BlogHer - breastfeeding - Comments

Like looking in a mirror

crankycakes — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:05:10 -0500

Oh yeah, I remember that.

The maelstrom of the post-partum days, and you're working, and it's all so very compelling and important and must be gotten right. Day care/stay at home/nanny? Sugar? Biscuits? Teething advice? The constant pull and tug and struggle juxtaposed with that bottomless joy. Oh yeah.

You'll get lots of advice on the specifics and opinions. My kids never had teething biscuits and somehow survived the arrival of all their teeth. But there's that mesh bag thing that One Step Ahead sells that friends of mine would use to hold ice cubes, which they swore was the key to happy teething days.

Don't forget to laugh and breathe and remind your husband to do the same. More than anything, your marriage needs you to laugh and be friends together.

Laugh and breathe and do your best.

Cheryl

don't see the problem with the cookies myself...

Michelle McKinley — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:15:07 -0500

...and as far as the controlling mom thing, well, as the mom you are the 'glue' of the family. you just are. don't know why, its just that way. I know where you're coming from about being left holding the baby and everyone else just goes and does what they want.

but being the mom is special. not easy, but special and difficult and somehow we'll get thru it.

but hey, you have a nanny so it can't be all that bad, right?

http://superfabuloushousewife.blogspot.com/

Of Biohazards

MommyTime — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:27:04 -0500

In the US, many daycares consider breast milk a "biohazard" -- day care workers will only feed it to children while wearing gloves; there are separate rules completely different from those of forumula for its storage, use, return home, etc., as well as for how bottles once containing it will be dealt with. Basically, they treat it as a potentially-contaminated bodily fluid. Charming.

Frankly, I found this more than a little offensive when I was still pumping and nursing, but it wasn't clear to me that there was much I could do about it. Most of my friends' daycares had similar policies, and I know that there are in fact some state mandates at work here (same state mandates that protect our children by not allowing blankets of any kind, including swaddles, in the cribs of infants in daycares, etc).

This leads me to a larger question, then, which is: what would be the best way to get such policies changed? Lobby the Canadian version of the TSA? the State legislature? If we are all here outraged, then how do we make our righteous indignationmake a difference?

MommyTime
http://mommysmartini.blogspot.com

women products and a sustainable world

Vita lingus — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 05:49:54 -0500

Yes well having traveled extensively it seems to be women's products generally are deemed as dangerous and needing to be controlled and removed!! In this situation quite extereme and bordering on the ridiculous

And then there is this to deal with as women

As a consequence of this level of paranoia it has created a whole new market for producers of hand creams etc.... that must be carried through customs in tiny containers .. not to mention plastic bag manufacturers having a whole new market around the use of "zip and seal" glad bags at airports .. Does one smell a conspiracy in maintaining an unsustainable world and blaming women via their use of products,,,Food for thought indeed ..

vita

Completely ridiculous

AmberS — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:28:43 -0500

I think that in Canada we don't have the same awareness about pumping. Because we have these long maternity leaves, we sort of assume that we're covered and don't need to worry about it. It's less common for a nursing mom to be away from her baby on business and be expressing milk. That's my take on why we're less progressive, anyway.

But this regulation is completely ridiculous. Breast milk is not a biohazard. Even if it were contaminated, someone would have to ingest it, probably in significant quantities, to fall ill. You could say the same of any beverage. Honestly, what are they protecting us from? The evil mother who wants to feed her baby?

A lot of these travel regulations make me mad. Yes, we want to be safe, but let's keep our heads on. Harrassing people who are just trying to do the best for their babies does not help anyone.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

This is CRAZY.... I traveled

mysailorsmistress — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:10:14 -0500

This is CRAZY.... I traveled after my son was born and I had a stash of milk... Enough for 3 kids for 2 or so days and the airline I flew on was MORE than happy to work with me!!! Yes my son was with me and NEVER once handed him a bottle on the entire flight. I flew from Florida to California...

I can not imagine! They were even going to let me pack it in DRY ICE!!!!! This is NUTS.... Wrong in so many ways.

I have always thought Canada to support this more than America would....

Jennifer

www.mysailorsmistress.net

Hope this reaches a mom struggling with feeding, feeling alone

KirstinK — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:29:16 -0500

I could have used it.

My son is now 2 and I am expecting again in a few months. I am terrified of the BF saga again. It definitely caused or worsened my PPD.

