BlogHer - Stigma of Divorce - Comments

I'm happily single

JustKaren — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:31:41 -0500

You are a beautiful, young single woman and that is really all that counts.

You did not fail or do anything wrong, you just made a decision that was right for you.

I am divorced and believe it was one of the hardest and best decisions I ever made. I also used to be very hard on myself and it sounds to me like you could use to have a little more compassion for yourself. We are all human and this ride we call life is all about figuring it out and learning how to find ourselves and grow stronger and healthier in the process.

Congratulate yourself. You have a life expereince under your belt and you have learned from it, it is part of who you are becoming and you are ready to move on. It is what it is and it is behind you, so don't spend too much time looking back. The present is where it's at. Enjoy.

Best

Karen

It's nobody's business if you don't want it to be.

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 00:12:38 -0500

Seriously, it's not lying to say you're single if you're single - divorced or no.

Maybe you should tell Cowboy they hurt your feelings?

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Stigma of Divorce

battledress — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:56:55 -0500

It is quite common knowledge around my circle at college, my work colleagues and others that I am going through a divorce. In the back of my mind, when someone asks me if I am "seeing someone" all I can think of is that I am 21 years old, and divorced... 21 years old and divorced... 21 years old and divorced...

Jesus, what the hell am I doing? I'm 21 years old and DIVORCED!
This stigma might be in my head, but sometimes I think people are taken aback and look at me differently. I think the knowledge of my divorce turns me into some relational failure. While some people commend me because I got married on an impulse to a man I was terribly in love with, I still squirm.
"You lived with your heart" they tell me "with passion!"
They're right. I lived with passion, like a temperamental artiste! Where the hell was my head during all of that?
The other day I had made a joke about how if I was not married by 40, I would just have a civil union with my best friend, Laelene. I mean, might as well, right? She's the only constance that my life has had (outside of family).
My friend, Cowboy, shot back "So does it count, if one of you has already been married?"
Har-har-har!
I laughed. No, really, I laughed and made some flippant remark. But inside, I was crumbling. I know he wasn't being mean, and as far as I know, there were no hidden daggers in that remark, but it still cut me to the quick. Maybe, instead of saying I'm divorced, I'll say that I'm just single?
Or would that be a lie?