BlogHer - Infertility Blogs - Comments

Blogging Infertility

mekap04 — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:42:49 -0600

It's great to read blogs about infertility journeys because you can also learn a lot about the issues faced battling infertility and you can also get encouragement and also contribute your encouragement and advice to others among the same issue, infertility.

http://gettingpregnantquickly.blogspot.com

Oops, I guess I should

jackijaguar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:47:04 -0500

Oops, I guess I should include my blog :)

jackijaguar- www.justtryingtomakeacub.blogspot.com

Why I Blog

jackijaguar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:45:21 -0500

First and foremost, I blog for my own peace of mind. My blog is just mine. I don't have to include anyone else's thoughts or worry about how my infertility affects others' feelings. It's my place to be candid and honest and say exactly what I want without sugar coating anything. In real life, I can't tell someone that, right at this moment, I am not even remotely happy to hear the news of your pregnancy. Give me some time and I'm sure some seed of enthusiasm will blossom, but right now, I've got nothing. But I can write just that in my blog. It's cathartic.

Second, I have shared my blog address with a select few people from my real life world. These few, who know me best, now have a place to read about what's happening in my infertility world. But more importantly, they have a place to go to understand how I really feel about everything that's going on, my innermost thoughts, my hopes and my fears as my husband and I try to conceive a child.

Third, the internet world of infertility is huge. I have come across amazing, strong, beautiful women along this journey. Our blogs are one more way for us to stay connected and share each others' joys and sorrows.

Finally, I just hope that my words can make a difference for someone. If my blog can answer another woman's question, calm a fear or make her laugh, then my words have made a difference. In real life, infertility is so painfully isolating as you watch the many couples around you create families with ease. Blogs allow infertile women comfort and companionship from other infertile women. It's a gift I treasure.

Why I blog...

liddy — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:51:22 -0500

Why do you write about adoption/loss/infertility?

When I started my blog it was the day after my 28th birthday and my husband's 30th birthday was the next day. Collectively, we wanted to have a baby by the time E was 30. It was in my opinoin my biggest failing to date, this was suppose to be easy or so I thought. I was so nåive that I thought that it would be an easy journey. As i was talking to a friend she asked why I was so down and out, I broke down and told her everything. I went home that night and googled "infertility blogs". I found so many great blogs, I knew that I was not alone. I decided to blog about our struggle about our IF.

I decided to call my blog the Unfair Struggle (bending backwards came from a Jason Miraz song) because I felt that because E had all ready suffered with torsion of tesitcle and the accompanying testicular surgery. I thought it was almost unfair that he now was going through anejaculation and the fact that he had been unable to father a child. I cried so much writing that first post, the apology letter to my husband, and the email to my friend. I realized that this would be something for me.

I have found my blog to be an outlet not only about our IF, but also about our day to day life. The fact that I can write something as simple as "It sucks!" to more complex posts where I write things that no way could I verbally say those things to even my best friends.

What do you gain through writing your blog?

I gain more than I could ever articulate in words. There is an amazing sense of community between those who have IF. I have 60+ blogs on my Google Reader and I add more each week. I try to comment as much as possible because I know that I am not alone and everyone needs some support. I enjoy reading Connections Abound and learning about the joys in people's lives, the times when they need prayers the most, and those who are just starting out.

Also, I could not afford therapy and I cannot look at the raw emotion of a support group. I think I am going to stick with my blog for a while.

------

The Unfair Struggle

http://bendingbackwards.wordpress.com

I blog because...

scrumpkin — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:16:54 -0500

It's much cheaper than therapy, and the people that listen actually care...

www.OwenandEverythingAfter.blogspot.com

I blog because...

CreoleInDC — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:48:45 -0500

It helped me to find there were others out there like me and I want to reciprocate the love.

www.MonicaMingo.com SMOOCHES BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!

