BlogHer - Online Dating: I'm Going For It - Comments

It is an experience!

cutiebootycakes — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:38:18 -0500

I met all sorts of people using on-line dating. Like other posters I never paid for a full membership. I took advantage of freebies. My personal rule of thumb- whenever you do meet someone in person make it a coffee/tea date. That way if you are totally disinterested after meeting you can make a quick getaway. Also, have a friend call 30 minutes into the date to check on you -they can be your escape route.

Blog: Cutie Booty Cakes

Amen Sister!

allibelle — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:19:01 -0500

Allie I just have to pipe in that I somehow have allowed myself to pay over $400 to eHarmony just to be herded through the masses only to be told that no one is really is interested in me anyway. UGH. I know there are successful stories out there...but all I have seen is the red coming out of my check book each month!

You're great, Jenn!

Zandria — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:35:29 -0500

It's very kind of you to come back and offer additional advice. I actually decided not to go with a site like eHarmony that matches you up using those kinds of profiles -- I don't have anything against them, and I'm sure it's nice to be matched with like-minded people...but what about "opposites attract?" I don't want to be matched with someone just because a computer system thinks we share the same views. I have started on another site though, and I've received a few promising responses already... :)

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

One more thing...

smartchica47 — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:09:07 -0500

I heard a commercial for eHarmony today that reminded me of something you might find useful. There are a few sites that make you answer a ton of questions and they put together a fairly extensive profile of you and your 'match' (eHarmony is probably the best-known but Chemistry.com does this too). When I did eHarmony, I actually thought that the description of me and of the guy I was looking for were both really dead on. Not surprisingly, I thought many of the guys eHarmony's system suggested for me were worth talking to. But I had at least one friend who said that she didn't think her profile really sounded like her (my two cents: I thought it was pretty accurate but she didn't want to admit it), and she also didn't think she was getting matched with the 'right' guys. So if you try out one of those types of sites and you don't think the profile the system comes up with is really a good reflection of who you are, I'd suggest not putting down any money because it may not be worth it. Good luck!

Jenn

http://quirkyeconomist.blogspot.com

go for it, but keep your eyes wide open

chhavi — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:56:04 -0500

... and don't be afraid to leave a date mid-way, though I do think it takes up to 3 dates to see if a man really works for you. We're all too shy and projecting too much of our fear/expectations on dates 1 & 2. :D

I'm with @sistahood but I hope for your sake, you're one of the happy exceptions to the kiss a few dozen frogs before you find a prince rule :)

chhavi sachdev
radio::web::print
www.chhavisachdev.com

I don't think you're wrong at all.

Zandria — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:17:05 -0500

A friend of mine who's now married met her man on Craigslist. She had a lot of good things to say about it!

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Online dating? Did I hear "craigslist

JetCityOrange — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:27:15 -0500

For many of us craigslist is the portal to online dating. Let's see: it's free, local, doesn't require filling in mandatory blanks, and it hides one's email address from the unwashed masses.

Don't believe me? Read this and tell me where it's wrong.

And before you get all in a huff, my sweetheart and I have been together for 4+ years and we owe it all to CL. Casual encounters no less. Happy end to the story: we're living together and happy at that! We've both written Craig Neumark thank you notes!

Since I've never tried it

Zandria — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:08:27 -0500

Since I've never tried it before, I'm interested to see what my personal experience will be like. But I'll definitely keep that in mind. Meeting people in person is good, too!

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Swimming against the tide...

Sistahood — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:59:33 -0500

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here and strongly advise you to NOT put too much emphasis or hope into online dating. I've been on and off the popular dating boards for a few years now and my experience has been less than favorable. Too many men are just looking to hook up; they aren't honest; their picture is 20 years old or they fall off the face of the Earth. So, you may find yourself 'chasing' them by asking supposedly innocent questions like, "Hey! Where'd you go?" Girlfriend, please reconsider and stay with the traditional way of meeting new people.

My two cents. Best of luck.

Sista

You're so sweet, Kathy!

Zandria — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:05:51 -0500

It's fun to know that other people live vicariously through my blog. I'm hoping the online dating experience will be more positive than negative, but (admittedly) the negative stories tend to make the best stories! :)

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Good Luck!

Kathy333 — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:53:52 -0500

I say go for it! If it works, you win, and if it doesn't, you still win . . . lots of great writing material AND a lot of insight into what will work in the future and what won't. I for one will be glued to your blog, so please share all the fun with us, your very curious and excited readers lol :0) Good luck!!

Kathy

Mama Marathoner

They could work

Candelaria Silva — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:56:40 -0500

On-line dating is another tool to use in trying to find, in that vast universe out there, someone like-minded.

