BlogHer - Memo To Whomever: Childbirth Is ALWAYS An Accomplishment, No Matter How You Do It - Comments

Am I missing something?

norarachel — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:13:12 -0500

I would want to hear the context for the quote - did Emma Thompson say - and people who get an epidural or have a c-section are less impressive? From just the quote itself, I don't entirely understand your pique. So she counts this as one of her accomplishments, that does not imply that she looks down her nose at people who did it differently. I am proud of my labor, just as I am proud of not running off and joining the circus when my daughter turned into a crazy toddler.

I have made a lot of parenting decisions that make me feel good abot myself. This in no way implies that I think that people who make different choices are inferior. I'm just happy with what works for me. This all feels like a bit of a tempest in a teapot.

http://www.nonlineargirl.com

Yes, yes and yes!

Fairly Odd Mother — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:07:46 -0500

I've had three kids: the first was an emergency c-section; 2nd was a long, and slow labor with a lovely epidural and some 'please stop throwing up' drugs; 3rd was totally natural, but super, super fast. All three were amazing experiences and I could NEVER say that my son's birth was a bigger 'achievement' b/c I didn't have drugs!

Just holding a newborn baby in my arms was the most amazing achievement, each and every time.

Fairly Odd Mother

http://fairlyoddmother.blogspot.com

My first pregnancy I had

Hey Jen — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 13:49:12 -0500

My first pregnancy I had every intention of having a natural birth, no drugs, but then I went into labor and after 24 hours of labor with no progression despite having been induced...twice, I opted for the drugs. after another 48 hours I was opted for the epidural and by day 3 they did an emergency c-section on me.

With my second labor, I had a great doctor who informed me that I didn't have to have another c-section so i was ecstatic, but then my labor started progressing the same as the first, by day 2 I was given an epidural and day 3 I gave birth, but thankfully not c-section.

as of right now there is a strong possibility of being pregnant again (ugh 2-week wait) and I can say that I am opting for a c-section right out the door. I will not go through labor like that again. despite the fact that I became extremely ill due to my first c-section.

Sure I give props to people who do it without drugs, but I give props to anyone giving birth and then surviving the teen years. My oldest is 11 and turning 16 next month, but I remember what my teen years were like and I give mad props to my mum for not murdering me during those horrid years.

I do think you are being too harsh

smd042 — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:44:16 -0500

Childbirth is of course, an accomplishment no matter how it happens. I don't think Emma Thompson was trying to say otherwise. But there is something very empowering about being able to go through the process drug free and I don't see why that can't be celebrated. I have had three kids without epidurals and what does that mean? It means I could have been a pioneer woman. It means I wouldn't have died in childbirth. And thank goodness for everyone that we have modern medicine and epidurals and stuff so that a lot more moms and babies make it though the process.

I think you are overreacting a little bit. I don't think her comment was meant to belittle or devalue other births. I agree with Atena, that Emma can define her victories any way she likes.

Oh My! This is a Touchy Subject!

themommykelly — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:49:20 -0500

First off, let me begin by shouting out an emphatic "go, sista!" to Catherine for posting these thoughts and initiating such a tremendously interesting discussion. KUDOS! What could be more dear to a mother's heart than the birth of her child? Honestly, I was eyeing this link on my blogher ad for two days! I am so glad that I did not resist the urge to click over!

There is no doubt that every mother has the right to consider the birth of her children an accomplishment. Carrying and birthing a baby is no easy task no matter what the circumstances. In the same way, neither is it an easy task to choose not to have children at all, or to adopt or to suffer the pains of infertility. We'd all like to believe other people's lives easier than our own when that is, indeed, not the case!

There is also no doubt that a woman's flaunting her "natural birth" as a means of trying to make another woman feel less of a mother is entirely ridiculous, not to mention, rude. No woman's accomplishments should ever be flaunted in a manner that purposely diminishes the accomplishments of another. After all, what are we, men?! Anyone who engages in that kind of flaunting behavior needs a reality check or a good psychatrist, as she clearly has an inferiority complex!

That is to say then, that if I, as a mother who birthed all three of her children via c-section (the last one less than three months ago) allow the rude behavior and comments of ignorant women to diminish the pride or joy that I take in being a mother, how that came to be OR my decisions about the manner in which I raise my children, then I am allowing that person to diminish the beauty of those precious moments and my memories of them. Time spent in resentment is time ill-spent!

