BlogHer - It's lonely out here: planning for a natural childbirth - Comments

It's not all that lonely..

rubyji — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 08:26:14 -0600

For example, the online community at mothering.com/discussions
is full of thousands of women who are seeking or have had natural
childbirths. It's a very supportive community, if a bit overzealous at times. I highly recommend looking up your Due Date Club in the "I'm Pregnant" forum and listening to stories of women who are going through
the same challenges that you are.

Among my friends, I can only think of a handful that didn't at
least TRY to have a natural delivery, and I live in North Carolina -
not exactly a bastion of alternative thinking (although we have our
pockets, thank goodness). Any decent-sized city probably has dozens of
different natural childbirth classes (not to mention prenatal yoga), these are great ways to meet
women with similar values.

And of course Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is a fountain of stories of natural births and how each individual woman dealt with the challenges. I'm reading it right now, along with about 3 other pregnancy and parenting books... ;-)

It seems like the key to a sucecssful, natural delivery is believing that you can do it. A powerful woman like you, Morra, surely has the personal strength to make it so.

Natural Childbirth is Best

MidwestMom — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:24:12 -0600

I have three children and have labored naturally with each of them. If you want to use hypnobirthing, then do. I used Bradley Method with my first. He was posterior and was in fetal distress while I was pushing, so after hours of labor, I had an emergency C-section.

It took a long time to get over. There was a sense that I had failed. But I kept having to remind myself that I had a healthy baby, the best outcome.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I had to search to find a hospital that would let me try VBAC. It was so worth it. I cannot describe the difference between how I felt (recovery time was nil) and how much more alert my baby was without any drugs in his system. My third child was natural as well (and a very short labor!) She was also posterior, but I had terrific nurses who helped me rock until she turned.

For me, the key to natural childbirth was to maintain focus and complete relaxation -- to just get out of the way of what my body was working so hard to do. I had great support from my husband, and on the 2nd and 3rd labors from our doula. She made all the difference and supported both my husband and myself. She remains a close friend.

I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and birth. What you are doing is really best for your child -- do not be scared away by people who have made other choices. Be prepared in case things go wrong, though, and know your options. Whatever the birth is like, what matters is that you and your child are healthy and strong.

All the best, Midwest Mom

http://midwestmoms.blogspot.com

Confidence is Key!

findinghumility — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:21:04 -0600

I love your post and can completely relate with the comments of the "good luck" "we'll see" type attitude. I have 2 boys born with unmedicated hospital births. The first I was induced with Pitocin and it was MUCH harder then the second. Still fast though only 3 hours and 6 pushes. The second was somewhat induced through stripping membrains and I was at 6cm before labor even started. Labor was technicaly 6 hours but only about 20 min was tough and with 2 pushes he was out. My husband and I also took Bradley classes and several things were stressed with each class.

1. Childbirth is called Labor for a reason and is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. I think this was great as they 100% advocate unmedicated childbirth but don't sugar coat the fact that it is hard work. If you go in ramped up for a good fight its easier to stay on top of the fear. I realy believe 80% of pain and how you deal with it depends on your ability to take things one at a time and be as unafraid as possible.

2. You are NEVER a failure. (You need to try and decide before hand when you will agree to an epidural or some other form of meds in the case where you believe you are getting to a point where if you take nothing you will not have the strength to push the baby out.)

3. Take your contractions one at a time and do NOT make assumptions about what is to come (if it took 10 hours to get to 4cm it will take another 10 hours to get to 8cm etc can be detrimental but is easy to do.)

For us the best thing about it was the 12 classes in that we thought about our birth 12 weeks straight this realy gave us a lot of confidence and determination. The husband coached aspect was also great. It is invaluable that your coach know what is "normal" for a birthing woman expecialy the emotional side of it during transition etc.sinc that is also the time nurses will be offering you drugs if they are intervention minded. I'm usualy the "strong" one but there was nothing I wanted more then my husband by my side reminding me to take a deep breath at the end of each contraction and to take them one at a time.

Also WATER was my pain medication. The tub was fantastic for me. I highly recommend it! I was lucky enough to have a hospital with waterproof wireless monitors the time I was induced. That was great!

All I know is that I have never felt more empowered or selfconfident then after the birth of our boys. I was up walking around visiting with the nurses at the desk about 3 hours after having our second.

Also read anything by Ina May Gaskin! Her books make me realy excited to give birth!

I was with you, before ...

Mama 2 3 Texans — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 01:05:03 -0600

All I can say, kudos to you!!! Girl, stick to your guns!! Awesome if you can do it!

And, just be prepared for the unexpected. I was NEVER going to have an aided birth... somehow there were other plans for me. I am the proud mother of three, all born by c-section. Baby #1, not a planned c-section - she was to be natural - i i fought it tooth and nail. ... but she was still born via emergecy c-section ... after 4 hours of pushing and 17 hours of labor.

Babies 2 and 3 were scheduled, thank goodness.

Hang in there and stick to what you want.

Jae, Mama 2 3 Kiddos

If they woulda had the right drug....

dawn224 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:02:20 -0600

I figured I'd never been in labor before, so I'd see how it went - my nurses loved that attitude - of course they also loved that we'd chilled at home and by the time we rolled into the hospital I was at 4cm.

We ended up with a volunteer doula - rec. by the nurses - and thank God we did - I think she's what made the whole experience positive for us. (btw her name was Angel - I can't make this up.)

If they would have had a drug option that wasn't an epi (didn't want anything slowing my labor and needle in back - freaks me out) or nubane (cuz it only relaxes in between contractions apparently - which sounds kinda pointless to me) I probably would have jumped on it.

In the last year, I have learned to love the phrase "drug free" instead of "natural" - I like its objective descriptor and it seems to cut down on the sneers from some people.

Hypnobirthing is Great!

Caroline0330 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:01:33 -0600

I think hypno birthing is a GREAT idea. I know a lot of women who have had success with it, and yes, there's still pain, but you learn how to manage it.(and no, not me personally, but a few of my best friends have gone that route and they LOVED it.)

Honestly, do what you feel is right for YOU. If your appointments look great, and the baby looks great, do it. This is the last time that it will be all about you, so embrace it, and go for it.

www.thebinghamdiaries.com

In my pre-natal class, quite

worldmomma — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 20:13:40 -0600

In my pre-natal yoga class, quite a few people wanted to go natural (not including me). The only one who did deliver naturally was the one taking hypo-birthing. She was also the only one who said she had an easy birth (the others found the pre-epidural part difficult). She was walking around town until she was nine centimeters dilated.

Hypo-birthing wouldn't work for me because I'm not susceptible to hypnosis. But I sure wish I was because from this person's experience, it seems pretty remarkable!

http://worldmomma.blogspot.com/

I have 4 kids. The first 2

my4buffaloes — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:54:04 -0600

I have 4 kids. The first 2 I had an epidural and it was awful. Recovering from an epidural is not easy for my body. My 3rd I was determined to go natural but caved at the last minute and got the epi. #4 I was much more prepared and finally did it. It hurt, but it wasn't awful. The recovery was so much better. What was worse than pushing my daughter out? Having the doctor rip the placenta out of me not even 1 minute later. They wondered why I bled so much afterwards.

I hope this means that is helped him and that he wasn't

Crunchy Carpets — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 16:54:32 -0600

a good coach..my husband was awesome...even for helping me deliver a stillbirth...

"as he won't be relied upon to be your main coach."

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com

You Can Do It (I Did!)

ChristineMM — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 16:37:11 -0600

You can do it!

Perhaps you can learn from my mistakes and successes.

Birth #1 I wanted natural, sought care of my OB that I'd always been to (a childless female doctor). She was not really into natural births. I read a couple of books on the topic. Dr. sent me to hospital birth class which mostly pushed drugs and interventions but was okay with natural. Showed a scary movie in class that showed natural as a horrid experience though. Went into labor two hours after OB went on vacation so I was with covering Dr. My water had broken. Hospital nurse was mean and yelling at me and pushed me into the epidural while DH was at the car getting my bags and all my "stuff' (music pillow etc.) She even demanded to know who my birth teacher was as she said it is not their job to tell us we can have a natural birth (!!). I will skp the worst part move right to my child went into distress and needed vacuum extraction after almost 3 hours of pushing. He was 9 lb 7 oz. The recovery was terrible for me (I'll skip the details.) Baby had trouble nursing due to drugs IMO. There are negative affects on babies sometimes but not everyone will tell you this, the research is there.

Before PG#2 I read ---PLEASE READ THIS BOOK---Birthing from Within. Felt I could do it natural next time. Got a new provider, a midwife working for an OB with philosophy of natural childbirth with no interventions (not even continuous fetal monitoring). I also hired a lay midwife to act as doula in the hospital birth. That baby went past 40 weeks and was born completely natural with zero intervenions and weighed 11 lb 11 oz. I felt great during and after birth except I pulled my back muscle due to the labor and pushing him out. Midwife also used pressure technique so I would not tear and I didn't tear! No episiotomy! Baby had no side effects and nursed wonderfully. As soon as the baby was out I was back to normal feeling, nothing like the way I felt after the epidural.

Both times when in transition I felt panic and I could not do it. That is normal.

The worst thing about labor and the first baby is you don't know what to expect or how long it will go.

Surround yourself with people who will support you and you can do it. A doula will help your husband as he won't be relied upon to be your main coach. It was a relief for my DH to have the doula for baby #2 and he tells all men to get one for their wives' birth.