I blog because...

jaymee — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:29:10 -0500

surrogacy is a big mystery and often the third rail of infertility. the people who love me most in the world agonized over asking questions, so i can just imagine how everyone else felt. infertility was the one part of my life that i did not live out in the open. blogging allowed me the outlet that i needed to talk about a difficult subject.

since the age of 20 i knew that conceiving my own child would not be possible. it was not until i was 28, that anyone but my husband knew my secret. i have to buy Christmas presents the day before, because i tell everyone what i got them, i just can not keep a secret. most people still do not know that i kept this from them for so many years.

once we decided that surrogacy was our method, i began looking for any information i could find. surrogates blog a lot, but intended parents tend to keep the process quiet. after all the years of pain most of them endure, i can not blame them. for me though pain only stays painful when it is kept inside.

so, I blog because:
1. those who love me deserve answers to questions they do not want to ask
2. i need to get it out
3. no one should ever feel alone in this process
4. i refuse to feel ashamed of the unique way my family is being created
5. the more people who are willing to speak out, the less stigma is attached
6. one day i want my child to know all we went through to make him/her a reality
7. i have never been good at keeping my mouth shut
8. i am going to live my life, my entire life, out in the open for everyone to see
9. one day some woman in my shoes will know that she is not the only one who is scared, angry, frustrated, and feeling completely alone

http://babygiddings.blogspot.com/

When we were trying to

Kymztwinz — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 10:37:48 -0500

When we were trying to conceive, I did not have a place where I could express my feelings among people who understood and could commiserate and/or give advice. I felt very alone during that time. Having never had an outlet for those feelings (not even someone IRL I could talk to), there were many feelings that I had pressed away and never made peace with because I didn't have a space where I could process them. Blogging didn't exist at that time and there didn't seem to be much of an online audience. Online discussions of infertility were much quieter back then.

I found and began reading IF blogs after my family was complete, and finally, I felt like there were people who understood. I could relate to many of the feelings and felt my long-repressed feelings beginning to stir within again, aching to be heard and to be shared. Remembering how alone I felt through my struggle, I also wanted desperately to reach out to the bloggers whose experiences I was reading about. However, having built my family, I was in a very different place than I was when we were still trying to conceive. How could I reach out with the part of me who had been there without the part of me that was already a mother causing further hurt? Also, how could I ask for understanding and support for carryover feelings that remained for a battle I'd already won. I felt stuck in a very odd middle territory, and though I felt more comfortable reading within the IF blogging community, I still felt like there wasn't really a place for me within it.

I felt like that until I somehow stumbled upon your Stirrup Queens. Yours was the first place I saw where I felt like I could make a place for myself and stretch out, to finally release many of the pent-up feelings of those days gone by. Where I could talk about the things that still bother me and how the way I view the world has been forever changed by my struggles to have children. Your place made room for the full spectrum of infertility, from those just starting on their paths to parenthood to people who've made the decision to live child-free. In this, I've also been able to discuss and share my feelings that stem from being a gestational surrogate and how that ties in so very closely to my bout with infertility.

I write to remember. I write to process. I write to support. I write to be supported. I write to not feel alone and to help others from feeling alone.

Kymberli from I'm a Smart One
www.smartone.typepad.com

Queen of Denial

Dana J. Tuszke — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 10:10:59 -0500

When I started blogging, I was a mother. My son was a little over a year old. I never blogged about the almost 3 years it took to conceive him. I never blogged about the doctors who gave terrible advise and inaccurate diagnoses regarding why it took so long or what my "fertility issue" might be.

In the back of my mind the problem was always lingering with no real solution. I ignored it. I pretended that I didn't have trouble with fertility. As my son grew older and I wasn't pregnant with a second child as quickly as the grandparents would have liked, I made excuses. "I'm not ready." "Oh, someday we'll have another." "I'm worried about having pre-eclampsia again" The list of stock phrases was longer than my to-do list. I was in denial, I think. I couldn't bring myself to admit there was something wrong. And when I did finally admit it, my family would say, "You just have to relax. Keep trying." They didn't want to hear there was a problem any more than I wanted to confess it.

The truth is, we've been trying for almost two years with no luck and I finally hit my breaking point. I've been seeing a great doctor who is helping me get back on the baby track, but honestly it's so frustrating and confusing and painful to talk about it, let along blog about it and put my story out there.

The few times I have blogged about it, I feel guilty for "complaining". I feel ungrateful because I have a child, so why should I feel pissed off that I am not pregnant? I don't know if my feelings and emotions are warranted or just a reaction to society's perception of infertiles.

And then sometimes I don't feel like I fit into the infertile world any more than I fit into the fertile one.

Denial. That's the state I'm in. But I'm trying to write my way out of it. Slowly, of course, in "baby steps".

Dana

The Dana Files

Why?

mcstarling — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:26:29 -0500

I write so my friends know how I'm doing with out having to see me cry.

