The complete guide to marriage: What kind of wife are you?

thecocktailcafe — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 10:38:33 -0600

Is it just me or was 2008 the year of the wife? The heat is off the desperate
housewives and all eyes are on that thing that you thought had gone west with
our mothers’ generation: the art of being a good wife.

In the space of a few months, the spotlight has shifted from women as
mothers, women juggling careers and families, and women who drink too much, to
women in their role as wives. This is about a new interest in how females keep
their men happy.

For those of us who are using the credit crunch as an excuse not to have our
legs waxed and cook only pasta and bottled pesto, there is something called the
“average and we’re fine, thanks” wife.

The categories of wife that emerged this
year:

1.) THE GODDESS WIFE

Last year’s frumpy mummy has morphed into this year’s Goddess wife. She
indulges her man with luxurious puddings and sugary cocktails (Hello
Mama!… so you already know which one I am right?), and she doesn’t wear
mom jeans either. Homemaking is her forte, but always packaged as
foreplay. Her priority is making her husband feel very
special and, just on the side, as it were, she happens to be a
fabulously successful businesswoman with a razor-sharp mind.

2.) THE POSH

This wife recognizes her responsibility to look good, spend
money and generally showcase her man’s wealth and virility, but also knows that
she is now required to bring something extra to the party. In the past, a career
might have clashed with the job of ego maintenance, but first Victoria
Beckham and now Jada-Pinkett Smith have all proved
that the sporting trophy wife with projects of her own is a superior
asset. Now the Posh Mom with wit and commercial savvy gets more
attention and makes her man look modern.

3.) THE PROJECT MANAGER (PM) WIFE

Hillary Clinton is a PM wife. These wives are at least as
ambitious as their husbands, but they are pragmatic and focused on the package —
in other words, if they know they can get where they want to be faster as a
team, a PM wife will sideline her career to get behind her man.
PM wives look as if they have given up a lot, but never forget, their
husbands are their No 1 investment and, as often as not, the wives are
forcing the pace. The new generation of politicians, bankers and big businessmen
often have PM wives (as opposed to Vocational wives, see below), because
they are extremely capable and happy to be left running their own
empires. They are the least surrendered behind the scenes, though they
give the outward appearance of always putting themselves second.

4.) THE VOCATIONAL WIFE

She is blissfully content pottering around in her own fragrant, pastel-tinted
world, leaving her man to do all the hunter-gatherer stuff, and she freely
admits that if she didn’t assume this traditional role, their marriage
would never survive. The vocational wife oozes maternal
instinct and tends not to differentiate much between her kids and her
husband, but note, this is her choice, and, like the
PM wife, she has her own power and sphere of influence.

5.) THE INSPIRATIONAL WIFE

Michelle Obama is the no-contest Inspirational wife
of the moment, having reinvented the role of supportive political spouse. No
more smiling in the background, wearing navy and a hairspray helmet.
Mrs. O’s MO is “keeping it real”, keeping it equal and keeping
it modern. She is the first first-lady (elect) to dress in Gap, H&M, and J.Crew, the first who was
previously the primary breadwinner, the first to talk about her
husband’s “stinky” presence in bed. The first to behave, in short, like
a regular wife (though with the appropriate extra injection of smarts,
glamour and a little bit of style). She is inspirational, not because she is
married to the next president of the United States, but because she is
determined to make the most visible wifely role in the world a reflection of the
lives most of us live.

No1 Inspirational wife: Michelle Obama
Top
quote: “People have notions of what a wife’s role should be in this
process, and it has been a traditional one of blind adoration. My model is
different: I think most real marriages are.”

6.) THE WORKING-AT-IT WIFE

In the past, this woman might have had a walker, or maybe a toy-boy (or girl
if your into that) companion, but that was before wifeliness became a
competitive sport. The WAI wife is an alpha woman who knows that
marriage plus kids is necessary to make up the full life package, and
she wants to get this one sorted and filed the way she has done every other
lifestyle choice. Inevitably, her husband is a lesser noise than she is
and this can make life difficult: the compromise issue, not to mention
which continent to settle on, is a problem, hence the “working at it”.
Madonna was the classic WAI wife. She hated to compromise, but
she knew that you have to do a bit of it, along with some handholding and
whispered ego-boosting.

No1 WAI wife: Madonna
Top quote: “A good
marriage is a contest of generosity.”

7.) THE AVERAGE AND “WE’RE FINE, THANKS” WIFE

This wife is anyone who identifies with the following
statements:

My husband cooks as often as I do and probably better;

I have cancelled all waxing, plus the gym, as a credit-crunch precaution;

I have never given a speech on behalf of my husband, though I might have
heckled during one;

I always wear knickers and hardly ever ones you would be happy to be run
over in;

I would hang on his every word, but not if there is
something distracting on television;

I do not ask if he likes what I am wearing because of course he is not going
to “get” harem pants;

So
Which Wife R U? Leave me a Comment on my Website at http://www.thecocktailcafe.com

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