BlogHer - privacy - Comments

I grew up an only child

roonag — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:42:01 -0500

I grew up an only child raised by two loving and responsible parents who were not ashamed of their occasional nakedness around me. I did not like to shower alone, and until as late as age 8 or 9 I would share showers with either my mother or father. My parents were not "nudists" and their nudity around me was confined to the shower and changing only.

I'm sure most people would not take second thought to a girl who showers with her mom, but there are those who might read this and think that a girl showering with her dad might be a little creepy. Well, from experience I can state that as long as all parties are comfortable, it is a perfectly natural and wholesome experience. In no way did my father ever act in a sexual or abusive way.

Admittedly, when a young girls stands at eye level with a grown man's genitals, some curiosity will ensue. Usually, my father would not take notice of the fact that we were naked together. Sometimes I would ask questions like "Why don't girls have a penis?" or "what are your balls for?" My father was very matter of fact in his responses. I never felt embarrassed or ashamed, but rather very comforted. I enjoyed being nude with either of my parents without feelings of over stimulation. There was never any touching or other contact.

By adolescence, my desire for privacy increased. Nudity amongst the three of us became less frequent. I am glad that my parents were comfortable. I feel that I can have a view of the human body as beautiful without being overtly sexual.

I'm beginning to think

Virginia DeBolt — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:13:23 -0500

that you are right.

Virginia DeBolt

BlogHer Technology CE | Web Teacher | First 50 Words

I'm beginning to believe that there's no such thing

Flightkeeper — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 08:13:04 -0500

and there seem to be plenty of people who don't want privacy judging from all the social media that's available. I mean, facebook and myspace members, they scream "look at me". Why else would you engage in such a public digital portal and post personal things about your life. Credit card companies have an accurate profile of you and when there are purchases that don't fit the profile they are flagged and you get a phone call; those companies know more about you than your doctor! Privacy is a continually diminishing space.

(My blogs are http://flightkeeper.blogspot.com and http://cutefuncool.blogspot.com)

Privacy a latter space

WebriQ — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 06:34:54 -0500

I agree that privacy is a dominant word which is applicable to each and everyone especially in the corporate industry.The thoughts expressed in your post are good.

I used to be heavily involved in scouts

kazari — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 20:18:58 -0500

Any sort of footage of the kids (video or still) had to be approved, in writing, by every single parent. We had kids in foster care with violent family histories - there was a lot at stake. So I understand why the teacher asked.

I also understand why it seems so rediculous.

But the outcry seems much more ludicrous to me.

I don't think you're under reacting.

She Who — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 10:37:14 -0500

and I think Melissa nailed it exactly. Where are the kids in all this?

I was chair of a community group that runs a summer camp when someone volunteered to make us a webpage. As a parent, I was excited... FINALLY a way to communicate, put up permission slips and advertise our successes that didn't require just about face to face interactions. It was a 'no-brainer', right? However, sentiment was strongly against, and I didn't understand why, until various parents came to me privately. Among their concerns were of course pederasts (who would know the child's name and location) but also crazy relatives, hostile ex's and general exposure. One mom of a stutterer CRIED when expressing her fears that her daughter would wind up on you-tube. No one knows or can judge why families have the limits they do.

Recently, someone I had a fling with MANY years ago messaged me on facebook, thinking I was my daughter. He was inappropriate to someone he thought was a minor, to say the least. Soon after, he contacted me again, having concluded (doubtless after a little more online research) I was myself. Was I glad that my ACTUAL daughter wasn't the recipient of his attention? Darn tootin'. One photograph of the two of us or even of her would probably remove all doubt, and I'd be pretty upset if a video of her, even in a classroom, was released without my permission and resulted in a stranger (including, in the example above, a stranger who happens to write children's books) having access to her.

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who

I like the free-range concept

LucindaA — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 10:31:47 -0500

I remember when you first wrote about Skenazy and I was intrigued. Since then I have tried to be more aware of when I'm being reasonable and when I'm being paranoid. To more accurately assess the risks to my children. So I'm grateful for that.

However, I too checked out her blog and didn't find a lot of useful information. Just a lot of "this is how I do it and you should too" kind of thing. So the mocking of this teacher doesn't surprise me greatly. It does disappoint though. This could be such a "teachable" moment and instead it became an opportunity to mock. Too bad.

