BlogHer - What Blogging Moms Are Saying About Privacy - Comments

Privacy Concerns

JC — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:14:12 -0500

I just joined Blogher about two minutes ago, but I just had to post. Privacy is an issue I've been struggling with. My husband and I started a website a few months ago. It's a children's story/project website, and as part of the site, I also started a blog. When my husband posted the stories we'd written, he decided to use pen names, so my blog followed suit, using my initials JC. When I write about my son, I use a different name for him.

I struggled with the idea of using my own name for my stories, but something in the back of my head said to keep a bit of anonymity. After all, the Web is a very large place. Recently, we've gotten a series of emails from a person who wants to contribute and, let's just say this person is a bit too interesting for me. At this point I'm really glad we have pseudonyms now.

One thing my husband has reminded me of: once you write something for publication on the internet, it's there forever.

http://www.storyrhyme.com/jcsblog

It's Simple

HeyMom — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:58:04 -0500

I think it's simple really, I just follow the rule of if I wouldn't be comfortable saying to the person's face, I don't type it.

It's also just a part of your family style. We're a very open family with most people on most subjects and I blog that way. There are boundries, but there should be.

I blog with the kids nicknames and real pictures of them.

Jen

www.homespuntruth.blogspot.com

I do blog about my family

mamastoff — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:02:40 -0500

I do blog about my family but I don't write anything that I wouldn't say on stage to the entire congregation of our church (2000+) as my husband is one of the pastors. I think that is a good rule of thumb. I agree with whomever said there are creepy people lurking in the neighborhood yet we don't cower in our homes- I'm the same way- I don't worry abot using our names and photos b/c people can get that info just by googling us. But I do watch what say. If I wouldn't announce it to the whole church and community then I wouldn' blog about it.

www.sprinkles.wordpress.com

i think it's still a matter

purplehaze — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 05:15:02 -0500

i think it's still a matter of responsibility when it comes to what should be blogged and broadcasted for everyone to read. it is quite a concern that a few years down the road, my kids will read what i wrote about them. but majority of what i publish are their milestones and achievements which are the main points of why i chose to become a mommy blogger. i wanted a venue to immortalize my proud mommy moments.

in terms of privacy, i am aware of those predators. it's just a matter of securing your family and your blog's content. and a matter of choosing which avenues to show off your kids. a rule of thumb that i follow is avoid providing specific locations and as much as possible, the pictures i post are not of recent events.

and yes, when my kids are bigger, imagine the blackmail and paydirt i'm going to get from them.

p.s: i'm just a day old member but i'm loving this community. love all the way from the philippines!

http://haze-unplugged.blogspot.com

Privacy

Nana Connie — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 20:44:24 -0500

Nana Connie

I blog about my grandchild. Privacy is a subject that I think about often. I believe in keeping one's location anonymous. I don't use last names and I don't show up to the minute photos. My blog is not about detailing our lives to others, it's about encouranging, inspiring and having fun. But at the same time I am very grateful to those who use blogging to tell their stories and struggles with illness etc. I think those blogs are great. Writing in itself is a great therapy for dealing with the difficulties.

Hope everyone had a great weekend at Blogher.

My mom

AnissaMayhew — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:04:32 -0500

Any readers of my blog who met me would be surprised that I have a complete and uncontrollable potty mouth. Because that is one way I filter myself. I have met people who read my site and even those in the 'tween years, and I'm glad that I chose to draw a line in the sand.

I don't write things that will humiliate my kids, mock my husband (although I do get more than a few good laughs from his antics) or cause my mom to write me out of the will. I want my kids to be able to go back over this blog in 10 years and laugh or cry at what was happening in our lives. I don't ever want them to be ashamed of what I wrote about them.

I do use their real names, I use mine....I'm very open about the details of many parts of our lives because for me, I have a message about living with a child with cancer that I want people to GET.

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

Every now and then

Graceful Parenting — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 12:11:05 -0500

Every now and then, someone I only sort-of know, someone a work or a friend of a friend, will say "hey, I read your blog" and it always surprises me. When I think about what I write, think about these people the most. If I'm not comfortable sharing it with them, then I don't write it.

My least favorite kind of blog is the one that says mean or hurtful things about a personal relationship. I believe there are other places to express myself about that kind of thing, mostly with girlfriends and without a large audience.

