BlogHer - Give Freely: Sincere Compliments, Firm Handshakes, and Warm Hugs. Especially the hugs. - Comments

Actions vs. Words

Michellesamom — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:02:48 -0600

I do give compliments, but not all the time. It's not that I'm stingy with my affection or that I don't express my appreciation for friendships that I have, I do. But I prefer actions to words. The reason is that I've noticed how uncomfortable many people are with compliments.

I do a lot for my friends, and somehow more people seem comfortable with that.

I totally agree with you about the hugs and handshakes!

Michelle writes at Michelle's Blog

I Heart Compliments

rebellious thinker — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 18:02:44 -0600

If I could spend my time complimenting people I would. And you know, it's one of the easiest things to do--and to do it sincerely every single time. There is something good in all of us and it's nice to be noticed for it.

The other day I had lunch with a friend and when we finished I went to the bathroom. I realized that I hadn't hugged her goodbye and felt bad. When I came out, she was there, waiting for me so that we could do our friend-hug. Her waiting, that was a compliment to our friendship.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Thinking about giving

Liz Rizzo — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:51:53 -0600

JennG - You know, that is a great point, because I totally can imagine feeling shy about giving compliments. I just do it so often that it comes naturally. So I think you just have to practice.

Vered - How funny! OK, next year: Hugs!

Repliderium - That's a great testiment to how powerful these sorts of things can be. Love it.

grannysu - So true. Depending on where you are inside it can be really difficult to take a compliment. Definitely something worth working on, though. I like to think about it like a gift someone's giving you.

Dawn - Such an important point. I'm definitely not talking about empty compliments here.

Laura - That's awesome!

Sara Mu - They can even turn a bad day totally around sometimes, just the act of someone noticing something and saying something nice. Which is really cool.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

I couldn't agree more

SaraMu — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 08:35:38 -0600

Compliments are definitely my thing. They can make such a difference in a day.

********************

Sara Mu, freelance writer, traveler, blogger, and skin care aficionado.

Keep it real

Dawn6751 — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 19:44:35 -0600

There's nothing better than a sincere compliment. It's particularly nice to compliment someone on a great personality trait.

http://onemomentplease6751.blogspot.com/

Giving is easy, accepting is hard

grannysu — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:44:51 -0600

Granny Sue Stories from the Mountains and Beyond www.grannysu.blogspot.com susannaholstein@yahoo.com

...because we're so sure we don't deserve them. I remember feeling like I had a hot potato in my hand when someone gave me a compliment. I've learned to enjoy and appreciate them, but it certainly took some time to be able to do that.

How it feels

repliderium.com — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:33:09 -0600

I remember being a kid--about 14 or 15--and sitting in a diner having coffee (the "cool" thing to do back in the day.) The diner was close to the highschool so this poor server had dealt with more than her fair share of noisy non-tipping teens through the years and I would have understood her being harassed or bitchy. She came over to give me a refill and asked if I needed more cream. When she did this, she called me"honey" and because I knew what kind of hassle kids like us caused her day in and day out, I thought it was the kindest most generous thing she could have said to me. I have never forgotten it and developed a habit of using endearments because I remember how warm it made me feel all of those years ago.

www.repliderium.com

So we're both into firm handshakes and hugs

Vered — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:15:29 -0600

And yet when we met at BlogHer, I don't recall we shook hands or hugged each other? Did we just politely say hello and kept a physical distance throughout the conversation? I'm afraid so.

But I know for sure I gave you a compliment. (On your hair).

:-)

---

Mommy Blogger Wannabe.

I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs.

That's a great reminder;

JennG — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:33:46 -0600

That's a great reminder; thank you! I know I often feel a bit shy to compliment someone, but I never mind getting them bac.

"After 40, nothing is black and white anymore.... Most importantly, you
are a better friend to yourself." - "Circle of friends" on More.ca

Give Freely: Sincere Compliments, Firm Handshakes, and Warm Hugs. Especially the hugs.

Liz Rizzo — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:36:55 -0600

How many compliments did you pay today? This week? This month?

Giving compliments is something I do naturally and sincerely. And when I think about it, I have no idea where I picked up the habit. I just know that it's such an easy way to spread a little joy and let people know what rocks about them in a given moment, be it something about their physical appearance or something they've accomplished. Even those who have difficulty accepting compliments feel better for having gotten one, I'd guess.

If you don't freely and regularly give compliments, I've been beginning to wonder why. I've observed that sometimes it seems to be a type of control and perhaps symptomatic of personal insecurity. If you don't freely and regularly give compliments, I think you should start. Release that sense control you get by not complimenting people when you know it would make their day, and particularly when you know it would touch them to hear something nice from you.

Start paying compliments today. Even if it feels false or forced.

Because I don't believe that in a day you don't come across at least one moment where you think something nice about someone. Now you just have to verbalize it.

Go ahead, bring the rock and joy. I suspect it may release something inside you that you've been needing to let go of. If you never pay compliments and you start, I suspect it may flip a personal light switch.

At the very least, it will light up someone else's room.

And what's with the weak handshake? Why do people do that?

You can practice with your friends, you know. I did. My sorority sisters and I practiced our handshakes on each other. Firm grasp, double shake, and sometimes, yeah, I go for the second hand clasp. I'm confident *and* warm, what can I say?

I gotta tell you, the weak handshake is a complete mystery to me. Total weirdness.

So stop it! Take your handshake in hand and own it.

And finally, HUGS! I went to a party recently where everyone was supposed to bring their "gift," be it a poem or a dish or a reading... or really good hugs. I got some amazing hugs at that party.

The thing about hugs for me is that I don't come from a physically affectionate family. I was uncomfortable with hugs hello and goodbye for a very long time. (Don't even get me started about learning to, like, jump up and be foolish and fool around.)

Again, I think it was in undergrad, but maybe right after, when I decided that I wanted to become comfortable with hugs. It took saying, "I'm hugging now!" to friends who knew it made me uncomfortable. Thankfully, they were up to the task at hand, and today I'm a pretty darn comfortable hugger.

It's tricky, hugging. Usually, it's just done, so I do worry that sometimes people are uncomfortable. Or simply playing along with something they don't particularly enjoy. You know, in this instance, just like I declared, "I'm hugging now!" I think you should declare, "I'm not a hugger!" Stand up for yourself; it's cool.

But if you're in the market for hug, baby, I got your hug right here. Practice makes perfect, after all.

Sincere Compliments, Firm Handshakes, and Warm Hugs: Go Forth and Bring the Rock and Joy.

Linky Goodness:

Learning how to accept a compliment... - from Laura at A Work in Progress, a great little post about giving and receiving compliments.

10 Rules to Follow When Meeting People at Events - from Jason on Networking Insight, a good rundown of solid networking tips. "Don't interrupt" is my personal ongoing challenge!

Pretty Sure I Have The BEST Husband In The WORLD!! - a wonderfully joyous post from Tara on The Black Blog. Oh yeah, you know that "he gives the best hugs" is on her list of why her husband rocks.

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.