BlogHer - perfectionism - Comments

thanks

hb — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:07:25 -0500

Thanks KarlyP. I needed this article.

Right on

flourishes — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:21:25 -0500

I don't know where this pressure comes from. It wasn't easy when I worked outside the home, either. When I first quit my job, I thought I needed to do it all. I got up every morning and cooked breakfast for my family. I washed and ironed my husband's button-down shirts. Oh, and I was trying to take care of a newborn, too. I eventually just threw my hands in the air and surrendered. I am not a perfect housekeeper, I hate ironing and my husband and teenage sons are perfectly capable of making their own breakfasts.

Mary, mom to three

http://confessionsofacraftaddict.com

Andrea, It is a vicious

Amy Gates — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:12:16 -0500

Andrea,

It is a vicious cycle as I've found too, but at least we are aware of it and we do the best that we can. Best of luck to you as you try to find balance as well.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Not negotiable

Amy Gates — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:09:00 -0500

Hi Mashadutoit,

You are so right in that writing is not negotiable for me. It is something I have to do to stay sane so I will find a way to make it work. It might just mean I can't write for everybody or every blog, but I can at least write for me.

Thanks! :)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Question

AnissaMayhew — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:38:01 -0500

Someone asked me if I try to gloss over life in the blog. I told them no, that it's pretty much WYSIWYG, the good, bad and emotionally ADD. Yet, I wonder if (in reading some sites) the pressure is there to present "perfection" in the blogosphere.

I may be completely naive in believing that people will respect the honesty, but do they really want it? I put it all out there and realize that I will probably never be a blog that companies/sponsors come running to because of that fact.

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

BTDT and actually, I still

CreativeJunkie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:10:14 -0500

BTDT and actually, I still find myself there occasionally. I find it very hard not to strive to be perfect and the more I try, the more I fail. Then I try harder and fail harder. It's a vicious cycle.

I stopped my custom design business for that very reason ... I was stretched too thin and my family life was beginning to suffer. But I still needed some creative outlet. I'm hoping my blog fills this void. So far, it has and I figure as long as I enjoy it and it doesn't become "work", I'll continue with it.

Anissa, I'm so sorry. I simply cannot imagine the heart ache.

Andrea

The Creative Junkie

http://www.thecreativejunkie.com

Anissa

Kathy333 — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:45:45 -0500

Your post made me cry.

My mom had a stroke in December. After going through the recovery, therapy, and everything else associated with the stroke we began looking at our lives and how quickly they really go by. It's so important to understand that each and every day is just a gift, and the things that we think are important sometimes (dishes, laundry, clean carpets) really aren't. I always remember Erma Bombeck's writings about if she had her life to live over.

I'm sorry about your daughter's diagnosis. As a mother of two young girls it just tears me a part to think of what it would be like for something like this. My thoughts are with you. Peyton is beautiful!

all I can say is

mashadutoit — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:45:27 -0500

All I can say is, hang in there!

I dont even have children, and I'm struggling to balance making time for myself, my job, and my husband, my dogs - in no particular order! :)

Only thing I can say is that if you have something that you need to do, like writing, it actually is not negotiable. If you try to smother that part of you, it will come out badly in some other part of your life as resentment. Of course that does not mean you have to accept all oppertunities to write that come forward - not possible. But any creative work demands that you be - for want of a better word - selfish. Which is not easy.

Getting a point across

AnissaMayhew — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:33:08 -0500

I don't pretend to ever have the answers for someone else's way to do things, but boy I wish someone else had been able to get through to me before the world started crashing down. I think it's one of the good things that came from my daughter's cancer, that awareness of priorities.

Thanks for the compliment on the picture, it's one of my favorites!

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

Kathy333 - Good for you for

Amy Gates — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:14:20 -0500

Kathy333 - Good for you for admitting to yourself when you needed to cut back and actually following through. I'm still working at that myself.

Thank you. I will enjoy my vacation for sure. :)

Anissa - I'm so sorry. That's one wakeup call no one ever wants to get, but we can all learn such a valuable lesson from you. Thank you for sharing. BTW, I love your new avatar.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Losing the illusion

AnissaMayhew — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:20:06 -0500

In 2005 I had a stroke and then in 2006 my youngest was diagnosed with cancer. Trust me when I say that being the everything mom fell way to the sidelines.

Whenever I talk to a newly diagnosed parent, i tell them that the way they used to do everything changes and your perception of what's important transforms right along with it. Scrub the bathroom or take the time to push the kids in the swing? No question...and the bathroom may REALLY need to be cleaned, it will never be as important...and SHOULDN'T be....as my time with my children.

There will always be laundry to be done, dishes to wash, people who want or need our attention, projects to complete...but we do have to take advantage of the limited gifts we have...we can never get back the time that passes. I so do not have it all together, but I stopped worrying about people judging me because of it. I wish I was more organized, a better cook and that I could have a house party at a moment's notice...but what I do have is far more important.

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

So right!

Kathy333 — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:46:10 -0500

Oh gosh I totally understand! Funny too, I just read a column by a writer in Orange County who was talking about the 'perfect' parents and then how one day a 'perfect parent' came up to her in tears and asked how she did it all!

I think it is in a woman's/mother's genes to want to make the appearance that we can.

I went through the same thing and actually stopped taking extra jobs. I'm spending more time with my kids, going to the park, to the library, things I always did but right now that is my focus. I needed a break, like you. And it has done me a tremendous amount of good. I am still working but only what I can handle, and I'm learning to say no! And when I begin to feel stressed out I realize that I'm overtaxing myself and I stop, take a deep breath, and reconfigure my schedule.

Enjoy that vacation!! You deserve it. Put down the computer and focus on the family and you'll be glad in the long run that you did.

Thank you, Mamastoff.

Amy Gates — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:40:03 -0500

Thank you, Mamastoff. That's a great point about the media perpetuating the myth too.

What's this about sitting around in pjs with spit-up on them? Hey, did you just look in my window? ;)

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

AMEN!

mamastoff — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:40:02 -0500

I totally feel the same way and mostly feel our NEED for being Suzy Homemaker comes from the media: celebrities who seemingly have it all- the career, the children, the perfect body, the perfect wardrobe (never mind the fact that they have all the money they could dream of for help with those things), etc. even though I know we don't see the whole picture, tv shows who depict not-so-true versions of mommies, and even the blog world where I think a lot of us see only a part of a person- perhaps the best parts, and fail to realize that they are probably not always looking like their pretty pictures they have posted. They're probably sitting on their computers in their pajamas with spit-up on them just as we are. I wrote a post a while ago about how we all-too-often compare ourselves HERE.

Great post! I htink it's definitely something that needs to be discusssed among all of us!

www.sprinkles.wordpress.com

Turning Angry Moments into Teaching Moments

WickedStepmom — Wed, 07 May 2008 07:53:38 -0500

I try to remember to APOLOGIZE to my kids when I yell or blow up at them - so, while I am teaching them that Mommy gets angry sometimes (but I still love them very very much), I also know how to apologize when I make the wrong choice.

Cate
The WickedStepmom
http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com