My blog started as a training log for one of the marathons I ran. It slowly morphed into being about my journey dealing with infertility and repeat pregnancy loss. I have a great group of friends and we would all read each others entries about our races and workouts. Now the same friends read mine and support me through this journey.

I don't think I would have been as vocal about infertility had it not been for my blog. It has also kept me from feeling alone in all of this. When you're on the table with your feet in the styrrips you feel so exposed and isolated. I want to share my experiences so another woman knows she's not alone. It's the only place I feel like I can lay it all on the line and hold nothing back.

Plus blogging has also helped my marriage. My husband checks my blog before he comes into the kitchen in the morning and before he leaves work in the evening. It's like a cheat sheet for him. He knows when to stop and get flowers or when to stay in bed until I leave.

www.livejournal.com/~mcstarling

I write to keep sane.

erstellen — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:59:06 -0500

I started blogging about trying to conceive in 2005 after my 5th try. To be honest I began the blog because it felt like something fun to do. In the beginning I was chronicling the day to day more for myself. And just maybe I had this fantasy of one day clicking 'print' and handing the blog over to my kid as proof of how much my child was desired.

And then I didn't get pregnant.

I was undergoing all sorts of unfamiliar treatments and experiencing all kinds of conflicting emotions and I felt so completely alone and frazzled. I started to see other blogs out in the world of other women going through similar situations and I was hooked on the instant relief that I could get from some internet stranger simply telling me, "me too!" Suddenly I wasn't alone. I was in some sort of club where everyone had advice or support or distractions.

As the months of trying morphed into years of trying the number of people that I "met" over the internet grew and grew. It became like this virtual family or tribe. I knew that if I had a bad outcome or a funny story that I could write about it and have my tribe respond exactly how I needed. They knew my pain. They had been there.

In a few days I will be making an out of state trip to a clinic where I will, once again, try to conceive. It is a trip that literally would not have been possible without the support of my infertility tribe. If it wasn't for this community I would have abandoned the dream.

Writing and connecting with others keeps me sane.

Calliope

Blogging is like untangling emotional fishing line

barbienance — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:29:23 -0500

You can put the thought or feeling down. Struggle with the process of trying to express instinctive pain and longing in words. Connect with people who "get it" Give expression to the parts of myself that I find rather terrifying to face. Seek comfort, wisdom, and insight.

I blog about infertilty and loss because I live in that world. It is the lens through which I see the world right now. Because it is about life and death. And because if I don't blog about it I dream about it and then I feel like crap when I wake.

Most importantly, I blog and read/comment to learn that I am not alone, and to let others know that too.

I write to heal, remember & connect...

loribeth — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 07:42:49 -0500

I'm a little different from most IF bloggers. I am 47 years old & it's been 7 years since my husband & I decided to stop treatment & live childfree. Blogs weren't around back then, although I did find some comfort on various Internet message boards. I've come a long way in those 7 years, and I have a good life, albeit a very different life than the one I planned & expected.

But there is not a day in my life that isn't coloured in some way by loss, infertility & childlessness. The upcoming 10th "anniversary" of our daughter's stillbirth was weighing heavily on my mind, & I knew I wanted to explore some of the memories & feelings that I had about that. I also started reading blogs a year or two ago. There weren't many women out there writing about living childless/free after loss & infertility, and the book club you sponsor on your blog, Mel, seemed like a lot of fun. ; ) So I decided to give blogging a try, & I am very glad that I did!

loribeth at http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/

I write to heal

luna — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 01:40:35 -0500

My blog began as on online journal to reflect on and document my journey, to help process my emotions, hopes and fears. I started writing to overcome the isolation and alienation of years of infertility and loss, and to connect with a community of fellow travelers. I write to seek and share information, to tell my story and to witness and affirm the stories of others. My blog is my safe haven.

BTW readers, I'm still looking to buy an extra pass to BlogHer '08 if anyone has an extra ticket to sell! thanks!

~luna

luna339@gmail.com

http://lifefromhere.wordpress.com

Infertility Blogging

DD — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:53:18 -0500

I started blogging in 2005 to also document what I was sure would be a short foray through infertility treatment since we already had one child through "normal" means. I figured that I'd have a couple of posts about the clinic and the treatments and then the rest of my blog would be a pregnancy journal.

That was two and a half years ago, and my blog only ended up being about a pregnancy lasting longer than 8 weeks this winter.

