BlogHer of the Week: Schmutzie

Elisa Camahort — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:00:42 -0500

For a variety of reasons, real and imagined, I tend to be extremely aware of my surroundings at all times. While I'm completely unobservant about landmarks, geographical markings, directions (hence my love for my GPS) I'm always keenly aware of people. And the dark shadows where they may be lurking. I'm aware of it literally, when I walk city streets, and I'm aware of it figuratively.

There's a word for that, and I think this week's BlogHer of the Week, Schmutzie, knows it too...

Hypervigilance: /hy·per·vig·i·lance/ (hi″per-vij´ĭ-lans)

Dictionary Definition:
Source: The Free Medical Dictionary

Abnormally increased arousal, responsiveness to stimuli, and scanning of the environment for threats.

Alternate definition:
Source: Schmutzie, in this week's powerful BlogHer of the Week post: Like There's a Guy with a Knife on My Lawn

There is a wolf at my door, barbarians at my gates, monsters under my bed, and I keep every aspect of myself reigned in like children I'm trying to defend against an angry father. I was bullied in elementary school, I have been bullied at work, there are a couple of incidents in which I was bullied within my own family, and I think I have been unwittingly living under the assumption (yes, that does make an ass out of the ump and tion) that the next stab to my heart is just around every corner. If I do this, go here, feel that, I feel as though I am putting my own well-being into danger, because that's what experience has taught me, or, rather, that is what I have thought my experience was teaching me.

If you've got hypervigilance in spades, you can begin to take pride in it. Credit your hypervigilance for every bad thing that never happened to you. But it's a rude awakening to start to imagine all the good things that also may never have happened to you...thanks to your self-protecting, armor-building, wall-around-your-heart-reinforcing hypervigilance.

Schmutzie's post starts out as pure storytelling. You can see the first apartment of her married life in your mind's eye, complete with all of the "interesting" inhabitants. And when the story turns into an episode of Law & Order, with Schmutize cast as potential crime witness, she has you on the edge of your seat.

But it's the twist ending that broke through the walls around our hypervigilant hearts: the part where Schmutzie begins to realize that her hypervigilance may have sold her own strength short. May have given more power to those who have hurt her than they deserve.

And that searing insight is why we chose Schmutzie as BlogHer of the Week.

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts.
Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.

Best,
Elisa
For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

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BlogHer of the Week: Schmutzie