BlogHer - School uses mom's blog as evidence against her - Comments

Well, I've thought about

MissSuzy — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:53:30 -0500

Well, I've thought about this a lot, as well. I once had my diary/writing journal stolen and used against me in a divorce. It was ugly and I was violated. This was before the days of blogging, and because the experience was so awful, I haven't written in a paper journal since.

I've even resisted blogging, but finally caved in a few months ago. I do write with a pseudonym, and I do write about some terrible experience my son has had in public school. I try to keep it anonymous. I'lll probably be "found out" at some point. I amy not be clever enought to write without a trace.

Frankly, I don't trust gubberment schools to have anyone's best interests in mind besides their own, and I can picture some employee gleefully and wickedly snooping through that poor mom's blogs looking for something they could use to nail her.

It's a real bummer and she'll not trust again any time soon. Her daughter is probably short of services she needs, too.

MissSuzy

www.introvertigo.typepad.com/licensetolove/

Thanks JUNOSMOM!

osoleomar48 — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:50:53 -0500

THANKS JUNOSMOM!... i think so about me too...I peruse randomly in the blogs daily (and not only in BlogHer) About this argument i'll wraiting the post very interested in the future( i will studing about now...) in my personal blog:Granny "BELARDA"

blogging out loud

junosmom — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:09:33 -0500

Cathy
http://www.lifetimelearning.blogspot.com

Very interesting. Yes, it is a dilemma, the need to be heard and receive feedback versus public exposure which could harm. As I peruse blogs randomly, I am struck by how many very talented and creative people write blogs. It has opened up many avenues for writing. Yet, it could be used against one, as it has been made public.

In that one case by case...it's all rigth!

osoleomar48 — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:52:42 -0500

Really! In that one case by case it's all rigth ! belived me..I think so! tanku u so much!

How timely!

kmoldofsky — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:11:37 -0500

I've had trouble finding the right school for my boys. They are about to start at a new public school and I know I need to take a thoughtful approach to what and how--or if-- I blog about it.

Kim blogs at Hormone-colored Days, Momformation and Chicago Moms Blog

"To write a blog

Maria0305 — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:57:02 -0500

"To write a blog honestly, I think you must either be ignorant of
potential consequences, know and not care, or have the knowledge to
choose what you say wisely and the maturity to deal with the fallout if
someone misinterprets or misrepresents what you've written."

Perfectly put. I'm struggling with the same things on my own blog, knowing that they'll most definitely be used against me in my upcoming divorce and the looming custody battle that should ensue during and afterward.

I feel an obligation to myself, since I am who I blog for first and foremost, to not censor myself too much, but also feel I must be careful and considerate for the delicate situation I am in. I'm quite probably not writing with enough caution, but bleah, I can only put so tight a lid on me. :)

- Maria

http://immoralmatriarch.com

The "consequences"

Cindy La Ferle — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:53:40 -0500

This is an extremely important topic, and I'm glad to see it put out there for discussion. As Nordette put it, as much as we value our freedom of expression, there are "consequences for speaking your mind."

Blogging is a relatively new form of communication and expression, and in a broad sense, we're just beginning to see its positive and negative impacts on our personal and professional lives. We're just starting to hear about high-profile bloggers, for example, who've lost jobs thanks to their blog postings. Of course, these isolated cases don't overpower the fact that blogging remains an incredible community builder.

In a way, bloggers wrestle with the same dilemma that every celebrity faces: We value our privacy and cherish our families -- but we also want people to pay close attention to what we're doing. Not an easy tightrope to walk.

As a family newspaper columnist, I was hired to write weekly about my family life in our typical American suburb. My son was in his early grade school years when I started that column, and my husband's career was just taking off. So I had to be very careful of what I wrote -- because even what I considered "innocent" topics were embarrassing or potentially hazardous to my family members. (I never wrote much about my in-laws!) As careful as I was, I still found myself in hot water sometimes. And I wasn't reaching nearly as many people in print as I can potentially reach online.

I keep these lessons in mind whenever I blog. And I am always a bit surprised when I learn about bloggers (and print journalists) who've not considered "the consequences."

Cindy's Home Office: www.laferle.com

To blog or not to blog

cutiebootycakes — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:42:53 -0500

I think that your post brings some very important issues to light - specifically how transparent are we when we blog and what are the potential ramifications? I am new to blogging and was very clear with myself about how I am going to blog. Although this is an "online journal" I would not share my personal journal with the world and therefore will not do so in my blog.

But, as is the case with Ms. Sohn, how likely is that to serve as protection? In her case it may very well have been better for her to have written her feelings about her daughter's education however that may have been used against her too.

In a perfect world we would be able to write what we want to write, hear the opinions of others and just go on about our way. But the reality is that in the world we live in we have to always watch what we say.

