDITION to these to do so. But this time, I was curious about the clothes, and the message we send with our clothes, specifically. As is so often the case, Susan articulated that in her comment above better than I did. Thanks again Susan for picking up this topic!

I have to admit that I struggle mightily with the process Jordan describes above---about not having time in the morning to primp. And that when I mention that I haven't washed my hair in three days and I barely got mascara on this morning, it really is because I just cannot figure out how to make this happen in a better way for me right now. My children are very young; as many know, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Until just the other day, the 1 year old still nursed every morning--and she wakes up very, very early (in other words, there is NO WAY I am going to get myself out of bed even earlier than she wakes up, in order to shower and blow-dry my hair. I just cannot do it. I've tried, and I'm just too tired). My 3 year old is old enough to entertain herself for a few minutes while I do my thing, but not long enough to really do the whole shebang (shower, blow-dry, style, makeup, jewelry, dress)--and a very mischievous, very active 1 year old is another story. I truly don't feel like I'm throwing out a bunch of drama when I express my difficulty overcoming the "grunge factor" in my at-home parenting life; it is a real challenge for me, one that I know I share with other mothers of babies and toddlers, but one I assume will abate as my girls get older.

Sometimes a Nice Outfit is Just a Nice Outfit

tarz — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:01:51 -0500

As someone who is just learning, a bit late in life, about fashion and style, I love dressing up. And for me, this can mean something as simple as trying to make sure my top "goes with" my shoes. Because even such a small detail like that can make me feel like I'm wearing an actual outfit instead of a random collection of clothing. It has taken me a long time to realize that looking nice doesn't mean I'm an empty-headed mall-cruising bimbo.

Tara
http://dollcannotfly.wordpress.com/

find your own route

Susan Wagner — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:48:41 -0500

Jordan, I agree wholeheartedly with you -- this really isn't about clothes or makeup or hair, it's about priorities. If we are always putting other people first, then what we tell them is that they can put US last. Go ahead and wear the yoga pants if you like, but do it because you want to, not because you feel like you're not entitled to wear anything nicer.

My beat here is shopping and fashion, obviously, and taking time to primp is one way of prioritizing time for yourself. But I agree that there are many roads we can walk -- setting aside time to meditate or practice yoga, for example, or to read or travel or whatever it is that you do FOR YOURSELF.

Being a little bit selfish -- taking five minutes to comb your hair and put on some mascara, or to say a prayer or take a walk or read the newspaper-- can give you the energy to be a really fantastic wife and mother and friend and employer and whatever else it is you are all day every day.

Friday Style | The Working Closet | Friday Playdate

Start Somewhere

jordan — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:25:59 -0500

Good God, I agree with so much of this. I am so tired of the "Whose life is hardest?" contest - who hasn't showered in how long, who only has 20 seconds to get ready and that's with the kids in the bathroom, etc. Of course, motherhood is hard for all of us, no matter where we spend our days, but yes - don't put yourself last. Put on that oxygen mask first! Insist that you get the time you need to shower, dress, do your hair, and put on some make-up if you want to - alone! Get up earlier if need be, or let your partner know it's non-negotiable time for you. Some of us have extenuating circumstances that truly don't allow this, of course, but do we need to boast about it as if we're hoping to win the "most difficult parenting" award? I vote "no".

Personally, I dress decently. I rarely go out in the yoga pants and t-shirt uniform and I wear make-up and jewelry just to hang out with my kids. That's part of what makes me feel good. But I also want to say that if that's not your priority, so be it. It really shouldn't matter what a mom does to feel good as long as she's doing something - enough. I don't think clothes and make-up *have* to be that route - there are plenty of moms who have their own way to send the same message to the world, including their kids, while they wear their old jeans and sweatshirt. But if you don't have another route right now and you think this will make you feel good, I think it's a great, easy place to start. Plus you get to shop.

Jordan Sadler, SLP
http://thewonderwheel.blogspot.com

Personal Valuation

ecstewart — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:54:40 -0500

I'd agree with that.

