BlogHer - Bloggers are great! (as long as they aren't mommies) - Comments

Great post

cutiebootycakes — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:47:24 -0500

I believe that blogs are a wonderful way for mother's to express themselves - or should I say ourselves? I am a new mom and very new to blogs but am so glad that I have found them! I just started blogging and it is wonderful to have support both virtually and in "the real world." It is unfortunate that journalists (probably men without children/ is that sexist of me?) cannot understand the necessity for a space to vent, commiserate and enjoy motherhood. Thank you for your post!

Renée

www.cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com

nicely put

washwords — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 09:43:54 -0500

that's all i wanted to say (from a non-mom)

washy || http://washwords.wordpress.com || washwords.dc@gmail.com

And oddly...

zchamu — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:06:29 -0500

Plenty of anyone's pursuits could be deemed "pointless" whether they're online or not. Only the person who does them knows their motivations, and why should anyone else feel the need to question that?

I say, stop playing it off as a joke. Address it with deadly seriousness. "I blog because I enjoy writing, because it is a creative outlet for me, because I want to record these moments of my life, because I enjoy communicating via this method, because I read other blogs and I admire their work and I want to give back to the community." I bet they'll be stunned into silence. Then ask them why they play world of warcraft or golf or whatever their hobby is, and see if they can give half as good of an answer.

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

What Surprises Me

Diana — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 10:54:29 -0500

Is the number of people who are completely unfamiliar with blogs altogether. When people I know, in "real" life, find out I blog they look at me like I've got three heads. And then the judgement comes in. "You blog? Whhhyyyy? What's the point?" Mots of the time I just play it off as a joke, "Oh, you know. I'm a dork like that." I am tired of it though. I'm proud of my blog, proud of the outlet, we shouldn't be made to feel like outsiders. If anything we're leading, cutting edge - blogging, Mommyblogging particularly is radical because we persist despite the negative social stigmatism. And persist we should!

http://oftheprincessandthepea.blogspot.com

Your post made me think, too...

zchamu — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 09:59:15 -0500

The great thing about blogs is that the blog is sort of there "on demand". If you're having a bad day, you can find blogs where people have written things you can relate to, things that will help you. Your "real life" community may be more difficult to find if you're up at 3am worrying about something and feeling that alone-ness.

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

Everyone has their own limits...

zchamu — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 09:56:36 -0500

It's something I struggle with every day, where the "line" is drawn in terms of privacy. I haven't faced the challenge of talking about my children, but I suspect I will have a real issue with figuring out where that line is.

I had a really big issue with my own google-ability for a long time. Did I want to be found? What if it was already too late? What I realized was the more noise I created, the less noticeable any individual piece of information was. It was almost like drowning the risk out. Silly strategy? Maybe. But it's the one I chose.

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

Is it lack of comprehension or plain old judgement?

zchamu — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 09:52:26 -0500

I know people who still think blogs are ridiculous and have a personal prejudice against them. For what reason? Because they think they are a "waste of time", putting your "diary" online. Which simply illustrates a massive lack of comprehension of what a blog is in the first place. And yes, the question of "why are you reading it" is always the first one I ask. And the second one is, don't you have better things to do with your time than reading or getting angry about something you think is so ridiculous?

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

If only they knew

applejoos — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:50:37 -0500

I wonder if it would change their minds at all if we were to let them know that we blog like this:

Write a sentence.

Clean up a spill.

Write a sentence.

Get Susie's head unstuck from her toy box.

Write a sentence.

Take the dog for a walk.

Write a sentence.

Wait for the fall out and begin to worry when it seems like you might actually be able to write two sentences uninterrupted, which is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Write a sentence,

Realize Billy ducttaped the dog to the refrigerator, shut off the computer in frustration and then pray you can get a blog out during nap-time.

It's not like we ignore our children while we write, we just try to write around being a mother. These things happen whether we're blogging or washing dishes or peeing. It's not exclusive to blogging. We just can't watch our children every second of their lives.

Apple Joos

Interesting comment on my blog...

zchamu — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:33:18 -0500

Someone left a really interesting comment on the blog post itself. An anonymous mother of 5 talked about mothers - our mothers - and their communities before the internet. Knowing - as I should have known all along - that these circles of support always existed, in a way it makes the backlash all the more interesting. Bringing it into the public eye has shed a light on motherhood like never before; what will that mean for the next generation of mothers, I wonder?

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

Safely censored?

applejoos — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:32:56 -0500

I just have to wonder if the people spouting all of this negativity have children of their own. And if they do, why are they reading mommy blogs and posting comments when they OBVIOUSLY are neglecting their children by doing so? Look behind you, Mr. I-Hate-Mommy-Blogger Man! Timmy is sticking a screw driver into an electrical outlet, all because you're on the internet! For shame!

In regards to the concern the original article brought up about privacy and "google-ability", I'm a little nervous about that myself. The idea of someone using my children for their own gain is sickening to me and kept me from blogging about them for a long time. I'm a SAHM, but I'm constantly worried that something I could say about my husband's job could get HIM Dooced (he was in the military until recently so he couldn't be fired, but they sure could make life hard on him). I'm afraid that my words will be used to hurt the people I love so I go to great lengths to make sure I don't write anything that would easily be connected to me. It makes me sad that it's come to this in the world today, but it's true. It's just not safe to let everyone in on every single detail of your life.

Apple Joos

Flummoxed

mama2bna — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:14:53 -0500

I find it fascinating how absolutely apoplectic people get, specifically non-bloggers, about bloggers.

How dare we write what we do?

How dare we presume to think that our lives have value or are of interest to others?

Why must we do these things publicly?

Who are we to broadcast our opinions?

I ask, 'Why are you reading?' The time these people spend, the visiting and leaving hateful comments, the judging, the ranting, how is that any different? If it is not a conversation in which they want to participate, then by all means, leave the table. You won't find me chasing you down the street complaining about your nerve to once again regale us with your power trading coup, your wild night of shiraz and swing dancing, or who stumbled on Dancing with the Stars.

And yes, it all seems to be ever so slightly more concentrated when it comes to "mommy bloggers," the words are more biting as they slam us, the sweeping judgments about what it says about our parenting, our commitment or lack thereof to our kids. We're writing, chronicling, griping and waxing euphoric, it's all a part of living and the reality is we each have the privilege of choosing how and where we do it.

Great post.

Amanda

http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com

http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com

http://hibernate.sarabearco.com

Not Alone

Kel — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:54:56 -0500

It is sad really...mommyhood is a tough job and often times (without an outlet like blogging) it can feel as if you are walking this path alone or worse yet - that you're inevitably doing it all wrong. One thing I've learned and come to love with blogging is that no matter what, we are not alone out there and that other mommies/women bloggers can provide some needed reassuring when those really tough days get to you.

It take an amazing person to raise children, berating or belittling us does not stop us, it can only strengthen our cause to push forward with our narsacistic ways! Thanks Zchamu

I love it when you flounce!

zchamu — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:57:35 -0500

Re "stupid"... What amuses (ok, baffles) me the most is trying to figure out the thought process of people that leave the nasty comments in the first place. Between Her Bad mother's article or the hate mail Dooce gets every single day.. if people think she's so awful/lazy/pathetic/whatever, what does it say about *them* that they take the time out of their day to get so upset about it as to tell them so? Wasting their own time on a waste of time, no?

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

Thank you Zchamu!

Lisa Stone — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:23:54 -0500

Now flouncing off to do something 'stupid'...

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

The hate, the bewilderment, the confusion..

zchamu — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:16:19 -0500

The implication that blogging is just "that thing you do" and you're obviously slacking off all day instead of leading a productive life. That's the usual reaction, confusion then a breed of "pat on the head" amusement.

And yes, for mommy blogs it's particularly awful, because people feel they have carte blanche to be hypercritical of everything you do.