You aren't underreacting. I think you accurately assess how schools operate. It takes time to adjust to new technology and the desire to not offend and save hours of paperwork is very strong. Hopefully when the hoopla dies down, schools will take time to investigate the new technologies and develop appropriate policies.

Off the To-Read List

Melissa Ford — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:13:58 -0500

My lips are yours, Mir.

I have to admit that I was deeply interested in this book, having never seen the blog and only having information about her book. It sounds great in theory and definitely fits our parenting style. But since encountering the blog, I've taken the book off the to-read list which is a shame because I'm technically her target audience.

I am all for letting kids be kids. For raising responsible kids. For putting responsibilities on kids and for trusting kids. BUT I couldn't find a blog post that was about what kids wanted to do, what they were ready to do, or how to judge that. All I found were posts about the parents--what the parents wanted, how the parents felt, what the parents believed. I couldn't find posts that were actually kid-centered on a blog which is supposed to be about kids and listening to them.

And perhaps I didn't delve deep enough into the posts, but I honestly couldn't because the posts felt more like bullying than discourse. Posts took on a mocking tone, making fun of how others choose to parent or their personal limits. That particular post mocked a teacher for following the rules set by the school. It didn't invite a discussion--it simply invited bashing. And that is the fault of the author for not inviting a conversation simply through her word choice and lack of question. She jumps straight into shoving ideas down the reader's throat--how we're supposed to view this situation, what we're supposed to think. And apparently, decisions on limits are made within a bubble--with no outside information taken into consideration.

I believe in free range parenting when the people teaching it understand that each family needs to set their own comfort zone--one that is based on the maturity of their kids, the work they've done to teach responsibility, and the environment around them (it would be freakin' insane of me to let our kids play outside alone in our neighbour. It wouldn't be if I lived where I grew up). And anyone who is going to mock another person for their limits is not a teacher--they're actually just a bully. And the world needs more teachers if we're going to raise responsible, self-resilient kids into responsible, self-resilient adults.

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

I'll admit I found it odd

sassymonkey — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:13:41 -0500

When I read it I thought the question posed to the author was odd. I don't have kids so the only thing I can base it on is my own experience growing up. We had reporters from the local paper come into the classroom and take our pictures. It was no biggie and there were certainly no permission slips. The only permission slips I remember taking home were for field trips and after school activities on school property.

I do wonder how many people commenting have children and are more used to the "new normal."

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

I loved your take on it

Elana Centor — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:23:24 -0500

You're so right - if an email is leaked people do think, what were you thinking but in today's world, sending something via mail just is not reasonable. Plus, a written letter can be easily misplaced or an inquisitive teenager could rifle through your drawers and help themselves to your private correspondence. At least with emails you can have your emails password protected.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

Wow, glad you pointed this one out to me....

Leighbra — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:10:57 -0500

I enjoyed being horrified by Miss Becton's email exchange, and your take on it on your blog.

*titters*

"Quit apologizing!"

Well, gosh, they would, if you would quit raking them over the coals and let it go!

When I was a kid, I ended up with a ton of nicknames. ET was big at the time still, and those were my initials. I heard "phone home!" 2 dozen times a day in elementary school.

Nearly 20 years later, I ran into a girl I had gone to school with, and she said "Phone Home!" as if it were still relevant and funny. YEARS of being teased with the same tired joke came back to me, and I still didn't say a word.

Guess I took the wrong approach, I should have rubbed her nose in it for a good hour!

You're both right

Leighbra — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:57:56 -0500

When someone's email is stolen/leaked, people think: They should have taken more care to keep those private. We blame the victim.

My husband is a state employee and often comes home with stories about people sending emails to the wrong person(s) in the state directory. Some of the emails that get sent out would curl your eyelashes. And I've yet to hear of any of the senders being fired for it.

I haven't read any of the governor's emails because of how stomach sick I was over John Edwards affair. I believed in him so much, and I can't watch another wealthy white married man put his family in a position to be torn apart in front of the media.

But now I have to go read about poor Liz. At least he didn't call her Lizard Breath! I wasn't so lucky growing up lol

And like we tell our tweens and teens, don't put anything on the internet you don't want being read by your mom!

Exactly, Elana

Maria Niles — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:17:46 -0500

Great post.