Carol Marie Ramsey
Finding balance and peace in parenting at Graceful Parenting

Good point.

rocksinmydryer — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:01:36 -0500

You're right, Suzanne. That line does get crossed too often. Chris Jordan pointed out that good sense dictates that you only publish what it's safe for others to read!

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
www.rocksinmydryer.net
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family

Not an issue at the moment

cutiebootycakes — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:48:07 -0500

I only have one child and he is very young (13 months). I have a photo of the two of us on my blog and his name is listed as well. Since he so young I don't think it is a big deal. In the future this may become more of an issue but my personal theory is if I am blogging something that I couldn't share with someone I just met - I shouldn't have it out there in the blogosphere.

Cutie Booty Cakes

www.cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com

Drawing the focus away from my kid

heathernoah — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:00:03 -0500

I use real names in my blog and post pictures of my daughter as well. My concerns about privacy weren't too great when I started blogging a few years ago. At first I started out simply writing about my newborn for friends and family, but my goals for the blog have changed and I've recently started trying to build my readership. I've thought about going back and using pseudonyms instead of real names, but my daughter's name is part of my blog name. The blog has become such a big part of my life I can't imagine changing the name now.

What I've been trying to do is pull the focus away from my daughter as she gets older. I still write about her frequently, but I've tried to limit the number of pictures and videos I share. I recently shot a video of her trying to do a sommersault wearing only a diaper. I posted it to Facebook, where ony those people I know and trust could see it.

Heather

Autumn At Oak Hollow
http://www.autumnatoakhollow.com

Perception and choices

ameliasprout — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:35:12 -0500

I definitely make choices about what I do, but a lot of my choices are made because of my respect for my family. I'm not nearly as paranoid as they are, but since I have a unique name, and I share that name with my in-laws, I included them in my choices. Their perceptions are based on media showing the worst, while I've seen the good this community can do.

I don't think that pictures hurt, since as many have pointed out, people see kids all the time, but again I've chosen to not include my daughter's face.

Many of the things I blog about are not anything I think she would mind, and I like being able to document it. However, as she gets older I'll edit myself more, but I wont' stop writing about everything. If anything, blogging has helped me realize how important it is to document, since time flys so fast.

I think you have to walk a fine line

CreativeJunkie — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:10:54 -0500

I'm not about to give out our address or phone number or post photos with our license plates in them.

But I do use my kids' real names and I think that's because I spent many years in the digital srapbooking community (I'm still there) and have posted many many layouts of my kids and as a community, most of used our children's real names.

My blog is based on stories and observations about my life, trying to find the humor in every day life. For me, I'd find that pretty hard to do if I couldn't use our real names or real incidents or situations.

I'll blog about anything that I would discuss in normal conversation. I guess the way I feel about it is ... if I won't discuss it in person, I won't blog about it either.

I do draw the line with my extended family. I won't blog about my in-laws simply because I don't have that kind of relationship with them. I don't feel comfortable blogging about them. And that's unfortunate because MAN, they are a wealth of material.

Andrea

The Creative Junkie

http://www.thecreativejunkie.com

Privacy

Secolalyn — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:51:33 -0500

My teens are usually the first readers of my posts, so if anything crosses the line I'll quickly get the 'don't put that in there' and it's edited out.

I agree, if it's not something I can repeat to co-workers, it's not going to be in my next post.

How I decide if I should share it

the SmockLady — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:17:53 -0500

For the most part this is how I begin to decide if I should write about it on my blog or not. If I were sitting around having coffee or at the park or anywhere with a group of my mommy friends and I would share it or discuss it, then most likely I will blog it.

There are a few exceptions as life dictates with everything, but I tend to be more protective and private with my older children, or as each one gets older I share less or different things. I may talk about the potty-training toddlers aiming and painting of the wall, but I would never blog about my oldest's personal growth as she hit "woman-hood." That's her place, not mine. Both personal, both very different situation.

If it is something I would only talk to my best friend about to help me sort through it or was private enough for only that friend - I do not blog it.

