How to Talk About Job Loss

Maria Niles — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:41:04 -0600

Today was another grim day in unemployment news. Last week's initial unemployment claims stood at 573,000 which is a 26-year high. That is over half-a-million newly unemployed people last week alone. Plus, every day lately seems to arrive with news of multiple companies announcing hundreds or thousands of layoffs.

This week in my (and everyone else's it seems) twitter stream and blog reader, amidst the happy news of birthdays and babies, were ever more announcements that friends lost their job.

Whether it is you that has lost their job or friends, family or neighbors, there is no avoiding talking about people losing their jobs. So how do we talk about it? Some use extreme negative language. Consider this headline and tag:

Laid off at 50: What next?
It's a nightmare. And if you think it couldn't happen to you, you're kidding yourself.
Money Magazine

Others approach it with a glass-half-full philosophy:

I loved my job, the people I worked with and for. That's something to be grateful for. And I am. It was a great place to be. - @Karoli

Others are in shock, like this blogger who thought she was recession-proof:

it’s really hard for me to write this morning, as i don’t think i am still over my shock from being laid off friday morning.

this whole weekend, i could not write. i could not articulate the myriad of emotions and thoughts that were flowing through me and my head as i took the past few days to process what has just happened with my job. i have been going through a mixture of bewilderment, disorientation, numbness, disbelief, and hesitation.
Financial Wellness Project

And just as FWP seeks the language with which to articulate the shock of losing her job, others struggle with whom to tell, how to tell and if they feel shame, just how painful it will be to tell.

What if it is someone who is much like a member of the family and you need to stop employing them because you've lost your job?

Given that the connection between domestic workers and their employers is often more intimate than other working relationships, when it is threatened by economic downturn, feelings on both sides run high. For employers, who form attachments to the people they entrust with their children and their homes, terminating or even scaling back the relationship can feel like betraying a family member.
Julie Scelfo, The New York Times: Trickledown Downsizing

And how do you talk about needing a new job if your family is in another country and you have been paid under the table and lack a safety net? One bright spot in Scelfo's article is the efforts many of the laid off employers make to seek new positions for their trusted baby sitters.

Jan Hoffman writing for The New York Times examined this psychology in a recent article:

The neighbor, a jovial suit-and-tie presence at the school bus stop in the mornings, disappeared for a while last fall. Nobody saw him for weeks. Finally he began to venture out — at afternoon pickup, in jeans and a T-shirt. A senior manager of a technology department, he had been laid off. Neighbors didn’t know what to say to him.
The Language of Loss for the Jobless

So speaking of your job loss can result in people around you not speaking to you because they don't know what to say. But, Hoffman also points out that one of the consequences of not telling can be that you can become very lonely while hiding away from those around you.

Hillary Rettig, reacting to the article, had some words of advice:

If you are currently between jobs, you might want to pay attention to which responses you get from which people, and how those responses make you feel. Then, really work to avoid those people who bring you down, while spending as much time as possible with those who make you feel supported. Being out of work is hard enough without dealing with people who are unsupportive or who project their own insecurities onto you.
Read her full post here

Ms. Theologian at Surviving the Workday: Spirituality in the Workplace thought the article would take a different approach:

I thought that The Language of Loss for the Jobless was going to be about using the language of grief to cope with loss of a job, but it’s far more about spinning your lay-off to folks in your life as you deal with it inwardly. That said, it’s always interesting to read how others cope.
Read her full post here

So, how should we talk about job loss? Is fear, anger, optimism, hope, grief, all of the above not only appropriate but useful? Susan Mernit is happy that...

America is (finally) embracing high-touch communication and transparency and where getting laid off is something that happens, even if it sucks
The changing face of Yahoo! layoffs and the social web

Cindy Li suggest knowing the difference between private and public discussions:

The pros for being vocal on online public services.
I like knowing when my coworkers’ babies are being born, or when they are in trouble and need help.It’s great because I can’t keep track of them all the time. It’s great when a friend shares their good fortune or where they were on their latest trip. Another good example is when a friend got laid off (which is happening a bit too much for me at the moment) and we all band together in keeping our ears open to get them a job. Those are great ways for us to connect. Do good not harm! :)

The cons for being vocal on online public services.
I’ve seen examples of freelancers boast on twitter about slacking off and then not meeting a deadline, not surprising and then wonder why they aren’t getting repeat work or how they are? Transparency in their case is not a good business practice.
Inside Conversations vs Outside Conversations

Since many people find their jobs through networking and personal referrals, it is smart to let your networks know online and off. However, it can be difficult to publicly announce your job hunt when you might be feeling embarrassed and wondering if somehow it is your fault even though in this economy virtually nobody is immune.

A good example of an outside conversation working well comes from a cousin of mine. He mentioned to an old college friend that he and his wife might be interested in moving to the friend's town if there were job opportunities. The friend started thinking and when my cousin returned home to find out he was being laid off, the friend was able to help connect my cousin with a new job.

Have you found language that works either hearing it as someone who has lost their job or in supporting someone else who has? How can we best have these necessary conversations in ways that are not judgmental or condemning and help to lift us all up and move us forward?

BlogHer CE Maria Niles can be found occasionally contemplating the language and behavior of consumers at her personal blog Fizz.

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How to Talk About Job Loss