i'm a perfectionist, i think

kazari — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 18:16:53 -0500

I get frozen and stuck when I can't figure out how to do something 'right'. So when I do fail, I congratulate myself. It means I actually tried, and didn't just get stuck.

I think I have a recipe for that...

Saving Grace...

Just_Margaret — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:14:41 -0500

Definitely a saving grace...

I've found that I clearly
learn much more from failure and making mistakes than I do from
hitting the mark perfectly, the first time.

Great article, and a great reminder to us all! Thanks

~Margaret

Just Margaret

Failure: sin or saving grace?

Rachelle Mee-Chapman — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:11:34 -0500

Growing up in the particular branch of religion that I did, I received a pretty clear message that failure was a sin. If you messed something up it meant you were 'fallen', and you should feel if not guilty, at least rather badly about it. Now to be fair, this may not have been what that particular branch of the church intended to communicate to me -- but nonetheless, that's what came through to my formative soul. Needless to say this kind of message had a prolific ripple affect in the way I viewed myself and the world. There were things I never tried for fear of failure, and always there hung over my head the strain of being 'sinful' simply by making some sort of mistake.

Not every person in my branch of faith has grown up with this phenomenon, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of you are carrying the same baggage. Maybe it's time we unpacked it a little. Maybe it's time we re-vision the role of failure in our lives, and remembered that falling down is how we learn to get back up again.

The past few years I've become a big fan of failure. Failure shows you what isn't going to work; turns you towards new solutions; and helps you notice if the path you are following is not a good fit for you. Rather than being a cause for condemnation, failure has become my very good friend.

Other people think so too. Julie Wainwright, former CEO of Pets.com and current co-founder of Smart Now has an excellent post up entitled Five Live Saving Mistakes and How I Moved On. (A big thank-you to my fellow 'failed' church planter and brother-in-arms, Pat Loughery at In the Coracle for the link.) Here's Wainwright Cliff Notes, but I highly recommend the whole post, in which she also details how she moved on from each mistake:

Mistake Number One: I allowed others to define me.
Mistake Number Two: I built my image of myself on two main supporting pillars.
Mistake Number Three: I stopped believing in myself
Mistake Number Four: I stopped taking care of myself.
Mistake Number Five: Allowing my head to rule my heart.

Also in the failure category this week is the post I Like Failure, by Tracy Zollinger of Tiny Mantras, replete with a new magazine to love and a soundtrack for failing. And speaking of mantras, Crunchy on the Inside has a slew of good mental tapes special designed for days when you feel like a failure as a parent. (And aren't there a lot of them!) Finally, in a closely related vein, there's this thought provoking idea,The F**k it Principle from John C. Parkin, who argues that acknowledging failure and throwing in the towel is often the most enlightened way to go:

Parkin argues that saying 'F**k It" is a spiritual act. That it is the perfect western expression of the eastern ideas of letting go, giving up and finding real freedom by realizing that things don’t matter so much (if at all).

Parkin's book is no longer in print, but lord almighty! Don't you want to go to his Italian retreat center?! Pizza and enlightenment! What could be better!

As I've gotten older and hopefully wiser, I've come to realize that failure, while being a really pain in the tuckus, can actually be an effective tool for growth. In my humble opinion, failure isn't sin, it's just not getting it right the first time. And really, who's expected to get it right the first time? So go out there and fail royally today -- you'll be a better person for it tomorrow.

Rachelle Mee-Chapman is an alt-minister, mom, and writer blogging at Magpie Girl, and now at Food Hero and Minti Parenting. She'll send you helpful links and updates if you follower her on Twitter. Thanks for reading!

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i'm a perfectionist, i think

Saving Grace...

Failure: sin or saving grace?