Run!

Liz Rizzo — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:09:06 -0500

From any guy who has a problem with male friends.

Further, I've decided as a general rule no exclusivity until after the first month. It's just too fast, and someone wanting to go fast has never, ever been a good sign for me. It's always turned out to be a bad sign.

In answer to your ending questions:

No, unless *you* want to.

Certainly not! He should respect where you're coming from even if he doesn't understand.

NO NO NO

YES YES YES

Good luck!

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Having Guy Friends and Dating… Is this an oxymoron?

kitkat4real — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:47:09 -0500

I have guy friends. Since my divorce especially, I have made
some really great guy friends. Some were attempts at long distance
relationships that didn’t work and we remained friends. Others have always been
just friends. They stay in touch and occasionally will even come into town or
to my house to help me with projects, that as a single mom, I just simply
cannot do by myself. I am a supermom, but not superhuman.

Every time I begin dating a new guy, whether one date or
two, it is still the beginning of fresh new relationship. But I hesitate to
even call it that, because to me it’s better defined as “dating” and I try to
approach dating as friendships and getting to know someone first. I like to
think my options are still open at this stage and that if I have another
invitation, I could take it, without feeling like I am cheating on someone. But
let me follow that up with saying, my approach of becoming friends first also
means: I am not rolling in the hay… nor making out like a teenager on this
first few dates, either. So don’t think of me as some female version of the
“playa”.

Now I have some history that has created my “jealous radar
syndrome” and you know my recent experiences with this even after one date… so
am I being unreasonable here? Plus the fact remains that I am guarded right
now, and rightfully so.

I don’t hide the fact I have guy friends (that’s GUY
friends, not gay friends for you speed readers), and I even find myself going
as far as saying they are not a threat when explaining this to a new dating
partner. But I hate the thought that I even have to suggest they “have nothing
to be jealous about” when we have only gone out twice. Because that also gives
the impression that I think this should be exclusive after two dates; and
frankly I don’t. Exclusive Dating is determined by a CONVERSATION, not an
assumption.

After two or even three dates, I don't know him well enough
to make an informed decision about exclusive dating.... I would say this
wouldn’t come before two or three months down the road and only then if we have
spent a quantitative amount of time together getting to know each other. At
that time one of us could perhaps bring it up in conversation, right?

Now I also may just be paranoid and reading too much into
his reaction to my social life. At least that is what I hope, and I will know
more as this plays out a little more. Because as much as I don't want to rush
into a "relationship" I also do not want to rush into a wrong
conclusion about someone, without giving it a chance.

But I bring this to you, my friends on I-Heart looking for
some feedback, some advice.

• Am I in left field here… should I be one-on-one exclusive
after the first couple dates?

• Is there reason to think that he should expect that from
me?

• Is it fair of him to make me feel uncomfortable about
having guy friends or spending time with them?

• Can’t I have my space and date too?

Oh and perhaps you should know – he did propose on the first
date over dinner. Yeah, he was just kidding, but do you see a pattern here?

BlogHer - Having Guy Friends and Dating… Is this an oxymoron? - Comments

Run!

Having Guy Friends and Dating… Is this an oxymoron?