While a cesarian section was not a choice I made in delivering my first, I am proud to say that it WAS entirely my choice with my doctor for my second and third babies. Becoming a mother is an exciting experience no matter what. Every mother who chooses what's best for her baby is making the right choice when it comes to the manner of birth! However the child makes it to the light, the child makes it and graces the world with her/his presence! And for those of you wondering, yes, the endorphins flow just the same with c-section births! No matter how much morphine they pumped into my system, sleep was not an option for me after the birth of my girls.

What we are really talking about here is not the argument of natural vs. unnatural birth, but simple common courtesy. Let's stick together and respect each other, trusting that every mother wants what's best for her child and chooses just that.

Stepping down from the soap box now.

Read the narrative (beginning 10/07/2008)of my third daughter's birth here.

Please Don't Assume

Amanda B — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:24:10 -0500

I was totally with you up until you said: "I don't think the ecstasy biology kicks in so hard if drugs are used." People who have given birth naturally seem to assume to know how we who have had epidurals and other interventions feel. Don't assume to know our experiences - IMO I think that's the point she's trying to make. I bonded with my children easily, even though I had epidurals and pain meds. They nursed for over a year.

Thank you for posting this - I had PTSD after the birth of my son - but it was from the pregnancy. I cried at the thought of becoming pregnant again for three years after I had him, I couldn't bear the thought of the hip ligament pain and the lack of sleep it caused, again. He was a big boy (9lb 15oz) and had a 90 percentile head - I was so thankful for the epidural - it was the first time I hadn't been in pain in 45 days.

I finally found someone with a story like mine

mamalang — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:25:18 -0500

My first childbirth was very much like taycesmom, except longer times. And a nurse and doctor that told me I was getting an epidural so that I could survive to have the child. My second childbirth was scheduled csection. I don't do child birth well (almost died both times, literally) so surviving it was an accomplishment for me. I do agree that everyone has the right to define their own accomplishment, and I don't think (from the little I see here) that Emma was trying to project her sense of accomplishment on all women. But I also understand the need to jump in and defend myself for my sense of accomplishment, as I have been made to feel less motherly for having had to have csections.

It constantly amazes me how much of motherhood is a seen as a competition between us, instead of us supporting each other and our choices.

mamalang

I guess I have the opposite

Emmy M — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:02:16 -0500

I guess I have the opposite problem. I have had a tough non-medicated birth and everytime I say anything people get defensive. Ahhhh! Guess we all need to chill out like you and just own whatever experience we were blessed with!!

ooooo I TOTALLY agree

apathetic bliss — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:02:16 -0500

ooooo I TOTALLY agree with geeky mummy! what she said

I agree with Atena and Emmy

apathetic bliss — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:01:07 -0500

I agree with Atena and Emmy M. Childbirth and mothering is an accomplishment whether or not it was drug and intervention free. I feel a lot of drugs and interventions are unnecessary and overused but I also recognize the importance of both the drugs and interventions when in certain situations. As long as the babes arrive safely and healthy...who cares? I have had all of my children drug and intervention free as well as at my home. I consider giving birth my greatest achievement but in no way think another woman's "intervened" or epiduraled b irths less of an achievement.

Yup.

calm mama — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:19:43 -0500

Geekymummy,

I think that you hit the nail on the head.

More than one nail. Spot on regarding the endorphin high that I'm sorry I missed, and the medical establishment's blind-ish spots.

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork

Thanks!

calm mama — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:15:11 -0500

Hey Emmy M,

I get it! Thanks for coming back through and saying more.

This is such a sensitive subject.

I agree, a sense of accomplishment is totally up to the accomplisher -- for setting and achieving a goal.

And it's up to me to be proud of what I did, and chose, too.

Yours,

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork

Birth euphoria

geekymummy — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:26:10 -0500

Geekymummy

I agree wholeheardedly with Atena. But wanted to add a comment, having given birth to both of mine "naturally", I, like Ms Thompson, still vividly recall the euphoria I felt when my babies arrived, and the incredible transfomative power of the labor and delivery. It is a biological thing, endorphins pumping like crazy. I only ever did it this way, so I can't compare it to any other way of birthing, but I don't think the ecstacy biology kicks in so hard if drugs are used. I loved giving birth, I was lucky it all went so well (yes, it did hurt a lot), and I'm actually sad that I won't do it again. I don't talk about it much, afraid of appearing judgemental. I'm not at all. I do feel that the medical establishment lets women down though. Many Obstetricians have never even seen natural birth. It isn't promoted or encouraged at all in this country, which is sad. I'm all for choice, but the choice to birth naturally has been taken away from American women.

