BlogHer - Are Online Friends "Real Friends"? - Comments

friends are friends

Mistress Of The Dorkness — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 19:51:16 -0500

When we grow up, work, get married, have kids, our world sort of shrinks. We lose touch with people, understandably.

I've been online for over 11 years, and have made close friends over the past 5 that I keep in near-constant contact with. If I email a friend about having a lousy day, that gets passed on, 20 minutes later I'm getting a telephone call from another friend to cheer me up. They're just as dependable as real life friends.

I was lucky enough to meet a few of my online forum/blogging buddies at annual training that I attend (autodesk university), where I'd previously hidden in a corner. I later married one of those friends. ;) In real life, he'd never have been confident enough to approach me.

Also, I can say that you grow real feelings and real attachments to people... I recently lost one of my best email buddies and the pain that I felt was as real as anything.
http://mistressofthedorkness.blogspot.com/2006/08/for-sid.html

You can let down your guard in electronic communications like you can't in real life. We show one another more of our true selves than we do anyone but our spouses.

Powerful connections can be formed, without a doubt.

I do think friends from the

Dana J. Tuszke — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 20:37:20 -0500

I do think friends from the internet are real friends. Simply because you may never have met them in person doesn't mean you don't share a bond. I think the internet friendships are closer, because we are less inhibited to share our feelings, thoughts and emotions with others online. There's some security behind this screen that makes us feel safe.

I chatted online with my friend Amy for a year before we met in person. That first meeting was not awkward. We felt like we'd known each other for decades. And we've been friends for a year and a half now.

It's a great bond we share and I know we will be friends for years to come.

Dana From The Dana Files

Bloggin' Mommas...Changing the World One Blog At A Time!

I consider some of my online

delectual — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 16:40:48 -0500

I consider some of my online friends to be more dependable than my "real life" friends. I don't think there is a huge difference really.

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My blog address is: www.delectual.blogsplot.net

When I was planning my

Alotta Errata — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 10:56:53 -0500

When I was planning my wedding I started using theknot.com message boards. This was my first message board experience. Over time and after we were married a group of us who shared similar attitudes and lived in the same area formed our own message board. We talk daily, about silly things and serious things. The age of the women there ranges from mid twenties to mid forties. Together we've seen marriage, divorce, birth, and death. We started getting together for holidays, and then just for fun. These women offer advice and support and I consider them my friends. This network is important to me, as I work in a very male-dominated field and often don't have many coworkers that I relate to and many of my "real life" friends live far away.

Alotta Errata : Living life one mistake at a time

Funny, I was just talking about this on

Crunchy Carpets — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 16:13:19 -0500

my little Link Textblog and was amazed at all the cool friends I have made because of the internet.

It is funny though...I still tend to separate them in my head into IRL friends and Online friends, despite the fact that I see the online people in real life too!

It is like I can't have my cyber friends meet the 'real' friends for fear of a clash of of paradoxical universes and the subsequent explosion.

I think for me anyway, it is because most of my 'mommy' friends have been acquired on the 'net, while my real life friends are a product of long years of shared experiences that came to a screeching halt when I decided to breed. Most of my friends have not committed this act.

But I still count myself lucky for the ability to dive into the cyber community and get the support and laughter and so on that I need to keep going in my daily real life!

I thought about this just yesterday

Meepers — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 16:04:24 -0500

This is a truly interesting topic to me - On one hand, I really feel for the people I "talk" to online - just today I was incredibly excited when one of my "friends" got her referral from China for her daughter. On the other hand - who knows if we'd be friends in real life? I'd like to think we would, but another part of my mind says, "Naaaa...they'd think you're weird/stupid/not well-educated/have bad taste.." Than again, I am going through my closet for one of them who's in a bit of a bad spot- and I've gotten some really nice notes and emails from them.

I think that in the end, you can be there for each other in some ways that "real" friends might not be- but real friends have their own definite advantage.

Maya at Chock Late

online > offline friends

sam breach — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 18:53:50 -0500

I have a set of half a dozen very good friends in SF I met initially via blogging who are exactly the friends I turn too during these needy moments, and vica versa.

I was mulling this over with

karriew — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:14:11 -0500

I was mulling this over with my coffee this morning, and wanted to add that the women I interact with on bulliten boards and blogs feel more like colleagues than true friends. Since motherhood can be so isolating, its fantastic to be able to go online and realize that I'm not the only saggy, sleep-deprived, mother of a half-crazed two year old.

But I suspect these online relationships with other mothers have built in endings, much in the same way that I rarely am in contact with various cube buddies from previous jobs.

Link Text

Survey

JerseyJean — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:31:16 -0500

Jeannie Boback

Hi I did the survey!

