BlogHer - afghanistan - Comments

Blog this today: How many

Gary138 — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:46:02 -0600

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Not just a women's issue

Devra Renner — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:34:32 -0600

This isn't just a woman's issue in the military. Single fathers also face this problem as do joint spouse couples (these are parents who are both active duty, and may not even be in the same branch of the armed forces).

There are quite a few moving pieces when it comes to deployments. I have encountered many instances when communication breakdown is the culprit. However, I have also encountered my fair share of hardass commanders who have a "it sucked for me, so it will suck for you" mentality. I've also known soldiers to avoid their careplan for the purpose of evading deployment. Then again, I have known soldiers whom have put a careplan together only to find out the folks they designated have had a change in circumstance and are no longer able to care for their child.

This is the first I've heard of the military placing a child in foster care due to a failed family care plan. My husband has been active duty for 22 years, so I think I've been around the block a time or two. Not to say it doens't happen, obviously it does.

I think this situation brings to light that this war is stressful on families and we need appropriate programs and services for military members who deploy and servicemembers and their families must be able to access these programs and services easily and quickly.

While the typical military family in the past was identified as "active duty" and their wife/husband and kids, we now have a much broader pool of people which includes National Guard and Reservists, their families and their extended families and friends. Because the reality is that some service members don't have family members who are able to take on the responsibility for childcare while they are deployed and often these folks rely on "chosen families" who could be located anywhere in the world.

As these wars progress, more "Purple" services are being developed, meaning there is a concentrated effort across the Department of Defense to make services and programs equally available to each branch of service. But like any govermental undertaking, it's going to be slow and bumpy until it's well underway.

But to the military's credit, they are addressing mental health issues in ways they had never done even 10 years ago. I would hate for one awful situation to make is appear as if the military is utterly unresponsive. They are trying, but it's really a new world for them in many ways and I think we do need to give acknowledgement to their efforts, even if they aren't perfect. But coming from 22 years of experience, specifically working with military families for much of it, and being one myself, I see progress being made.

www.parentopia.com/blog

I can fault the ARMY,

Leighbra — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:16:21 -0600

I can fault the ARMY, because this story made my blood run cold and tears fill my eyes.

When I was 18, I was a single teen mom. I tested very well on the ASVAB, and was recruited very hard by the Army, AF, and especially the NAVY.

Not a single one blinked when I said that I had an infant daughter at home, and was unmarried. The words I heard all the time, even when I asked who would take care of my daughter if I were to be deployed was "There are lots of single mothers in the military, we take care of our own."

I felt in my core then that it was too risky to sign papers and take that as truth, and this shows me that my intuition may have been correct. I felt a strong desire and call to serve, but couldn't imagine leaving my daughter behind.

Denise of course raises some good points, there was probably more the mother could have done to prepare for this situation. But I was assured that me worrying about the affects on my young daughter if I were to be deplolyed were unfounded. They're obviously were not

I'm not faulting the Army

Morra Aarons Mele — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:58:09 -0600

I'm faulting a social system in which the way we work and parent has changed, but the support systems in place, be they civilian or military, have not.

I looked up what an Army Specialist makes- roughly $24k a year, it seems. That doesn't leave you with many options...

Morra Aarons-Mele
www.womenandwork.org

I disagree Morra

Denise — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:10:08 -0600

Your opening paragraph has no factual basis. The rules apply for all members of the armed forces. If you are a parent, it is your duty to make sure that your family is prepared for you to deploy (or to be called into work at any moment.)

This applies to everyone, male and female - single or married.

To suggest, without any statistics to back it up, that this would not have happened to a man is taking the cry of "partriarchy" a wee bit too far, even for me.

I also take issue with this:

(and, Morra’s note, the Hyde Amendment that rules that no federal funds be used to pay for abortions means she would have had few options had she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, anyway. She had to keep the baby, and she had to provide for the baby. She is mother and provider.)

While I'm a huge supporter of federal funds for abortion, she did have options. She could have paid for her abortion out of her own pocket, as many women do. She could also have given her child up for adoption. I'm not faulting her for NOT doing either one of those, I support her choice to carry to term and parent her child. But your suggestion that she had few choices is false. She had the same choices that any other woman has.

A family care plan is required for a very good reason - to prevent a parent from having to deploy and leave a child without care. To be a parent without a legitimate care plan is outrageous. When her mother originally agreed to be on the care plan, did she not then realize just what that meant? Did she think it was just a piece of paper and it would never happen? What, exactly, were these women thinking? The US Army deploys people. Even when we aren't fighting war(s).

