BlogHer - Do Good Moms Have Teens That Use Drugs? What Are The Signs? - Comments

The lists are actually important

pattimom — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 12:15:15 -0500

I found this site because I'm a mom, a "good" mom, who has 3 teenage boys who use.

I have a website in the works, and I wanted to see what info was out there. I also want parents, especially in my small town to wake up and pay attention to the 'signs' of drug use.

I have friends whose kids are users, and friends whose kids are not. I am here to testify that these signs ARE in fact, very accurate. The moms of the non-using teens DO NOT have issues with falling grades, drastic changes in appearanc, a sudden interest in incense, teen boys losing weight, completely different friends, drastic attitude changes and withdrawal from family.

At one time I assumed that all of these changes were part of being a teenager, and I was wrong. I wish I had followed my intuition and gotten to the truth sooner.

My boys are now in recovery, and one is headed for college. I'm blessed to have caught on to what was happening.

I was not a parent who was in denial, guilible, or stupid. I used pot all through college. It's just that you really do want to believe in your kids and even when you do figure out what's going on, you don't know where to turn.

So, on my website there WILL be lists and I pray that moms like me will take the signs seriously.

Hi Liz. Thanks for your insight.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:17:04 -0500

Hi Liz.

Thanks for your insight. I like your five signs to know if you are a parent that is just being uptight. I would love to know what your five signs are for - when the parent should be uptight?

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

Thanks Nelle. You're very kind.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:51:19 -0500

Thanks Nelle.

I was committed to this post once I began working on it, and when it didn't come together the way I had hoped, I still felt it was an issues that needed to be address. I wasn't able to find the answers I was looking for...but where better a place to try to find them but here on BlogHer?

Thanks for your support.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

Hi Minnie. I totally agree with you.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:43:25 -0500

Hi Minnie.

I totally agree with you...the lists are stupid. I think that's half the problem. There is no information out there that quantifies the signs. How bad do these signs have to be before a mom should worry? If you're worried, what should you do? At what age is it o.k. to just let them make their own mistakes?

I wish there was more helpful (specifically detailed) information out there...If there is, I sure couldn't find it. That's why at the end of the post, I make a request to parents who may have experienced this, to leave advice and suggestions.

I'm clueless when it comes to personal experience on this issue. I've been chronically ill most of my life. In my adolescence I had very bad asthma, so I couldn't even be around people that were smoking. And I guess I never had the feelings of being invincible that many teens have today. They think nothing bad can happen to them. But I never felt that way, I always felt like I was on borrowed time.

So, I'm sorry the post wasn't what you were expecting. Frankly, I'm disappointed in it too.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

A bit unfair...

nelle2nelle — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:15:50 -0500

what does one expect when tackling this issue in the blogosphere? A dissertation on the issue worthy of putting a Dr. before a name?

Probably most in this thread are parents. We all know there is no manual for parenting. We make use of common sense, we make use of trial and error, we make use of some advice, we make use of our minute by minute increase in experience, and we do the best we can.

I started drinking alcohol at age 13. Not much mind you, but it surely carried lure. I started smoking pot at 17, my first semester in college. Yet if there was really an issue with me, it wasn't either of these things, it was deeply suppressed gender issues.

We don't parent in a vacuum. Children have some formidable intelligence at their own disposal. They are learning from what is around them, and they are learning to cope with and within that environment.

This is something that makes use of timeless remedies and also needs shifting awareness, because the terminology, and the substances consumed, are also shifting.

IMO, the very first place to be aware is right from the beginning of parenthood - it starts with self esteem. Self esteem is what will break down first and open the floodgates everywhere else. Read Reviving Ophelia for a great look at adolescent girlhood and coping with the loss of esteem.

I'm going to applaud Catherine for tackling the issue and having the courage to toss it out there for comment and critique. There are no hardfast rights and rules here, and she should be commended for taking the time and putting in the effort to construct this post.

nelle

I'm always really annoyed by

minnie — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:07:50 -0500

I'm always really annoyed by that same old stupid list of 'things to look for'.

i see no thoughtful analysis about this on your part. Are you a good mother or a bad mother? did you do drugs? do your kids do drugs? how has it affected you or people around you? Why do drugs scare you so much?

AnywayI did drugs all through my teens and 20s and now i am A ROCKET SCIENTIST.

-Minnie

http://www.thankyoufonotbeingperky.com

http://www.screamything.com/screamything

If my mom was judging me on this checklist

Liz Henry — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:04:47 -0500

If my mom was judging me on one of these sad little checklists, I'd need a drink even more. OMG my teenager is non conforming and rebellious and surly and disrespectful ! How unusual!

Count me as a mom who does not think it is criminally hideous for a teenager to be a little bit bad and hang out drinking beers in the bank parking lot or take a toke once in a while.

5 signs for a perfectly reasonable U.S. teenager to know if their parent is too uptight

- babbles constantly about your grooming

- tries to put you in rehab because you partied it up a couple of times

- thinks incense means devil worship

- thinks your friends are annoying

- thinks your weird hairstyle and excessive eyeliner are a "warning sign"

Now far more common among people I grew up with was, we as teenagers were perfectly reasonable in our behavior, but the parents were secret alcoholics and child molesting scumbags.

I think in our culture there is a lot of demonization of kids having fun and establishing some distance, and adults should look to providing better pathways for kids' liberation and independence, especially economic rights and right of self determination. They should also look to clean house on their own selves.

-----------------

Liz Henry

lizzard@bookmaniac.net

Badgermama - personal & mommyblog

http://liz-henry.blogspot.com

Do Good Moms Have Teens That Use Drugs? What Are The Signs?

