BlogHer - Forgoing Traditional Kindergarten for Homeschooling. - Comments

What Strikes Me...

Missives From Suburbia — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:48:25 -0600

What strikes me as particularly interesting is how distinctly different your kids' personalities are -- it's something that never ceases to fascinate me about children. I admire you for considering their very different needs and potentially creating very different paths to suit those needs.

As for the comment that all homeschooling kids have social issues, it's simply not true. I doubt I'll homeschool, nor was I homeschooled, so there's no bias when I say this: I have met some truly socially adept homeschooled and unschooled adults in recent years. What always springs to my mind when someone says "I have never met a homeschooled person who didn't have some sort of social issue" is how do you know the very adroit person sitting next to you wasn't homeschooled, and you just never thought to ask, because you assumed they weren't?

Great first post, Maria. Keep 'em coming.

Please visit me (and comment!) at http://www.missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com

Hi Jennifer. I come from a

ummlayth — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 22:35:30 -0600

Hi Jennifer.

I come from a public school background and I was always very reserved and very shy(still am). I truly believe that people just have different personalities and that many factors in life play a role, not just whether or not they were put in a public school or whether they were homeschooled.

Hey Maria. I'm new to

ummlayth — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 22:22:40 -0600

Hey Maria. I'm new to BlogHer and this is my first time leaving a comment.

I enjoyed reading your entry and wanted to share my own opinion regarding the exposure a child gets to the world through homeschooling, or as I prefer to call it 'Earth Schooling'.

My husband and I were having a discussion the other day regarding our fears when it comes to homeschooling our children and a point that I brought up was that I don't believe the public school system really teaches children to put what they learn into practice. And it's not really meant to because there just isn't time with everything they are made to study every single day. I think the system limits our children's social skills by limiting them to a group of students that are their age and by limiting them to the same faces every single day of their lives.

What I really love about Earth Schooling is how easy it is to show our children the world and let them be a part of it. We have no limits really in what we can teach them and what we can involve them in. There are no time restraints on us which is pretty cool!

Anyhow, that's all for now. I wish you well in your own journey.

- Umm Layth (means "Mother of Layth")

There's always a but.

jenniferjoky — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:29:08 -0600

I don't usually comment on things like this, b/c I know the homeschooling moms will attack me about how well-rounded and fabulous their children are. Which is fine.

But.

I have never met a homeschooled person (some I met when they were 23, some when they were 18, etc) who didn't have some sort of social issue. I don't know how better to say that, but it's like they don't know how to socially interact with people. Or they don't pick up on 'cues' that people are giving off. I used to work with a couple of people (and went to school with others) who I could tell were homeschooled before I found out that they were homeschooled.

I agree with Stephanie that I think a lot of parents focus on the wrong aspects of home schooling. I liked your point of view and how well thought out it was. It wasn't b/c "All public school teachers are crap" which is one I've heard, or that "You don't trust your childs education to other people". It was that you wanted the actual best for your child.

Bravo. You're a fabulous Blogher writer.

Your Kids First

Rachael1013 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:22:16 -0600

I think it is wonderful that you have considered so many different pros and cons, done the research, and made your own decision not only one what is best for you and your kids, but what is best for each of them as individuals. Bella sounds so smart, I think that you're going to be able to provide her with a lot more than a traditional Kindergarten classroom could. I've considered homeschooling, but have decided against it. However, I do believe in acting as a supplement to your kids - having extra lessons at home for things you feel are lacking, or things the kids find particularly interesting. I also believe that parents should be free to take their kids out of school sometimes for things like educational trips/field trips. You do such an amazing job with your girls, I think they will both succeed!

Another Thought

Crimson Wife — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:22:49 -0600

I just noticed that you're in NC. Somebody who might be able to help point you in the right direction for locating an inclusive HS support group is Daryl Cobranchi, who's a liberal secular HS dad. His blog is here.

LOL at Your DH's Comment

Crimson Wife — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:11:00 -0600

My DH's first comment when I brought up the subject of homeschooling was "Isn't that for ultrafundamentalist Protestants and hippies?" That may have been mostly true when we were growing up in the '80's but homeschooling has become a LOT more mainstream in recent years.

What experiences do you think your kids would miss if you homeschooled? These days it's easy to find homeschool substitutes for many of the "rites of passage" we associate with school- prom, the science fair, performing arts groups & sports teams, holiday parties, etc. If I wanted to, there are even co-op programs I could enroll my children in that are pretty similar to a traditional school except they're part-time.

