BlogHer - Head Tilts and Happy Feet. Putting Your Body Language To Work - Comments

re: Dating

Bill Cammack — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 06:16:30 -0500

Viqi, I agree with the first part of this section you wrote, but not the second:

In dating terms, Obama's ease with looking directly at McCain
says he's The Man. He's large and in charge, as they say. Not
intimidated. If McCain were a woman, she'd know this guy might want a
piece of her. I mean, was worthy of her respect.
But
unfortunately, McCain was having none of Obama's commanding eye
contact. McCain seemed to avoid The Man's glances like The Plague. So
in hypnoworld, Obama never had a chance of weakening McCain's resolve.
He'd have gone home alone, McCain-less.

The first part is exactly what I was saying, which is that if you're "The Man", you dictate what goes on around you. If YOU choose to ignore someone, they get ignored. If YOU choose to engage someone in conversation or otherwise, they become engaged. You're going to do what YOU want to do when YOU want to do it. :D

The reason I disagree with the second part is that by NOT being "The Man" in that situation, McCain doesn't GET to "have none of Obama's commanding eye contact". McCain is still seen as deferring to Obama by not "meeting him" or "backing Obama off of him".

Not looking at Obama is like when small babies cover their eyes and think that YOU can't see THEM. It doesn't work for your own self esteem, and it doesn't work when third parties view your interaction. Basically, you're hiding in plain sight, YOU know "you don't want none", and everyone can see you hiding.

I suppose you could also argue that since McCain looked so few times at Obama that he never SAW how Obama was looking at him. Well, what was he going to do about it anyway? Nothing. So "hiding" may have been the best option. It would have been worse to try to face Obama down and LOSE than hide and have people WONDER what would have happened.

The other thing is.. In a debate, you have to remain in your location. In a boxing situation, or even a dating situation, there are no "stand over there" rules. What would have happened from McCain "ignoring" Obama is that would have been carte blanche for Obama to move forward and be even more physically intimidating, which would have lost McCain the fight either by stoppage or by the judges' cards for "ring generalship" or as far as a debate "command of the stage".

So, IMO, there's no way to spin "trying to ignore someone by not looking at them" favorably in this situation, because people don't want you trying that same tactic WHEN IT COUNTS.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Body Language Never Tells Lies

Viqi French — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:29:24 -0500

Interestingly, I blogged my observation of the body language of both candidates. I did so with a touch of humor (e.g., equating it to what's taught in the dating and hypnosis worlds), but landed on the same conclusion: McCain appeared too disconnected or angry to command authority over Obama.

If interested, pop over and give it a read:

http://fiercelystrategic.blogspot.com/2008/09/presidential-debate-boxing-and-body.html

Viqi French

Writer-Publicist

Command is Important

Bill Cammack — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:08:06 -0500

That's all very fancy, that "body language" stuff about where feet are pointing and all that. :) The bottom line is that people are either going to feel comfortable around other people or intimidated by other people. If someone can't look someone in the eye that they're in a conversation with or in close physical proximity to, the indication is intimidation or deference.

Obviously, that's not going to play well when you're attempting to be elected to the most powerful position in the world. Americans want their leaders to carry themselves as leaders.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Thanks for Sharing The Globalization Issue

Elana Centor — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:39:19 -0500

Yes, body language is completely different in various cultures and alas ) I was talking from a U.S. Centric position. I would love for people to share some body language signals from other other cultures.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

Is globalization affecting body language?

Kim Pearson — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:35:32 -0500

Hi Elana,

Thanks for this post.

I was taught that in Asian cultures, it's rude to look someone in the eye. However, Westerners often misinterpeted the averted gazes of Asian business people as a sign of dishonesty. I wonder whether some of these practices are changing as a result of increased cross-cultural contact due to globalization?

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|Professor Kim|

Head Tilts and Happy Feet. Putting Your Body Language To Work

Elana Centor — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:56:29 -0500

If there is a lesson to be learned from Friday night's presidential debate,it's this:when it comes to leadership,body language matters.

It's not so much what you say as a leader,but what impression your body language communicates.

Right after the debate-scoring it like a boxing match-- the pundits said McCain had won on the points. For a brief few moments they talked about McCain's command of foreign policy and how he came off as a credible command in chief.

But that analysis shifted quickly when the pundits got an earful from independent voters who were polled about the debate. The voters were very clear on their winner-- Obama.

The reason? Voters didn't like McCain and it was not primarily
because of what he was saying but because of his body language.

"He was rigid, he was stooped over, he looked cranky, angry, mean, and most of all he refused to look Obama in the eye."

Refusing to look your adversary in the eye is not a good tactic/strategy if you want to be perceived as a leader. Strong leaders maintain eye contact, avoiding eye contact shows weakness.

According to several studies only 7% of a person's effectiveness in communication is determined by the words they say --93% is determined by nonverbal cues.

Writing at the small business blog, mfmomper shared some of Tonya Reiman's advice for using body language in a business meeting that you find rather boring.

Tilt your head to the right. This slight gesture indicates to the speaker that you are attentive and listening.
Put on a smile. If you occasionally smile, you are showing engagement.
Blink. If people are bored, they tend to stop blinking, taking on a glazed appearance. Remember to blink and you’ll signal involvement in the meeting.
Nod. From time to time, gently nod in agreement, as long as you are choosing the appropriate time. After all, you don’t want to agree to a negative statement like, "We all need to accept pay cuts!"
Change position. If you are still having a difficult time focusing, move your body around a bit to stay awake and revitalized.

Bry Roe is offering her own list of 11 Body Language Signals in the workplace.My favorite is the tongue poke.

5) Tongue Poke

When asking questions or making conversation, watch closely for the tip of the person’s tongue. This will usually be a quick poke and implies that they don’t like something you may have said (or you in general!) This stems from childhood, when a shows the tip of the tongue when refusing food. It is a signal of disgust.

Even so, body language is not an exact science and it is important to double check to see if what you are reading from someone's body language is what they are actually thinking.

Last week I was facilitating a leadership workshop and we had been discussing body language. At one point I raised an issue and noticed that the gentlemen I was trying to engage in a conversation had his arms folded tightly across his chest.

With a big smile on my face, I remarked, " So I see from you body language that you're not agreeing with what I just said."

He just laughed and said, "I just keep my arms folded because I'm so fat."

Sometimes crossed arms are just that crossed arms. Sometimes when you are in a meeting and someone doesn't look interested its because they have other things on their mind--maybe they had a fight with a loved one, maybe they have financial worries -- maybe they are struggling with a tough decision that has nothing to do with you.

Oh and on that head tilt recommendation, another body language expert, Carol Kinsey Goman, author of The Nonverbal Advantage says in business dealings with men, women should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

Today head tilting is a signal that someone is interested and involved, and it is a particularly feminine gesture. Head tilts can be very positive cues, but they ar ealso subconsciously process as submission signals.

For the next three days I'm at an offsite where I want to show up as leader. One of the tactics that I will use to support that strategy is to pay attention to head tilts, happy feet and tongue pokes and hope that the other folks in the room are not using the same tactics on me because trying to control the messages that my own body language is sending out at the same time I'm trying to figure out their body language may just cause me to do more head tilts than I want to.

Elana blogs about business culture at FunnyBusiness