BlogHer - Feminism & Gender - Comments

Wow! Thanks so much :)

KateSavage — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:52:30 -0500

I do so love adventure - it's the best thing that's ever happened to me - and, after reading your blog, I see you do, too! I would just lovvvvvvv-vvvvv-vvvvvve to write a guide book. Kudos!

And, thanks again!!

Kate

All Over the Place

Wow! Thanks so much :)

KateSavage — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:49:39 -0500

I do so love adventure - it's the best thing that's ever happened to me - and, after reading your blog, I see you do, too! I would just lovvvvvvv-vvvvv-vvvvvve to write a guide book. Kudos!

And, thanks again!!

Kate

All Over the Place

Hallelujah!

Pam — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:06:50 -0500

Here's to the voice of adventure. Thank YOU for posting your crazy undertakings here. Keep going!

Nerd's Eye View

Calpernia, my hero!

florencia — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:37:17 -0500

I recently saw the Questions video, it is absolutely wonderful. Don't have a question, just a comment: You are beautiful and so very funny, I hope we get to see you on TV and film a whole lot more, thanks!

Here's a question

Denise — Fri, 16 May 2008 15:11:15 -0500

I have about fifty... but let's go with one from the recent news.

There's an uproar at a school in Pennsylvania over a third grade M2F transgender child. The child is going to transition now, children in the classroom will be told in a "sensitive manner" - parents are either supportive, outraged or indifferent.

The most frequent discussions I've seen are focused around the following questions.

Does a child really know she was born with the wrong gender by the time she's eight?

And if she does know, should she be allowed to transition then or encouraged to wait until she's older?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Single and childfree women contribute

violetteb — Fri, 16 May 2008 08:52:58 -0500

Personally, I can't see how we could get along without having single and childfree women friends. They support us in so many different ways.

I know there have been heated debates on some forums and I never knew of the pressures of society on women really to "have children" and I only associated those pressures with family more so than the outside world. I mean why would anybody care whether an individual had children or not, except for countries that think there are too many to support...and mom's who want to be grandmom's.

I guess I've been a to each his own. I don't think it is required to be a do-gooder to make up for lack of offspring either. I have a few friends that are either unmarried or childfree and I think it enhances my experiences to communicate whether about kids and family or not. She offers a fresh perspective on issues and quite frankly it is nice to know sometimes that if you need to get out with a friend, the one with out the kids is the easiest one to tear themselves away sometimes.

So, I guess to answer your question, I see them as contributing no matter what their main focus is. It doesn't have to be child related at all. It is nice to know that while some women are busy raising children that there is a group in society that is available for other community work or what have you. We don't need to all be supermoms either. LOL.

http://her-christian-blog.com

very true

mashadutoit — Fri, 16 May 2008 07:06:14 -0500

"The measure should be what would happen to the woman if she decided not to do it. "

I could not agree more. And you are perfectly right that there is the world of difference if women are living in places where they face violence or phsycological abuse if they dont follow certain dress codes.

In Cape Town a girl was recently beaten up at a taxi rank because she was wearing a short skirt. The men justified this in terms of "she was not showing respect to our culture" - black women should not wear short skirts.

All in the name of culture.

But I think its also important to remember those not so obvious aspects of mainstream western culture that also keep women "in their place". We might not be in purda, and a lot of it is self imposed - but isnt it also very harmful?

The key is "choice"

MMarquit — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:08:35 -0500

If a woman wants to wear an abaya, more power to her. In Saudi Arabia, though, it isn't her choice. A woman must wear an abaya, regardless of what she wishes, or face very real legal consequences. In Saudi Arabia, a woman cannot drive, whether she wants to or not, because she is a woman. The choice is not there.

I agree that banning headscarves in France was an overreaction. That takes the choice to wear them away from girls who want to express themselves and their culture in that particular manner.

Sure, we can ask what it means that a woman wears certain things or subscribes to certain practices. But that should not be the measure of whether we tolerate it as "right." The measure should be what would happen to the woman if she decided not to do it.

Ideas for Women blog!

NewMoonGirlMedia — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:08:06 -0500

Hi Trisha,

Thanks for your comment! I checked out your blog and it looks awesome...would love to talk with you more about ways we could promote your blog and ways you might like to become involved with New Moon.

Look forward to hearing from you,

Julia, Online Editor

For their own good?

mashadutoit — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:35:19 -0500

I agree with you, Suzanne, about being careful of kneejerk reactions when it comes to judging the culture of others.

