BlogHer - The Attraction of Opposites - Comments

Different = Beautiful...at least in our case

ansacopeland — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:35:04 -0500

Opposite has worked out well in our case, but maybe that's becuase we are similar on some points that are mutually important. We are both able to communicate and listen (that, and we are similar politically!). Because of this our differences have given each of us a way to experience another world.

Example- he was raised in another country with a different langauge with a radically different culture. He lived through a civil-revolution-turned-bloody-war and through a dramatic escape, arrived in America at 16 to raise himself. Meanwhile I grew up in the back woods 20 miles from anything, as isolated as they come. Yeah, we are pretty different.

But we both believe that these differences piqued our curiousity intially and then brought us closer together over time. Today we would say we are very similar, though in the beginning, not so much.

There are definitely some

Zandria — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:21:56 -0500

There are definitely some things that people need to have in common, or at least they should have a respect for (especially with music being such a huge factor in your life!). It's like me looking for someone who takes care of their body -- I'm not a couch potato, so I'm not looking for that in someone else.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

i can accept alot of

SavvyD — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 00:34:50 -0500

i can accept alot of differences, but recently had a guy look me in the eye and say he wasn't into music at all. I have a masters degree in music. the guy doesn't have to like opera, but a guy saying that let's me know he doesn't care what I think. I've already been through being with someone who after I gave a performance said, "It's not my taste." he couldn't even say, I did a good job even though I already knew he wasn't into musicals. Some things are just non-negotiable with good reason.

www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com

Catch the Christian Schadenfreude

I think that's a really good

Zandria — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:03:34 -0500

I think that's a really good point. If I limit my search for someone who has particular characteristics I'm looking for, that would would be leaving out a lot of people.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Considering opposites...

Liz Rizzo — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:57:04 -0500

Well, perhaps "opposites" is a really black and white word. But I've most recently been looking for someone Just Like Me and you see how well that's worked out. :)

This time around I'm going to be more open to *some* differences, like you say.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

I agree with the points made

Zandria — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:42:42 -0500

I agree with the points made by the ladies above, but yes, CoLa, you did a good job of reiterating what I was trying to say. I definitely think it would be great to have things in common with the person I'm with -- an interest in fitness and physical activity is an important commonality -- but with other things it can be interesting when they're a little different.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Looking for a Man

TravelinGranny — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:30:24 -0500

Don't listen to what they say.

Pay attention to what they DO!

I agree with Zandria

ColaMacD — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:44:35 -0500

I agree with Zandria. She didn't say that she looks for someone she has absolutely nothing in common with. She Just said its not important for her partner to have the same political views and like the same books. It can be an excellent learning experience to date someone with different interests. As long as both partners have open minds there is no reason that there should be problems. My boyfriend loves to hunt, fish, camp and watch/play football. He's very "outdoorsy". I on the other hand am a bookworm and I love going to museums and plays. But he has taken me camping and fishing several times this summer and I have loved it. We even got caught in a terrible rainstorm and I'm still optimistic about camping. I love letting him teach and show me how to do things that he really loves. He in turn has gone to some museums and other things that I like and found that he also enjoys it. We've only been together 9 months but I think despite our differences we are extremely compatible.

The person you choose for your partner depends on your comfort level. If you feel safer doing what you know then look for a partner with the same interests. Otherwise be adventurous! Date someone who is different than you!

~CoLa~

Sure, opposites attract, but can it last?

Vered — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:30:09 -0500

Dating someone who is very different than you are is an awesome experience and one that enriches your life. However, I do believe that if you’re looking for a serious relationship, things are considerably easier, as Shelly pointed out, when the partners have a lot in common.

Vered DeLeeuw

http://momgrind.com/

Having things in common

--Shelly-- — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:23:35 -0500

Hi Zandria,

Although I don't completely disagree with you, I do have to say that it makes things much easier if you have things in common with whom you're dating or married to. I like your thoughts about learning new things from someone else, but as far as your interests in traveling go, if your guy says he doesn't mind if you travel now, he may change his mind later and want you home more often, especially if you get married and have children later. That is something that would be good to have in common with someone. Reading... as long as he doesn't mind how much you read and doesn't get irritated that you're not spending that time with him, then you're fine. Politics? My opinion is if you can agree to disagree, you'll be okay, but differences in politics, and even going as far as religion, it's nice if you agree so that you can discuss your thoughts together and not be irritated if he doesn't agree with you. Those topics can be very touchy. When I met my husband, we had a lot in common, and now we have even more in common because we were able to merge our varying interests beyond what we had in common. We made sure we were compatible, which is the most important thing. As far as looks and build go, don't be deceived because those things will fade with time. Personality is much more important than looks should ever be. Good luck in finding Mr. Right!

Shelly

The Attraction of Opposites

Zandria — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:42:06 -0500

When I think about men I might want to date, I don’t look for someone who necessarily shares the same kinds of interests I do. Don’t get me wrong; I have preferences when it comes to physical build, looks, and personality. But individual interests like political preference, or how much (or little) they read? Not so much.

Having the same political preference is a non-negotiable for some people, and I could see it being a bigger factor if I had really strong opinions about such things. Even though I tend to relate to one party more than the other, I usually try to listen and understand both sides of an argument. I can understand why someone might prefer certain things about the opposite political party, so I don’t mind if the person I’m interested in has a preference for a different candidate.

The same premise applies to factors such as someone’s interest in travel, and whether or not they like to read. I enjoy both of those, but it wouldn’t be a huge deal if the person I’m with doesn’t care for either those things. As long as he’s okay with me going on trips from time to time, and as long as he’s okay with the fact that I may travel with friends or meet friends once I get to my destination, we’ll be just fine.

Is it possible to have a relationship with someone that you may outwardly seem incompatible with? I say yes, even though there’s nothing wrong with sharing the same interests. I just like the fact that even though I might not have considered looking for a particular type of person, it’s possible that once I find them they could end up changing me for the better, or inspiring me to try something I've never done before.

(Warning: I’m about to say something really cliché. Yeah, I know. Gag me. But it’s true.) If you and your date/partner have respect and understanding for each other, you’re golden. Those are much more important factors than being a meat-eater vs. vegetarian; or if you’d rather be engrossed on the computer while he watches football; or being a Democrat or Republican (although some of you would probably disagree with me on that one).

I believe opposites can attract and work out. Do you?

Related Reading:

Lit Chic is serious about books and picky about what her potential date reads.

Revolution Health: psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum answers the question, “Should people with different political persuasions date?”

Maiden Metallurgist asks “Just How Much Do Opposites Attract?”

That’s Fit: Vegetarians, vegans, omnivores and love. (“Can differing dietary habits drive a wedge between relationships?”)

(Contributing editor Zandria recently made homemade blueberry jam. She blogs at Zandria.us.)