I had a boss that was a

slynnro — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:56:27 -0500

I had a boss that was a yeller, an unrepetant yeller and no reasoning or logic would change that. I quit. I am lucky to not be the primary wage earner in my home because this is something I have ZERO tolerance for. I can understand getting mad, but people who just bark out orders? No thanks.

I used to work in an office

kazari — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:32:00 -0500

I used to work in an office where we constantly fielded abusive phonecalls from irate members of the public. i found the best way to deal was to quietly say

"if you use the word "$#%@" one more time, I'm going to have to end this conversation".

usually the shock value of having somebody swear (without losing their cool) would work wonders.

Bosses and Employees: Perpetuating the Yelling Circle

HeatherB — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:15:12 -0500

There is a right way and a wrong way to react to workplace
situations though there is some room left for a little gray matter. For
example when your boss throws a hissy fit (or presents a possibly valid
argument in a very rude and potentially destructive manner) in the
middle of a hotel lobby and in turn you respond by doing the same thing
by yelling your head off in the middle of a forest of fake trees. Of
course this is your defensive nature speaking after months of enduring
his repetitive difficult nature but no matter because you're still the
one who in hindsight gets that Oprah Aha! moment upon realizing that
you probably sounded like a raving lunatic. And it really doesn't
matter just how superb your counter argument was to his original
grievance, that isn't exactly proper workplace decorum.

Over the years I have slowly learned to quell my need to
scream right back when someone screams at me. Call me crazy but I would
rather remain gainfully employed than be right 100% of the time. I
remember one event during which I screamed in a member of Congress'
office at the Representative's Legislative Director because he was a
jackass and no one liked him but I was the only one who had it in me
(aka was stupid enough) to yell back. And this is how events have
played out on more than one occasion: The office asshole screams, I get
tired of the screaming and blatant rudeness in a quest to prove their
power and so I decide to yell right back. I would not recommend madness
even if there is a method to it which would be to force the obnoxious
and perpetually disgruntle offender into realizing that perhaps they
should tone down angry rhetoric before that little vein in their
forehead explodes.

The above is the perfect example of a "yelling circle" or
so I imagined after reading an article at Career Diva on how a boss
perpetuates the circle of yelling:

But the other night I realized that my yelling is not lost on Circe. I
yelled at both my kids about creating a mess in the kitchen right
before we were supposed to have dinner. Well, later in the night I
heard Circe yelling at her brother Cheiron because he took one of her
toys. I told her not to ever yell like that, but I realized I probably
started the yelling circle.

Boss yells and so employee becomes just as annoyed as the boss had been
and starts yelling back or at others in the immediate vicinity. I've
seen it happen countless times while working in high stress
environments. In these cases it seems as if the only way to get a point
across is to yell right back even if common sense says to just leave it
alone and let it go or to walk away. There is that tiny almost visceral
need to defend one's honor and to fight rather than flight as the Work
Coach congratulates an emailer for doing:

I just started working for a boss that screams, not yells, but screams
at everyone. You have to walk on eggshells around him until you can
figure out his mood. He did to me for the first time last week, and I
calmly crossed my arms and leaned on his desk and told him “I know you
are having a bad day, but don’t take it out on me.” He quickly calmed
down and we walked out of the meeting laughing.

Sounds like you did exactly the right thing when he blew his stack. You
didn’t escalate and actually managed to calm things down. But you are
also wisely staying aware and documenting. There are bosses who lose
their temper a lot, but it sounds like yours is WAAAY over the line.
This guy probably needs real anger management help.

Though that last part seems a bit lofty and unrealistic to
think that all employees will take the high road and all bosses will be
understanding and the stress of office life will not cause either party
to blow their lids. But that's like expecting for people to not be
human and to ignore that automatic defensive mechanism that turns on
after several blows. When I fought with my boss several weeks back I
told my mother - who works on my floor - about what had occurred and
her Mama Bear mentality automatically kicked in. To be honest I've been
lucky. I've been able to say my piece multiple times then afterwards
things are just fine and both the boss and I feel better and can
continue to peacefully coexist in the same office space. Now that I
know that I'm not the only person on Earth (shocking) to experience the
boss and employee dance of bitterness and walking on egg shells; at
want point is enough enough? None of it is right especially since we
are all adults who can 'use our words' even two year olds know that.
But it is a realization that can only be seen in hindsight and it
forces me to wonder how and when exactly the "yelling circle" will end.

BlogHer - Bosses and Employees: Perpetuating the Yelling Circle - Comments

I had a boss that was a

I used to work in an office

Bosses and Employees: Perpetuating the Yelling Circle