Most areas these days have homeschool support groups but it may take a bit of digging to locate them. Some websites unfortunately have an unspoken policy of only listing certain support groups (the ones sharing the author's POV). A good resource that tries to be inclusive is here.

Aww Shucks.

Maria Young — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:46:31 -0600

You're such a ladykiller. You always know the right thing to say. Thank you. :)

When I first brought up the

Maria Young — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:45:41 -0600

When I first brought up the prospect of homeschooling to my husband he said "Homeschooled kids are weird. And their parents are weird too." Ha.

I didn't know it was so popular, especially amongst the non-religious crowd. I have met the types that you're referring to and it's probably why I'd never considered prior to talking with other moms I was close to. But many of them (us, I guess I should say) are well aware and think it's best! :)

I live in a horribly small town...

Maria Young — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:42:48 -0600

and there is no support system around here for homeschoolers! I have checked, hoping that I could find programs like there were in the town I was in when I was a member of the playgroup I referred to in the piece, but no luck.

I hope that this year is a good experience for it both. I'm nervous about it, and I hope that I'm able to adequately prepare her for what's ahead. I think that's my biggest fear about homeschooling, that I won't do well at it, and I'll fail her in the meantime. Hopefully not though!

More research is definitely

Maria Young — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:39:05 -0600

More research is definitely needed on my part, there's a lot I have to learn about homeschooling in general. I just don't see how there's a substitute for what you learn about life in public/private school outside of it.

Another reason why I'm not really keen on doing it longer than possibly Ari's Kindergarten year is because I have my own education to complete.

I'll check out those books you mentioned: thanks for the references.

I love this side of you, I

shanbrentris — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:41:49 -0600

I love this side of you, I really do. I love how invested in those girls you are. You really are a fabulous mother, you know that?

Mr Lady www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com

Awesome

literary.snob — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:29:59 -0600

I don't think I could ever homeschool (and I'm a former teacher) but I'm incredibly impressed by seeing what I would consider a thoughtful approach to homeschool--that is someone who is looking at their child's needs and personality and deciding from that information whether or not to send them into a group educational setting. Too many homeschooling parents (in my limited experience) seem to homeschool for alterior motives--focusing on the "home" and not the "school" part. I applaud you--its wonderful to see my first impressions aren't true for all--there are moms out there homeschooling for all the right reasons. Good luck!

Stephanie

(The Childish) Literary Snob

http://literarysnob.blogspot.com

I applaud you...

BookLady Alison — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:22:27 -0600

Maria, I applaud you for researching and considering homeschooling for part of your family's educational journey. As you can see from my blog title, I homeschool with my children. I use those words purposefully because every day I learn just as much as they do, and I'm not talking about math or history facts, though those are fun too.

This is my 5th year of homeschooling. It's an incredible journey. It's not for everyone. For me, and for most, it is a way of life rather than just an educational choice. It can be whatever your family wants it to be. It can be highly structured, worked in conjunction with other families, done in a solitary fashion or on the move, exclusively for the whole schooling journey until college, or off-and during the K-12 years.

Give it try and be sure to learn about the resources and families in your area. There is huge support online also. I'd be happy to have a conversation, or visit one of my very favorite blogs and benefit from Lori's words of wisdom at Camp Creek Blog.

BookLady Alison

Do you believe in learning? Visit Homeschooler's Guide to the Galaxy.

Take it One Year at a Time

Crimson Wife — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:12:46 -0600

Many European countries do not start elementary school until age 7, and it's really only been recently that we here in the U.S. have had universal kindergarten. My dad never attended kindergarten and he went on to graduate from Harvard.

In terms of your fears about homeschooling "taking away valuable life experience for children that would help mold them into well rounded people" that's simply not true and there's plenty of research to prove it. I highly encourage you to read the book "The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling" by Rachel Gathercole.

I'd also strongly encourage you to read "Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling" by John Taylor Gatto, which is an eye-opening account by a former state teacher of the year of the problems with government-run schools.

Forgoing Traditional Kindergarten for Homeschooling.

Maria Young — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:31:28 -0600

When the topic of homeschooling, unschooling and other unconventional methods of learning came up in my local mom's group a while ago, I began to think more about what would be best for our family. Previously, I'd never considered any options: my 'plan' was to enroll them in kindergarten as they came of age, but as I listened to discussion on the topic I found myself seeing the perspectives of those that weren't going to school their children traditionally more clearly, and agreeing with some of their ideology.

