Dating Tips from an Ex-Matchmaker

GlindaofOz — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 12:14:43 -0500

When I worked as a Matchmaker I found myself giving
the same advice to different people all the time. I saw the same problems and
issues arise time and time again. I realized that the biggest issues for people
in dating was that they didn’t know themselves, had an unrealistic viewpoint of
the dating world and some of the members were just flat out in the wrong dating
venue for what they were looking for. You don’t spend a bunch of time around
dating and relationships without picking up a few things. This is by no means
anything comprehensive, it’s just things that I saw pop up repeatedly and
figured maybe some of you could benefit:

Know
your good qualities & bad qualities – so many members knew what they did and did not want in
a partner but had no idea what they had to offer or what their “relationship
weaknesses” might be.

Know
your actual attractiveness level as opposed to your perception-
It’s one thing to have healthy self-esteem but it’s another to have an
overblown ego.

Recognize
your baggage-
Know what you’re carrying around with you and figure out if its too much
to bring into a new relationship or if it will store in the overhead
compartment.

Know
what is a “have-to” and where you can have some wiggle room
- So often my members would end up with a person who is totally opposite what they
ever said they wanted. People would get caught up on the unimportant things and
once they shifted their focus to the things that would make a relationship
lasting they found their person.

Go
out on more than one date - Let me preface this
with the following; if the person you go out with completely repulses you in
every way shape and form then that’s fine bail out on a second date. I would
always tell my members that barring the above that they accept a second date or
offer to go out again. I had a lot of members who weren’t that crazy about each
other after the first date but went out on a second, third, fourth, fifth,
sixth, seventh – you get the point.

Stop
worrying - Dating is supposed to be fun and if you
are enjoying someone’s company but unsure where it’s going to lead than keep
having fun. When we timeline ourselves or dismiss someone who we have fun with
because we think “what about the future?” You are again limiting yourself.

When
you bring the crazy you will get the crazy -I also saw how
much drama people created in their own lives. So many of my members got placed
into relationships with good, solid, stable, happy people but they created
their own whirlwind of drama with every step. People see what they want to see
and too often people allow their past to fully color their future. Again a lot of this has to do with still being
wrapped up in the drama of a past relationship. If you honestly go into a
relationship with as much of a clean slate as possible, you will find your
experience to very different than when you start a relationship with heavy
baggage.

Don’t
Change - You should never change or pretend to be something
that you are not just to keep a relationship going. There are some positive
changes that people can make in your life like getting you healthier or opening
your world view. Those you should definitely go along with. Positive changes
are always great. It’s when we pretend or change drastically in order to keep
someone, that there is a problem. You should never try and hide who you are or
attempt to mold yourself into something you are not

I saw so many members who were honestly their own
worst enemy. They wanted to be in a relationship so badly that if they saw a glimpse
of something that they didn’t want, they would ditch the person. The person
that you tossed aside could be the right person for you but you never gave it a
chance. I think that all I want people to see is that they need to be open and
need to be willing to give people a shot. If you want someone to give you a
shot, you need to do the same. You get what you give in this life and dating is
no different.

Don’t expect a relationship to solve your problems
or make your life better. If you are unhappy in your life fix your life before
dragging someone else into your dramas and depressions. You have to be
fearlessly single and recognize that the most important relationship that you
have in this life is the one you have with yourself. If you put yourself last
than so will anyone else who comes into your life. You have to see all of the
good inside of yourself and tame your demons from the past. If you are still
tied to your past you will never be able to live in the present and move
forward to your future.

Self discovery through
fashion www.wisdomofglinda.com

Read more musings at http://glindaofoz.blogspot.com

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