BlogHer - love - Comments

if he asks for space....but you live together

annacorrado — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:59:19 -0600

My boyfriend recently asked for space, but we live together. What do I do?

Ugh! How did we get into

avflox — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:35:45 -0600

Ugh! How did we get into this mess?

I need a follow up column next week about how to solve for this.

Coast-T0-Coast Fakeness

Bill Cammack — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:27:59 -0600

"In Los Angeles, the things that usually mean something elsewhere don't mean anything—until they're supposed to mean something. The problem with this is that no one really knows what the hell is real and what isn't, what means something and what doesn't, until our so-called movie is over and the critics have had their say."

I wrote about the NYC scene in "Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)". Your words have reminded me to talk about the fakeness in NYC dating. There's a similar lack of meaning in everything that we do, because there's too much selection. There's no need to work anything out with anyone, because you can get someone just like them TODAY.

"Just like them" might mean the way they look, the way they act, how sexy they are or aren't.. There are so many people here that whatever traits you like in someone, you can find those in another 100 people if you try looking around. I just took a walk to the store, going six blocks, round-trip and saw three chicks that I would have kicked it with to some degree that I've never seen before and I'll never see again. C'est La Vie. So What? There's more where that came from.

If I lived in a different environment, I most likely would have kicked it to one or more of them or at least said "Good Morning", but I really wasn't interested because I'm going to see more chicks I like the next time I walk out the door and I have at least two parties to go to tonight where I'm going to be introduced to women anyway. This is a style of fakeness on its own. I liked them but I wasn't going to bother saying anything to them because they're expendable. The fakeness is not informing them that I'm into them and letting them make a decision on whether they want to become friends with me or not.

Another fomat of fakeness is how these people love to call themselves "going out" with someone and then a few months later, they're single again. I fakely act platonic with them until they get over their latest fad and then it's back to whatever we were doing before that, um.. unless she got out of shape since the last time I messed with her, haha :D

Anyway, there's tons of fakeness here and not much meaning that you can actually cling to. It's just not intelligent to take people's word for stuff. That guy comes along with the apartment and the car that the chick likes and all of a sudden her greetings go from kisses on the lips to BARELY hugging you and stretching her face as far to the side as possible so she doesn't mess up her "good thing". Down the line, they usually figure out that they sold their ass for an apartment and a car and get back down with the REAL program.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

What do you think?

avflox — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:25:51 -0600

What do you think?

Dating in LA

itsdifferent4girls — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:15:52 -0600

Thanks for the insight AV.

http://itsdifferent4girls.com/blog

International Women’s Lifestyle, Work & Empowerment by Linda Sherman

You are...

tamiel — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:26:12 -0500

40 years old, awesome, courageous, inspiring...be as 40 as you can be.

It's just life, after all.

Not in Love

lauralohr — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:21:10 -0500

This book has so much history and tradition for me. I was a bit depressed, disappointed and bored.

Laura (lauralohr.com)

We didn't like it

annieand — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:17:09 -0500

I talked about how it was not worth the money to see it in the theaters for our family.

you aren't alone

debontherocks — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:36:52 -0500

You aren't alone in this read of the movie, so I'm glad you are adding this perspective. I don't think Max's life will be the same though, I think he'll be in charge of himself. Admittedly, the script does indulge a lot of Buddist, Jungian and good old-fashioned group-therapy-with-monsters spins.

I kind of do like ennui, though. ;)

Deb
www.debontherocks.com blog
www.3smartgirlz.com consulting

running away

debontherocks — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:31:58 -0500

It definitely was a divergence from the book, which upset some people. I liked it as a plot device. It emphasized the sense of distance between the worlds, and helped the suspension of disbelief factor. When Max stays in his room after being sent there he is obeying his mother, and though that is not obvious in the book it would have been in the film. I like it that Eggers/Jonze prolonged Max's rebellion and delays his "civilization."

Deb
www.debontherocks.com blog
www.3smartgirlz.com consulting

Not for Kids or Adults who Love the Book

Damn Skippy — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:47:55 -0500

The movie was visually amazing and will win all the technical awards (rightly so). But just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. The piled-on miseries of Max's life and the emotional wallowiness of the monsters just reduces the story to a sad psychotherapy session. It's almost as bad as what Burton did to Wonka. All the tacked-on real world stuff is depressing.

Max's rule of the island doesn't just end when he gets homesick, like in the book. No, it begins right off the bat filled with petty insecurities and then quickly falls apart in a pathetic (but accurate) depiction of social dissolution. Every character gets a chance to fall short of someone else's expectations and suffer through the resulting emotional discomfort. Over and over again.

Finally the story ends up in exactly the same place it began. When Max wakes up tomorrow, his life will still be miserable and lonely. If you love the book - and if you want your children to love the book the way you do - don't take them to see this film. Go see it alone, when you feel like wallowing in hopelessness, insecurity and ennui.

Deb, what did you think about the running away

Honeybeast — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:06:52 -0500

instead of the melting walls? That (well, that and whether the lead Thing would bring Tony Soprano immediately to mind) is my main point of curiosity. Can't wait to see it!

Sometimes Men should go back where they came from! lol

naisi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:57:23 -0500

NAISI

I just read your post and I love it, just what I needed today!!! Okay, married almost 30 yrs and it seriously gets worse each yr not better. Not sure what romance is but hey it doesn't matter that I'm tired from dealing with everything including getting a new job, animals, kids, mother, in-laws etc. I'm still suppose to do all the "woman" things and then strut into that bedroom being the vixen!

All I would like is alittle romance, you know when he walks in the door he actually comes to find me and says, "hey Babe, love ya missed ya" and gives you a hug....nope don't get that goes outside to hang with the guys, makes fun of me doesn't help with any household chores cause he is now working more hours(yeah, I'm one the one with the bonbons on the couch all day...right...wouldn't know what a bonbon was if it bit me in the butt).

But come night-time I still suppose to want to ...do it!! NO hugs, cuddling not allowed etc etc....the caveman has emerged after all these yrs and truly tired of him.

I dream of running away from it all and find a man who at least realizes I have a brain, not too bad looking and can engage in real conversation....look for him to stare into my eyes and drool a little too...won't be that bad. Hey, actually bring me bonbons and a flower would be nice.

Men sometimes need to go back to Mars and stay there until they realize it's a priviledge to be able to be with us from Venus. They are so dense they don't realize that just a smile, a hug and a "I missed you". ...is really all it takes.

RE: Spooning ETC

LRM — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:31:17 -0500

Yes, I agree, every marriage develops its own set of rules (many you make up as you go)! But, for me, separate bathrooms would be a death sentence. Our new master bath has double sinks and that's about as much independence as I need. I shed. I smear toothpaste. I loathe refilling the q-tips. Lord help me if John ever decides he wants separate bathrooms.

http://www.StuffMarriedPeopleLike.com

Spooning ETC

Tina Lane — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:05:51 -0500

I don't think there in anything wrong with inventing your own rules for your cohabitation if it makes you a happier well rested couple. My hubby and I have agreed to keep seperate bathrooms, and that just isn't going to change.