Have you ever put BOTH feet in your mouth

BERNTHIS.COM — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:43:19 -0500

A couple of months ago, I went to my therapist's office but before I proceeded to bore him to death with my "issues", I decided to first use the restroom. For this, a key was required and so, as soon as I walked into the waiting area, I grabbed what I THOUGHT was the key to the LADIES room.

Now this type of bathroom is the kind where there is ONE stall and a couple of sinks. Soooo, in I went and was about to begin my business when I heard someone enter. Naturally, or maybe, unnaturally, I glanced underneath the stall and saw two big JEAN covered legs attached to two CONSTRUCTION BOOT covered feet.

Mortified, I went to grab for the key just to reassure myself that I was in fact in the gender appropriate place but realized that brilliant me had left it on the counter, next to the sink.

Not knowing what else to do, I proceeded to tell him:

JESSICA: Sir, this is the ladies room.

to which <strong><u>SHE</u></strong> replied:

WOMAN: I know, that's why I'm here.

Well, by now, I was all done and ready to leave but instead of walking out, I proceeded to plan how I would live out the rest of my life in this here stall with florescent lighting, a toilet bowl and my old "issues" to which I had just added a "new" one and was now more desperate than ever to share.

I then continued to sit inside the stall for over an hour..okay, minute...until, thankfully, bless the Lord, the lady washed her hands and left.

After this episode, I swore, I would never make an assumption like that again and didn't until last week when...

I went to Forever 21 (because I refuse to believe I'm anything but) and after trying on several dresses, picked one that not only looked cute but was age appropriate meaning, I can actually bend down and pick something up and not have the world seeing the ghosts floating around in what is now my haunted "girl castle".

As I was leaving, I saw a different dress that I liked better and thought about trying it on but when I looked back at the dressing room area, a long line had formed and I decided not to bother. Instead, I turned to the salesPERSON, who happened to be standing by the rack reorganizing the other dresses, and asked this PERSON:

JESSICA: Excuse me, do you think I could wear....

Suddenly, I stopped myself because it hit me that this PERSON was a MAN/BOY and likely wouldn't know if a strapless bra would work underneath...ANYTHING. Soooo, I changed my mind and said:

JESSICA: Nothing, I'll go ask a gir....

but once more stopped myself because after looking a bit closer it dawned on me, "Oh my God, MAN/BOY is really a GIRL/TOMBOY and here I go AGAIN!!!

So confused and not taking any chances, I asked straight out:

JESSICA: Do you think I could wear this with a strapless bra? To which HE/SHE/THEM gave me a weird look and then began to say something and although HE/SHE/THEM'S lips were moving, I'm pretty sure no sound came out, unless I'm now COMPLETELY deaf and to which, of course, led me to then ask:

JESSICA: Is there a ladies room around here?

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Have you ever put BOTH feet in your mouth