I am extremely concerned over this major trend of BFing in the US. There was NO support for me when I had a lot of problems, after dealing with doctors, the hospitals, and several lactation consultants. One LC YELLED at me for giving my baby some formula when I was not producing milk, over a weekend when no one was around to answer the phone. (As if it was better to let him go hungry for 12 hours?)

My son didn't have a proper latch but it was not detected for weeks because he looked like he was latched, he was swallowing, and he was acting satisfied. He was not getting enough because he had a tight frenulum, instead he was chewing my nipples and it was only when they were so raw an infected that a LC diagnosed this and started me pumping, recommending I go get it cut at an ear, nose and throat specialist. I hated to cut anything to him, no matter how simple a procedure--my gut told me not to, but I really felt bullied into doing so. I am NOT a follower, but moms want what's best for baby, and new moms are so tired, confused, etc. It was an incredible struggle!

Meanwhile, while I decided to snip the frenulum or not, my milk was slowing down and I was pumping like mad and taking supplements to try and keep it going. I was exhausted and depressed. I had a very low day one day, full of morbid thoughts and desire to run away and abandon my husband and son. Not at ALL like me. I called a PPD helpline at my hospital and got a very careless "counselor" on the line who did nothing to help me at my weakest hour, just told me to see a psychiatrist. So, I made an appt. asap.

I decided to cut the frenulum. It wasn't a *big* deal, but my son cried quite a bit and I feel terrible. Even worse, he didn't latch on. It didn't work. He was used to chewing and continued to do so. Docs, LC, everyone agreed BFing was not going to work without a lot of effort and pumping. It was now 6 weeks and I couldn't take much more. I pumped as much as I could and called it quits at 8 weeks. It was the best day of my life! I felt guilty for all of 5 minutes, and the guilt was replaced with a newfound happiness and freedom that I feel saved my life.

As all this was going on, friends, professionals, and acquaintances would make comments like "Women can do it IF they want. They just don't want to try." I Googled my heart out and I found NO support for moms who DID try and had numerous issues/infections/etc. One friend emailed me an article, "10 mistakes women make trying to breastfeed" thinking it would be of help. HOW could she not know how hurtful that was?? I made no mistake; I had a condition/exceptional troubles!! Her sister, a LC who ironically is not a mother, said I could do it if I wanted to, I just have to WANT to do it.

This was without a doubt the hardest, worst part of my life. It wasn't until I met a very supportive pediatrician who told me I should probably stop that I felt I had the green light, and I did stop over the course of a few weeks. Simultaneously, I read an article that mentioned "BEWARE of OBs or PEDs who suggest you stop breastfeeding if you have problems. Don't let a snag deter you!" A snag?? "Beware" of the nicest person I met on my breastfeeding/PPD journey? How ridiculous!

I am a strong person who isn't one to poke around looking for support, but looking back at that awful time, I am very angry over BFing being so en vogue to the point of my being ostracized by basically everyone--even in extreme conditions where the genius LCs, who later blasted me, didn't even spot the problem!

For any woman struggling a lot: I do think BFing can be hard and I see it's rewarding for many. By no means do I discourage you from trying. I hope you can! But if you are in an exceptional situation and it seems like no one understands or is on your side, and people send/say/email hurtful "tips" (like "relax!" or "play soft music") when you are suffering physically and mentally, PLEASE KNOW SOMEONE ELSE HAS BEEN IN YOUR SHOES AND CARES AND WISHES SHE COULD HELP YOU PERSONALLY! That someone is me!

By the way, the psych I went to see was awful. She ignored BFing completely, said "New moms feel this way all the time," didn't listen or care, and scribbled some RXs I didn't want.

I eventually turned to my own mind and soul to heal and move past this terrible time and it worked! After about 6 months, I started to have some joy from my "bundle of joy" and the only bad feelings that were left were KICKING myself for listening to other people's often ill-informed or trendy opinions. Just because something is easy for someone--BFing or anything else concerning motherhood--or someone's sister's friend told them to do this or that, etc., doesn't mean it applies to YOU. YOU are the baby's mom, no one else is. Listen to your heart because I was not better until I finally did. Now I say "To heck with everyone!" and I live my own life.

What caused the lapse in my usually brazen, confident spirit? Who knows. Being a new mom, I guess! But I'm back in action, ladies. Yeah!

