BlogHer - abuse - Comments

Smart Doesn't Prepare You For This

theotherbed — Mon, 04 May 2009 17:46:46 -0500

I have often said, to myself, that if he hit me, I could have him arrested, and I would. Then I could make a case. Emotional abuse is more insidious than physical abuse because there are no scars or broken bones. But there's definitely feeling broken, scarred, and hopeless.

I just joined blogher, and I'm looking for fellow survivors. Part of the extreme difficulty with living with narcissism, and there are many, is that others just don't get it. I'm finally starting to get it myself. But guess what? He ruined my credit, told everybody I was crazy, and still smiles and says, "Hi, Hon!" as if he doesn't have a problem! I have been looking for a place to live, but I can't fill out the credit app.

A BA, cum laude, and an MFA, did not give me the smarts to anticipate or deal with this kind of thing. We've been together 30+ years, but it took me almost that long to figure out what was going on.

Looking forward to an exchange of information with you. Hope you'll visit my site, too. I have to run and fix my signature now!

Always Getting Better,

theotherbed

<a href="http://theotherbed.com">theotherbed</a>

PR: wait... I: wait... L: wait... LD: wait... I: wait...wait... Rank: wait... Traffic: wait... Price: wait... C: wait...

Self-Respect

rebellious thinker — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:58:38 -0600

cparker, it all comes down to self-esteem and self-respect. That is what every lesson needs to key in on--having the girls believe in themselves. Believe that they deserve better treatment. Believe that who they are is good enough. Believe that they can dream--and achieve their dreams.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

girls and teenage relationships

cparker — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:51:35 -0600

i have found this website because i am a drama practitioner (male) looking for new ways to engage with teenage girls on this and other subjects, such as bullying. im in London - in the UK they have a new subject in the school curriculum called PSHE (Physical, Sexual and Health Education). Not enough curricula time is devoted to this subject, which should be taught at home anyway. One thing i noticed from working with a group of Year 8 girls last month, was that 90% of the class ate sweets for breakfast!!! this is surely causing an imbalance in their physiology and making them behave in irrational and unfocused ways.

But i think the main body of work that needs to be done here is cultural deprogramming. from such a young age girls are bombarded with unhealthy personal targets and expectations from society.. i have used many forum and regular drama techniques to open up this subject with teenage students, but am always looking for new and more engaging ways of holding a classroom of girls' attention for the short 50 minute period i get once per month to do this. reading the comments above, and hearing any other personal experiences is very helpful for me, and hopefully can be helpful for those who benefit from my practice.

the 12 steps

christinajeanne — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:17:56 -0500

I'm in recovery in theAl-anon program. I'm currently working step 4 which I talk about briefly in my blog. I think your post is great! These steps can help anyone anywhere no matter what they are going through. And if they have a problem I highly recommend they seek help.

Marriage is Not a Prayer Session

rebellious thinker — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 08:07:26 -0500

I was married for 21 years. I did not take the decision to end my marriage lightly, but there is a point in some marriages and relationships when you realize that you and your partner are no longer in a partnership that is fair, in fact, it hurts. According to my religious beliefs or understanding of God, I am responsible for my own actions, not another person's, and that I am not put on this earth to suffer but to reach my fullest potential and be as good as I can to my fellow inhabitants of this earth.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Enough. Guy—and guys—zipper it!

homebizgirl — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:01:30 -0500

After 23 years of marriage, I have discovered that there is more to it than that...

My husband and I have a home business together, raise children together, and worship God together.

We have been through things that should have destroyed our marriage, our family, and our lives...

The bible says: "How can two people walk together unless they are agreed?"

The bible also says: "NO ONE can tame the tongue," but a man (or a woman) submitted to God can do anything!

Living a life filled with bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness is not living life at all...

Healing begins with YOU... not someone else.

God can heal you, your children, and yes... even your ex husband.

Try this... klove.com

Life or Living?

rebellious thinker — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:30:32 -0500

Last night I laughed and cried at the same time. It's so absurd. Why has this happened, how have I gotten so stuck in this abysmal situation? Why are my children watching this and a part of this torment? I keep trying, and the wall is still a wall. I ask to meet. I ask to mediate. But he just ignores me. I am coming to the conclusion that he is sicker than I thought. I have my November court date, and if the judge helps--great. If not, then I need to move on. What more could I lose?