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 03:31:39 -0500

Do Good Moms Have Teens That Use Drugs? We try so hard to be the best moms we can be. But does that guarantee us drug free kids? Unfortunately, not.

I know moms who seemed to do everything right, and their teen still started drinking or doing drugs. Most parents think it could never happen to their child, but it does. So, would you know if your teen was doing drugs? What should you do?

Is Your Teenager Using Drugs or Alcohol...

If your child is using alcohol and drugs, it's a good bet he (or she) is doing everything possible to keep that activity hidden. The last thing he wants is for his parents to give him a "hassle" about his newly-found "entertainment." But continued alcohol and drug use will affect your child's behavior, attitudes and even choice of friends. Here are some signs to look for, if you think that your child may be using:

From WebMD...

Typically, experts recommend that when alcohol or drug use is suspected, parents look for a pattern or a number of changes in appearance, behavior, and attitude, not only one or two changes. Substance abuse may be a possibility if several of the following signs are present:

Less attention paid to dressing and grooming
Loss of appetite or unexplained weight loss
Red and glassy eyes and frequent use of eyedrops and breath mints
Decreased attendance and performance at school
Loss of interest in school, sports, or other activities
Newly developed secrecy; deceptive or sneaky behavior
Withdrawal from family and friends
New friends and reluctance to introduce them
Lying or stealing
Disrespectful behavior
A mood or attitude that is getting worse
Lack of concern about the future

What to do if you suspect your teen is on drugs...

All parents want to keep their kids safe, but with all the dangers in today’s world that’s getting harder to do. A big concern for many parents is drugs. While it’s best to stop your child from doing drugs before they start, there are things you can do if you suspect a problem.

If you suspect your teen is doing drugs, talk to them. And I mean, just talk; no yelling, screaming, or accusations. Prepare what you’re going to say ahead of time so you don’t say something you didn’t intend to. Tell them you suspect they’re taking drugs and cite your reasoning. Give specific, documented examples of behavioral changes. Explain that you’re just trying to help them, but if they don’t tell you what’s going on with them, you’re going to have to take further steps. But be careful, what you perceive as drug use could just be caused by problems at school, problems with friends, or even depression.

If your teen doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on, you need to stick to your word and take further steps to find out if they’re using drugs. Check your teen’s room and car. If you have a good relationship with their friends, ask them what’s going on. Make your child justify where their money is going. Also, make sure you know where your child is at all times (including checking school attendance records).

Once you have confirmation of your teens drug use, seek outside help. There are literally hundreds of people and organizations ready and willing to help you and your teen. If you don’t know where to start, talk to your child’s doctor, counselor, or minister. They may be willing to speak to your teen directly and recommend organizations and treatment programs to you. You must remember that you are not alone!

Teen Drug Abuse and Drinking...

With today's society, kids have access to many different substances that can be addictive and damaging. If you suspect your child is using drugs or drinking alcohol, please seek help for them as soon as possible. Drug testing is helpful, but not always accurate. Teen Drug use and Teen Drinking may escalate to addiction. We get calls constantly, that a child is only smoking pot. Unfortunately in most cases, marijuana can lead to more severe drugs, and marijuana is considered an illegal drug. Smoking marijuana is damaging to the child's body, brain and behavior. Even though marijuana is not considered a narcotic, most teens are very hooked on it.

Strengthening Relationships with Parents and Teens

Build a Strong Relationship - Teens who feel close to their parents are more likely to come to them for advice when faced with tough decisions. They are also more likely to follow their parents’ advice, have higher self-esteem and are better able to stand up to negative peer pressure.

Show Your Love - You can show your love in ways that are comfortable for both of you. Be affectionate, but if your teenager is shy about expressing affection, respect his need for some distance and find other ways to show that you care.

Take an Interest in What They’re Doing - Be there for your teen by going to athletic events and science fairs. You can even email your teenager to show your interest in these activities. Email may feel like a safe way for your teen to talk through some tough issues with you.

Show Support in Your Teen’s Successes And Failures - Let your teen know you love them no matter what. Being there lets them know you care and may help them decide to make a wise choice when faced with a tough decision in the future.

Have Fun Together - Try to spend some quality “fun time” with your teen each week. Look for common interests with your teen and build on them. Show your teen that they can have fun and relax with you.

Talk to Your Teen - Open up communication about being a teenager by telling your teen what you were like as a teenager. Discuss your views on important issues like dating, drugs and school. Talk about some of the mistakes you made growing up. Show your teenager that you’re not perfect either.

Listen First, Then Ask Questions - When your teen talks to you, listen! Make sure you pay attention to what they are saying, and don’t put down their thoughts and beliefs. Show interest. Ask your teen about things that are important to them. Ask about friends, interests in music and favorite subjects in school. However, don’t quiz your teen, or you might drive them away. Instead, ask for his opinions. You can even ask him for advice. But then be silent and listen.

Relationships Take Time - Spend time together, listen, and let teenagers express themselves. Building and strengthening this bond will help you help your teenager make difficult choices and ultimately become a responsible adult.

Also See:

A Partnership for a Drug Free America

Is Your Child Using Drugs?

Parents. The Anti-Drug.

Help I Think My Teenage Is Abusing Prescription Drugs

Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base

The Science Behind Drug Abuse

Depressed Teens More Likely To Try Pot

What You Need To Know About Teens and Marijuana

Even good moms have teens that turn to drugs. Have you been through this with your own child? Do you have advice that might help other mothers?

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog