It was good.

lauriewrites — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:33:50 -0500

Well worth it.

Laurie

I can't wait to read this

kperfetto — Fri, 23 May 2008 12:44:07 -0500

I can't wait to read this book.

Available Light & Five Dollar Radio

"Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy)": Heather B. Armstrong Lets Her Little Book Fly

lauriewrites — Fri, 23 May 2008 09:53:13 -0500

I brought "Things About My Dad I Learned (in therapy)", the recently-released book of essays about fatherhood edited by Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com home with me to my parents' house after I picked it up at the local Borders (where it is shelved in self-help, by the by, aka, the section my previously more trainwrecked self used to shelve when I worked there. Hi, former employer Borders: That is weird. These are essays.) I left it on the dining room table, and busied myself with the things I do when I return to my parents' home, like whining, talking on the phone and watching Wheel of Fortune while drooling.

My dad came in from work, and yelled down to the living room.

"Is this for me?"

"What?"

"Things I learned about MY DAD? In THERAPY?"

And there it is.

I really liked this book, for the simple reason that it includes intelligent essays on an interesting topic by people who write well. This Heather B. Armstrong, as you may have heard, she knows people. And a few of these people are bloggers. But whether I'm holding their words in my hands or reading them on a screen, it doesn't really matter. The writers come at fatherhood from many different angles, such that I was left with a clear reminder of just how complex family relationships are (not a newsflash, right, but something that bears repeating, because sometimes Hallmark cards just don't hit the mark for a reason.)

Heather writes in the introduction, " I expected this collection to be uproariously funny, as most of these writers are known to provide much-needed comic relief to their audiences. But as the essays came in I was surprised to find a more layered narrative, and this book is filled with so much more than a series of physical pratfalls. Here you will find a love story rich with admiration, acceptance, recognition and finally forgiveness."

Eden Kennedy wrote about the death of her husband's stepfather in "Adam and Red," Alice Bradley illustrated the depth of love and Star Wars between her, her husband and son in "The Force Is With Us. Always," and Maggie Mason wrote about losing her father at a young age. Sarah Brown wrote about how, her Dad? He's awesome.

Matthew Baldwin, one of the funniest writers on the Web, contributed an essay (example: this post, about "My Humps" and his wife, no less still makes me laugh out loud, two years later.) Doug French, aka Laid Off Dad wrote in "The Last Summer" about the final season spent with his sons following his divorce from their mother and prior to moving out of their apartment. Heather Armstrong wrote an essay about her dad, and another about her husband, Jon, who contributed a piece about his relationship with his late father.

What did I love? I loved Eden's essay, which, duh, because if there is a writer I'd shill for it's her, but seriously it was excellent. I loved how while I read Sarah's essay I could see in my head her dad's smile from the myriad photos she's posted of him on Flickr over the years, which is at the same time the oddest and greatest thing about the Internet depending on your point of view.

But mostly I loved the men, mostly young fathers, writing about fatherhood from their own points of view. I love Greg Knauss's "Peas and Domestic Tranquility." His description of parenthood as tactical warfare was hilarious and at the same time beautiful. "A Girl Named Spike" by Matthew D. LaPlante of dearspike.com knocked my socks off, and so did the essay-that-reads-like-a-novella "Long Live the Weeds and the Wilderness Yet" by James Griffioen, aka Dutch of Sweet Juniper. Seriously, this story of his and his daughter's encounter with a pack of dogs on a remote Detroit playground was beautifully written and very moving. It also made me cry but I forgive him. I loved Bill Farrell's "Not My Problem" that ends the book, and if you want to know why, you'll have to get your hands on a copy I guess.

So, what did I not love? The pull quotes. The pull quotes were formatted strangely, sometimes right above the same passage they were quoted from, and they confused my eyes.

Heather actually writes about fatherhood a lot (full disclosure: I read her site and have for years. I'd tell you for real if the book wasn't good, though, although I'm glad I didn't have to do that. One thing I can tell you about Blurbomat/Armstrong LLC: quality control, dudes. It's impressive.) This past week, she's shared her stepfather's new diagnosis of lymphoma, and the over 1,000 comments on the post reflect not just the good feelings out there among the dreck and hatred that she gets thrown at her, but also the reason why blogging just might matter: people feel better when other people understand.

