BlogHer - work-life balance - Comments

I think he is right

Capital Mom — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:51:35 -0500

I think he is absolutely right.

As a new employee I was completely sucked in by my employer's promotion of "work-life balance", but the longer I have been around the more I know that such a thing is impossible. Correction, it is possible if you want to remain at the bottom of the ladder. Once you get into senior positions or management there is no way you can have a healthy, active family life and still preform the duties that are expected of you. Management works long hours and is expected to be on call any time of day on their Blackberry. The levels of stress I have seen among managers is insane.

I had always wanted to go into management and when I got back from my first maternity leave I was promoted into a management position. What a mistake! The hours, the stress and the irrational demands took a huge toll on me (I was pregnant again at the time) and on my family. I felt guilty all the time because after work I was too exhausted to spend any quality time with my husband or daughter.

At a certain point you do have to decide if your main focus is work or family. I don't think you can do both well. I know very few women in management positions with young kids. The women I do know that have reached senior management either don't have children or have adult children. It took me a long time to realize that while my employer talks about "work-life balance" it doesn't apply to those at the top.

I think this is an issue for all parents not just women. Fathers as well as mother have to decide what their focus is going to be. My husband has also chosen to put his family before his career and so, while he will have a "nice career", he isn't reaching for the top. I'm not anymore either.

Capital Mom

http://capitalmom.blogspot.com/

Drawing the line

NiamhG — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 13:05:38 -0500

Isn't the problem also that we associate success with wealth? There is so much pressure to buy houses, own clothes in greater and greater quantities that we end up working and working just to have them. This creates the kind of world where someone like Welch can make these comments and have parts of the business-world agree with him!

And like masadutoit above, where are the men in this dialogue? Kids need both their parents plus plenty of the dads I know would love the option to take paternity leave if they could. We've come a long way but there is so much further to travel...

writer on the way home

Need to Create Our Own Examples

paulag01 — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 07:32:14 -0500

Thanks Amy for further emphasizing the point that many women are choosing by starting their own biz. An empowering choice for many, but not all are suited for or want that which is where the dilemma Wilma shares seems to leave us stuck. Wilma - perfectly said that the problem cannot be solved at the same level it was created and corporations just chase their tails trying to bandaid a solution from the same mold that created the muck in the first place. Once we get a more holistic view on all levels (the can't be solved in isolation piece) that will start to open the door I believe....and hope I see it in my lifetime.

Paula Gregorowicz
The Paula G Company

http://www.thepaulagcompany.com

Where is an example to do things differently

Wilma Ham — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:46:07 -0500

For me the problem is that we have no idea what there is to choose. There are no attractive life work choices in the current corporate world, whatever they say.
For me there is a lack of vision and examples of corporates who really are walking the talk and offer attractive life balance choices.

At the moment we do what Einstein said not to do and that is trying to solve a problem at the level it is created.
I think this all calls for a total new paradigm about what work is and means and a total different appreciation of what wealth is.

Alan Webber, formly from Fast Company has written Rules of Thumb - Winning at Business Without Losing Your Self.

We are in for big changes on every front in our lives, work is just one aspect in my point of view and hence cannot be solved in isolation.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

work life choice to become an entrepreneur

amyfranko — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:19:48 -0500

There's a good argument for work-life choice, because in reality that is what we're dealing with.

Each of us has a definition of balance, and ideally we make our decisions based on being centered on the balance continuum.

But people are often selecting from less-than-stellar choices.

"Work-life balance" is really about all people. You could be an adult son or daughther taking care of an aging parent, or someone caring for your spouse or sibling.

Many women though, they are voting with their feet - choosing to leave corporate life and start their own businesses, because they aren't getting good choices within their jobs.

And I hope that more women get out there and start their own businesses, because we need to use our power to make the world better!

Amy Franko

Book Yourself Solid Sales and Marketing Mentor, serving women solo service professionals

http://amyfranko.com

what is missing here for me

mashadutoit — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 11:48:18 -0500

What is missing here is the realisation that the business, and society in general, is losing out by making it impossible for thousands of skilled, educated, passionate, innovative people to give their best to their work.

Its not about women wanting a special break. Its about the tragic loss of potential when we are forced to make that impossible choice between life and work. We lose both ways. This is one huge cop out.

And what's more, it does not recognise the cost to men, as well. I think we should stop speaking about mothers, and start speaking about parents.

If You Don't Like the Game/Battle Choose Differently

paulag01 — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:07:34 -0500

Thanks to your comments. I just smiled when I read your wording LPC "Corporate life is a battle. You can't balance your participation in a battle." Oh so true...

Lisse - I agree the game does need to start to change. The droves of small businesses being birthed, especially by women, will start to change that game as well as the things you cite.

Paula Gregorowicz
The Paula G Company

http://www.thepaulagcompany.com

Like it or not, he's right.

