BlogHer - domestic violence - Comments

Second Chance Employment Services

Regina Varolli — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:37:00 -0500

For anyone interested in checking out another great organization...

http://scesnet.org

And sorry for all that babble-script in my last comment. Just don't know how to get rid of it!

Thank You for Your Article!

Regina Varolli — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:27:17 -0500

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For most of my adult life I've been involved in the issue of domestic violence / violence against women. The first thing I thought when Biden was nominated was that maybe, just maybe, the new (fingers crossed) Administration will pay some attention to this global epidemic that costs tax-payers and companies billions, and shatters lives for generations.

For the past six years, I've championed an organization called Second Chance Employment Services of Washington D.C., the nation's only no-fee, non-profit employment agency for victims of domestic violence. Being the first organization to take the official line that "economic empowerment is the key to a woman's ability to PERMANANTLY escape her abuser," Second Chance has found well-paying career-track jobs (with full health benefits) for over 500 women. A woman can't permanently escape her abuser without financial independence, and that boils down to a good job.

Your story is one more inspiration to me to keep fighting this fight!

DV Awareness Month Article at JWI:
"For Victims of Domestic Violence, Economic Empowerment Means A Good Job"
http://www.jwi.org/site/c.okLWJ3MPKtH/b.4496819/

Thank You, Ms Lucas

Deb S — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:04:05 -0500

Thank you for your thoughts, they me a lot to me and my family. Thank you for sharing your story.

Obama/Biden 2008

so very true

rsg2003 — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 11:53:00 -0500

you get my utmost respect for the work you're doing in the non-prof... DV is hard to handle as a community provider and we need more people who are willing to help. I can't tell you how many times I've seen women who have been victimized by DV fall into the cycle and believe that there is no way out. Keep pushing forward

Roger S. Gil, M.A.
www.rogergil.com/blog
www.luvbuzd.com

So Sad!

christinajeanne — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:06:59 -0500

Domestic violence is a major issue in america today and all over the world. It's sad how it often leads to situations like this when people end up having there lives stolen from them. This is a tragedy but I hope some good can come from it if that's even possible. My prayers are with the hudson family.

The escalation

Nordette — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 22:11:56 -0500

I think we make excuses for it. We see it coming at us and hope our eyes are deceiving us, the towering over you, getting in your face ... the attempts to isolate you from friends and family ... the effort to control all aspects of your money ... the belittling comments about your intelligence and appearance, all signs that have been covered at BlogHer before and elsewhere. And it's reported that Balfour exhibited some of this behavior. Also, his mother's defense of him sounded very much like the words of an enabler.

I think there are plenty of resources for information, but when a woman is isolated and having her movements monitored she begins to doubt herself and is less likely to see help or see the extent of the danger around her.

And Lisa of BWBTT commenting on another post blog made the follwoing observation:

Why do we continue saying "he's tripping!" and "she's tripping!"
instead of naming the behavior what it is: UNTREATED mental and emotional illness!

Definitely personal rage is a factor in these murders I think. Why shoot the child so many times? If it were just a drug hit, as Balfour's mother's implied, then there'd be less passion.

Balfour is not a "suspect," but it's understandable that he's a "person of interest" and police suspect domestic violence as the root.

Thank you for your comments.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Our insecurities can kill us

Nordette — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:55:37 -0500

Thank you, Candelaria, for your insightful comment. I remember those girlish days too, and updating on my personal blog about the update to Julia King (Balfour's) MySpace page, touched on female insecurity and the need to have a man, any man, In the same post, I wrote of seeing William Balfour's mother on CNN tonight. Very sad.

And yes, it's horrible no matter the family involved.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Awareness From Tragedy

Giyen — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:00:52 -0500

However sad this tragedy is, it just goes to demonstrate that domestic violence (which I believe was a factor in the situation) affects a cross cut of demographics - rich, poor, Black, White, Asian. As a former nonprofit director, I have seen some heartbreaking situations and it is always the same - the psychological abuse is just as prominent as the physical abuse. There is often so few resources to help those who do not have an imminent and tangible threat (but suffer from the day to day verbal abuse). Even the police are unable to act upon suggestive behavior that is nonphysically threatening. By the time things escalate from innuendo to acts of physical violence it's often too late for the victim.

