BlogHer - The Art of Networking, from a Born Connector - Comments

Networking - make it about relating

Robin Ogden — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:48:11 -0500

I attend a great networking group where the emphasis is 'share a need that you have'. So, strongly do they believe this as the networking cornerstone, that it is stressed at every meeting I go to. And because of this - something happens in the group. You build a community of trusted advisers that you can depend on. You get to know who these people are and what they offer - not from a standpoint that they are trying to sell themselves to you, but from the standpoint that they might be able to help you meet one of your needs. I think this is a great approach to networking, a much more 'real' approach. Perhaps if we changed the name to Relating instead of Networking, we could all relax about it a bit.

Now - I need to find that 'flirting' class... :)

Robin
http://www.firedupcareers.com
http://www.careeradvicetalk.com

i did it without knowing

lolagoetz — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:49:45 -0500

I grew up going to a small church. Every Sunday after church, we'd say hello to people and chit-chat. Little did I know that I was learning how to network. Even years later, I would see people I knew at big meetings or conferences and would want to say hello just because I liked them and wanted to be friendly. I still didn't realize I was networking.

But now that I've learned how to do it, I just look at it as maintaining acquaintances and friends more than "using" people. I'm not out to use them. I'm there to connect. But if I'm looking for information, it's natural to go to the people I know first. I enjoy my friends, and help them out in return whenever I can.

Since going to BlogHer for the first time in '06 (wow, this will be my 3rd year!), networking has helped me land writing jobs. I'd be lost without it.

Becky
misspriss.org
beckyscorner.com
contributing editor - askpatty.com
contributor - safe mama
contributor - aisle dash

I know a guy who makes it a point to stay friends with his exes

Vered — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:03:40 -0500

Because you never know - one of them, or her boyfriend or future husband, might be helpful at some future point. Never burn bridges - that's his mantra too.

I envy Mike's approach, but it also makes me a little uncomfortable. Looking at all of your relationships - even the closest ones - as networking material seems a little calculating. I do burn bridges once in a while, because (a) I'm human and (b) I find that almost always, when an old bridge burns, a new one replaces it.

I do admire people like Mike and would love to be more like him. I just might get me a copy of this book.

By the way, Heather B. wrote a couple of weeks ago about how she dislikes networking.
http://www.blogher.com/how-do-you-handle-work-have

Heather B., maybe you should read this book too. :)

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

How I learned to Network

Dating Trooper — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:36:25 -0500

I was definitely one of those people that thought networking was blatantly fake. But then I found something I was passionate about -- playing tennis -- and in order to take it to the next level I needed to network. I mean, you can't play tennis alone! All of a sudden I was striking up conversations with complete strangers, exchanging phone numbers and email, meeting them for a game or contacting their friend who is supposedly looking for a tennis partner. Suddenly I had a list of 20 people to call whenever I felt like playing.

Unfortunately this wasn't related to my career but it still helped me to see that networking is actually quite simple and when I go to work events now it's much easier.

Same goes for dating. "Oh, your brother is single? So am I? What kind of girl is he looking for?" That kind of thing...

Dating Trooper
http://www.datingiswarfare.com

The Art of Networking, from a Born Connector

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 23:32:19 -0500

Once I was sent on a magazine writing assignment to attend a flirting class. The strangest thing about the curriculum of that class was that it broke down into tactics what seemed like the most natural of skills. But as I saw people struggling with the exercises, such as mirroring someone, showing interest, or just chit-chatting, I realized that not everyone is born a flirt.

I thought that learning to flirt was contrived, but later I appreciated how being a good flirt translated to many other areas of life. Mirroring people and being a good listener makes people feel appreciated; makes them like you. People help you when they like you.

The same thing goes with networking. While some of us are born networkers--we enter a room and just start MEETING people--some of us look for the food or the exit. For others the act of networking seems fake or contrived. We may have many personal relationships, but professional friend-making just seems wrong.

But like flirting, networking isn't just learning to be social. A good networker builds her career, meets new friends, finds a decent caterer, via networking. Networking isn't a social skill, it's a life skill.

And I got that when I read the book of a former boss of mine, Mike Dulworth, who wrote The Connect Effect. I met Mike through, what else, networking. I was out with a friend and some of her close friends. I was talking to one of them, Teresa, about my desire to change my career into something more career-development-oriented.

"You should meet my husband," Teresa said. Her hushand, Mike, was a leadership development expert and entrepreneur who had just bought an executive development firm. I met Mike and was offered a job a week later.

Once I started working with Mike I couldn't help but notice his penchant for networking. I thought I was schooled in the networking arts, but I hadn't previously been exposed to the master. Mike taught me several nuances about networking:

Anyone is networking material. Aunts, uncles, former teachers, even the guys who mow your lawn. Mike made every person in his network count. Just because someone isn't in your industry, or doesn't have budget or experience, doesn't mean they don't know someone who does.

Never burn a bridge. Mike always kept his relationships alive. Even today, he stays in touch with me and our former colleagues. He lets things roll off. He doesn't get slighted. He always sees the potential in people.

Diversity, diversity, diversity. It didn't bother Mike that my background was in media, not executive development. Great, that meant I could help with the firm's books and PR. He met my husband and thought, how great, a landscape architect. He invited him to participate in a project he's developing for homeless women in the city.

It was cool to see that Mike put a lifetime of networking experience into a new book, and that he asked me to contribute my experience to it, and he asked others in his network to do the same. The result, a breakdown of a skill that really isn't as simple as it sounds--networking.

Mike goes into many aspects of networking. This isn't about how to master cocktail coversation, but how to make it an integral part of your career. He covers "communities of practice" a professional practice of meeting with a group of your peers in other companies, virtual networking (I thought he might quote me there, but alas, he stuck to my offline world), and the importance of having a Personal Board of Directors (POD).

Despite some of the insider associations Mike has in the corporate executive development field--Mike can call such executive development and coaching luminaries as Steve Kerr and Marshall Goldsmith friends--having such practical advice from these people is huge.

Even if you are natural networker--or flirt--this is an interesting read.

Jory Des Jardins also blogs at Pause.