Are You Guilty of Financial Infidelity in Your Business Or Personal Life?

Elana Centor — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 11:44:19 -0500

While Financial Infidelity Seven steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker is not a book targeted to business partners,many of the lessons and exercises offered up in the book can be adapted to business partners --okay not the one where the author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggests that:

you gaze into each other's eyes ( for at least twenty seconds)

Kiss (for thirty seconds minimum to stimulate immune system and increase oxytocin for bonding!)

But, many of the financial missteps that couples make can be applied to business partners.In the introduction to this book, Dr. Weil writes,

Corporate scandals, like the 2001 Enron debacle, have exposed the financial infidelities of the high-flying business world and those who inhabit it. There's a new call for openness in the workplace, with interoffice dating no longer a secret, and financial watchdogs guarding against corporate deceptions. These dynamics send mixed messages of openess and transparency on the one hand and deceit--- not sneaking and lying, but omission--on the other.

In my previous life I was married to my business partner -- a relationship that I would not recommend .After reading this book, I realized that our Financial Infidelity did not occur so much in our personal lives but in our business lives.

We had major tension on how to navigate the financial challenges that come with running a undercapitalized small business with 20 employees and clients that often did not pay on time.

Our challenges were not unique. It's just that we never really talked about them --instead we reacted to them on a case by case basis. If we were feeling optimistic about future business we might take the attitude that "it takes money to make money." If business was looking bleak,we would have discussions about cutbacks
but we did not always agree on the timing and urgency of those cutbacks.The value of this book,is that it provides a template to have those tough financial conversations that many of us would rather avoid. It's not about managing money but understanding each partners emotional connection to money.

In writing about the book on courant.com Kathy Kristof talks about some of the traditional exercises in the book like goal setting. But she also talks about the psychological exercises. According to Dr. Weil, people have different financial baggage that they may not even be aware of and unless they are uncovered, it can "be a recipe for disaster."

The value of this book is that it provides a template to have those tough financial conversations. It's not about managing money but understanding each partners emotional connection to money.

So Weil suggests that couples go through a handful of psychological exercises to figure out how they see money and what each partner expects from the other. And each should consider whether the other partner is using money as a tool to exert control.

Lastly, the partners need to figure out how to communicate their wants and needs effectively. If they're long married and have already committed financial infidelity, they need to confess and try to start over, she added.

But talking about money can be a downer, Weil admits, saying it lowers levels of pain-blocking endorphins.

Her solution: "After you talk about money, you should go out for a run or make love" to boost your endorphins. "My patients have better sex lives because they learn to talk about money."

In the book Dr. Weil says one of the best ways to avoid financial infidelity is for both partners to get actively involved in the family finances. In business this can be a sticky wicket. It is not uncommon for business partners to agree to have their kingdom's..with one being in charge of the finances and the other being in charge of marketing or actually doing the business of the business. In writing about this book AlphaWomen.com
provides some advice for couples that business partners can adapt.

Both partners must be aware of how much money they have and where the money is being spent. Couples should have an agreement about how much money they can spend using joint funds before they need to clear it with the other spouse. Online banking makes it simple to periodically (or even daily) check for any unusual withdrawals and check on account balances. Don't leave financial management all up to one person, especially if that person has had spending and serious money management problems in the past.

Dr.Weil has a guest post on Bored Finance where she talks about the need to analyze the 'scripts" that you have about money.

The money legacy most people leave is subconscious – a reaction to characteristics and traits they probably got from their families but aren't necessarily aware of. By addressing these questions, you'll be able to turn your legacy from unconscious to conscious, and hand down a different set of values and decisions.

Some of these questions go far back, and may require help from your parents or other relatives. Begin by asking and answering these questions about yourself and any siblings you have:

* Do you/they have successful careers?
* Are you/they married?
* Has anyone been divorced? Remarried?
* Are you aware of any financial infidelities?
* Has anyone claimed bankruptcy?
* Are they savers? Spenders?
* Are they risk takers or are they cautious?
* Do any financial arrangements exist such as prenups or trust funds?

Then, work backwards answering these questions for your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents- maybe even your great grandparents!

This is a book of substance. It gives vivid case studies and provides readers with exercises to help uncover differences in attitudes towards finances. Dr. Weil acknowledges that most couples(business partners) do not enjoy talking about the nitty gritty aspects of finances.

She presents a compelling case that dealing with finances can create the foundation to prevent the breakup of personal relationships, adapting this approach for businesses can go a long way in preventing tension and the ultimate dissolution of a busines partnership.

Elana writes about business culture at FunnyBusiness

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Are You Guilty of Financial Infidelity in Your Business Or Personal Life?