She also writes about her father, and the struggles they've had overcoming differences of opinion of religion and child-rearing, but most prominently perhaps differences in comfort level with discussions of bodily functions. I like her posts about her dad, second only to her posts about depression. They make sense. They are touching and funny, and they point in many ways to why this life? It is hard, and it's a compromise for the people and things that matter. Finally, she frequently writes about her husband and his role in parenting their daughter, alone and with her as a mother. Family is at the heart of the site, really, and at the heart of this book.

Heather wrote this post on Dooce.com on April 29, the day the book was released.

A few weeks ago I gave my father an advance copy of the book with the hope that he would read what I had written, but I didn't say anything to him other than HERE IS MY HEART AND SOUL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL. I found out a week later that he had taken it home and used it to prop up a wobbly toilet. I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches...

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS OVER, THANK GOD. Fly, little book, fly!

Dutch wrote this post about the book on Sweet Juniper also on the release date.

Kyran Pittman from Notes to Self wrote about the book recently in Blog to Book v.2.0: the new breed.

Fast forward to present time. Two new anthologies, one just released, and one forthcoming, have convinced me that we've arrived at Blog to Book 2.0. I think we're seeing not just the content being transliterated into the print world (Blog to Book 1.0), but the missing chromosome, the community dynamic.

Watching these two projects come to term, I've been struck by the level of ownership and initiative by the bloggers involved. Neither of the lead bloggers who edited them are docile brides, willing to settle for the "throw it at the wall and see what sticks" approach of traditional publishing. A brief bout of groping and thrusting followed by snoring is not going to cut it.

Dutch from Sweet Juniper explains the problems Heather had with Kensington in the comments on Kyran's post way better than I could.

Raych at Books I Done Read wrote about the book this week.

I will not lie - the essays on fathers (as opposed to fatherhood or the fatherhood of one's spouse) were not my favorite. Which, odd, because I haven't got kids, but I've got an awesome dad, so I can relate to the latter half. But maybe it's because bebes usually get up to more hilarious mischief than dads do, or maybe people can just be more hilariously honest about their illiterate kids than they can about their completely literate (if often dead) fathers, or maybe I just shouldn't have read the entire book in one toasty sitting.H'anyvays, I know that half of you are all, Yeah, I'd hit that, and the other half are already waiting for their copies to come in the mail, so I'm just here to say Yes, it is awesome.Nine caterpillars.

Rita Arens of Surrender Dorothy has her own anthology coming out soon, and she recently wrote about Heather's book.

It wasn't a fast read. It was a slow and dangerous read, a dark and twisty and sentimental read. A collection of stories invoking all sorts of fathers, goofy fathers, angry fathers, fathers suffering from dementia and conservatism, fathers as overwhelmed as mothers, fathers preparing to divorce mothers, fathers reliving their Star Wars infatuations with their sons. Earnest fathers. Scared fathers. Loving fathers. Human fathers. The collection reminds me of the Deadwood bar in Iowa City, a land of dark booths, horrible coffee and upside-down Christmas trees. Thick and smoke-filled and shot through with cool. The people who were comfortable there will like this book. I loved the Deadwood.

Finally, I went to Brooklyn a couple of weeks ago to read in Sarah Brown's Cringe event at Freddy's. The Armstrongs were in town for the Today Show visit where Kathi Lee Gifford discovered the Internet, as Mir previously covered. They managed a signing and meet and greet at Soda Bar before Cringe.

There are pictures on my Flickr stream, here, and in the Cringe set, where you can catch one of Alice Bradley and her husband performing her Billy Joel musical, "The Stranger." (Just to prove there was unintentionally hilarious life before blogging.)

Here are a few.

Laurie White blogs at LaurieWrites.

BlogHer - "Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy)": Heather B. Armstrong Lets Her Little Book Fly - Comments

It was good.

I can't wait to read this

"Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy)": Heather B. Armstrong Lets Her Little Book Fly