BlogHer - Learning When to Say Yes, No and Relax Now - Comments

Thank you!

Maria Niles — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:43:03 -0500

Thanks, Kathy! By not pushing myself so much on Thursday & Friday night I was able to enjoy a great spontaneous and late night on Saturday. I had a great conference.

Thank you as well for sharing your thoughts :)

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You're welcome

Maria Niles — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:41:26 -0500

There should be no guilt for honoring your needs. By taking the time to decompress you are allowing yourself the opportunity to show up and be fully present later.

And, yes, that makes total sense :)

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Truthful

Maria Niles — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:39:51 -0500

Thanks, Mata, for your comments. There's a lot of truth in that saying - thank you for sharing it.

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Way to Go!

Kathy333 — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:05:11 -0500

Learning to say No is such an important skill. We so often feel guilty about turning something down, even if we know we have no time to do it correctly. Good for you! Enjoy the conference, and the alone time!

Kathy

Mama Marathoner

Ah....Thanks!

Mistiejourney — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:34:13 -0500

I'm sitting here in my room feeling guilty for missing the second break-out sessions, but feeling the need to decompress from a wonderful first half of the day!

No more guilt! : )

Sometimes it is hard to realize you really don't have to be the first one in or the last one out, if that makes sense!

Kim

Important topic

Mata H — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:07:46 -0500

Thanks for this post, Maria. I was told once "If you do not learn to say NO, your YES is meaningless."

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Learning When to Say Yes, No and Relax Now

Maria Niles — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:05:11 -0500

I'm sitting in my hotel room typing this post on my laptop - not my full keyboard - trying not to mess up my manicure and trying to eat dinner that has finally arrived from room service without covering myself and the computer with crumbs. I turned down dinner invites and left a party of which I was a sponsor for this glamorous evening. And I'm really proud that I did.

As I mentioned before I need a little alone time to recharge my batteries. I'm participating on a panel tomorrow morning and I don't even know where or when. I've taken care of a thousand little details during the past few days creating cards, re-jiggering websites and breaking in shoes.

I knew this tsunami of welcome stress was coming so I prepared. I committed to coming up to my room and ordering room service and going to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. When people invited me to join them for dinner or head over to other parties I said no. As tempted as I was to stay at the wonderful party until the very last person left, I left by the time I had set in my head and came up to my room.

I am proud that I am learning to say no productively, wisely, not out of fear but out of wisdom. Too often women are raised to be good girls and to always say yes to every request made of us until we are all used up and nothing is left to give to anyone, ourselves included.

Learning to say yes in the same manner can be equally as difficult. Earlier this week I fulfilled a commitment I had made several weeks prior not remembering how busy I was likely to be. While I regretted giving up the chunk of time, especially since it was without immediate, recognizable reward, I was proud of myself for stretching my boundaries enough to say yes in the first place. It wasn't a perfect yes but it was a learning yes.

When I squeezed in a last minute mani/pedi I clearly was not experiencing it in the right spirit. I was so tense and anxious about spending the time when I have so much to do that the pedicurist, while kneading and pounding my lower legs, said to me, "relax now." It wasn't a command nor was it accusatory. It was a gentle admonishment and reminder of something I clearly have forgotten how to do.

So that's my personal task - learn to say no when it's right to, say yes but not be afraid to and to relax now. I don't know that I'll ever get them all right but I can work towards striking a better balance.

laundrygirl is saying yes to sharing dreams

At the Tyra show they're dishing How to say "no" the right way (and not feel bad about it later!)

Jill at the Oprah Project reviews Patricia Volk's article "The Year of Saying Yes!"

Adela Rubio at Magicalize The Now writes "You start by saying YES to the issues and causes that repeatedly find their way into your life."

Lynsey Peterson is becoming a "yes" woman