I believe it's part of that personal valuation that I see go unactualized everyday in women around my town -and I resist it as a matter of course even now that I work from home.

Although I don't abide by a set routine, I must shower every day and I must dress as though I'm off to see a client. It's unfortunate that even my friends/colleagues don't dress for personal success -even when they're meeting their multi-million dollar clients.

Lisa, Creative Goddess
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Creative Goddess
CalligraphyPets

"Dressed up" is a state of mind

Susan Wagner — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:42:55 -0500

When was the last time you got dressed up? And what exactly do you mean by "dressed up" -- little black dress, or clean pants and a tee that didn't have a stain on the front? How much time do you spend getting yourself ready on a normal day? Is that too much or too little?

And why does any of that matter?

Shannon at Mama in Wonderland is thinking about what she might wear for Easter -- and about the bigger issue of what her clothing choices say about the kind of person -- and mother -- she is:

I couldn't help but think: Why don't I ever dress like that for Easter? I mean, my first reaction was, Oh, pretty, but not me--I'll just be wearing my black Ann Taylor Loft trousers with a blouse and some flats [BOR-ING], because I don't have any clothes like that and I'm not going to go out and buy a new dress and heels just to wear one time at Easter church. But that got me thinking; why not? I mean, if you're not going to dress up in a pretty dress and heels on a holiday, when are you? And don't those commercials--annoying marketing propaganda as they may be--encompass at least part of what you think a certain type of mom should look like on Easter? And are you that mom? And if you hope your daughters grow up thinking of you as not just a good person and a loving mom but also as someone who values HER OWN SELF enough to look nice and take care of herself and even spend some money on herself in order to dress up now and then--to be that pulled-together, pretty mom when the occasion calls for it--well, shouldn't you start being that mom, now? And if not, when are you going to start?

I say start now.

Let's be clear about something: what you wear will NOT make you a better mother or friend or sister or person. But schlepping around in sweats and a ponytail also doesn't make you a better mother or friend or sister or person. It just makes you a person who doesn't get dressed for things.

We have decided, as a culture, that "dressing up" is something we save for special occasions. We have also decided that dressing up isn't cool, that wearing a dress or heels or anything that can't go in the washing machine is somehow pretentious or foolish. And in the process, we have lost any sense that we deserve to take time for ourselves.

Shannon isn't really worried about what she will wear to church on Sunday; she is more concerned with how this example of the Easter dress translates into larger questions of how women think about themselves. Don't we deserve to dress up? Why are we waiting for a special occasion? And when is that special occasion, exactly? Why isn't a regular day as a mom -- or a wife or a friend or a woman -- a special enough occasion for us to get dressed up?

Why is looking bad such an important part of being a woman?

Moms are especially susceptible to this -- we get into these contests to see who can go the longest without buying new clothes or having a hair cut or taking a shower. But I don't buy this myth that being shabby and shaggy and smelly really makes you a better mother. I don't think that the fact that you work from home means you don't have to make an effort. I don't know what we're waiting for -- why not go ahead and get dressed up? Or at least get dressed. And maybe have a shower, and book a hair appointment, while you're at it.

I'm not advocating wearing your LBD to playgroup, but get out of the yoga pants. Take ten or fifteen or thirty minutes to get ready in the morning; spend that time thinking about yourself, not about your kids or your clients or your spouse. Stop waiting for an occasion to be the pulled-together, pretty woman -- just do it today. The message you will send is that you matter; if you are a mom -- especially a mom of young girls -- that message is important.

Want to see what real mom fashionistas are wearing? The contributors at The Fashionable Housewife are happy to show you their outfits.

Looking for practical dress up clothes -- pieces that will work with the rest of your closet? Check out Omiru's Best of Banana Republic Shopping Guide.

Susan Wagner writes about fashion at Friday Style and The Working Closet and Fashion Find. It takes her precisely 35 minutes to get ready in the morning.