I researched and I found myself becoming more and more interested in homeschooling, thinking it might actually be a great thing for us. That was until I ended up on National Home Education Network's site, reading their list of 55 Reasons to Homeschool. While I understood why majority of the list would appeal to many, I felt that they were indicative of taking away valuable life experience for children that would help mold them into well rounded people. So, I made the decision to school them outside of the home as I'd previously intended. Yet all of the positives that could come from homeschooling (including majority of the reasons on that list) rang true to me in a way that I felt would be great for my kids, temporarily.

My oldest, Isabella (Bella), who turns 5 years old Monday, has stayed at home with me since birth, except for a short period of time when she was 3 and I had morning classes to attend. She went to a local daycare for half days then. Now, she is of age to start Kindergarten next fall. She and I have discussed Kindergarten and our options over the past few months as I've compiled information. She was never extremely keen on the idea, except for making new friends, but even reasoned that out with the fact that she could also make friends at dance and karate classes. She made up her mind when watching Kindergarten Cop. Her eyes were wide and mouth open at the raucous on the screen for most of the film and when it was over she turned to me with her nose in the air and said "I'm never going to Kindergarten." After her announcement, I leaned more heavily towards homeschooling her for that year for that and a few key more reasons:

She's mature for her age, moreso than some children. Other 5 year olds that she interacts with are not as well composed or steady as she is. She's grown up even more since her sister became mobile, the exact opposite of regression. It was like she was determined to prove that she wasn't a baby, but a 'big kid' and was capable of handling the responsibilities of being an older sister. I love that about her, and I believe that in first grade she'd be more likely to find herself in an environment populated more by calm and easy going children than the opposite, which may help her remain as she is now, as well as make friends. Kindergarten is scattered and messy and not her style at all.

Going from all day at home in a relaxed environment with only myself and her sister to 7 hours of (albeit loosely) structured school days surrounded by a dozen or more other children and strange adults may be overwhelming for her, and in my opinion too much of a drastic change.Keeping her at home for this year will give her time to mature and prepare herself better for the routine and monotony of schedules, something that she'll have to deal with for the rest of her life. Homeschooling her will let me ease her into that sort of thing. Right now, we're very free and the only real schedule that we have is breakfast, dinner and bed time. Other than that, all things are all mixed up and off the wall and never the same.

There's really no rush to start her now. She has two decades of school ahead of her - what's the rush to get her in it so soon? She's still just a child, and I want her to be able to enjoy that for just a little while longer before she's exposed to all the things that come with starting school such as inferiority complexes, crushes on boys (or girls, whatever she's down for!), and playground politics. School is stressful. I remember my kindergarten year very well: my first crush rejected me and corporal punishment was still in place so rulers and paddles were not my friend. I'd also like another year to help her establish the person she is. Maybe she'll be a tad less likely to emulate others.

When Isabella starts 1st grade, I can start her sister, Rosario (Ari) in Kindergarten. I plan on putting Ari in Kindergarten because I know she'd not only benefit from the experience, but she'll need that year of more intense progression into structured days, and how to better get along with other children, learning better what's appropriate interaction and what isn't. She is much more feisty and likely to rebel that Bella, and placing her directly in first grade may not be the best thing, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it - she's only 3 and it's possible she'll be much calmer and gentler by the time it's her turn to start school. ~~God knows I hope she is~~. This will ease the transition of not spending their entire days together for them both.

It'll help Bella and I both adapt to me being an active participant in her education and be a learning experience for us. I plan on being one of those belligerent parents that disallows television until homework is done and demands that it be gone over together thoroughly after dinner. Her getting used to seeing me as a teacher outside of her regular teacher may make her more likely to come to me with difficult math problems, or for an explanation of photosynthesis in layman's terms. On second thought, she might want to call her dad about the math problems, since I can only do it on a third grade level, but regardless: she may be more likely to want us to take a more active role in her life outside of the home. I'll also be able to get a better grasp on the teaching methods that work best for her - the techniques that she responds to well and those that don't. That insight enable me be more of an assistance to her teachers as she grows instead of the other way around.

What she'll learn in Kindergarten isn't much, and most of those fundamentals I have taught her already. Anything else should be easy to. There are so many homeschooling resources available online that cover every aspect of it such as Starfall, The Homeschool Mom, and Homeschool Central. Any social skills she's lacking can be picked up via her extracurricular activities, and playgroups. This will give me one more year with her at home: being my baby, my helper, my right hand man. And kids grow so fast that I don't think anyone can blame me for wanting to postpone her leaving home, even for just a hours, just a bit.

I believe that I'm making the best decision for us: for Bella at least. I'm already suspecting that it won't be for Rosario, but only time will tell. I'm hopeful that it will make Isabella more excited about and ready for school. We'll see if I'm right...

Contributing Editor Maria Young also answers to and blogs at Immoral Matriarch.