If your doctor is not on board with natural method then find one who is.

You can do it. You can do it.

Welcome To Motherhood...

Called_Blessed — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 14:57:34 -0600

...a place where you must frequently set aside other people's opinions and follow your gut! I say, good for you. Despite social pressures to "get over it" when it comes to your desire for a natural childbirth, you're pressing forward to do it your way.

I wanted a natural childbirth too. My first baby was born sans epidural. It was incredible in so many ways. Mostly, I just needed to know I could do it - I wanted to feel the strength of my own body. And I admit...I was freaked out by the idea of having a needle stuck into my spine!

For my second child, I had the epidural. Partly because I wanted a different experience - wanted to know what it was like with the drugs. And yes, partly because the first go-round was incredibly painful. But it's childbirth...I doubt you're under any illusions that it will be easy or pain free.

My 3rd and 4th births were with the epidural. I guess that speaks for itself, in case you were wondering which method I prefer!

Can I give some unsolicited advice (again, part of motherhood I suppose!)? Go easy on yourself. In your quest for a natural chilbirth, don't put pressure on yourself to only be "successful" if you get it done without the epidural. A healthy baby and mom are the two factors in determining success...how you get there is between you, your husband, your doctor/midwife, and God.

I also really recommend giving birth in a hospital. I know...many home births are successful. But there are SO many little things that can go wrong, and that can be life threatenig for you or baby...but that are almost no big deal if you're in a hospital equipped to deal with stuff like that. If my experience is any indicator, you can still have your natural childbirth in a hospital. Hosipitals are very open to your way of doing things these days (especially after you shout "NO, I DO NOT WANT THE DRUGS!" at them several times ;) Just kidding! ).

Blessings and peace and good health for your family :)

You can do it!

emlynsmom — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 13:43:53 -0600

I came across your blog from a friend's site and was intrigued by the title. 2 years ago I was saying the same thing. I'd always planned on a natural birth - frankly unless there were major complicating factors I couldn't see why women would want any intervention! That all scares me a hell of a lot more than pain. Everyone couldn't wait to tell me how horrible it was and how I couldn't live without drugs. It really pissed me off. I needed one of those pins the PP mentioned!!

My husband and I took Hypnobirthing and found it wonderful in so many ways - especially in decreasing fear around the birth. We knew our daughter would have special needs and I was nervous about her arrival. Hypnobirthing helped me deal with those feelings.

I labored for 21 or so hours at home - very comfortably with Hypnobrithing techniques. I went to the hospital when my membranes released (in the tub conveniently!) and our daughter arrived an hour later. I'll be honest - it got tough at the end. But I went from 6cm to baby in about 45 mins which is fairly intense! I felt pretty good after and only took Motrin for the pain (and I had a pretty unusual tear that was bad enough to need additional repair a few weeks later)

Best of luck to you!!

My epi was like that too..it gave me rest when I was

Crunchy Carpets — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 12:44:12 -0600

beyond endurance..I was dilating SOOO slowly...it was a 36 hour labour...and yeah managed to squat through part of it....numb and all!

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com

I think I must be the 1 in a

cakeburnette — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:15:49 -0600

I think I must be the 1 in a zillion who actually have a positive epidural experience. Both of my deliveries involved an epidural, largely because I have almost no tolerance for pain. I admire those who can deliver without interventions, but I am so NOT capable of doing so. Anyway, my first one allowed me to get through a very slow laboring process (baby broke the bag of waters at 37 weeks; absolutely no contractions when my water broke) and I pushed for about 30 minutes once I finally dilated to 10 cm. The anesthesiologist only gave me partial boosts so that I could feel the contractions and push effectively--he said he wanted to just "take the edge" off the pain.

The second one (15 months later, I might add) was even better. Epidural allowed me to go to sleep, and when the time came to push, I could reposition my feet in the stirrups of the birthing bed and could actually sit up to tilt my pelvis towards the ground to allow gravity to "help." 2.5 pushes (one was sort of wimpy; what can I say? I'm not a morning person and it was 7:30am) and my daughter was born while I was sitting up on the birthing bed.

I never had the option for a doula, but I insisted on having a woman OB/GYN who had given birth herself. Actually, she was a neighbor and was pregnant part of the same time I was both times!

medication was not good to me

fidget — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 10:31:46 -0600

With my first I planned on a 100% naturalbirth but 20 some odd hours into labor my doctors told me to get an epidural or that I would wind up with a Csection. 22 and scared, I believed them. HA! That epidural was done improperly & lasted only an hour.

My next 3 children were 100% pain med free, though with 2 of them I did get pitocin.

Baby 4 was exactly how I wanted it. I had the baby shortly after I arrived at the hospital, leaving the staff no time to invent reasons to intervine with pitocin or push meds my way.

