BlogHer - Denise Richards Bans Fat Talk for Her Daughters' Sake - Comments

Claire's Book

alyssaroyse — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:59:44 -0500

Wait - I forgot to mention that the other thing that everyone should do is buy their daughter a copy of Claire's book, You're Amazing. Mine arrived the other day and my daughter quickly grabbed it. So i can't vouch for it - apparently she wants to read it before we read it together. But she loves it, and I know she's paying attention because she keeps coming out and asking me what words mean. A little while ago it was, "mommy, what is a stereotype?" She's going to sleepaway camp in Vermont for 5 weeks, leaving next week, and has told me that she thinks she needs to bring it with her to read with her friends. :) Well done Claire! If only she'd let me read it! I am so hopeful for the future right now.... all these smart, hot, sexy, strong women raising girls. That's gotta be good!

____________

Alyssa Royse

Just Cause It: A Web Site To Save The World

Start Her Up: A Blog for Women Entrepreneurs

What did your body DO today?

alyssaroyse — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:55:16 -0500

I banned fat talk a long time ago - selfishly, I did it for my own sake, I was just tired of hearing it, especially in my own voice. But a few years ago - when I did my first triathlon - my conversation with my daughter turned to one of "what did your body do today?"

It was an accident. I was trying to explain to her what a triathlon was, and she, like a little scientist, asked, "and why do you do that?" All I could think of to say was, "I dunno, to see what my body can do. Same reason we climbed Mt. Adams last year, just to see if we could." So, as I was training, instead of asking me what I did that day, she started asking me what my body did that day. And it's sort of stuck.

We're a very "natural" and "active" family, so weight hasn't been much of an issue for us (that and a gene pool that we had nothing to do with.) But she's really started paying attention to what her body does. Today, it went swimming and tried to act like a tree on the floor of the pool, it walked to PCC and it played Guitar Hero for an hour (she assures me taht "rocking out" is very active.)

And yes, Denise Richards, wherever you are, damned good start! You have the support of this mom!

____________

Alyssa Royse

Just Cause It: A Web Site To Save The World

Start Her Up: A Blog for Women Entrepreneurs

Yes, let's applaud those positive messages!

5resolutions — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:24:04 -0500

Thanks for these great comments! You're so right, Lisa. It's easy to get caught up in the outrage over all the negative body image messages out there (and we NEED to keep raising our voices to combat them), but we should also give credit where credit is due. Celebrities who use their high-profile to spark these important conversations definitely deserve some praise. We're working on getting info on where to send our love note!

Jill, Vered, Denise, and Marianne-give yourselves a pat on the back. Wow, we love it! There's so much we're up against, but it's those face-to-face conversations we have with our kids and our peers that make the biggest difference, and they really do help to shift attitudes in a healthier direction. There might not be a magic pill that will protect our girls and boys from all of the harmful influences out there, but we must continue to be voices of reason and support. Yes, we're living in the age of America's Next Top Model, but at the end of the day, kids' real life role models have a much more powerful impact in their lives than any supermodel ever could.

5 Resolutions to Transform the Fashion and Beauty Industries

I didn't realize boys are talking about being "fat" too

Vered — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:16:33 -0500

Marianne - this is interesting. But I think teenage girls are more vulnerable to self-image issues?

I completely agree that we should all focus on the health and fitness aspect - making our bodies healthy and strong - rather than on the crazy thinness ideal that the fashion and beauty industry has been promoting for the past four decades.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

It's Not Just Girls

MealMixer — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:31:44 -0500

I grew up with a mother who kept a box of chocolate AIDS on the counter (anyone remember those?), and all of her friends drank Tab. It left a mark on our generation.

My 9 & 11 year old sons talk about being fat! Instead of a lecture on self image, or what "fat" means, I asked them what they thought needed to happen to get them FIT. "More exercise," was their response, "for the whole family." (My husband and I work at home, so I think the mark we are leaving in the boys is a butt print on a chair.)

It's not just the girls. We have to encourage all children to eat well and think about fitness, not fatness..