So sad and tragic.

Giyen

Bacon Is My Enemy

Terrible

Candelaria Silva — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:17:39 -0500

Having been a victim of domestic violence and having had friends be victims, I am so saddened by this tragedy. Even if it should turn out not to be domestic violence - the violence is terrible.

We find that celebrity offers no protection. I thought immediately of the tragic murders of Michael Jordan's father and Bill Cosby's son. Neither of those was a case of domestic violence but random violence and tragic.

One thing you noted resonates with me - that very often women bring men into our children's lives who are not suitable for them (or us). Part of the problem is that it's very easy not to know who a person really is. I had a friend who found out after dating someone for nearly a year that he'd changed his name (and not out of ethnic pride). She found out how little she knew about him. We all thought he was a nice guy and in the context in which we knew him, he was. But we didn't know who he was, where he came from or who his people were. (Easy to do in a time where people move frequently.)

I know that both my friends and I (in our "girlish" days) got so hungry for companionship that we made some questionnable choices. On my website, I link to an essay I wrote about my former hairdresser who was brutally murdered.

Anyhow....my heart goes out to Jennifer Hudson whose achievements were such a triumph against the odds. It is so sad to have this happen to her or anyone.

Lord, have mercy, for the evil of this world.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

One too many is right, Megan.

Nordette — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:02:56 -0500

I hope it turns out that Balfour didn't do it so it will be one less case in the domestic violence column, and police do have questions to answer such as whether the SUV was dumped while he was in custody or before they picked him up on parole violations, but this crime is horrible no matter who the culprit. We hope it's not domestic violence because DV crimes remind us that despite being a critical part of society's foundation, families are fragile.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

A Terrible Tragedy

Megan Smith — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:09:55 -0500

Hi Nordette,

This tragedy is just awful, but as you say, is representative of too many other cases of domestic violence---if that is what this case turns out to be---that most people never hear about.

Every single case is one too many.

Megan

BlogHer CE, TV/Online Video

My Personal Blog: Megan's Minute

the 12 steps

christinajeanne — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:17:56 -0500

I'm in recovery in theAl-anon program. I'm currently working step 4 which I talk about briefly in my blog. I think your post is great! These steps can help anyone anywhere no matter what they are going through. And if they have a problem I highly recommend they seek help.

Grass Roots Live webathon in protest of Sarah Palin's policies

KathrynJones — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 11:46:35 -0500

Hi Quincy,

Thank you so much for such an incredibly moving, and important post. Like you I am proud to cast my vote for Senators Obama and Biden, and like you I have a profound belief in the Obama/Biden ticket's capacity to create change.

That said, I believe that it is equally important, regardless of the outcome of this election, for women to raise up their voices in protest of the nomination of a candidate whose policies seek to undermine the basic civil rights that generations of American women have fought for.

To that end, this thursday, October 30th I am producing an 8 hour LIVE webathon, "Real Women Respond to Palin". Our webathon will bring a voice and human presence to women all over the country who have expressed their concern over the nomination of Sarah Palin.

The webathon can be watched anywhere, all you need is a computer, and is fully embeddable on any webpage or blog. We have a fully embeddable badge for your blog too.

I would so appreciate your support and hope you will pass it on! all the info can be found on our site, http://womenrespondtopalin.com

best,

Kathryn Jones

Thank you for this post

Maria Niles — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:29:07 -0500

At a former job we had an employee fund to support certain causes. Ending domestic violence was one. A director of a shelter came and spoke to us to tell us how our donations, fund raising and volunteering had helped changed women's lives. It was one of the most powerfully moving experiences I and many in the room ever had.

I know that working to end violence against women and supporting women who are victims makes a difference and saves lives. For this reason (and many others) I will be proud to cast my vote for Joe Biden and Barack Obama.

Thank you for sharing your sister's life with us and for the work you are doing to make a difference.

BlogHer Contributing Editor
PopConsumer
Beyond Help

Such An Important Issue

Megan Smith — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 10:32:43 -0500

Hi Ms. Lucas,

Thank you for such a heartfelt post about this very important issue. The greatest tribute to your late sister is if all women do whatever they can to stop the tragedy of domestic violence.

Megan

Megan Smith

BlogHer CE, TV/Online Video

My Personal Blog: Megan's Minute