Christopher Guest? Let's Go to BlogHer!

AnnsRants — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:14:44 -0500

Dear Christopher Guest,

I’m a huge fan of your mockumentaries.
By “huge fan” I don’t mean I can quote verbatim or extensively.
However, I can quote partially, incorrectly, and enthusiastically. A
mere mention of oh let’s say Best In Show or Waiting for Guffman, can send my father and I giggling into a fit of misquotes. I can sing quite a few of the songs…from Listen, shhh, to what the flower people say, to Midnight at the Oasis and Teacher’s Pet with hand motions (OH, I’m THAT good, Mr. Guest) and most of the soundtrack of A Mighty Wind INCLUDING Catherine O’Hara’s Sure-flo, Sure-flo.

So
it is with great admiration, and a significant awareness and respect of
your cinematic body (chill Jamie Lee, not his BODYbody) that I offer
this pitch. Come to BlogHer. Come with ME to BlogHer! Or come with
Elisa Camhort, if you must. Just Come.

When I imagine this cataclysmic bloggy event, I see cameos of all your people…

Eugene Levy
shocks conference attendees with his true identity, disappointing
hundreds of women who already gave him their vote for Blogger’s Choice
Awards “Hottest Daddy Blogger.” His popularity stemmed largely from a
minimally photo-shopped Tom Selleck avatar he coopted for his blogger
profile.

Harry Shearer
plays a recently divorced Daddy-blogger who keeps interrupting the key
note speakers with loud sobs. He engages innocent conference goers with
long bitter diatribes.

Catherine O’Hara
is a mompreneur caricaturist. She continually offends attendees by
drawing grotesque likenesses of them. She also enjoys practicing her
“social ventriloquism” by standing next to random attendees and
mimicking them.

Fred Willard
plays a self-described “Blogpreneur” and keeps conducting “interviews”
with attractive bloggers to consider them for his next “venture”

Jennifer Coolidge karaokes
non-stop and noone seems to know who the hell she is or what she is
doing at the conference. No one can even figure out what song she is
supposedly singing.

Jane Lynch
is a controversial alpha-blogger. Thousands read her anti-toddler blog
usingMYwords.com. She spends the conference ambushing unsuspecting
mommybloggers, with her anti-toddler vitriol. Hand-held camera in tow,
she is followed by her befuddled husband, Bob Balaban.
They eventually get evicted from the conference after interviewing
toddlers in the childcare area, and trying to use their handprints to
sign release forms.

I don't mean to step on creative tootsies,
Mr. Guest. I know you can find a place at BlogHer for Michael Mckean,
Parker Posey, Ed Begley Jr... all your peeps. In fact, if we just give
Parker a bratwurst or two, I feel quite confident that she could play a
certain 'Sconnie Jewess I know...

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Christopher Guest? Let's Go to BlogHer!