Marianne
Meal Mixer

"I am so fat today"

Vered — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 10:56:27 -0500

My mom used to say it all the time. She was always on a diet. Food was the enemy and had to be controlled. Of course it affected me: it took me years to develop healthy eating and exercising habits.

I think I am doing well with my own daughters (6 and 8), but sometimes I worry about outside influences. Jill, your story is so disturbing. My eight years old is still self-confident, but I can already see the first signs of self-doubt and self-criticism. It scares me. I don't know what causes teenage girls to be so hard on themselves. I wish I had a magic pill that would make them love and accept themselves through their teen years and into adulthood.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

100% support

Jill Miller Zimon — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 08:19:56 -0500

One year at summer camp, my now tween daughter who was in 3rd grade at the time, going into 4th, came home from camp and during the course of a normal discussion about what she'd done that day, she told me that the other girls were talking at lunch about not eating their meals so they wouldn't get fat and some other things along those lines which, I confess, I no longer the exact details.

What I do remember is that I was IRATE - it was that bad, the details. And I called the camp director that afternoon. I spoke to her (the start of a long friendship - she uses my columns about summer camp as part of initiation about the highs and lows) and my daughter's counselors and said, You HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO train these teenage high school and college women to intercede and monitor that kind of conversation - especially among Eight and nine year olds!

Oh - I was so angry. :) But I grew up with a mother who had diet pills and caffeine at the ready all the time in the 60s and 70s and has swung 30 lbs her whole life and my father feeds into the whole thing and it's a long sordid story.

But it led me not to have any eating problems OR do diets - I do not do diets. OR talk about fat.

My daughter is heading into middle school and I'm concerned but she askes me questions and we talk and I feel and hope that I'm steering toward the feel healthy, feel good, eat well, be strong (in mind and body) direction and to poo poo all that other stuff.

But there's no question - it's a battle - and if there's anything high profile celebs can do that's constructive, forcing the media that wants to make money off of the celebs to address certain issues in certain ways would be at the top of my list.

Thanks for this post and info.

Jill
Writes Like She Talks

Vote for ~~Jill~~ Your Favorite Female Blogger!

Where can we comment to support Denise Richards?

Lisa Stone — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:57:41 -0500

Thanks Claire and Magali! I linked this post from the homepage. Where can we go to show Denise Richards our support? Let's all add our comments here and then send her a love note.

Lisa Stone

BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

Yay!

Denise — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:57:20 -0500

I blogged about this topic, a long time ago and I'm so glad we're talking about it again now. Go Denise Richards!

I also talked about banning fat talk in a weight loss community where I was working at the time - the women there, they didn't want to talk about how often they use "fat talk". It's so ingrained that when they were asked to think about how often they say "I feel fat today" or "does this make me look fat" that it overwhelmed them.

Ban fat talk! I'm all for it.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Denise Richards Bans Fat Talk for Her Daughters' Sake

5resolutions — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:40:11 -0500

Denise Richards is on the cover of April's Shape and she tells the magazine that one of her most important roles is helping her daughters develop a healthy body image. "They'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies," she says. She is okay with having her girls appear in a reality show, but that's another post...

Over at FitSugar, nearly a hundred women have shared their own stories of how their mothers' body image comments have positively or negatively affected their own self-esteem. The post's author agrees that moms should keep "their 'Do I look fat?' comments" to themselves, but we're wondering something else. What if instilling positive body image in our children wasn't so much about shielding them from how bad we feel about our bodies, but showing them how much we appreciate what our bodies can do for us and how comfortable we feel in our own skin? Of course in order to that, we've got to stop beating ourselves up and start getting our body image issues in check before we become moms. And yes, that will be an uphill battle in this "get your pre-baby body back quick" culture.

Curbing negative body talk in front of children is undoubtedly an important first step. But let's not lose sight of the utopian prize (we like to think big over here)--a day when moms can pass along a healthy body image because they truly feel good about themselves, and they're not just pretending or holding back because it's the right thing to do. [Fit Sugar]