BlogHer - privacy - Comments

I loved your take on it

Elana Centor — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:23:24 -0500

You're so right - if an email is leaked people do think, what were you thinking but in today's world, sending something via mail just is not reasonable. Plus, a written letter can be easily misplaced or an inquisitive teenager could rifle through your drawers and help themselves to your private correspondence. At least with emails you can have your emails password protected.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

Wow, glad you pointed this one out to me....

Leighbra — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:10:57 -0500

I enjoyed being horrified by Miss Becton's email exchange, and your take on it on your blog.

*titters*

"Quit apologizing!"

Well, gosh, they would, if you would quit raking them over the coals and let it go!

When I was a kid, I ended up with a ton of nicknames. ET was big at the time still, and those were my initials. I heard "phone home!" 2 dozen times a day in elementary school.

Nearly 20 years later, I ran into a girl I had gone to school with, and she said "Phone Home!" as if it were still relevant and funny. YEARS of being teased with the same tired joke came back to me, and I still didn't say a word.

Guess I took the wrong approach, I should have rubbed her nose in it for a good hour!

You're both right

Leighbra — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:57:56 -0500

When someone's email is stolen/leaked, people think: They should have taken more care to keep those private. We blame the victim.

My husband is a state employee and often comes home with stories about people sending emails to the wrong person(s) in the state directory. Some of the emails that get sent out would curl your eyelashes. And I've yet to hear of any of the senders being fired for it.

I haven't read any of the governor's emails because of how stomach sick I was over John Edwards affair. I believed in him so much, and I can't watch another wealthy white married man put his family in a position to be torn apart in front of the media.

But now I have to go read about poor Liz. At least he didn't call her Lizard Breath! I wasn't so lucky growing up lol

And like we tell our tweens and teens, don't put anything on the internet you don't want being read by your mom!

Exactly, Elana

Maria Niles — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:17:46 -0500

Great post.

Somehow I think if someone broke into a filing cabinet, took out the reprimand and then publicized it, people would have a much different attitude about the people who are supplying the media with these documents.

I suspect people would be outraged were these to be snail mails stolen from a mailbox. In fact, I believe it would be a federal crime. And yet somehow it seems to be fair game simply because the communication was sent electronically.

BlogHer Contributing Editor
PopConsumer
Beyond Help

Personal growth and enlightenment

cadsuanne — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 08:12:38 -0500

I am the proud mother of a beautiful, too-smart baby girl that recently turned 2 years old. My husband and I have had diferent views of nakedness before our daughter was born, but now we seem to see eye to eye.

Let me preface this with a side note.....as a child I was sexually assaulted and my view of makedness and sex was forever changed in a negative way. It has taken most of my life to ba able to overcome those scars and lead a happy, productive life. When dealing with being naked around my daughter, I thought I would insist that my husband cover himself most of the time due to my personal demons. That said....

Both my husband and I run around the house naked most of the time. We have even cooked dinner naked. We both bathe with our daughter, cuddle with our daughter, and sleep with our daughter......all mostly naked. My husband is a very open and free thinking person. Even before our child was born he would spend a lot of his time at home naked, although I would wear undies. Since we have been married I have slowly become more and more open with my nakedness, and less ashamed. When I found out I was pregnant I decided that I didn't want my child to be embarassed about being naked, so we decided to be naked until the child showed a desire for privacy.

I will admit that because of my issues from childhood I sometimes have flashes of "should my husband put clothes back on yet?" Or I wonder at what age my daught should stop seeing us naked or partially dressed. I found this article will searching for informaiotn regarding this topic. I have decided, since reading many of the posts here, that we will continue as we are untilwe get the clues from her (and any other children we decide to have) that privacy is needed.

The ONLY place that I wish I had more privacy now, and will insist upon getting in the future, is in the bathroom - when I'musing it...lol I have a "potty phobia" that causes me to want to see, hear, or know what someone is doing in there...lol There's no shame in it (the being naked part) I just think its gross!!...lol

I hope that my daughter grows up with a healthy view of her body, and not the distorted unatainable view that much of society pushes on our young girls these days. I'm a bigger woman and I hope that her seeing me ok with my body will help her to be ok with hers, whatever it may look like as she grows up.

Thank you all for your great stories nad advice..:):) IT was all very helpfui...:):)

teens and pre-teens walking in.........

kandi — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 07:36:58 -0600

I don’t have small children my oldest daughter is 23 years old, then my 4 sons range in age from 19-11, then there is my youngest daughter who is 10. My girls are the bookends on either side of the boys.