To C or not to C

taycesmom — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:45:22 -0500

When I had my son (my first and only so far), I was in excruciating, accelerated (He wanted out!) labor for two hours, had an epidural because I was literally contracting constantly, labored painlessly for two more hours and then pushed for two hours. My son suddenly changed his mind about coming out and refused to move and I ended up having a C-section. At the time I was calm and rational and just excited to see my baby no matter what method of exit he was making from my body. Talk about accomplishments? I was not only CUT OPEN to give birth to my child but then I was stapled back together while my screaming newborn was taken away from me without so much as a touch and I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for the next hour WITHOUT MY BABY! I survived the moments following childbirth WITHOUT MY BABY. That is MY accomplishment.

I've gone back and forth between having another C-section or attempting a vaginal birth on my next child and I have finally decided that I will most likely have another C-section. For some time, I felt "cheated" having gone through labor and pushing just to end up in a surgical room completely unable to feel ANYTHING. But after witnessing the birth of my neice, I wasn't overcome with the beauty of "natural" childbirth and I realized that regardless of the method - the outcome was the same - and that was the beautiful part. A baby was born and just because mine was born six inches higher than others, doesn't make it any less special or accomplished.

I say bravo! to those who do it without pain medication...but then again I say bravo! to those who do it at all. Thanks for your post!

www.taycesspace.com

Cesearean - Not Easy

JC — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:12:42 -0500

To Mothercrone - my niece recently underwent an emergency C-section and was really in pain for a few days afterwards. In her case, while recuperating, it was hard for her to care for the baby. Her husband really had to step in. It took an emotional toll as well as physical.

What you said about competition I think is true. We all want to feel that we're good moms, so it seems easy to fall into competition with each other. Can't we all be good moms in our own unique way?

http://www.storyrhyme.com/jcsblog

Memo To Whomever: Childbirth Is ALWAYS An Accomplishment, No Matter How You Do It

Her Bad Mother — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:56:35 -0500

Celebrities have been making me roll my eyes a lot of late (Gwyneth's website, anyone?), but I was kind of surprised that this week it was Emma Thompson that caused my eyes to spin in my head. I like Emma Thompson. She's always seemed sensible to me. But then she said that she regarded having given birth 'naturally', without aid of painkillers, as her greatest achievement, and seriously, my head hurt all afternoon from the ache of having my peepers rolled straight up into my eye-sockets.

According to the story at Celebs & Bubs, "Thompson regards 'giving birth without painkillers' as her biggest
accomplishment in life, despite scooping two Oscars for her film work."

Look, I'm all for valuing the work of motherhood, including the work - the miracle - of giving birth. But puh-LEEZE. Childbirth is always hard work, it is always, at some point, painful, and it is always extraordinary - regardless of whether or not one has chosen (or not chosen, as the case may be) to go without pain medication. My second birth was au naturel - not by choice - and if I had a dollar for every person who has literally or figuratively patted me on the back for 'doing it the natural way,' I'd be drinking a far nicer wine right now. But although such people mean well, I actually find it kind of offensive. What, my first birth wasn't as much of an accomplishment? It was somehow lesser because I had an epidural? (After 24 hours of laboring at home, mind. I was MAD with pain when I finally got the meds. I was so grateful that I would have kissed the anaesthetist if I hadn't fallen asleep immediately.)

That, and I absolutely, in no way, regard my second experience of childbirth as 'better' because of the lack of painkillers. My second "natural" childbirth was terrifying, and I'm still experiencing the after-effects of post-traumatic stress disorder due to the experience (according to my psychiatrist, and other online sources, it often occurs alongside PPD, but also is often misdiagnosed as PPD. It results from an unusually difficult birth. Still, the claim of PTSD being attached to childbirth is sometimes greeted skeptically. I speak from experience, however, when I say that trauma is trauma, and my experience was TRAUMATIC.)

Where was I? Right. I'm not saying that all natural childbirth tends to the terrifying - not at all. My situation was unusual. But still - I've gone through that pain and I just can't see how it's reasonable for anyone to say that it's more of an 'accomplishment' to have a birth that is accompanied by such pain than to have one that involves some sort of pain treatment. I mean, if you get your appendix out, you don't ask the doctor to maybe do it sans anaesthetic, just so that you'll have more of an accomplishment under your belt, right? (If you do, well, more power to you. Wouldn't you rather have an Oscar, though?)

Am I being too harsh here? Or is it fair to say - all childbirth is an extraordinary accomplishment? Or better - loving parenting (whether it begins with natural childbirth, c-section, pain-managed childbirth or adoption or WHATEVER) is the real accomplishment?

Catherine Connors, aka Her Bad Mother, is still traumatized by her child's bloody lip.