My friends who've had relationship luck on-line haven't found it in the match.com or other similar sites. They've found it in affinity groups. One friend who is really into fitness, found groups on-line that were doing bike trips and other things she liked and that's how she met someone. Another friend found someone via a book club.

On-line sites seem to be good at getting dates and passing the time, much like the pesonal ads of old.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

That's the thing...

Zandria — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:19:37 -0500

People think of themselves one way, but your interpretation of "intelligent" could mean something entirely different to someone else. I guess it's hard to be specific in an online profile...

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

What I found difficult...

LizzieH — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:12:16 -0500

What I found difficult when I was on Match.com - off and on a few times over the last few years - is that everything is open to interpretation. When I checked off "intelligent" in the what-turns-you-on section, what I got were guys who thought they were intelligent but were boring to me, or who thought it would impress me that they went to Harvard. Which doesn't impress me that much, and is not what I mean by "intelligent." So I never had much luck with the on-line dating thing, but it is a good way to get out of the house and practice being with men.

--Liz

I blog about creating a life worth living at: www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com

Excellent advice, everyone!

Zandria — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:31:42 -0500

I'm going into this situation looking to have fun and not take things too seriously. You guys know me -- I'd rather stay single for the rest of my life than be with someone who makes me unhappy. I'm just looking to meet some new people and try something I haven't done before. I predict that the experience certainly WILL make for some good future blog posts!

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Online Dating: I'm Going For It

Zandria — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 20:36:27 -0500

If you’re curious about online dating, the easiest way to ease yourself into such a situation is to ask people who have already tried it for themselves. What did they think? Did it work for them? Would they recommend it? At the age of 28, I’ve never participated in what I would consider to be full-fledged online dating -- that is, I’ve never been a member of a site that I had to pay for.

As a social media user, I did sign up with MySpace a number of years ago. I’ve met and talked to a number of men through that site, but it doesn’t have the best reputation for being a go-to site for dating. (I'm sure there are plenty of quality men who use MySpace. It’s just more difficult to pick through their profiles since they aren’t typically set up very well with “let me describe myself”-type information.)

I recently got it in my head that I’m ready to try something new, so I started asking questions. I let it slip to several people that I’ve been thinking about venturing into the online dating world, and the responses have been largely encouraging.

The general consensus? As long as I choose the right photos, there’s a good chance I’ll get a fair number of responses. People have said it will likely be a good ego boost. (Interestingly enough, I just realized that nobody said anything about choosing the right words to describe myself. Maybe because the text itself isn’t the most important factor in an online profile?)

Like pretty much every big decision I make, I realize I’ve been putting a lot of advance thought into this whole thing -- as opposed to just jumping in, creating a profile, paying a fee, and seeing what happens. It’s funny. I’ve been encouraging to other people who wanted to try online dating, and I don’t have anything against it personally, but I’ve never been wild about using this particular method to meet someone.

It’s hard to explain why that’s the case, mainly because I don’t have one, good, concrete reason why I’ve been putting this off. It’s not like I think online daters are weirdos, and I’m not worried about being stalked. (I do know that people tend to misrepresent themselves, though, and attempting to weed through that nonsense won’t always be fun.)

Some of my reticence is simply due to the time factor. I have to be willing to devote the time needed to look at profiles, read and respond to emails, coordinate dates and -- at some point -- meet these people in person. I also realize that doing this could change my life, and that’s one of the reasons I’ve waited so long to try it. (I don’t mean “change my life” in terms of “I’m going to meet my soul mate tomorrow!” It has more to do with voluntarily introducing emotions back into my life that I haven’t had to deal with in a while. Happiness, sadness, excitement, nervous stomach fluttering -- and those inevitable dashes of insecurity.)

Despite all that, I’ve decided that I’m ready. Now the decision turns to which dating service I should use. I’ve heard good things on separate occasions about Match, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony -- even Craigslist. I’ve also heard the advice about signing up for all of these services if you really want to be successful, but...baby steps, people. I think I’ll start with one and see what happens.

Any recommendations?

Related Reading:

Julie isn’t having a lot of luck with online dating so far.

Michelle says that online dating is old hat. The new way to find true love is through a DNA test.

Velvet in Dupont did a lot of dating before falling in love with a friend.

Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing at the Huffington Post: 10 Dos And Don'ts Of Online Dating

Judy McGuire at TheFrisky.com: Dating Don’ts: How Not To Get A Second Date

(Contributing Editor Zandria led the 20-Something Bloggers meetup a few days ago at BlogHer '08 in San Francisco. She blogs regularly at Keep Up With Me.)