A friendship that exists

karriew — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 20:08:42 -0500

A friendship that exists purely online has limits.That's not to say that such a friendship is meaningless, but rather it lacks something that you get from sitting down across from a friend and chatting over coffee. I can read your words (general you), nod my head in recognition and think that I really like you, but in my experience it would take spending actual time with you to really consider you a friend.

I do have several "real, live" friendships that began as online acquaintances, but are now people I spend "real" time with. I also have a handful of women that I enjoy chatting with on various bulliten boards or via IM, but due to physical distance they remain something more like aquaintances than friends. Put it this way: I'm not going to pick up my phone and call any of the women I only know online at 3am if my car broke down on the side of the road, or if my husband left me, or if some other real crisis came up, and frankly I'd be kind of freaked out if someone I never met did that to me.

The sense of community the internet provides can be empowering and comforting. I think I'm probably a better parent from some of the info learned on boards and blogs where other mothers hang out. But I'm not feeling the blur that many of you have described.

Link Text

I wonder the same...

sunshine — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 13:51:48 -0500

Being an active 'orkutter'... I wonder the same...

With the hundreds of online friends that we boast of, how many do we go to when we are sick or stressed? How many do we count as a confidante? With whom do we share our joys and sorrows? Isnâ€™t that what friendship is all about?

with caution perhaps

sam breach — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 19:04:49 -0500

I have met over 65 food bloggers in San francisco, new york london and Paris. Some of these have become extremely close friends, especially the special ones in SF with whom I have been able to bond with face to face and meet regularly. I am sure others would be just as good close friends if I had better access to them.

I am friendly also with dozens of food bloggers I have never had the pleasure to meet in person, but of those who I haven't met, there is just one very special one who has become very important in my life. She is the one whom I share things I wouldnt share with anyone else in the world. This came about when we accidentally discovered we shared a common tragedy, and now we know we are there for each other, to talk online, whenever we need. I doubt I will ever meet her or indeed even speak on the phone, but we definitely have a special, albeit kind ofsecret relationship. I am glad to have virtually have met her. for sure.

SAM

Mostly yes here too

khumphrey — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:36:41 -0500

I actually met my best friend online. We've e-mailed back and forth for 10 years now and only met briefly for 15 minutes in real life. I consider her just as much a friend as any others that I have in life.

Now having said that, I have met other 'friends' online that were completely different personalities in real life-they basically took on a different persona online.

I think it depends on the person and that one has to be careful.

Great question and topic,

lauriewrites — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 15:07:31 -0500

Great question and topic, Tracey. So far, I've only met one person in real life who I "met" online. I'm in Maryland and she's in Boston, so when I was up there for a visit in March we got together. It was great, but I couldn't believe how NERVOUS I got about meeting up with her - would she still think I was cool? ; ) It went so well, and I know that if we'd met in person first, we would have been friends. I think there's also a tendency for some of us to share more in email than we may right off the bat in person, for whatever reason, so maybe that lends itself to more bonding.

Like real life, I've met some people online who I thought were great, but we fell out of touch and it didn't really last. And there are people I initially knew in real life who I only get to communicate with through email and the blog, because they're on another coast now, so maybe by meeting online first, we just flip the script? There is a natural challenge with physical distance, and my best friends are still my oldest - those whose faces and voices have been part of my daily in-person life, and who have picked me up off the floor when I've been in some challenging times. Still, I'm quite sure that good friends can offer support in a variety of ways and the computer is one of them.

Thanks again for floating the topic. I'm interested to hear what others have to say. Laurie

lauriewrites

Thanks for the Link!

JennaHatfield — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 13:35:50 -0500

I participated in the survey. Very interesting.

Family Living; Hatfield Style
Jenna

Are Online Friends "Real Friends"?

sweetney — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 11:20:44 -0500

Embroiled in the online world as I have been for some time now, I've come to a place recently where dividing up my life into discreet territories -- my "blogging life" and my "real life" -- seems a bit flimsy, and probably not even terribly accurate. In truth, I'm not entirely certain where one ends and the other begins anymore, or if it even matters.

Which brings me to the rather juicy topic of online friendship. I've recently mused on this subject at length myself, but am interested to hear of others experiences and perspectives. Do you consider friendships that exist purely via the internet "real" friendships? Is real intimacy possible through online means alone? Do you consider online friendships equal to "real life" friendships?

With BlogHer coming up fast, these sorts of questions seem more relevant than ever. I know many of us will be meeting online friends at BlogHer for the very first time in-person; doubtless it will be interesting for all of us to see how our internet-based friendships play out in "real life".

Thoughts?

Contributing Editor Tracey Gaughran-Perez also blogs at sweetney.com & Jinkies!