Renée

www.cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com

I think so about it...

osoleomar48 — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:42:23 -0500

I think so about it... "All people needed to
communicate " This's the probem! And then i was been a good idea now! We'll (
all womans, all mothers, all daugthers in the world) incouraging the
children' s generation to give the blogs!
This 's my idea
today! And so! All of us (The womans bloggers) we'll learning the
childrens to communicate
to all people of the world, and then they will communicating in really
time with the web's language that's very smart very suitable for
childrens and so all every emotions, sameone needs, in all directions
in
the terrestrial space's.

"on blogging on learning"... or "on blogging on jogging"

Dose it the fair slogan for the next young winners in next our future?What's u think abaout
it?

I've this good idea because haw many research about the children's
generation in all world's places tell me everidays "haw many childrens do use the mobile on
messaging in the World actually?"Look! That statistic numbers tell us
about that hig risk, they'll doing as our phatological dipendence in the
future.

Please!Have a mind about it!

it was my post in last week ago

Have a nice day!

Great Post

JanMBSC — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:22:23 -0500

How sad that Judi chose to take the high road and mention only the positive and the school uses that against her child. I have always loved the written word but don't think I truly appreciated how powerful and far reaching blogging (anybody besides me dislike that word?) has become.

Thank you!

Judi Sohn — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 09:23:37 -0500

You got right to the heart of the matter, writing this as a warning to parents which is exactly what I hoped for. I'm moving next month and I'm thrilled. Things happened the way they were meant to. I have no regrets (except about a year's salary in lost funds).

As I said in my post, I'm not crticizing the school district for going to the blog and reading the posts. What blew me away was the fact that they did it so soon into my battles with them. A few weeks after I hired a lay advocate and expressed the first negative thought. Weeks and weeks before I thought about pulling my daughter out of the public school. Months before it got to attorneys.

I guess the real question here is when is it reasonable to start building a case? Parents should know that administrators may be thinking the answer is "on day one" while parents may still think they're on the same team.

It was beyond their curiousity. As you said, I have a ::cough cough:: large online footprint. But visiting a site, and printing out pages to put in a file somewhere are two different things. When you print something out, you are thinking "I may need this for later." I was still in exposed, vulnerable parent mode while they were assembling battle gear. That's what I'm having trouble with.

In order to be an effective parent in education, especially with a child with special needs, you have to open yourself up to the folks who are working with your children. You have to tell them when your child is having a bad day due to a family issue. You have to trust and be honest, since the goal is to bring adults into your child's life who can help him/her. How do you do that and not worry about having every word notarized at the same time? I haven't figured that out yet.

When I wrote the blog posts they used (2 years ago), it never even entered in to the back of my mind that I could get "in trouble" for saying nice things about the school district. As soon as communication really broke down, I didn't say one word about it on my blog because I was being careful. Ironic, huh?

Facing A Potentially Similar Situation

califmom — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:30:59 -0500

Our legal dispute against our son's (former) private school is almost certain to include my blog posts. I noticed a few months ago (thanks to my site stats) that the school and their attorney started reading my blog.

Based on the stats, I'd say they printed out everything back to the dates relevant to our case. The school personnel have remained regular readers, checking my blog every few days.

I am extremely cautious about how I portray my emotions about our situation and the facts, but I'm almost certain they'll try taking it all out of context when the time comes.

I realize that blogging "anonnymously" and changing my children's names to nicknames once this all began, are no protection. Honestly, I did it to protect both our identities and theirs, as I hope to resolve this issue without bringing it to the attention of the local community...trying to take the high road and not give the school bad publicity.

As our case is one of advocacy against discrimination, I am reluctant to remain silent. I feel I have a duty to speak out against the injustice and make things as right as I possibly can. I think I owe it to my own child and other children to NOT be silent, even if that means bringing trouble our way.

Perhaps I am naive and will end up a pauper fighting this fight. I don't think I can live with myself if I don't.

This happened to me in my divorce

Nordette — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 00:54:25 -0500

I even think that one post submitted to the judge was either not written by me or the judge totally misunderstood something she saw and I didn't find out about it until after the ruling.

We may have free speech, but you'll realize that there are consequences for speaking your mind, even having a fair and reasonable opinion, should you ever have your words used against you in court. And if you've said nothing worthy of outrage, then taking what you say out of context will be the name of the game.

In my case even fiction and poetry were scrutinized. You'd think creative works would be off limits, but they're not, and a judge may form an opinion of you based on fiction the same way an uneducated reader may.

I'd advise anyone writing a blog to be careful about what you say. It may be about you and no one else, but that won't matter if the person's goal is to discredit you or have a judge see you in a negative light. Don't assume writing under a false name will protect you either. A lawyer with a client who's out to get you and the money to make that happen may find out. Be careful.

You may have also heard of cases in which people have been dismissed from jobs or possibly not hired at all because of what they've said in a blog post. Think about it. We've been told that if you want to keep friends, then avoid these topics: religion, sex, and politics. Yet, these are the most common topics discussed in blogs.

And mothers know that another topic on which you may find instant disgreement is how you choose to raise your children. People are quick to be critical of mothers. I recently wrote about JonBenet Ramsey's case again. If you recall that case, you may remember that people were far more critical of the late Patsy Ramsey than they were of John, the father. When women write about their children and how they raise them, they may sometimes face this bias.

