Oh, and I agree!

Bobbie — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 14:56:28 -0500

Hey, SJ, I couldn't let this fine post go uncommented--and that photo is...delicious is probably too French a term, but I do mean it in the most satiric way.

"Love laughs at locksmiths!"

When Corporations Grab It, You Know Being Green Has Gotten "Cool"

Super Jive — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:22:49 -0500

Hey, it's Earth Month, have you heard? Thank goodness we only have to think about the little rock we cling to that sustains our lives for one month out of the year. In May we can move on to my favorite, Asteroid Belt Month.

Corporations have gone nuts with this. Whenever a study comes out, a product is sure to follow. Polar bears are in trouble? Buy a bear water wings!

Another ploy we are pelted with is Our Enviromental Footprint. "Buy a Prius, you cretin. Don't you care about your environmental footprint?" Well, giving up a perfectly good car that could run for ten years or more in favor of a new car leaves a footprint, I'd say. Also, when you drive your Prius ten miles an hour slower than eveyone on the freeway, I can think of some new places I want to leave my footprint.

I think they should get it over with and invent a car called "The Smug Bastard." It has a hitch with a cultivator attachment that plants trees in its wake, but it runs on baby seals. BUMMER! Well, there's always a trade off, but there's plenty of cup holders for your shade-grown coffee!

Speaking of tree planting, you may have heard that Hollywod decided to go "carbon neutral" a few years ago.

I like the idea of offsetting explosions and other carbon emissions produced by the film industry. But how many trees will it take to make up for the travesty that is Run, Fat Boy, Run? I don't think there is enough open land space left. And Schwimmer better have planted those trees himself. New rule: Schwimmer needs to plant a certain number of trees before he is allowed to participate in anything Hollywood related, and that number should be HIGH.

As an aside, I think Schwimmer sounds like an advanced wedgie. Wedgie 201. First you drop in an egg, then you pull the undies. Dude, you got Schwimmered! Lulz.

Nowadays, we are constanly bombarded by paid messages about how we should be green. We MUST be green. I, for one, am really pleased to see that giant multi-national corporations have stepped up to the plate to advise the puny consumer on how to make the world a better place.You know things are getting koo-koo pants when Nike "steps in" (see what I did there?) and makes a "green" sneaker.

TriplePundit comments on the new sneaker:

This (process) includes making the upper from leather and synthetic leather waste from the factory floor that's stitched together to make a visually distinct look. The midsole uses ground up foam, also from factory production.

I can just see the ad people sitting around, trying to hatch this one.

Ad Exec 1: Okay, so we need to get on this "green" thing.

Ad Exec 2: We could make the swoosh green, and write some facts about the environment on the box.

Ad Exec 1: Nah, look what that did to the color pink.

Ad Exec 2: I've got it! We'll make a shoe out of the crap that gets left on the floor, and no one will notice that we had to ship the shoes thousands of miles using a ton of petroleum to get them to the consumer.

Ad Exec 1: I smell a winner! Let's get tacos.

I am not saying that it's a bad thing to use scraps and seconds, rather than throwing them all away. I am just saying that if you look at it from a certain angle, it's just another ploy.

So, I am a cynical jerk, and saving the world ain't easy, but I hope that when this "green mania" dies down there will be some good habits left over, and not just a pile of out-of-style Nikes tossed in the backseat of my rusty Smug Bastard. If I am driving too slowly, feel free to Schwimmer me.

SJ recycles lame jokes almost daily at I, Asshole.

(Photo credit from imgppl.com.)

BlogHer - When Corporations Grab It, You Know Being Green Has Gotten "Cool" - Comments

Oh, and I agree!

When Corporations Grab It, You Know Being Green Has Gotten "Cool"