While many of my readers know our names, I blog us all with pseudonyms just in case. I look at that as no different than a monogram on their cute southern custom clothes. I never have their name embroidered on their clothes, just their initials. Same for backpacks and such. I do NOT want anyone who does not already know us to see my child's name and call out to them. We've had a brush with a stranger trying to take one of our sons. In a Wal-mart store. A situation like that makes one start to think differently.

the SmockLady

No Worries!

MegnTally@Lonesome Pine — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 09:10:48 -0500

Having only a teen at home, I have no worries about blogging about her. My whole purpose behind blogging is to leave a written legacy FOR her of our family's life and times as she was growing up. I wouldn't say ANYTHING on my blog that would embarrass or demean her or her dad! She reads my blog and I normally clear any 'personal' post with her before posting it. If I demean anyone--that would be me. I just try to remember that its not all about ME! If its not encouraging and uplifting, it shouldn't be written --period!

There are ways to write personal things without being too personal. Since I blog for posterity, I will write about an embarrassing situation (that I want remembered by the family) in such a way that my daughter will clearly remember...but no-one else would know all the details.

I learned long, long ago. If you wouldn't share it with Jesus sitting at your side....DON'T WRITE IT DOWN!!!

What Blogging Moms Are Saying About Privacy

rocksinmydryer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:53:42 -0500

Earlier today, I participated in a panel discussion at BlogHer on Mommyblogging: Public Parenting and Privacy. The other panelists were Chris Jordan, of Notes From the Trenches; Crystal, of Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper; Shina Tanaka, of Maya's Mom. Our moderator was Shireen Mitchell.

I won't try to summarize the entire panel discussion; as with all the BlogHer conference sessions, it's being live-blogged in great detail here.

But because it's a topic that is of profound and personal interest to mombloggers, I thought I'd share a few of the interesting conversation points generated, and invite your response. It's a topic I've spent much time deliberating carefully myself, and in any gathering of mombloggers, it seems to be a sure-fire conversation starter.

Our panel aimed the discussion at two distinct elements in the privacy discussion: the critical issue of keeping your child safe, and the much broader issue of respecting your child's story and privacy.

As much concern as there may be on this topic, our session indicated an awareness among moms that the Internet is, of course, wide open. Although common-sense precautions are wise, part of blogging includes bringing readers into your world. It's difficult--if not impossible--to remain completely anonymous.

Which brings me to a few of the excellent issues raised:

For all the negative stories you hear about privacy invasion in blogging, there are an equal number of stories in which community bands together and encourages one another.
Since the internet isn't fully anonymous, it is never wise to blog something you don't want another person to read.
We all remember life before the internet; our kids will not. Is it possible that parents of today are more concerned about this issues than our children will be someday, since the openness of the internet isn't something we've lived with our whole lives?
Being a momblogger offers excellent opportunities for engaging with your children about Internet safety. As you share with them some of your stories of interactive community, you can model safe behavior for them.
Remember that what you choose to share about your children is ultimately a very personal decision, based on your own good common sense as a parent. There are good reasons behind every point along the privacy "spectrum".

Several mombloggers are blogging this issue at their own blogs. Switched-On Mom of The "More" Child writes:

So why the queasy feeling? I’m not necessarily worried about pervy men in raincoats. It’s more the potential social or educational repercussions for my kids. It would be rather creepy for a kid or teacher to go up to one of them kids and say “I know all about you from your mom’s blog.” I would hate for my actions to impact them negatively, for them to feel used or betrayed by me, to have people be judgmental and whisper behind their backs…or worse confront them in an ugly way.

Cybele Weisser of The Wall Street Journal shares:

Why should we, in particular, need to hide? The offline world presents dangers, too — there are no doubt plenty of creeps walking around my Manhattan neighborhood — but my family certainly doesn’t cower inside our apartment every day, and neither do any other parents I know.

Rita of Surrender, Dorothy shares her own experience on a panel regarding parenting and privacy:

I definitely have more boundaries than people probably realize -- there are some subjects that are completely off-limits, and things happen all the time that I wish I could write out to figure out my feelings about them, but to do so here would be so totally inappropriate I can't fathom doing it.

What about you? If you blog about your children how have you made your own choices regarding their privacy? What are your biggest concerns?

Shannon Lowe is a BlogHer contributing editor (Mommy/Family), and she also writes at Rocks In My Dryer.