BlogHer - Gun Pulled on Mom with Children in Summer Camp Car Line - Comments

Most of us could use some anger management

Nordette — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 14:38:45 -0500

I think that most everyone needs therapy, which is similar to your site title. In fact, I believe people who are adamantly agains ttherapy and talking through problems with professionals are cowards. They're afraid to see themselves and also afraid to learn the truth about their own psyches.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Read it. Thanks. :-)

Nordette — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 14:36:26 -0500

Thank you, Candelaria, for letting me know. I hope others drop by and join the discussion. I left a comment for you on your post there. I'm not sure "Why are we so angry?" is the question as much as "Why don't we work to reolve our inner anger issues more?"

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Sanp, Crackle, Pop

Candelaria Silva — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 07:31:35 -0500

Hi, Nordette,

I've uploaded my post, Snap, Crackle, Pop about black women and anger. Please let me know what you think.

Candelaria

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Anger Management, and Amends

Therapy Doc — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:17:00 -0500

It's pretty scary when the police (we raise our kids to think they're our friends) are waving weapons at a school. And it's traumatizing for everyone. This one screams public apology.

therapydoc

at EveryoneNeedsTherapy

That's Just Scary..

jesskirk — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:00:10 -0500

Of all people who should know how to handle themselves...!! She doesn't deserve to hold the badge anymore. She should be fixing problems like that, not causing them.

Jess

<a href="http://justsugarnspice.blogspot.com">Sugar 'N Spice</a>

Wow, what a crazy situation.

Summerm — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:11:14 -0500

Wow, what a crazy situation. I hope Officer Terry does get some kind of help, she obviously needs it.

Summer

http://wiredfornoise.com

Drop by with those anger links, please

Nordette — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:02:22 -0500

Hi, Candelaria. I know when I was younger I had a temper to tame. I've mellowed with age but also with introspection.

I hope you'll drop by again and leave the link to your piece on young women who are quick to anger, and please let me know if you write that post on not sweating the small stuff. Everyday I run into people having fits about stuff that's barely a grain of sand in the big scheme of things.

Thank you.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Rage

Candelaria Silva — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:23:42 -0500

There are a lot of people walking around with anger and uncontrolled tempers. When those people are also police officers, it gets very scary. Living in Boston, I have seen people say and do some crazy things in traffic or to beat each other to the next red light.

I mostly use public transporation now and even there - I have my radar on: is that group of teens just being annoyingly loud or are they getting ready to start some drama; is that gentleman talking to someone on a cellphone ear-thingee or hearing voices; did that woman not appreciate my looking at her child?

Wow! Once we walk out the door, we really don't know what we'll land in. I tend to plan when to be out of the house and when not to be and I'm always surveying the terrain 'cause you just don't know what can set some one off.

I'm working on a blog piece about how to keep small things small. I also wrote a piece on how quickly some young women I've observed, go to anger. They go from 0 to 100 in no time flat!

Peace.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Scary situations for you, Jill

Nordette — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:48:41 -0500

Jill, you've had some traumatic experiences related to violence. I'm glad you're safe now and such a strong person.

Wouldn't you think she'd be trained in how to handle exactly these situations in a non-violent or threatening way?

She probably was trained for stressful situations, but it seems she has some personal problems that training just won't solve. I'm wondering how she passed the psychological to get on the force, assuming they still give those.

Until moving back home, I'd been living in suburbs with highly organized school volunteers, so I didn't experience rude drivers just long waits. However, while covering education in New Jersey, school parking lot issues and traffic troubles around schools seemed to be on the agenda regularly. Police would sit at one school just to make their ticket quota. :-)

Rude drivers throw me off in regular driving, however. There are people who get enraged over something as simple as you switched lanes even if you've used your signals early enough and done everything properly. I think some drivers blame the other driver for startling them instead of owning that they should pay attention while driving. I've noticed the ones who get the angriest were speeding already generally.

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experiences. That man at the car would've unnerved me for days and the mugging for far longer.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Thank you

Jill Miller Zimon — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:40:50 -0500

Thanks so much for posting this, Nordette.

I wait in my share of lines ot pick up kids and it is amazing how rude some drivers can be and how oblivious but there is no expectation and never a need to do what this law enforcement person, of all people did. Wouldn't you think she'd be trained in how to handle exactly these situations in a non-violent or threatening way?

But what I also wanted to share is that I was once sitting at a stop light in a line of cars. I'd switched from one lane to another and the car that was behind me once I was in the lane, waiting for the light to change, didn't like me getting in front of him.

I'm sitting there with the radio on and the next thing I know there is a VERY angry man screaming obscenities at me and pounding on my window - then spitting on it - twice - while he calls me and f-ing whore and kicks my car door with his feet.

Finally the light changes and I pull away - but I was absolutely as scared as I've ever been - having been mugged in NYC by five people, I've had a little experience with that kind of personal fear ;)

And the first thing I thought of, as I drove away? What if he'd had a gun? What if I had had a gun? Would I have been able to declare self-defense? Will others now?

Anyway - just saying - that is horribly terrifying case in NOLA and just think of the kids who would have seen it. Ugh.

Again - thanks for writing this.

Jill
Writes Like She Talks

No argument here. She's got to go.