Laura, www.rebelliousthoughtsofawoman.com

More positive thoughts and hugs from me.

kazari — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:19:24 -0500

I can't imagine living in your situation.

Accepting All Blog-Based Positive Thoughts

rebellious thinker — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 08:52:53 -0500

Thank you for your positive thoughts. Compassion, from any source, is wonderful.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Positive thoughts from the

ewillse — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 08:41:21 -0500

Positive thoughts from the blogosphere.

I wish I could do more than read this, with my heart aching for what you're going through. Stay courageous. Stay as positive as you can, and know that what you're writing is touching strangers and giving them pause.

- E

elizabethwillse.wordpress.com

Freelance Book Reviewer

Keeping the Doors Closed

rebellious thinker — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:47:08 -0500

You have to wonder if the doors stay closed because no one is listening when they are opened. When I was married to mr ex, I had no recourse to his insults and rants. If he is my husband, he can say what he wants to me; they only thing that he cannot do is threaten my life. And you know what, when we were divorced and he threatened to kill the man I was dating at the time, the police told me that it is JUST a domestic dispute and if the warning had been over the phone, well then they could have done something about it. And when I called the police because he was very agitated, they told me to stay away from the house. Not him, not the agitated man, no me, the woman who was scared for her life.

And when I sent a couple of letters to the editor of the Washington Post about abuse, after a couple of incidents when men killed their spouses and children, they never printed them. I guess the world still needs more letters on everything else but what goes on behind closed doors.

The doors are closed because that's the way the boys like it. (Cynical, no. Realistic, yes.)

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Sad

reginatgg — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:14:57 -0500

Domestic violence is still one of those things that everyone knows is bad, like racism and not recycling, but when they are behind closed doors, don't feel it is a big issue. Many people do still think "Well, she was a bitch and probably deserved it." It is so sad that any woman and her children would have to live in fear.

Gina

http://momwifeworkerbee.blogspot.com/

What are the neighbors saying?

rebellious thinker — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:41:15 -0500

Who cares about eye rolling--that's a face saving gesture--as long as someone is paying attention.

There's so much competition for girls' attention. There's the nurture in the house, and then the "nurture" from friends, and tv, and school, and society.

I have two daughters (12 and 17), and I have surely tried to teach them to be strong women and to speak up for themselves. But you know what? My younger daughter has a friend who other mothers don't let their daughters hang out with her (I almost forgot myself and said "play," but they are so over that). Anyway. I asked her one day why the moms treat her like that and she said that don't like that she is so blunt and speaks her mind. This is a 12-year-old girl being ostracized by parents because of her frankness. She is at my house often, so I know that there are not disrespectful things coming out of her. Just makes you pause and wonder what is being taught is other homes.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

This absolutely breaks my heart.

GlindaofOz — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 10:13:32 -0500

What is going on with our young girls today? So many of them suffer from severely low self-esteem. How has this happened? I quake in thinking about what the future holds for these young women.

Who do we fault? I'm not a parent so I always hate to place the blame there but I have to wonder. I have a teenaged cousin and my aunt and uncle did everything to help her feel good about herself and all of their work on trying to instill self-esteem in their daughter has been washed away. So I wonder if the influence of peers and media is stronger than anything from parents.

I'd like to believe that adding self-esteem workshops and spotting abusive relationship signs to curriculum at school would help but i can't help but believe that it would induce eye-rolls from teens.

Self-discovery through fashion!

www.wisdomofglinda.com

askglinda.blogspot.com

glindaofoz.blogspot.com

Another film for teens

rebellious thinker — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 07:52:03 -0500

The high school where I teach had a program like that this past year. The students watched a very good film about abuse, there was a short intro to the film, a brief question and answer period at the end, and that was it. Maybe it was enough for someone to realize what was happening to her, maybe it was enough for someone to see what he was doing, but this should surely be a bigger part of the curriculum. What can be more important than to know how to treat and respect each other?

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com