To write a blog honestly, I think you must either be ignorant of potential consequences, know and not care, or have the knowledge to choose what you say wisely and the maturity to deal with the fallout if someone misinterprets or misrepresents what you've written.

I'm sorry this mother has to go through this.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

School uses mom's blog as evidence against her

Leslie Madsen Brooks — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 00:14:37 -0500

Judi Sohn, the mother of a girl whose special needs she claims were not being met by her daughter's school, reports that the school has used her blog postings against her in legal proceedings. Was Sohn treated fairly? We don't really have enough evidence to say, but Sohn's case is a fascinating one.

I'm going to quote at length from Sohn's post as a way of summarizing her story:

In January 2007, I was still hoping that we could find a way for Laini to be emotionally successful in the public school. I was becoming more vocal about my dissatisfaction at meetings and I started seeking private therapy services and evaluations, but I had not spoken to or hired an attorney, and at that point I wasn’t thinking for a moment that we would be sending Laini to a private school.

[...]

I thought I was helping the team. I was naive. Unbeknownst to me, school district personnel came to my blog in mid January 2007, searched out posts from 2005 and 2006 where I talked about my kids education, printed them out and placed them in a file somewhere. How do I know this? Because those very blog posts were taken out of context and presented as “evidence” against me in the hearing in December 2007/January 2008 where we sought to show that the district’s proposed program for Laini was inappropriate. I was able to tell from the sidebar of the printouts when they were printed.

We were seeking reimbursement for the private school, and we lost. We didn’t lose the decision because of the blog posts. There are other reasons that the hearing officer decided against us which aren’t necessary to elaborate. I have no idea if the hearing officer cared about the blog post because he never mentioned them in the decision, but I’m sure those words taken completely out of context didn’t help my case.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over the feeling of betrayal. I am not as upset about the blog posts being used in the hearing. That’s the chance you take when you expose parts of your personal life online. I am livid that those posts were printed out months before my disagreements with the school district turned ugly.

Making things more interesting is that Sohn is the editor of the popular site Web Worker Daily and the vice president of operations for a national nonprofit--a job she performs remotely, commuting via the web. That means she has a large online footprint; type her name into Google and you'll get 16,700 hits.

If you have been blogging for a while, or if you have a profile on several different social networking sites (FriendFeed, anyone?), anyone--as you well know by now--can find out a lot about you. I'm not going to fearmonger here; normally a large online presence doesn't present a problem, especially if you are always thinking about building your personal brand and are thus consistent in how you present yourself online.

And Sohn was trying to maintain a positive attitude (and, by extension, identity) online. After all, as she writes,

I have never ever posted anything negative about people who are working with my children. In fact, that was exactly the problem. They printed out my positive comments as evidence that I was thrilled about my daughter’s education, when the truth is that I made the conscious decision to only post the positive which isn’t the same thing.

One lesson many of us learn early on as bloggers is not to write negatively about others because doing so will eventually come back to bite us in the ass. And as women, we're often raised to be nice, to be polite. In Sohn's case, however, these cultural practices and norms have worked against her.

Damned if we do, damned if we don't. How can we advocate for family and our favorite causes if our words--negative or positive--are going to be taken out of context and used against us?

But there's a less general, more specific issue in Sohn's case: Why were school administrators reading her blog? Let's be charitable and say it was to get a better idea of her daughter's situation and needs. But then why print out only positive blog posts? That seems very much like a covering-their-ass tactic. And if you're a lawyer or a concerned administrator who's worried about a parent, that sounds like a reasonable thing to do.

Yet from a parent's perspective, it's kind of horrifying. When you blog about your kids or their education, you're opening yourself up to criticism--and possibly to legal action--when your blog posts are are taken out of context. I am a compulsive chronicler, as is my husband--and as a result I have blog posts like this one in which I show that my husband stopped to take a picture of our bleeding son before taking him to the ER. What great parents we are, eh? Of course, if you read the entirety of my blog, you'd know that we are indeed terrific, loving parents--and our doctor and friends would back us up in that contention. But in that post? Well, our parenting doesn't look good taken out of context. At what point does CPS intervene? And we're very mainstream in our educational preferences and childrearing practices--what if you're a homeschool blogger, an unschooler, or a semischooler? How do you prepare yourself for the criticism (or, in a worst case, legal action) against the ways you're educating or raising your children? Or, as in Sohn's case, how do you steel yourself for others' use of your blog posts in ways you didn't intend?

In Sohn's case, I'm not even going to touch the issue of the extent to which schools must meet the needs of all children. (That's not a blog post--it's a series of books.)

It's a predicament, though, this place Sohn finds herself--a place where many of us undoubtedly have been. What are your thoughts? What advice would you give to mothers and others who are blogging about their kids' educational experiences?

Leslie Madsen-Brooks helps university faculty improve their teaching. She blogs at The Clutter Museum, Museum Blogging, and The Multicultural Toy Box.