BlogHer - pre-teens - Comments

Inspired by your posting...

nelle2nelle — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 13:00:41 -0500

I decided to write a story element of a hypothetical discussion on my fiction blog. The link is to the piece, in part a discussion between two mums and their 15 year old daughter.

the candour of my mothers

llhaesa

Indeed...

nelle2nelle — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:22:29 -0500

I think someone around here just fainted seeing my name in a sex thread. ;-)

I love your recommendation and how to approach developing a strong sense of self-governance, so vitial to do.

We didn't approach things this way, but dammit, wish we had. It still worked out fine with our two daughters, but I like the stripping of inhibition element as much as the 'this is my territory' part.

As someone who grew up with so many misconceptions, misperceptions, and misunderstandings about myself, along with a totality of ignorance on our bodies that borders on astounding, encouraging a comprehensive education and understanding from an early age is a beautiful thing.

llhaesa

Hi Liz. Thanks for your insight.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:17:04 -0500

Hi Liz.

Thanks for your insight. I like your five signs to know if you are a parent that is just being uptight. I would love to know what your five signs are for - when the parent should be uptight?

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

Thanks Nelle. You're very kind.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:51:19 -0500

Thanks Nelle.

I was committed to this post once I began working on it, and when it didn't come together the way I had hoped, I still felt it was an issues that needed to be address. I wasn't able to find the answers I was looking for...but where better a place to try to find them but here on BlogHer?

Thanks for your support.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

Hi Minnie. I totally agree with you.

Catherine Morgan — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:43:25 -0500

Hi Minnie.

I totally agree with you...the lists are stupid. I think that's half the problem. There is no information out there that quantifies the signs. How bad do these signs have to be before a mom should worry? If you're worried, what should you do? At what age is it o.k. to just let them make their own mistakes?

I wish there was more helpful (specifically detailed) information out there...If there is, I sure couldn't find it. That's why at the end of the post, I make a request to parents who may have experienced this, to leave advice and suggestions.

I'm clueless when it comes to personal experience on this issue. I've been chronically ill most of my life. In my adolescence I had very bad asthma, so I couldn't even be around people that were smoking. And I guess I never had the feelings of being invincible that many teens have today. They think nothing bad can happen to them. But I never felt that way, I always felt like I was on borrowed time.

So, I'm sorry the post wasn't what you were expecting. Frankly, I'm disappointed in it too.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan at catherine-morgan.com, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

A bit unfair...

nelle2nelle — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:15:50 -0500

what does one expect when tackling this issue in the blogosphere? A dissertation on the issue worthy of putting a Dr. before a name?

Probably most in this thread are parents. We all know there is no manual for parenting. We make use of common sense, we make use of trial and error, we make use of some advice, we make use of our minute by minute increase in experience, and we do the best we can.

I started drinking alcohol at age 13. Not much mind you, but it surely carried lure. I started smoking pot at 17, my first semester in college. Yet if there was really an issue with me, it wasn't either of these things, it was deeply suppressed gender issues.

We don't parent in a vacuum. Children have some formidable intelligence at their own disposal. They are learning from what is around them, and they are learning to cope with and within that environment.

This is something that makes use of timeless remedies and also needs shifting awareness, because the terminology, and the substances consumed, are also shifting.

IMO, the very first place to be aware is right from the beginning of parenthood - it starts with self esteem. Self esteem is what will break down first and open the floodgates everywhere else. Read Reviving Ophelia for a great look at adolescent girlhood and coping with the loss of esteem.

I'm going to applaud Catherine for tackling the issue and having the courage to toss it out there for comment and critique. There are no hardfast rights and rules here, and she should be commended for taking the time and putting in the effort to construct this post.

nelle

I'm always really annoyed by

minnie — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:07:50 -0500

I'm always really annoyed by that same old stupid list of 'things to look for'.

i see no thoughtful analysis about this on your part. Are you a good mother or a bad mother? did you do drugs? do your kids do drugs? how has it affected you or people around you? Why do drugs scare you so much?

AnywayI did drugs all through my teens and 20s and now i am A ROCKET SCIENTIST.

-Minnie

http://www.thankyoufonotbeingperky.com

http://www.screamything.com/screamything

If my mom was judging me on this checklist

Liz Henry — Sat, 17 May 2008 12:04:47 -0500

If my mom was judging me on one of these sad little checklists, I'd need a drink even more. OMG my teenager is non conforming and rebellious and surly and disrespectful ! How unusual!

Count me as a mom who does not think it is criminally hideous for a teenager to be a little bit bad and hang out drinking beers in the bank parking lot or take a toke once in a while.

5 signs for a perfectly reasonable U.S. teenager to know if their parent is too uptight

- babbles constantly about your grooming

- tries to put you in rehab because you partied it up a couple of times

- thinks incense means devil worship

- thinks your friends are annoying

- thinks your weird hairstyle and excessive eyeliner are a "warning sign"

Now far more common among people I grew up with was, we as teenagers were perfectly reasonable in our behavior, but the parents were secret alcoholics and child molesting scumbags.

I think in our culture there is a lot of demonization of kids having fun and establishing some distance, and adults should look to providing better pathways for kids' liberation and independence, especially economic rights and right of self determination. They should also look to clean house on their own selves.

-----------------

Liz Henry

lizzard@bookmaniac.net

Badgermama - personal & mommyblog

http://liz-henry.blogspot.com