Note to self: Read my own post in a few months should I find myself entering the crazy carousel of BFing/emotional distress again in a few months.

Hugs and wishes for mothering success, health and happiness,

Kirstin

Relaxing liquid security insanity

Beth Engel — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:42:53 -0500

This is beyond ridiculous.

BTW, I read a while ago that they were going to gradually relax the liquid security insanity - all it's achieving is harassing law-abiding citizens - but it's not really happening.

My mame is Beth Engel. I've been running my own online business, Epic Merchandise, where I sell personalized, engraved gifts, since 2003.

yikes!

muddyboots — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:13:01 -0500

Wow, I wouldn't be able to make a THREE hour flight!

www.muddybootsblog.blogspot.com

Thanks!

Aurelia — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:40:09 -0500

Thanks so much for blogging about this Catherine. It really is ridiculous and I can't tell you how stressful it was realizing that everything I had pumped might be lost.

The flight itself was 5 hours, not including the time spent getting on and off the plane, so being unable to pump was very painful. And the drycleaning bill afterward!

I keep hoping that this will change hopefully before I go to BlogHer because I really don't want to have to pack an expensive breastpump in checked baggage and risk losing it on the way down. Flying out of Chicago with frozen milk on the return may work okay since the US rules are better, but if it's on a Canadian airline, who knows? Crossing my fingers, and my boobs.

It matters, a LOT!

V_Joy_S — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:21:31 -0500

I'm going to guess that you aren't a breastfeeding mom who has had to travel without her child, am I right?

What some people fail to realise is that sticking the kid on the boob (a descrition that I personally loathe, but is descriptive enough) is but one part of breastfeeding. When away from the nursing child, a breastfeeding mom needs to express milk. Often. When your breasts are full, they need emptying, now! And many mothers save every. single. ounce. of liquid gold (aka breastmilk) to give to their breastfeeding baby. And breastmilk only keeps for so long. Something like two hours unrefrigerated (I have forgotten the exact specifications, but there is a ton of specifics out there), and up to a week, sealed, in the fridge. And there is not an infinite shelf life of frozen milk, either. Chest freezers can keep milk for twice as long as the fridge freezer. So to consign it to checked luggage (any amount!), without monitoring, without temperature control, without the ability to request more ice, please! to save my breast milk, to ensure that it stays right beside me so that it will not get lost at a connecting airport, or to explode all over the luggage and stink the place to high heaven as it spoils, is simply not acceptable.

So, back to continuously needing to express milk to keep your milk production up. It's not a tap you can just turn on or off. Really. It's not. And expressing milk can be more difficult, and painful, than nursing. So what comes out is considered gold. Nay, it is more precious than gold. And if a child is breastfed, that doesn't mean that their breastmilk doesn't come from a bottle, or sippy cup, or glass with a straw. And all milk that a mom produces when away from her child is, by rights, the child's, and should be able to be delivered to the child in a safe, timely, sanitary fashion.

And, in Canada, breastfeeding is supposed to be protected by law. This is an example of when it isn't. And that is the shame of the Canadian government. This should be challenged and the regulations pertaining to breastmilk and breastpumps changed. It's breasmilk. Not a bio-hazard.

Completely Ass Backwards

TheFeministBreeder — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 22:27:15 -0500

This is the MOST backwards legislation I've ever seen. Anyone who's ever had to be separated from a nursing baby knows that a mother will need to pump 20-30 ounces per day to feed that child and keep her supply up while she's away. That's potentially TEN bottles, according to their 3 oz limit rule. That is absolutely ludicrous. This means that any mother will need to either dump most of her hard-earned milk, or risk losing or destroying it by checking it with her luggage. There is NO WAY I would put my breastmilk in my suitcase and send it off to God-Knows-Where. IF that luggage was even so much as delayed, it could ruin the entire stash. My bags have been lost enough to say No freaking way! A person would have to be a pumping mother to understand exactly how precious every single little ounce is that we slave away to extract from our breasts. I've actually cried hysterically when bottles of mine have been ruined. It's entirely traumatic. It's like losing a body part or something.

If they wanted to limit anything, perhaps limit the amount you can bring if you ARE with the baby - at least if you have the baby then you can nurse him/her. If you AREN'T with the baby, you MUST rely on pumping and carefully storing that milk.