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

Bloggers are great! (as long as they aren't mommies)

zchamu — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:16:31 -0500

Let me tell you a little story about a person. We'll call this nice androgynous person "Pat", in order to evoke a fun vintage Saturday Night Live mental image.

Pat enjoys writing, is reasonably good at it, and wants to write more. Pat decides to start a blog. Pat writes about whatever is most relevant, most thought provoking in Pat's life - field of work, motorcycles, parenting, gardening. Pat's blog is pretty good, and people start reading it. People like the blog because of the tone, the turn of style, the knowledgeability about the subject matter, the sense of humour. Pat's blog soon gets popular. Really popular. Eventually mainstream media takes notice and Pat and the blog get featured in some article in a newspaper or a clip on TV.

And when it's featured, the reaction is inevitably harsh. People judge Pat for everything from having "enough time to blog" to "exploitation" to "narcissism" to any number of other choice, flattering words. People say things like:

"The surprise is not that these narcissists spend their time entering info into a computer instead of actually getting a life, but that other people want to read it!"

This always happens, right?

No, it doesn't always happen. None of this vitriol is unleashed when someone writes about gardening or writing or a field of work or about anything else. So why does it happen when women write about being a mother?

Being a mother is hard work. I'm not even a mother and I know this, mostly because I read blogs written by mothers. Cool mothers, fun, interesting mothers who love being a mother. Who are also sometimes
overwhelmed and insecure, who are winging it as they go along, who openly say that mommyhood is hard work. Mothers who would never give up their child for anything and they don't regret a thing, but who also say they struggle with the shift in their own identity from being "Person" to "Other Person's Mother".

Until blogs were invented, I can only assume the only outlet mothers had to express these feelings, these inner crises, were other mothers. And I wonder just how many women actually admitted to each other that they did struggle with identity, with lack of sleep, with trying to manage a human being who can't speak english or wipe their own ass. And they struggled with wondering why they gave up Banana Republic suits and two martini lunches for this?

Maybe before the blog, mothers just shut up. They shouldered the weariness and the insecurity and the difficulties and everyone else assumed that motherhood was easy, or if it wasn't easy they didn't care because god, that's boring. And if you actually said anything to anyone else about the fact that this isn't as easy as everyone thinks it should be you worried about being branded as whiny, as high maintenance, as weak, so you just kept quiet.

Then blogs appeared and moms started talking, started being open about motherhood, about the stuff that happens every day, the good and the not so good, that it isn't always a walk in the park, and apparently there are people who are being exposed to the facts of motherhood for the first time and oooh my, they are horrified. They're horrified about the fact that you're blogging in the first place. They're concerned, my oh my, they are so concerned "for the children". Mommy must be a narcissist if she talks about her own life as a mother. Mommy must be exploiting her child if she talks about potty training. Mommy must be incredibly selfish if she takes time to sit at the computer and blog. And Mommy must be the devil incarnate if she actually makes any money from writing about this stuff.

And they're disgusted. They're disgusted that women even bother writing their blogs in the first place, why would you write about your pathetic, boring, useless life of being a mother, you sad, sad little person?

The message? Even though you spend more time mothering than you ever did at your paid job, even though it may be far harder to do, shut up. Shut up and raise your kids quietly in the background like everyone else. We don't want to hear about your little problems, because now that you're a mother, now that you don't have any
other identity except that of mother, you and your issues are irrelevant. Come back and talk to us when you have something important to say.

Could it be because as far as we think we've gone for sexual equality, for believing that all lives have equal worth, that if you're a mother and you want to talk about mothering, you're automatically less worthy just because you are a woman and a mother? Because being a mother simply isn't worthy of attention?

Perish the thought.

The only thing to be done?

Keep blogging. Because you're right, Mommies: Mommyhood is tough. And life is tough. And others who are going through the same things that you are will be able to read your blogs and realize they're not alone. And maybe, just maybe, those who judge will actually realize that Mommyhood has more value than even they thought it did.

And in the end, isn't that the point?

Shannon blogs at ThreeSeven and ecochick.ca