Now that I have the whole family listed. You can see We have teens and pre-teens. They would never bother their dad while in the restroom. In fact, My 11 year old son accidentally walked in on his dad like 4 months ago and I thought he was going to faint…..lol He was so embarrassed , turned red and just keep saying, “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAW DAD’S BUTT!”……All I could think of was OMG what if he had saw the front…..lol

However with me they will knock and say, “ mom I need to tell you something right now, it’s important! Let me come in, I will close my eyes, mom”. I shout, “I’m bathing!“ They will say, “ it’s ok I’m not looking or I need to grab a towel or T.P.” They are teenagers, but it seems like what they need can’t wait! I feel uncomfortable with the boys, though I cover up quickly. It seems when they have to get something or tell me something it’s a must at that moment and can’t wait. I have talked to them and said, “ Sons you are almost grown now and mom needs some privacy when bathing, using the restroom or getting dress.” They just seem to act like I’m making a big deal about it.

As for my two daughters I don’t mind them coming in. I guess because they are girls like me. They don’t care if I walk in on them either.

Maybe I’m making a big deal about the boys. My husband just wants me to stop screaming when I’m walked in on….lol But I can’t help it. I get startled and my natural response is to scream…..lol I know some of you are saying Well lock the door. Well my bedroom has a lock, but the master bath does not. I might have to put it on my honey do list….lol

I think when kids need their mom, it does not matter whether she is dressed or not. As for their dad they would never walk in on him to ask, “Did you buy cheese?” or “What channel does (Meet the Browns) come on?” Or “What‘s for dinner?” Well, I’m a mom first and far most….nude or not….lol One day we will all look back and miss all these silly and crazy times.

Thanks for your great blog and everyones super comments. I have enjoyed reading them.

Thanks and God bless you all, Kandi

What a great topic!

Jory Des Jardins — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 14:01:12 -0600

And I don't even have kids!

I feel compelled to comment, however, because my husband and I had very different backgrounds growing up, and we both know the chasm in opinion could have an effect on our offspring. He likes to call my perspective "Midwestern." I don't remember exactly how old I was before it wasn't convenient anymore for Mom to just plop me in the bathtub with her (when you think about it, it's actually much easier to get kids clean that way) or when I was no longer allowed to go into the bathroom when Dad was in the shower, but at some point the walls came down.

The last time I saw my siblings (other than my twin sis) naked was, oh, maybe when I was seven. I noticed my older sister getting these mini-boobs and felt maybe I wasn't supposed to witness her trajectory into double D's. My "baby" 32-year-old brother, now over 6 feet tall and 250 pounds, is still this hairless little thing that we used to fight each other for the privilege of helping him take a bath. I couldn't handle seeing him differently.

At some point my Dad got all weird about things. Everyone female and over 12 had to wear a bra. No free-bouncing or nipping out. He didn't say that, exactly. He would just look at you with this look of disdain and say, "Hey, how about putting on some proper clothes." I thought is was a Roman Catholic thing.

My husband, on the other hand, was born and raised near the beach. In pictures I've seen of him as a toddler he's always naked, like the Coppertone kid but with no tan lines. Free, like a little Tarzan. And in his opinion, as he was meant to be.

I'm so heartened to read these comments from perfectly normal people who don't want to cook dinner naked (I exaggerate here, my husband wouldn't want me to be exposed to splattering oil), or be naked all the time. He thinks it's because I'm repressed. I think it's because I'm cold. And I just don't want to be naked all the time. And yeah, I grew up in an environment that might have been less comfortable with sexuality, but I think that most households are, and we have varying degrees of expressing ourselves, so if I don't want to nip out when I go to work, so freaking be it.

Rita, you get the gold star for giving me a topic to riff off of on Pause. I'll be ripping off some of this comment because I see I've practically written a post here.

-J

Jory Des Jardins
writes on business and career topics at BlogHer, and on her personal blog Pause

I take my cues from my kids.

LucindaA — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:15:32 -0600

My daughter, now 7, started wanting privacy in the bathroom around 5. She doesn't want to dress in front of friends but still doesn't care about family (including her almost 6 year old brother). My son has no issues at all about modesty and still parades around naked like it's funny. But only in front of family.

By 3 we made it clear that my little nudists needed at least pants when company was here. By 5 they needed to be fully dressed when we had company.

They still walk in on me in the bathroom, and I protest and make it clear that I want some level of privacy. But I don't care if they see me naked, and they don't seem to care either.

I figure at some point, they will want privacy, will let me know, and I will respect that. But seriously, it's just a body. No need to make a big deal about it.