I've been the person listed on family care plans for single soldiers (both single moms and single dads.) I've taken care of children when their parents were deployed. One child in particular lived with my family more than she lived with her mom during a rough year in Panama. Her mom also made sure that if something had happened and I was not able to care for her child - there was a back up to me. And I believe there was a third back up, just in case. At the time, I took it for granted that every single parent in the military did this. Apparently not.

It's a difficult situation to be in. I realize that. But, when you join the military you're told that you may be deployed quickly and you MUST have a family care plan in place - they mean it. You must do this or you put your child at risk - not to mention your career.

It's impossible to know what type of assistance her unit provided to her prior to this incident. She may not have asked for more help. She may have asked for help and not received it. She may have asked for help and then not taken it. At this point, I can't fault the US Army. They followed orders.

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings

I saw this a while back and

anaesthetic — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:06:47 -0600

I saw this a while back and think it's horrible. I didn't know about the case on Maryland. I'm shocked that this is going on in Afghanistan but even moreso that it's still viewed as such in my "backyard".

Thank you for sharing!

codepink4peace — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:52:57 -0500

Thank you so much for posting the link to Frida's Notebook. What a great find! I sent it to our BlogHer group Women for Peace & Justice: http://www.blogher.com/groups/women-peace-justice

We are doing a lot of work right now around women's issues in Afghanistan and ending the escalation of US troops there. A large part of our work is to connect with women in Afghanistan to better understand what their needs are, and what they want for themselves and their communities. Frida seems like such a inspiration. I hope to reach out to her.

Sincerely,

Paris for CODEPINK

surprised

prayforsun — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 23:39:00 -0500

was really surprised when I read this. Even though Afghanistan is
not under Taliban control, they are imposing really strict and heinous laws. I
am truly inspired by the Muslim women that marched against the new law. To be
outspoken about the situation while they were being stoned and verbally abused
is absolutely incredible. I do find it somewhat funny that Judaism law is
completely opposite from the Afghan law. I wonder if President Hamid Karzai has
noticed this. I am really angry though that FoxNews did not cover this historic
event. I wish that it would have gotten more coverage because marital rape is
such a problem that people do not even realize that is going on all the time.
Allowing marital rape by a law in a country should have been publicized and
hopefully President Obama will address this issue so we can eventually
implement change.

Oh, the answers...

nelle2nelle — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:38:56 -0500

I've seen on access to sex and sex during, it chased me off the feminist board I now host; this was six years ago, and I left it be for a year and a half, the answers I saw were so bothersome.

In this nation, it still surfaces in outlook, and sometimes even in legal prodeedings. Now I can understand frustration over not having sex and deciding to end a marriage, hell in the last year of my marriage that was me all the way, I could not bring myself to have sex, it tore at my soul. And you can bet my partner was frustrated.

But she also didn't rape me.

In discussions elsewhere, it is mentioned that the Afghani law also has requirements for men, but they are not identical, they are ambiguous, with no on demand requirement. I've argued this point, and yet another persists in saying it is equal. Um, no.

We all have the right to self-determination - or we damn well should. It is folly for anyone to believe someone has unhindered access to our bodies. It is outrageous that any legal entity can support anything other than this as sacrosanct fact.

llhaesa

You and Zchamu are right

Kim Pearson — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:57:29 -0600

Getting a "scoop" isn't nearly as important as saving a life. Thanks for your comments.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|Professor Kim|

Not a small thing!

Kim Pearson — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:54:42 -0600

I'm so sorry for that error! It's corrected. Thanks!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|Professor Kim|

small thing

jenkew — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:45:23 -0600

The kidnapped journalist's name is Mellissa Fung, not Michelle.

I've been following it

sassymonkey — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:36:32 -0600

And the decision to not only keep it out of the news on the CBC but with other media groups was phenomenal. No, I don't believe that it was "CBC cowing to their political masters". The journalist was from the CBC but media groups around the world knew it and could have reported it. Reuters, the AP, BBC - they don't have to worry about what political party in Canada approves their budget.

As one journalist I heard say, no story is worth the cost of someone's life.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

I heard this on the Current this morning..

zchamu — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 10:24:56 -0600

They were discussing the decision to keep it quiet. I didn't get the name of the speaker, but he was a CBC representative. He basically said it was a very tough decision not only to ask competing media networks to keep it quiet (he said he had to promise his firstborn about a dozen times), but also to ask his own network to do so. They're journalists, after all, and reporting the news is what they do, and this is undeniably news. However, had the news gotten out her value to her hostage-keepers would have gone up exponentially, and so in this case keeping it quiet probably saved her life.

Visit my blogs at ThreeSeven (all that's irrelevant and amusing) and
ecochick (all that's green, cool and Canadian).

I am glad she is safe...

nelle2nelle — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:23:50 -0600

what a sorry mess exists there.

Right now, the current state of affairs there, the group I most fear for are Afghani women.

nelle

llhaesa