For example the banning of headscarves in France, for muslim girls. To me that verges on the racist. It is an intollerant reaction born out of ignorance and an unwillingness to understand context or the feelings of others. As soon as you find yourself saying "it is for their own good" you need to get worried!

In our neighbourhood there are many women who wear a type of burqa outfit that cover them complete - even sometimes a veil over their eyes. The fabric is brightly coloured and patterened and (judging from their husbands) they are black muslims and must be from some northern african country. I am too ignorant to know which one!

They are strange to me because so much of our comunication is through body language and facial expression. And often you find them in Woolworths shopping for lingery wich is a little surreal for some reason.

In a world of jeans and t-shirts, coca cola and 50cents, its so precious to find people who are proud to display their difference.

I find the whole female circumsition thing horrific though. And what about cultures who consider the environment to be theirs to exploit? I can think of some "western" cultures who have no problem poluting and poisoning with no thought to the people who share resources with them. And is it OK for our sangomas to slaughter endangered owls, baboons and hummingbirds for muti?

There are no easy answers here.

Better understanding = change

Suzanne Reisman — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:51:38 -0500

Yes, I agree with you that something that is obviously abusive is not acceptable. However, I think that without better understanding of a culture, it is hard to create change. The most effective and permanent changes in any society generally come from within. If people shut out others, who despite good intentions, come off as arrogant and judgmental, it is not going to allow for success.

I think a good example is the abaya. Many women like wearing the abaya because they feel protected by it. Without it, women say men stare at them and make them uncomfortable. Of course, in my mind, men have no inherent right to harass or ogle women and the solution is not to hide women for their own safety, but to change social attitudes. That type of change can take eons, so it is important to hear what women are saying about feeling unsafe and find ways to address that while also doing what needs to be done to change broader attitudes. Just telling people, "You shouldn't do this," without figuring out why it is done is just not going to accomplish anything.

Plus, understanding our own culture is critical. It's not like early Western feminists overnight adopted the attitudes we have today! As we learn more about others, we also need to learn more about ourselves and why we have certain beliefs and assumptions. But you are right that it's not OK to say, "well, in their culture, they beat women, so we have to respect that."

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

When a culture is deeply abusive

Vered — Thu, 15 May 2008 11:56:56 -0500

Perhaps cultural relevance is important as a means to get the Western message of human rights across, but some cultures are so barbaric, so cruel and abusive, that I don't see what's wrong with labeling the Western culture as "better" or more just.

I don't see why we need to make an effort to "understand" a violent, discriminating culture. Unless you think it will make our message better heard and accepted. That’s the only reason I can think of.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

What an accomplishment!!!

GansonAgain — Thu, 15 May 2008 11:29:11 -0500

I have never, ever addressed my body this way! Thanks for a brilliant idea.

The good old days weren't always good...

Kim Pearson — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:36:40 -0500

and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems...

There are a lot of reason's for today's divorce rate, including the fact that people live longer, at least among the middle classes. In my grandmother's day, a lot more women died in childbirth, for example. And yes, both men and women had fewer options.

It's also important to remember how few rights women had. According to a law review article by Prof. Linda Ammons that I referred to in this 2006 post, some states didn't allow women on juries until the mid-1950s, and until the 1970s, a man who could get away with killing his wife if he said he did it because he caught her committing adultery. Let's not even talk about the routine indignities -- the assumption that you don't know how to buy or use a tool, much less a car, stock or house. Let's not even talk about the over-prescribing of addictive drugs because women's health complaints weren't taken seriously and the failure to even do medical research on illnesses that are most likely to be contracted by women. Sexual harassment wasn't even illegal before 1986, if I remember correctly.

Finally, let's not forget that there are male feminists who are doing amazing work on the toll that patriarchy takes on men. Filmmaker Byron Hurt's work is a profound example. Mark Anthony Neal has been a prominent critic of misogyny in popular culture. Without the feminist movement, we would not have the the White Ribbon campaign, an organization of men working against domestic violence.

The feminist movement often falls short and certainly has had unintended consequences. However, there is no question that it has been essential to human progress.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|Professor Kim|

Not "either-or"

Yvette Perry — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:44:09 -0500

Were the feminist movement and feminist ideas a good thing for women or were they a double-edged sword?

I say both things are true: THe feminist movement has been good for women (and men) AND this movement--like all social movements--has had good and bad consequences. Some of the "Bad"? Backlash, role ambiguity, rifts within the movement, some loss of "womens cultural" spaces and rituals, greater exposures to previously more male-prevalent illnesses...

But the idea IMO should be to find ways to deal with these challenges rather than go back to some mythical golden age when all was well prior to feminist movements.

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast