BlogHer - Survey Shows Higher Percentage of Gay Adults Blog Than Straight Ones - Comments

We're hitting a lot of area in this thread

Denise — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:30:58 -0500

I like that we're talking about a lot of different issues in this particular thread - thanks to Zoe for starting it, to Vered for being willing to ask questions and everyone else for jumping in with their two cents.

Minority, niche and identity blogging can be a very difficult thing to pull off within a community because the topics or the presentation don't always resonate with the larger group. I think that the fact that so many non-gays have responded to Zoe's posts indicate she's doing a pretty good job of reaching out.

Keep reading and commenting, please. This thread alone has given me six new potential topics and that's huge for me (and hopefully for you, if I can get them blogged!)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

You are attacking the wrong person here

Vered — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:15:20 -0500

Arguing is fine, even fun. I don’t mind arguing at all, as long as accusations are not carelessly thrown around and basic mutual respect is maintained.

I think you think I am anti gay. I think you are very wrong. I don’t really have anything to add. If you read everything that I said, instead of quickly scanning to find the parts that you don’t agree with, you would have realized that.

I don’t think I was judgmental towards Zoe. I said several times that I enjoy reading her posts. It was important to me to emphasize that I am not trying to attack Zoe.

I thought yesterday’s discussion was a great, open discussion between straights and gays. I wish there were more discussions like this. I am sorry that you perceived it as offensive or judgmental. But I stand behind everything that I said.

I like to think that I too “honestly judge people for who they are, not for their sexual orientation”, but even more than that, I like to think that I don’t judge people at all. My advice to blog sameness was a general advice to gays who want to speak in a language that would be understood by straights. It wasn’t meant as an attack on Zoe’s right for uniqueness. If the goal is to close the gap between gays and straights, then it might make sense to blog sameness.

Re: my experience on Zoe’s personal blog, it’s her blog and she can do whatever she wants over there. I re-subscribed to her blog and will visit once in a while, but if it’s a tight community that isn’t welcoming to outsiders, that’s fine. It’s up to a blogger to decide if she wants her blog to feel open and welcoming to everyone, or just to her friends.

Finally, I think it is just wonderful that Zoe has such a close, loving, loyal friend. You are both blessed to have such a friendship.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Of course people read your posts

Vered — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:58:03 -0500

Of course people read your posts. You are more experienced at blogging than I am – you must know that there’s often little correlation between the number of readers and the number of comments. I typed a few of your post titles into the search box. Your “Pregnant Man” post had 2861 reads. Your Sally Kern post had 1009 reads. The “Gay Relationships” post had 860 reads and the “gays blog more” post had 762 reads. Your post on Granola Dykes had 426 reads and the one “On Starting a Family” had 377 reads. I’m guessing BlogHer editors have even easier access to these statistics?

You could use those as a guide to see which topics are interesting to BlogHer’s audience. Personally, I enjoy personal posts such as “on starting a family”, but if you want to reach out to as many readers as possible, then it looks like headline-based and political issues are best, including annoying “gays are different/ better” posts. :)

Re: gays being different, I live in the Silicon Valley. The levels of diversity and acceptance here are so high, especially in San Francisco, that I think I may not realize just how bad gays have it elsewhere.

I have re-subscribed to your personal blog, but I have to say, that in it, you can be as exclusive as you want. It is your personal blog, after all. I’m not sure you should worry too much about someone like me feeling like an outsider on your blog, but I do reserve the right to complain if I do. :)

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Annoying

sylvia_the_SU — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:15:52 -0500

I want to start with some disclaimers. First, I am Zoe's best friend and I am straight. I will admit to my bias toward Zoe, but I think I also have a good idea who she is. Second, I will apologize in advance if you feel I am arguing with you, but I don't think you have any right to judge Zoe as you have.

She is one of those people in this world (and I wish there were more) who honestly judges people for who they are not for their sexual orientation. She deserves to be read and accepted for herself, not for her sexual orientation. When you tell her to "blog her sameness," I cry foul. None of us "blog our sameness." Straight or gay, we blog to share ourselves, our feelings, our beliefs, and our lives. None of our lives are the same as everyone elses. If we were all the same, experiencing the same things, wouldn't it get really boring in cyberspace? Zoe is a unique and wonderful human being. I have the distinct pleasure of calling her a friend and I enjoy the person she is. I want to hear what she thinks and feels, even if what she thinks/feels/experiences is different fundamentally from the life I have known.

I have never heard her say that gay people are better than straight ones. And I dispute strongly your interpretations of her posts. I'd like to point out a few places where you have, in my opinion, misread her posts.

The title of the post on relationships ended with a "?" And her conclusions from the post are that a relationship succeeds or fails based on the flexibility and team work of those involved, not based on sexual identity. I quote here as evidence:

"Whether gay or straight, when it really comes down to it, relationships
are relationships. All relationships have struggles and issues.
Marriage is not a blissful fairytale. Relationships are work."

Here I will quote from the post above: "I'm not fully sure why a higher percentage of gay men and women blog
than straight ones, but I think "to find and build communtiy" is a
reasonalby good theory." Nowhere does she say that more gay people blog because they are better than straight people.

As far as feeling out of place on her personal blog, I think that is because it is an established blog with a loyal following. We all read each other's blog, some of us know each other in real life. There are bound to be inside jokes. No one snubbed you on purpose. And I am sure that the outsider feeling would be present on ANY established blog, regardless of whether the person writing was gay or straight. It is just like walking into a room full of people who all know one another and don't know you.

Finally, as to your comment: "I would support your cause regardless of how
annoying you are :)" - I do not see equal civil rights for all
Americans as a gay person's cause.

What to write...

nelle2nelle — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:50:25 -0500

Heh, I can't tell you what to write, because you write professionally, and have someone who will also assign you stuff - that is a bit different than simply writing from your heart.

When I write in predominantly straight space, most often (not all) of the time I have my brain involved and write to those who might lurk and who are trying to learn and understand. Sometimes that gets left aside, but most often it is what I try for... because it is there we make real inroads into improving things. Many times I've received private mail thanking me for (again generally) being positive and patient, yet clearly making points. We change minds in that unseen margin, one person at a time.

nelle

What Happened

no_I_am_zoe — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:11:07 -0500

Good grief. I step away from BlogHer for the evening, and holy cow what a discussion. When I clicked over to my post and saw there were 25 comments, when there were only 4 this morning, I thought there must be some sort of a mistake.

I don't mean to be exclusive, or even to come across as implying that gays are somehow better than straights, that is never my intention. And believe me, I always worry about alienating or offending the BlogHer readers. You are right, we are the same as you, but we are also different because we have to deal with and listen to people marginalize or relationships on a daily basis. We have to worry about whether or not it's safe to be out in our places of employment, in our own neighborhoods, and in some cases to our own families. Not everyone has the ability, the strenght or the support to be out and proud.

I believe that while I pointed out the differences that were found in the study, my conclusion to "are gay relationships healthier than straight ones", a topic which I was assigned I might add, was that we aren't any diffrent and that our relationships are exactly the same. In the other post you sited, it was not my thought that gay people are more tech savvy, it seemed that was the conclusion that the study came to to explain why a higher percentage of the gay population blogs. I didn't think that was the conclusion to be drawn from that, I thought it was because we were seeking community. If I was not clear, I'm sorry. I sometimes get sidetracked in my thougths. I have a tendency to leap to a conclusion, but lack the abililty to get everyone else to see how I got there. I'm working on it.

I have to admit, I really struggle with these posts I write for BlogHer because I don't who my audience really is, and I have no idea what they want to read. I was assigned to write about GLBT life, so I try to write about relavant GLBT topics, include a bit of my personal experience to give a face to the topic, and include my links to other lesbian bloggers. It's tough to shift from writing for the audience I know from my blog, who you are correct, are primary lesbians and my friends (who are all straight I might add), to trying to write for a more general audience, but always wondering if they ever even read my posts, or care to read about these topics, and so should I just write as if I'm writing for a gay audience. I can't really write from any other perspective other than my own. I would not presume to speak for all lesbians because we are just as diverse as everyone else. And true, while our lives are exactly the same as straight people, they are also very differnt. Just as your life as a mom is the same as mine, but not at all the same.

Of course I want feedback and discussion from all of the readers, gay or straight. My goal is to promote discussion from readers from all backgrounds. And honestly, I'm glad you said what you thought. Maybe you are saying something that everyone else was thinking but didn't want to say. If you have some ideas for blog post, I'm glad to hear them. I'd rather write about something that people want to read that write about something and wonder if anyone read it.

And one last thing. I'm sorry if you felt like an outsider when you visited my blog. There is rather tight circle of bloggers who visit my blog who are either my close personal friends outside of the blogging world, or who we've all developed a blog friendship over the last few years. So, sometimes there are a lot of inside jokes that go on and carry over between blogs. But that does not mean that all are not welcome. Also, I sometimes work a lot of overtime and just do not have time to reply to comments, or to comment on other blogs, but I do try to keep up on reading the blogs I read, and posting something at least once a week, just to check in and keep some sort of connection. I try to keep on top of the comments left on my blog, but sometimes I just can't. If you felt snubbed or out of place I am sorry. Believe me, I know what it feels like to feel like an outsider, I live it everyday of my life.

I'm sorry if I didn't address everything here, but it's now 4AM and I have to go to bed. I am heading out of town bright and too early in the morning and will be disconnected from the internet until late Weds. So, if I don't reply right away to any further comments that is why.

Thanks Nelle and Denise for jumping in on my behalf.

All are welcome on my blog.

gaymo

Annoying is relative...

nelle2nelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:57:16 -0500

On occasion, I've been known to annoy Denise, but she loves me. ;-)

nelle

Complicated question...

nelle2nelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:51:08 -0500

The owner of the new blog asked me to call and discuss, she wanted me to handle the news and activism stuff - and wished to bring more prominence to tg stuff. OK, I agreed.

And about ten days ago, watched as a community which is after all a derivative of that beloved community -where that community was safe space for all - suddenly start seeing who isn't and is a real dyke. Transfolk were flying out the window like some WWF spectacle. Hey, if a transman wishes to not be in dyke space, kewl... but if they do, I'm kewl with that, too.

Suddenly it didn't feel so safe any more. I even watched in horror as Stacy got slammed. And I backed away.

So to answer your question, initially I was expending energy in developing that place. Now... I'm in flux. Yes, I'll probably write more on things. As you know though,there is another recent and huge change in my life that draws a lot of my focus, and that too will get writing time.

Life is about change, we evolve just as the technology does... so there are diverse elements in me that are going to start finding uses in each other, and who knows what will come of it? I'm pretty sure that evolution will be evident in my writing.

Heading off on a final tangent and digression, I've always loved Delerium's Poem cd... today one set of lyrics from it has really captured my childhood living with the tg issue existence, and I intend to briefly blog on it tonight, if not enough time, tomorrow night.

nelle

I don’t know why it alienated me

Vered — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:45:52 -0500

I don’t know why it alienated me. I am not a vegetarian and actually yes, vegetarians who claim that their choice is better/ healthier than mine do annoy me. I am also annoyed with religious/ practicing Jewish people who feel that they are better than I am b/c they believe/ practice religion and I don’t.

I guess I am alienated by any suggestion that a different lifestyle makes anyone better than anyone else.

Maybe I just get annoyed easily.

On Zoe’s blog, I definitely felt like an outsider. I don’t know if it’s b/c I’m not gay, but there was a post, and I made a comment, and others made comments, and they were all talking amongst themselves and pretty much ignoring me, so I didn’t know if I said the “wrong” thing, if there’s some kind of code that I am not aware of. But maybe they just happened to know each other and I was new and unfamiliar. Maybe it had nothing to with being straight or gay. I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel that way on your blog and that’s why I keep reading it.

I’m enjoying this discussion very much so don’t apologize…. thank you too. :)
But it’s time to make dinner now.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

do not do it...

Denise — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:41:39 -0500

do not lure me into a marriage rant, civil or otherwise! ;-)

ok ok I have to go to bed.

Thanks to everyone for the interaction, it was awesome all around.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Annoying

Denise — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:38:27 -0500

I tend to agree that the studies themselves are annoying - almost all studies are annoying, which reminds me of the blog I started once and abandoned about annoying studies.

:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

But should you be vocal

nelle2nelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:38:21 -0500

But should you be vocal about it?

Mind if I jump in?

IMO, yes we should be vocal about -in the sense that we should not have to hide in shadows, we can be out and about and talk in the light of day.

People often question PRIDE events, why the need? Straight folk have no need? If we stop and ponder that a moment, really ponder it, the answers start coming along... as a trannie, I see a therapist. Heck, my gender issues are pretty well managed and understood - it was the peripheral and collateral damage, and the lingering aftermath of that that has me in therapy, that has led me to practice reiki.

A lot of folk in our community have incurred trauma attached to their being lgbt, and PRIDE is a way to say "I'm OK, we're OK, world... we are OK. It is self affirmation along with public awareness.

Given we have a group that does face an upward struggle for equality and acceptance, talking on it is essential. Nothing changes by mere existing - it changes by getting people to think on the issue in ways they never have before.

Asd for terms, our union went with 'civil marriage,' and when it comes to this state in the next 2-3 years, the legislature has hinted at expanding it in ways where Denise would be proud.

nelle

OK quit that

Denise — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:30:40 -0500

I can see why you would have thought I was TG to start with, thank you women.com!

So can I ask you something, well I know I can so I am...

Your personal blog is really about life - your life and that does cross over into TG and GLBT issues from time to time but that's not the focus...

You've just lost a long loved dyke community where you talked a lot about GLBT specific stuff, do you feel like that loss would cause you to a) blog more about the issues or blog more specifically about being TG or simply being GLBT than if you hadn't lost that community b) cause you to look for other areas where you can fill that hole? c) some combo of the two?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

"what do I get a gay couple for a wedding present?"

Vered — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:30:12 -0500

This is funny and also a little sad. See, this is why sameness should be emphasized. So that people will stop looking at gay relationships as an exotic, sinful, eccentric “lifestyle choice”. It’s just life, not a “lifestyle”, and for most gays it is certainly not a “choice”.

Denise – of course it’s important that people know you are lesbians, but once they know, you should show them how normal you are. Yes, blog your sameness. When Zoe blogs sameness – for instance, about coming to terms with her partner’s annoying habit of throwing her socks on the floor b/c she loves her, that’s sweet and something that a straight person can relate to. When you blog about TW’s sweet gesture of knitting socks for you, even though she can’t knit, just b/c she loves you, that’s another great example of blogging sameness that actually has a chance of a straight person reading it and re-thinking her opposition to your relationship.

But when Zoe blogs about gay relationships being healthier, and about gays being more tech savvy, well that’s just annoying.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

I knew you'd pick up on that one...

nelle2nelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:24:32 -0500

Heh, I play pretty heavily in dyke space, and that ain't the first time the word enters my writing. ;-) You just get that mixed up with my current and quite temporary status as voluntarily chaste, which is for sanity purposes and nothing else.

I love that I've two kids and am 53 and everyone views me as sweet and innocent. How'dIdothat?

Where were we?

My own blog would be somewhat similar to yours, though mine will obviously invoke reference to being a trannie because most often I just write about life. I'm certainly not shy about writing on lgbt issues, and of course my front page has an lgbt section.

As I'd expect, with time and more acceptance comes less of a need to venture into that aspect of things. The focus shifts towards more personal topics, rather than macro, community topics. Recently I've quickly put up stuff because of the retirement of one community and the birth of its offspring, simply to get it noted on google searches (thank you typepad.)

There are some who really delve deeply, almost in a forensic way, into issues... much as we would see with feminism. There is certainly a need for this, but for some reason I tend not to blog on it, even if I certainly go into it in other spaces.

Know you were a lesbian? Hell, I originally thought you were a trannie. :)

nelle

Survey Shows Higher Percentage of Gay Adults Blog Than Straight Ones

no_I_am_zoe — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 06:38:08 -0500

A recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive found that among adults online, gays and lesbians read more blogs than heterosexuals. The survey found that 51% of of gays and lesbians online said they read a blog of some type, 27% had commented on a blog within the last month, and 21% said they had written on a personal blog within the last month, while only 36% of heterosexuals said they read a blog of some type, 13% had commented on a blog within the last month, and only 7% had written on a personal blog within the last month. While I don't find these results completely surprising, it does make me wonder why the difference. Are we, the gay and lesbian adults, more tech savvy? Do we have more free time? Or are we just searching for what we can't easily find in our every day life, be it news relating to the gay community or social networking?

After doing a little Internet research, I found a Forrester Research study which found that gay men and women are among the early adopters when it comes to new technology and online tools.

"Gay men and women are tech-savvy consumers who use the Internet and tech devices at significantly higher rates than their heterosexual counterparts for shopping, banking, entertainment, and community building," said Jed Kolko, principal analyst at Forrester.[...] In addition to being wealthier and better educated, gay men and women are avid Internet users. Eighty percent of gay men and 76 percent of lesbians are online, compared with 70 percent of straight men and 69 percent of straight women. Gays are also one-third more likely to have broadband connections and have been online longer than heterosexuals. Twenty-nine percent of gay men and women have been online for more than seven years, versus 18% of heterosexuals.
from GayMediaExpress.com

Now, obviously I can't speak for all lesbians, but I can say that Betty Please and I are total gadget geeks, and have been online and had broadband for way longer than most. And though I like to let a product go through it's first redesign to make sure the bugs are all worked out before I buy it ( a quirk that comes from working in electronics design), we are usually early adopters by comparison to most everyone else we know. I had always attributed Betty Please and I being early adopters and Internet junkies to the fact we are just geeky people, but maybe tech savvy-gadget geek is a gene that comes bundled with gayness.

All joking about tech savvy-gadget geek genes aside, I don't think that tech savvy is the real difference at work here. It really doesn't explain the 15% gap between the gay and straight bloggers, even when all things are equal with income and education. I know plenty of tech savvy early adopter types who don't blog, and I know many not so tech savvy people bareliy living in this decade tech wise who do. So if it isn't tech savvyness, is it time, or free time that's the factor? At first thought I thought maybe, but moms are busy, busy people and there are lots of mommy blogs. If they can find time to blog, most anyone can.

I think blogging has little to do with being geeky or tech savvy, or having free time, and a lot to do with relating to and connecting with others like yourself. I think more gay men and women blog because they are searching for a connection to community that they may not have otherwise. The need to connect and be understood by a peer group can be a powerful drive.

For those living in small or highly conservative towns/cities, or who may not not be out, blogging may be the only way to connect with the GLBT community. The only way to feel not so different, not so alone. It's hard enough to find people you really click with in life, now try narrowing your options down to a small fraction of the population. And if you live in a small town your options are really limited. If you are lucky enough to have a local gay bar or other type of hang out, it's likely you see the same people week in and week out. They know you, and you know them. You probably know all the gossip about them, all their exes, and their whole life story.
Hell, you probably went to grade school together.

Blogging provides the benefit of anonymity. You can just be who you are, or you can be who you want to be but are afraid to be in your everyday life, without fear of prejudice. It allows us to see past stereotypes and to get to know people you might have otherwise thought you had anything in common with. Blogging allows you to communicate with other with whom you have common experience. It allows you to build a community and a support network with out even leaving the comfort of home.

When I started blogging, it had nothing to do with my tech savvyess or following the latest trend. I started blogging to find me, and to find a place where I fit in. Or I should say the gay part of me who needed to know that Betty Please and I are not alone. A place where there are things I don't have to explain because we all share common experience. I started blogging to find other 30 something, long term coupled, RPG playing, video gaming lesbians, with less mainstream taste in movies and music, because in my town they don't seem to exist. But that's what's great about blogging, you can almost always find what you're looking for.

Here's some of the geeky I've found.

Lesbian Geek-it's about comics, sci-fi and fantasy, gadgets, anime, computin, and RPGs. What's not to love.

Lesbian Gamer- it's all about video games of all platforms

Dancing About Architecture- thirty something lesbian geek who likes sci-fi and RPGs

I Live Under a Rock- silly observations, life stories,and life as a computer geek

I'm not fully sure why a higher percentage of gay men and women blog than straight ones, but I think "to find and build communtiy" is a reasonalby good theory. I'd like to see the break down of percentages of straight men, straight women, gay men, and lesbians who blog. I would be willing ot bet that lesbians bloggers are the highest percentage, but I could be wrong. Anyone else have a theory on this?