Natural child birth can be done and let me tell you, after you do it you'll feel POWERFUL. There are 2 stumbling blocks on the path to natural birth : the medical system and your own fear. Luckily pregnancy gives you 9ish months to figure out how to get around both of those

Fidget

Finding Yourself Despite Yourself

It's lonely out here: planning for a natural childbirth

Morra Aarons Mele — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:54:55 -0600

Who knew we were such a nation of drug pushers? Here is the conversation I am having at least once a day, with moms and non-moms alike. Them: “Are you taking childbirth classes”? Me: “Yes, I’m taking hypnobirthing. I want to have a natural childbirth.” Them: “Good luck with that (wink wink). Or, “Yeah I did too, you’ll get over it.” Or: “You’re nuts! Take the drugs”!

My completely unscientific poll also finds that younger or Gen X women are more pro-drugs, while older women favor natural childbirth and likely had their kids that way. I decided I needed role models closer to my age, or at least to try to figure out why I feel like an alien when I discuss my birth plan. Ricki Lake and Nicole Richie are the only two celebrities I could find online who’ve advocated for natural childbirth. I wonder what Michelle Obama did? Angelina planned one for Shiloh (it was a C section) and her twins, but I don’t know if they were born au naturel- I doubt it since she was on bedrest. We know Victoria Beckham was “too posh to push” and scheduled a C-section.

Then I tried to find out if Sarah Palin had had natural births. I mean, the woman hunts and fishes and ran until she was eight months pregnant. I didn’t come up with anything- though I did find humourous this “Sarah Palin Birth Guide” that suggests jumping on a plane right after your membranes release (that is hypnobirthing speak for water breaking).

Caveat: I don’t want to sound holier than thou here, so please forgive me if I do; I am possibly the least rigid mother-to-be I’ve ever met, plus I’ve never actually gone through labor. I smiled when I read Her Bad Mother’s post on how annoying Emma Thompson is with her supercilious claim that “he regarded having given birth 'naturally', without aid of painkillers, as her greatest achievement.”

But I really want to have a natural childbirth. It never occurred to me I wouldn’t. My mom is a La Leche League indoctrinator who gave birth to me in the 1970’s. My husband was born in a rural hospital in Ghana (no running water, much less painkillers) so his mom ups the natural ante A LOT. Before I got pregnant, I assumed most women these days had drug-free childbirths, and certainly that those in my cohort did (over 30, natural health conscious, suspicious of authority).

Turns out 80% of American women get some form of medical pain relief during childbirth, and over half of the four million American women who give birth each year (2.4 million) get an epidural, according to Easy Labor by Dr. William Camann and Kathleen Alexander.

Of course, I do hear many stories that women planned for natural birthing, but there were complications at the hospital that necessitated drugs. I'm going to withold judgement out of superstition and ignorance here. But BlogHer Amy Gates points to a recent Consumer Reports article stating "Too many doctors and hospitals are overusing high-tech procedures."And with C-sections topping 30% nationwide, something feels strange.

Ironically, we’re in a cultural moment that embraces alternative methods for labor (baths, birthing balls, doulas available at most major hospitals) as well as post-labor (holding your baby right after birth for “skin to skin” time, instead of giving him to the nurse.) But natural birthing is not in vogue. In the hypnobirthing method, we are made aware of the current medical language around birth, and asked to change it in our heads. Indeed, the current language around birth is both medical and scary. I never noticed it until we went to the hospital tour last week, when I listened closely to the nurse. The language was scary, although she was lovely: from her attitude of preparing us for problems, not normalcy, to her terms: “purple pushing,” mom being “repaired” after giving birth, and her many references to fetal monitoring and weak baby heartrates (in hypnobirth-speak, “complications” are “special circumstances”). She led with a fear-based paradigm. And in my tour group, I was the only one planning natural birth.

Either there is something I’m really missing, or drug-free birth is a special circumstance of its own these days.

So first, I need some natural childbirth role models here. Second, perhaps I need to not discuss my birth plans with anyone (except maybe on a blog with millions of readers...duh). When I talk about my plan for birthing, I feel as if I’m saying something like, “I’m going to make ten million dollars in the next two years and win the Nobel Prize.” People pat you on the head and mutter, “yeah right.” Not a very confidence-inducing process!!

BlogHer - It's lonely out here: planning for a natural childbirth - Comments

It's not all *that* lonely..

Natural Childbirth is Best

Confidence is Key!

I was with you, before ...

If they woulda had the right drug....

Hypnobirthing is Great!

In my pre-natal class, quite

I have 4 kids. The first 2

I hope this means that is helped him and that he wasn't

You Can Do It (I Did!)

Welcome To Motherhood...

You can do it!

My epi was like that too..it gave me rest when I was

I think I must be the 1 in a

medication was not good to me

It's lonely out here: planning for a natural childbirth

It's not all that lonely..