What a stupid, ignorant policy.

The Feminist Breeder
http://thefeministbreeder.typepad.com/

It matters

Alyssa S — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 22:14:18 -0500

I'd like to start out by mentioning that both of my kids were bottle-fed, and the ridiculousness of what these women are being subjected to raises my hackles! It's not an overreaction by lactivists to want to be sure that the food you're providing for your baby is going to be brought home safely & not either exlpoded all over your luggage (as it was in this case) or perchance lost altogether if your luggage is lost. I never pack my medication in my checked luggage for just those reasons. And as far as the breast pump goes-depending upon the length of the flight & time of last pumping, it may be necessary to pump during the flight, which would be extremely difficult to do if your pump is in your checked luggage. As I said, both of my children have been bottle-fed, so I don't know all of the specifics, but I think there's a way to use your hand to manually express...but that would have to be a long, slow & probably pretty painful process.

Does it matter if the kid isn't even THERE?

The Grown Up Teenager — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:29:37 -0500

While I have no problem with mothers nursing on planes, I don't see why breastmilk needs to be kept in the cabin if the baby isn't with the mother. Obviously it needs to be at hand if the child is going to need it, but when there is no need for it, why fight to keep it in your carry on?

Everything kept in carry ons now has to be in clear containers, labelled, a certain size or less, or airlines will make you do one of two things - check it, or toss it. This applies to shampoo and conditioner, body wash, cleansers, and all kinds of other things that are no more or less harmful than breastmilk. Will it make any difference to the child at home whether the milk was kept in the cabin or the baggage compartment? No, not really.

I'd support the mothers right to keep milk on hand if her child was with her but because she was alone, this entire thing seems to be a moot point. It looks like lactivists overreacting (again) to me.

So how does this work for

She Who — Fri, 29 May 2009 01:10:47 -0500

So how does this work for PPD moms who breastfeed?

I used to be one of the 'survivors' on a PPD board. Some of the posters were bottle feeding, some breastfeeding. Some had family or spousal support, some not. Some were experiencing PPD for first babies, some for later. Some had experienced depression before. Some not. Some actually had really miserable lives. Some, not so much.

One poster was younger, and single. She was pretty close to having nothing to call her own, including a way to finish high school. But she was very attached to breastfeeding. She'd persisted with it, and was proud of that. For her, it represented a step she had taken to take care of her baby.

It's another step to take care of ourselves and our babies to say, "Nope. Everyone here is miserable, a bottle works better for us." That's a great solution for some people.

So, it's the adversarial part I don't get. Depression is a bully, really. The things depression tells us are mean. Depression tells us we're inadequate, unattractive, unlovable...never says anything nice about us. But the counter to that is not to copy it, not to spread the misery. The counter to it is to see it as it is, small, and nasty, and ultimately a wannabe who doesn't exist without OUR support.

When you cast the feeding choice 'debate' as a win or lose proposition, and you have to WIN, you're playing by the rules depression sets. You're setting yourself in a universe of scarce resources, and the only possible outcome of that is a fight to get your slice. It's not the only reality you can create, however.

Was the girl I talked about wrong to be proud of her breastfeeding? Was she right? I'd say, neither, both. Just as one woman might be proud to lose 5 pounds and one might be proud to gain 5 pounds, and both be right, women are entitled to be proud of their healthy choices around baby feeding. Healthy for THEIR family.

My sister intended to breastfeed. She didn't want to talk to me about it, mostly because I'm her big sister and cast an annoying shadow. It seemed to me that her plan (which involved a pretty much instant return to a demanding job, pumping, complicated daycare and a completely unsupportive husband, just for starters) had a small probability of success. My utterly fabulous neice THRIVED on formula, but it took my sister almost killing herself (hospitalized with severe mastitis) before she was ready to embrace that option. That's awful, and I'm glad it didn't go any further wrong.

I don't consider either of these women 'failures'. Both made decisions they knew were best for their families...not because they had particular support for their choice (the younger one knew NO one who supported breastfeeding, except online) and had the experience of getting what we all want...happy families.

This debate isn't the root of the problem in ppd. It's a symptom. A distraction. Rather than extend this "mommy war" by continuing a debate between women justly proud of their choices, whatever they are why don't we just congratulate ourselves for making it this far? :)

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who