Family Showers

nkdolin — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:11:21 -0600

My daughter will also be five this spring. For the time being we do not hide nudity in our home. As a matter of fact, I generally shower with both kids (my son will be two this spring) each night but sometimes my husband does it. Considering she has a younger brother, my daughter sees his body parts all the time and will for a long time to come. We do talk about private parts and who can touch them. She definitely knows what is appropriate for home and what is appropriate in public. She's just a naked kind of girl. We have to force her to put on clothes when we have guests over. It's natural and normal at this age. I'm sure in a few short years she will be much more private. I suspect we will follow her lead.

nkdolin.blogspot.com

To Shower Or Not To Shower With Daddy

Tracy Evans — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:23:13 -0600

My husband puts our 27-month-old in the shower with him every other day. It's a huge timesaver for both of us. This way she's clean and ready to go to preschool. I don't have to get up as early as him so that's why he's gets her ready.

But now that she's a bit older I have been wondering if we should have her take a bath at night instead with one of us watching over her. That way she still gets clean but she doesn't see daddy's privates.

It's a tough call. Showertime has been a great bonding experience for both of them.

The Moxie Report. Giggles. Gaffes. Girl Talk. From television producer, writer and mom Tracy Evans. http://themoxiereport.blogspot.com

What's that????

kandi — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 12:34:48 -0600

What's that?.... was my 2 year old daughter's shocked response, when she walked in on her dad getting out of the shower. We had never really thought of how to handle this type of situation, being young parents. Well its been 21 years since that day. Since then we have had 5 more children. Total of 2 girls and 4 boys. After the first event with my oldest daughter, we just thought it would be best to be modest at an early age. This way it is no big change at a later age for the kids. No thought of shame or embarassment. So from that point on we just locked doors while changing or showering or using the bathroom. The kids really didn't think much of it since they were raised like that. As for the age of the children, when I stop walking in on them, it was around 6 for the boys and about 9 for the girls. The kids will kind of let you know when the time is right. We evenually had a girls restroom and boys restroom in our home. That solved a lot of problems. I guess each family has their way of addressing this issue.

Kandi in Tx.

jen

jaycee — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:48:14 -0600

My son is 7 and a half and he's a booby boy I think. He's fascinated! I don't want to be all prudish in front of him but I'm pretty much at that stage where I think I need to be a bit more careful about my nudity in front of him.

Jen at Semantically driven

Well...

nuttyhaddock — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:40:51 -0600

being Mum to 4 kids (3 boys, 1 girl) I have to say that reactions are not necessarily related to gender but purely personal.

My eldest son was so comfortable with his and our nudity and would spend his summers wandering naked on the beach,until the age of seven when he suddenly started wanting privacy...He is now 15yrs 6ft tall and although not bothered by my topless swimming he wouldn't be comfortable with my full nudity, but he is totally ok with his father being naked.

son no.2 11 yrs is wanting his privacy also and is not comfortable with me being naked. He is extremely physically precocious and has become interested in his changing body but not in a shameful 'must hide away' sense but rather wanting his privacy respected. my youngest son 10yrs and daughter 9yrs are not really bothered either way although my daughter gets a bit bossy with papa if he gets up naked in the morning to make me a cup of tea!

I think that really it is a question of deciding what you are all comfortable with and respecting each others privacy. Also, when they start to become more aware of their physical selves and are pre-pubescent then they naturally develop the need for their own, and by extension your physical privacy.

Tough one...

bereccah — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:15:29 -0600

That is a great subject. We had been told by our pediatrician that opposite sex parental nudity should stop at age four but four came and went for the most part. My husband and I both felt that like most things, the bigger deal you make about something, the bigger deal it is, so we didn't want to make it a huge deal. We try to have modesty without the element of shame and that seems to work mostly. Now if I could only convince my daughter to stop streaking...

<br><br><p><image class="centered"alt="post signature" src="http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r208/jennisajoy/finalsig.jpg" /

something i've been wondering too!

angelfehr — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:03:34 -0600

I've been wondering this myself - my girls, aged 4 & 5 are in swimming lessons and in the family change room, we change together, along with my 2 year old son. None of them comment on my body but I see them watching...I'm not too worried about my son at this point - I have to keep him with me in the change room so he doesn't take off.

I've decided that an open matter-of-factness is the best way to address things - I can be honest and open about my body and my children's bodies while still teaching them that some things are for private and not to be on display. It's not really a big issue unless we act like it is. And definitely to respect their comfort level - if and when they get to the age where they don't want to be unclothed in front of me or siblings, to accept that and honour it.

Painting Simplicity - my watercolor blog: http://angelafehr.blogspot.com

Hanging Out the Wash - my mom-of-3-preschoolers-who-loves-to-craft-read-bake-

and-scrapbook blog: http://hangingoutthewash.blogspot.com