Lisse — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:59:14 -0500

The way the game is currently played, he's right. While we have made some incremental gains, there is still so much about the corporate working world that is not compatible with a healthy family life. And as Andrew Leonard said, it's not just a problem for women, but it is certainly why we see so many women starting their own businesses.

A decade or so ago, Fast Company Magazine began talking about things like Free Agent Nation and The Brand Called "You." With the downturn, and the "jobless recovery," I think we'll start to see this kind of talk again. As I have found in my travels, voices of experience outside a company are often worth more to executives than the voices of reason still working inside a company. You'll work hard, yes, but there will be the added benefit of making your schedule work for you.

Security and health benefits are the compelling reasons to work for a large corporation. Well, we all know what's happened to our security; if we ever get to the point where it is reasonable for the individual to purchase health insurance, it should get harder for companies to recruit.

If and when that happens, that's when you'll see the game start to change.

- Lisse

@ Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels

LPC

LPC — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:06:10 -0500

http://amidlifeofprivilege.blogspot.com

He's right. Corporate life is a battle. You can't balance your participation in a battle. You pays your money and you takes your place . If you want a front row in the line, good luck balancing.

But you did find it

Wilma Ham — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:51:08 -0500

Lisse, you did find one though and did NOT give up. That is what it takes, knowing what you want and NOT giving up. It might not have been easy but going a different path is never that smooth as you have to carve it out as well as finding your way.

However congratulations on having percerveared, sometimes we give up too soon when the going gets tough and the status quo wants to pull us back into line.
That is what these books maybe do, keep egging us on to get to know what we want and validate us in our demands.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

IF you can get the job.

Lisse — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:15:09 -0500

I'm struggling with this, because when I attempted to return to work after taking time with my kids, I found it very difficult to find a job. Often the interview would be going along just fine until I was asked about the gap in my resume. When they found out it was due to the adoption of 2 children, the interview would often end abruptly shortly thereafter. It was the first time in my life I ever had difficulty finding employment.

When I finally did find a job there was all sorts of flexibility offered, but it took a while to find a place that wanted to hire a mother.

- Lisse

@ Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels

Fear and ignorance makes us blind

Wilma Ham — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:17:20 -0500

Ignorance and fear have been for me barriers to make changes that could have added huge value to my life. Ignorance is slowly disappearing with books like this that will tell you that you can make requests that could benefit your home and work life. I am steadily learning what I desire and then how to request that. It is a skill that is looking to be very beneficial in my life. About time I learned that skill I'd say.

I just read in Penelope's Trunk controversial post about Sarah Palin http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/07/13/sarah-palins-resignation-inspires-me/#comment-188943 this great statment;
"we each have power to control our own career. We can go where we can do what we want, how we want. We have to take risks to do that, though. We have to believe in ourselves and our own vision for what’s best."

My next skill I am learning is how to take risk and how to believe in myself. The big trick is to NOT be fearful and to know that even if they don't grant what I requested and even regard my request as blasphamy, the world doesn't end there. I am learning to harden up in that area and disregard that little nasty internal voice that is always going to blame and failure after a negative outcome.

The main thing is that I no longer (well most of the time) want to have fear stop me.
I am sick of being fearful and being at the whim of others and missing out on a great life!!!

And guess what, most of the time what I feared never happened anyway.

So let these books rock on, we need them.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Be present and forget it is all about me

Wilma Ham — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:57:27 -0500

I used to hate these events and as I felt it was all about being judged I used to be so focused on me, I forgot to be observant and read the clues. I hated that!

Now I go with one thing in mind, to add value to whom I meet and to focus on them and NOT on me. I am no longer trying to sell myself and that has left me to do what I normally do well, observe and connect and have a great conversation.
This way the authentic me has a chance to show up and 'that me' is a whole lot better than the nervous wreck who was trying to make an impression.

That attitude had made such a difference, I feel so less needy and even there and then I have the power to decide if something is for me or not, because somehow this way honesty has a chance to show up and have each of us declare our neeeds and wants.
I also have realized that the others are selling as well and I do not have to buy either.

That has given me my self steem and power back and I perform so much better, phew.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Fear is a big player here

whitneymoss — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:18:05 -0500

When I had my first child, I had been at my job a long time and was very close with my boss. I wanted to ask for a radically reduced schedule and told myself that the worst thing that could happen is that they could say no. I went in with no fear and proposed that I work half days, five days per week until my son was 6 months old; after that, I would go to 3/4 days, also 5 days per week. My proposal was accepted and I have been able to pick up my kids by 3.30 pm for four years now.

I have watched my friends go through this and it seems like those who have confidence about what they are asking for have greater success getting it than those that don't. That confidence is not easy to come by, so I don't take it for granted. I hope that more women grab hold of it moving forward.

Whitney

http://www.rookiemoms.com

Any stories where this kind of approach hasn't worked?

PunditMom — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 08:43:15 -0500

I know the downside of this theory is that many women who work hourly jobs, or who have professions likes being a teacher, don't have this kind of flexibility that's advocated in the book. What do we do those women?