BlogHer - Self-Harm - Comments

thank you for posting this.

mipmup — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 09:58:31 -0500

thank you for posting this. i admire your courage for putting yourself out there with such honesty. i feel like cutting is finally being addressed and this post helps spread the word that there is a name for it and it can be treated with success.

mipmup.
Contributing Editor, Health & Wellness

Putting a human face on it

Koan — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 04:59:17 -0500

When someone will stand up and say "yes, I had such-and-such a problem, and yes, I got through it, and yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it" - I think it is so powerful. It *may* give some comfort to those who have that issue, that they can find a way through it - and it *may* help those who've never had that issue, who've never had to deal with it, to be less judgmental towards those who have it.

So, much respect to you, Denise, for speaking up in this way. You know it's something I try to do in the areas I have direct personal experience with (depression, suicidal ideation and gender identity) - and feedback from others tells me it has helped them. Not everybody can stand up in such a way - in my opinion, not everybody *should* - but, for every person that does, I think that the outlook for those who still suffer is improved.

I have never self-harmed, nor felt the need to seek relief through self-harm (if you discount the suicide attempts, of course!) But I've known quite a few people who have self-harmed - and it can be heartbreaking to see.

Blog: Multidimensional.Me

Thanks for the information

Mary Tsao — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 22:01:03 -0500

I knew a couple of women in college who cut themselves, but I wasn't close to them and I certainly didn't understand their actions. I appreciate knowing more about this issue -- thank you for your post and the straightforward and sensible way you presented the information, Denise.

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family
Mom Writes

Excellent posting... in my

nelle2nelle — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 21:39:14 -0500

Excellent posting... in my own sheltered little blurb of a life, I'd no idea how extensive this is. Not until Shel and I began to delve into the topic (something she had to deal with very frequently in her spec ed duties)as well as playing on technodyke... did I gain some understanding of the issue and how much of this took place.

Important topic, important post.

nelle

Thank You, Denise

Jory Des Jardins — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 17:51:20 -0500

Consider all of the women who will benefit from these resources, and from reading this from a woman who, 30 years later, understands and lives fearlessly.

Jory Des Jardins
BlogHer
Personal Blog Pause

On leading by example

Lisa Stone — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 17:25:22 -0500

Denise, Snead is right. You are brave - and you're showing what a leader you are with this carefully crafted introduction.

For everyone else reading, here's the back story: Last night, Denise wrote me and told me that she was going to post this piece. Since I've had the opportunity to watch Denise's work at other women's health sites, I welcomed the opportunity to have her, someone I trust, open a grounded discussion and provide helpful resources about this important topic.

So Denise, thank you for this rare, non-voyeuristic, calm approaches to writing about self harm. One of the reasons BlogHer's site exists (my opinion) is to give women an opportunity to shine a light on ourselves -- appropriately, not sensationally -- and on difficult issues we face that are born of shame, abuse, pain or all of the above. This post brings the issue out of the dark. It's a healing piece of writing.

It's healing for me, anyway. I know two young adults caught in this loop and, as a parent and friend, I am as terrified of learning more as I am terrified not to learn more.

Thanks for the required reading.

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

Contagious....

Denise — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 16:35:27 -0500

The Cornell site has information about the contagious aspects of this issue. And from personal experience, I have to say that I've seen it happen. Suicide attempts among girls are also contagious. :-(

~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise

Thanks so much -- I'm

lizditz — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 16:11:56 -0500

Thanks so much -- I'm involved with a girls' group that has had a couple of episodes of cutting. It also seems to be contagious in the sense of a learned behavior -- the links you provided will help the group leaders be able to help more quickly.

Liz Ditz
I Speak of Dreams
lizditz@gmail.com

Brave

Sneadwoman — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 15:31:42 -0500

You are and I know that's not why you posted this, to show the world how brave you are. But you are.

I am so grateful you don't harm yourself anymore. And sad that it ever felt like a viable option for you. Moreover, I am proud to say you are my good friend.

Sneadwoman
Now, What Am I Doing?
Use Your Words

Self-Harm

Denise — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 14:21:30 -0500

When Pediatrics published the recent Self Harm Study some people seemed surprised and shocked at the number of college students who indicated they had participated in self-harm activities. I wasn't shocked or surprised and I don't think other self-harmers were either. Yes, you read that right. I said "other" self-harmers meaning I consider myself to be one of them.

If you are not in a safe place or have a history of self-harm and are easily triggered, I urge you not to read further. If you find yourself triggered by this post, please practice your behavior modification, call a friend, contact your treatment team or call a crisis line. There is a thread in the forum, here, where you can come and talk about self-harm. Crisis links and the links to information will also be included. You aren't alone and you don't have to be afraid. Stay safe.

I don't mean that I currently take part in self-harm activities, because I don't. I don't even feel an urge to do so anymore. I can remember the last time I felt the urge, it was just a few years ago and my family was in crisis. I took control, did what needed to be done to keep everyone safe and then collapsed. At that point, the idea flashed through my mind. Luckily, I am a recovered self-harmer and I have other coping mechanisms now. 30 years ago, I didn't.

It's difficult for people who have never experienced the feelings self-harm can bring to really understand. People immediately think the self-harmer has a death wish or is attempting suicide. That's generally not the case, though people who self-harm do often find themselves contemplating suicide or attempting suicide.

Even though it has been 30 years since the first time I cut, and a very, very long time since I last cut, it doesn't take much for me to go back to those feelings. I cut because it seemed like that was the only thing I could do to stay sane, to keep safe, to stop the pain I felt and to prevent other people from being hurt. I cut to regain control of emotions that were spiraling out of control. I cut to feel something NORMAL rather than the chaos in my head or the complete emptiness. It didn't seem like throwing a chair through the window of my algebra class was a good idea. Breaking down uncontrollably during gym also seemed like not a good choice. When you're 13 and those are the sorts of things you feel that you need to do, heading to a bathroom stall with an X-acto knife seems like a much better option.

In the few seconds that it took to make the cut, to focus on the very normal pain, to watch what happened and deal with the clean up, my head would clear and I could head back into the world and act almost normal, for awhile. Normalcy was all I was looking for. Cutting gave that to me... for awhile.

If you're hurting yourself, you need to talk to someone you trust. In fact, you probably need to talk to a lot of people you trust. Some people can stop by themselves, they can find safe ways of dealing with fear and pain and anger without help, but I haven't found many who can do it alone. There's no shame in asking for help. It's hard to talk to people about this; talking isn't a magic bullet that will instantly solve the problem. Please don't overlook those little tips and tricks you read about either. You know the ones; things like deep breathing and meditation and marking your arm with a marker rather than a blade. Those things do work but it takes time and practice and it takes support from other people.

If you think someone you care about is practicing self-harm, don't sit back and wait. Talk to a health professional about your concerns and then talk to the person you care about. Do your research, show compassion and support without judgment. Do not assume that in-patient treatment, or private therapy or group therapy or medication will solve these problems quickly. Overcoming self-harm takes time because the issues causing these behaviors take time to deal with, to understand, and to heal. It takes a lot of time.

Here are some links to information about self harm and to blogs and message boards dealing with this issue. If you have questions, please ask them. If you're afraid, please say so. The power of self-harm is in the secrecy behind it. Closeted behaviors are damaging. We all need to talk about this.

Cornell: Self Harm, Teens, Internet Support
Cornell Research Program on Self-Injurous Behavoir
Secret Shame
Dr Pat Farrell WebMD
Self Harm Board WebMD
Self Injury Board iVillage
National Self Harm Network UK
TRIGGER Diary of an Ex Cutter (single post live journal entries are very common)
Possible TRIGGER Incurable Hippie
PsychBower
TRIGGER Call Me Teapot

~~Denise
Daily Dose of Denise

Poster Credit: National Self Harm Network UK