I found the support I couldn't get from family and friends through blogs. While I know most of those people in real life meant well, it was painful and meaningless to hear over and over again, "It's God's will" or "Just relax" or "Why not adopt?"

Women who had gone before via infertility blogging not only understood my bitterness and resentment, they made sure to validate those feelings as honest and common. I fear where I would be without the support, education, love, and humour I have found via blogging. I am fairly confident I wouldn't be a week out from meeting my baby conceived via donor egg after four heartbreaking miscarriages.

We are not just a community. We are a family made up of *perfect* strangers.

~DD~ at Punch Drunk

Infertility Blogs

Melissa Ford — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 12:12:02 -0500

Infertility blogs are a hot topic du jour with articles popping up everywhere from the New York Times to the technology journal, The New Atlantis. Though it begs the question: are infertility blogs a growing force or are we so well-organized that it's easy for an outsider to chart our community growth and outreach?

I would probably argue that it's an illusion because we are simply well-organized. Health crisis blogs tend to be well-connected and centralized. Perhaps it is because people are utilizing blogging not just to connect with those who share a similar interest, but because they are trading information, gathering support, and giving sympathy. With our categorized blogroll that grows by 5 to 10 blogs a day, it is easy to chart the growth of the community. Though I think the fact that a large percentage of those 5 to 10 blogs have been around for several months before they are added also speaks to the fact that there are probably many many more infertility bloggers out there who haven't been found yet.

Where are y'all lurking?

BlogHer is holding a panel this year on the emergence of the adoption/loss/infertility (ALI) blogging community called "When the Road to Motherhood is Anything But Smooth" which asks why we speak about these topics. They are still somewhat taboo in the day-to-day world and you can't get much more public than announcing your health crisis on a semi-permanent medium such as a blog (after all, once you hit publish, things can potentially live on forever). Yet there is such a benefit to putting your story out there and reading stories in return.

Remember back in middle school when all you wanted was to find a high school student's diary so you could understand everything happening in and around you? Infertility blogging is a lot like that--not so much for the desperate need to learn to get over heartache (though, damn, it also helps to hear how someone else has mourned during the process), but to trade information. You can read someone's blog who is farther along in a process and see how they came through to the other side. You can glean information from their journey and learn questions to take back to your own doctor.

That's one reason why infertility has made it onto my computer screen. And that is the question at the heart of this panel: why adoption/loss/infertility over all the other things happening in your life? We're all more than the tiny piece of ourselves that we place into our blogs, but how do we decide what gets screen time and what gets tossed aside as a blog topic? Beyond that, what is gained by blogging these topics?

Our Family Beginnings broached this topic last week in a post stemming from her father finding her blog. She writes:

I don’t write this blog to tell you things or to make you feel more or less comfortable. I write this blog for me and for perhaps another woman who may one day walk in my shoes. She may take one less test for me or fret one less minute because of some assvice I gave her, or not. I may offend your sensibilities, but that is not my concern here. My concern here is me. It is the place where I can be selfish, where I can judge, and where I can be safe.

Morgan Territory stated her views in a post today about loss blogging:

Every day I have a routine of checking in on a few message boards I'm a part of and reading some various blogs. The blogs are so different from each other. I am still so new to this blogging thing and it just fascinates me. People use them for many reasons. Like me, some use it to keep friends and family informed of events in their lives and everyday things as well. Others use it as an outlet for emotion, frustration or whatever they need to "talk" about. I read such a diverse bunch of blogs that run the gamut of "styles." It is almost like reading different types of literature as the point of view of the author is so unique. Some blogs make me laugh hysterically. Other make me cry....a lot.

Years in the Making admitted today why she may stop blogging after her recent negative: "Not really sure if I will post anymore. I mean I really started this blog to document our journey with infertility to parenthood. We've got the first part down, but the second, who knows when that will be ours."

So, as pre-conference homework (whether or not you're attending), answer these thoughts: Why do you write about adoption/loss/infertility? What do you gain through writing your blog? Comments left on this post will be used to kick off discussion at BlogHer 'O8 so join the conversation!

Melissa is the author of the infertility and pregnancy loss blog, Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. She keeps a categorized blogroll of over 1300 infertility blogs and writes the daily Lost and Found and Connections Abound, a news source for the infertility blogosphere. Her infertility book, The Land of If, is forthcoming from Seal Press in Spring 2009. She is also the keeper of the IComLeavWe list for International Comment Leaving Week that is currently open for the month of July.