BlogHer - Not here Nor there. In Between. - Comments

I understand the in-between-ness

Mary Tsao — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 21:31:42 -0500

Thoughtful post, Jenn. I certainly understand the whole in-between-ness thing, especially as I transition from a SAHM to a WAHM. Without the office job, it's difficult for people to understand than when you're working, you're working, even when you're working at home. Unfortunately, that includes the caregivers I hire, too.

Mary
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy & Family
Mom Writes

me too

mir — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 11:42:04 -0500

hey jenn,

I think in-between-ests come in all stripes. I feel the most in-between about gender and sexual preference.

I had a girlfriend who had a very smart mom, I was complaining one day about having to hotdesk because my work wouldn't actually give me a computer of mine own. This lady said: "The more you have to jump around the more flexible you become in your strengths. It's a good opportunity."

Which I immediately started trying to apply to my whole life, despite the fact that it can get very difficult and lonely at times.

In-betweeners learn a lot more about embracing difference and responding to new things. Which is good. I think it can get daunting. But over all I think those of us who have made it a habit not to fit in (whether by choice or by circumstance) are adding variety and robustness to a world sadly lacking in both a lot of the time.

Miriam
The Flink
"like harnessing a unicorn to harvest potatoes"

Not here Nor there. In Between.

Jennifer Satterwhite — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 00:04:44 -0500

Contributing editor Jenn also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers.

I was never much of a follower in high school. I was not a part of the "in-crowd" nor was I part of the "losers" or "stoners" or "jocks" or "geeks" or even the "kickers." (That is the country kids for those of you not from the South. If you need, I can explain where that term comes from!) I was clique free. A rebel. A loner. Wait. I wasn't either of those. I was just a girl who got along with everyone. Friends with many in all cliques.

Sounds great, though, doesn't it? No clique that "my" clique hated. No group that "my" group looked down on. But then again, it was also a place of floating. A place of "in-between-ness" that had no deep roots. I knew as I aged and became an adult those tight groups wouldn't exist anymore, so it was irrelevant.

(Quit laughing. I know that is not how it actually happens in the world of adults, either. Have you read many blogs lately?)

Today I read an entry on the blog Raising Five that really resonated with me. The author, Katherine, has 5 children. They range in age from 2 to almost 13. She is a preschool mom. Wait. No, she belongs with the moms of young school age children. No, maybe she should be in the "mom of tweens" group. She technically fits into all of those groups. Yet, she also doesn't fully feel a part of each of those groups either.

When I go to the pool, the mothers of my older kids' friends are usually not even there. They have dropped their kids off in favor of running errands. If they are there, they have brought a two-inch thick, spellbinding fiction novel to keep them from falling asleep in the sun (don't even ask me the last time I read fiction!). Either that, or they want to have a long, detailed conversation with me, while I am frantically trying to look past them, ever ready to yank my gasping two-year-old out of the water by the hair, if I have to.

So where do I fit in? Preschool mom? Middle-years mom? Tween (soon to be teen) Mom?

She is the one who used the phrase in-between-ness first, but I completely understood her! How many times as mothers are we feeling "in between" worlds? I feel it as a stay-at-home mom and a work-at-home mom. I can't just drop things and run to the park when I am working, so the ease of the stay-at-home part is missing. Yet, I don't go to work in an office with other adults, so the working level is seen as less serious as a work-outside-the-home level. See? In between world.

I don't have any answers. I don't have any questions. I just wanted to share this with you. Why? Because it resonated with me. And if it spoke to me, it may speak to you, too.

Look around you. More and more of us are living in the land of In Between. Nice to meet you!