Nordette — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 10:38:46 -0500

Terry shouldn't be on the NOPD.

My suggestion that a mental disorder may be the root cause of Terry's problems in no way means I think she should keep her job as a police officer. I think she should get help and find another line of work. She shouldn't be on the street with a gun, and I hope she's not allowed to have a gun as a civilian.

Nevertheless, I try to show people some compassion, especially down here where we're experiencing a mental health care crisis. People are not getting the help they need because they don't know about help, are afraid to get help, or just don't have the money to get help. In addition, we don't have enough mental health resources since Hurricane Katrina.

I'm sure as a police officer Terry has access to mental health services, but she'll lose those benefits once she's off the force. I hope she'll get help, but I'm sure she'll find it easier to get a gun in Louisiana than it is to get mental health care, especially after she loses her job and health insurance.

But nobody in his/her right mind would want Terry to remain on the force. Chief Riley made the right call by suspending her and he made the right call again when he suspended the officer who backed up Terry's behavior.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Don't sugar coat it.

Bridget Magnus — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:48:38 -0500

"Yet, there's no acceptable excuse for what Officer Terry did, possibly a reason such as a mental disorder of some type, but no excuse."

Any possible "excuse" for her behavior is also a reason to take her badge and gun. The last thing any community in our nation -- no wait, our world -- needs is a police officer who thinks this is acceptable behavior.

Kudos to the superiors who suspended her pending investigation. If this is really what happened, she needs to be kicked off the force.

Gun Pulled on Mom with Children in Summer Camp Car Line

Nordette — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:51:10 -0500

When my children were younger and needed to be picked up after school or from summer camp, parents got maps with directional arrows and written instructions. The unspoken message was clear: Don't start no mess in car line, won't be no mess in car line. That's not what happened earlier this week in New Orleans, La., at the Treme Community Center. Parents in car line and the children waiting for them witnessed an off-duty New Orleans police officer gone mad.

NOLA officer Ashley Terry has been suspended without pay indefinitely for allegedly drawing her gun on an unarmed mother. The mother, Kiyana Howell, came to pick up her children from a summer program at the community center. Terry was there to pick up her nephew. Kiyana's misfortune -- pulling in front of Terry and blocking the officer's exit.

Terry, according to reports, has only been on the force 15 months. NOPD Chief Warren Riley said in a press conference that Terry has a previous complaint against her, and witnesses of the Treme incident complained that another officer came to the scene after someone reported Terry's rampage but did not investigate. They say he took Terry's word for what transpired and supported her off-duty gun-waving rantings. (That officer, David Ellis, has been suspended as well.)

Any accusations of cops protecting cops must be addressed by NOPD because, well, it's the right thing to do, but also because the department has a history of corruption dating to decades past. The NOPD has been working to overcome that legacy.

News sources said that Terry started honking at Howell to move her car. Howell didn't immediately do so, and so, all hell broke loose.

When the subject of her anger responded, annoyed, the officer then screamed at the woman, "B----, you don't know who you're f---ing with," among other coarse threats, witnesses said. At some point she identified herself as a police officer, and brandished a gun in full view of many witnesses, including children. (Times Picayune story)

WWL and other local TV stations have video of Chief Riley's press conference about this incident.

I've been annoyed in traffic before, grumbled about drivers who seem to exist just to torment me, but I've never been enraged in a children's pick-up car line. I can see how someone who's late for an appointment could become extremely irritated, but not to the point of drawing a weapon. Still, women have been known to go nuts while waiting out traffic sometimes.

Yet, there's no acceptable excuse for what Officer Terry did, possibly a reason such as a mental disorder of some type, but no excuse. When children are present, I think most parents try to be on their best behavior. You'd think a police officer would try for that as well, especially around children, but considering that the Police Chief said Terry had another complaint against her, it may be that Officer Terry needs anger management sessions. Long, long sessions. She has issues that I don't think having a car line map would help.

Endulging herself, abusing her position as a police officer, not to mention abusing any legitimate reason to carry a gun, she terrorized children and families in a community already stressed by the violence of ordinary criminals. New Orleans is not an affluent community where police stop to give tickets for car line violations, but neither is it normally a place where off-duty officers attack moms in car line. Fortunately, counseling services have been offered to the children who witnessed the incident.

Hearing about the Treme Community Center commotion, I tried to imagine how I would have handled the situation if in the mother's position. In an interview, Howell, said she wasn't aware of Officer Terry's presence or that she'd offended anyone. She was focused on picking up her children. When she saw Terry waving the gun, the safety of her children became her first concern. I appreciate Howell's focus on her children, but perhaps a car line map or paying closer attention to other drivers would have helped her avoid an Ashley Terry. We do, after all, live in an age of road rage.

I suspect that unless we have pressing appointments or worries that threaten life as we know it, most parents spend car line time thinking about the children they await, getting them home, feeding them, keeping them safe. We sit and hope all is well with our children and the world. Blogger SouthernBelle, for instance, has prayed for her child before in car line.

The most danger we anticipate in car line is that of small ones darting into the path of distracted moms or dads in big SUVs. We don't think gun.

Nordette Adams is a Contributing Editor for Blogher.com whose personal blog is at this link. This post was adapted for BlogHer from another post at her personal blog.