Somehow I think if someone broke into a filing cabinet, took out the reprimand and then publicized it, people would have a much different attitude about the people who are supplying the media with these documents.

I suspect people would be outraged were these to be snail mails stolen from a mailbox. In fact, I believe it would be a federal crime. And yet somehow it seems to be fair game simply because the communication was sent electronically.

BlogHer Contributing Editor
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cadsuanne — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 08:12:38 -0500

I am the proud mother of a beautiful, too-smart baby girl that recently turned 2 years old. My husband and I have had diferent views of nakedness before our daughter was born, but now we seem to see eye to eye.

Let me preface this with a side note.....as a child I was sexually assaulted and my view of makedness and sex was forever changed in a negative way. It has taken most of my life to ba able to overcome those scars and lead a happy, productive life. When dealing with being naked around my daughter, I thought I would insist that my husband cover himself most of the time due to my personal demons. That said....

Both my husband and I run around the house naked most of the time. We have even cooked dinner naked. We both bathe with our daughter, cuddle with our daughter, and sleep with our daughter......all mostly naked. My husband is a very open and free thinking person. Even before our child was born he would spend a lot of his time at home naked, although I would wear undies. Since we have been married I have slowly become more and more open with my nakedness, and less ashamed. When I found out I was pregnant I decided that I didn't want my child to be embarassed about being naked, so we decided to be naked until the child showed a desire for privacy.

I will admit that because of my issues from childhood I sometimes have flashes of "should my husband put clothes back on yet?" Or I wonder at what age my daught should stop seeing us naked or partially dressed. I found this article will searching for informaiotn regarding this topic. I have decided, since reading many of the posts here, that we will continue as we are untilwe get the clues from her (and any other children we decide to have) that privacy is needed.

The ONLY place that I wish I had more privacy now, and will insist upon getting in the future, is in the bathroom - when I'musing it...lol I have a "potty phobia" that causes me to want to see, hear, or know what someone is doing in there...lol There's no shame in it (the being naked part) I just think its gross!!...lol

I hope that my daughter grows up with a healthy view of her body, and not the distorted unatainable view that much of society pushes on our young girls these days. I'm a bigger woman and I hope that her seeing me ok with my body will help her to be ok with hers, whatever it may look like as she grows up.

Thank you all for your great stories nad advice..:):) IT was all very helpfui...:):)

teens and pre-teens walking in.........

kandi — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 07:36:58 -0600

I don’t have small children my oldest daughter is 23 years old, then my 4 sons range in age from 19-11, then there is my youngest daughter who is 10. My girls are the bookends on either side of the boys.

Now that I have the whole family listed. You can see We have teens and pre-teens. They would never bother their dad while in the restroom. In fact, My 11 year old son accidentally walked in on his dad like 4 months ago and I thought he was going to faint…..lol He was so embarrassed , turned red and just keep saying, “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAW DAD’S BUTT!”……All I could think of was OMG what if he had saw the front…..lol

However with me they will knock and say, “ mom I need to tell you something right now, it’s important! Let me come in, I will close my eyes, mom”. I shout, “I’m bathing!“ They will say, “ it’s ok I’m not looking or I need to grab a towel or T.P.” They are teenagers, but it seems like what they need can’t wait! I feel uncomfortable with the boys, though I cover up quickly. It seems when they have to get something or tell me something it’s a must at that moment and can’t wait. I have talked to them and said, “ Sons you are almost grown now and mom needs some privacy when bathing, using the restroom or getting dress.” They just seem to act like I’m making a big deal about it.

As for my two daughters I don’t mind them coming in. I guess because they are girls like me. They don’t care if I walk in on them either.

Maybe I’m making a big deal about the boys. My husband just wants me to stop screaming when I’m walked in on….lol But I can’t help it. I get startled and my natural response is to scream…..lol I know some of you are saying Well lock the door. Well my bedroom has a lock, but the master bath does not. I might have to put it on my honey do list….lol

I think when kids need their mom, it does not matter whether she is dressed or not. As for their dad they would never walk in on him to ask, “Did you buy cheese?” or “What channel does (Meet the Browns) come on?” Or “What‘s for dinner?” Well, I’m a mom first and far most….nude or not….lol One day we will all look back and miss all these silly and crazy times.

Thanks for your great blog and everyones super comments. I have enjoyed reading them.

Thanks and God bless you all, Kandi