giving and reciving

christinajeanne — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:03:17 -0600

But, I love reading peoples shares. They always give me some insight
and something new to ponder. I get to see how to work the steps better
and the slogans give me something to think about. I then ponder and use
the tools in al-anon. I feel like when I give I always receive
something in return. In al-anon and outside of it as well. Since I've
been using the tools I've seen improvements in my life already and it's
only been a month. Yesterday I finally talked to my A fiance about what
happend a year ago with that woman. Why she did what she did. At first
he didn't tell me the whole truth he said she liked him and that's why
she did it. But I still wondered why he didn't contact me and tell me
right away. It didn't make sense to me. Finally he told me he thought
he would get more time in prison. He had so many drug charges and other
ones he thought he would get 12 years and have to serve 10 1/2. He said
he didn't want to hurt me anymore. Then he went on a drinking and drug
binge for that last month. I truly belive he did what he thought was
best at the time. He confided in me that he no longer wants to live
this lifestyle and vicious cycle of drinking and abusing drugs. I told
him that he had the choice to make and the power was in his hands. I
said his HP can help him and i will support him 100% if he chooses
recovery. So right now I'm just letting go and letting God. A few weeks
ago I sensed my HP was telling me to write some articles. I did and now
one is being published. It's coming out December 1st. I'm so excited
about that.

I try to give to people gifts sometimes when I
have the money. but mostly I give of my time or my help. Sometimes it
get's to be too much to give and I get exhausted. I admit resentments
build up when I feel like I'm doing is not being appreciated. Sometimes
I give and give and then all people can do is complain that I'm not
doing something the right way according to them. That frustrates me
especially when I'm genuinely trying to help. I need to give to myself
as well not just constantly give to others.

Receiving is hard
for me to do. I remember when my fiance proposed to me and I felt
guilty about taking the ring. I did eventually of course. I feel guilty
when it's the holidays and people want to give me gifts. When people do
nice things for me I always wonder why they are being so nice to me.

I'm working on giving without resentment and receiving without questioning.

Thanks for letting me share again.

Christina

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giving and reciving