BlogHer - Single - Comments

What??!!

Zandria — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 09:26:50 -0500

They asked if they could have a sip of your drink! Ew! How unsanitary. My response to that would be: "Only if you buy me a new one." :)

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

You're right about the

Zandria — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 09:04:01 -0500

You're right about the humorous pick-up lines -- if they're said because they obviously want to make you laugh with the ridiculousness of it all, then that's (usually) okay. :)

That's an interesting point about certain guys just not CARING if you want to be approached or not. I suppose, in that case, it makes sense that they'd just do whatever they want. But they should be aware that their advances most likely won't gain any traction...

"Playing hard to get" is so stupid. I mean, you shouldn't be obvious and fall all over someone, but acting like you're not interested when you really are could definitely backfire.

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

I like Your Rules

Alissa-Taylor Gifts — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:43:09 -0500

Everyone always has rules and everyone else always has their opinion on picking people up and being picked up in the bars. You said "If I accidentally catch your eye, but then I look away and shift my
body around so I’m facing away from you? That’s a good hint to stay
away." And I absolutely agree! My best friend and I have a rule: Do not ever make eye contact with anyone unless you want them to talk to you.

Someone once came over to me, and asked "Can I have a sip of your drink?" I don't know, maybe it worked on another girl before...lame, but now it's a funny story to tell.

Alissa - Taylor Gifts

Taylor Gifts Blog

I like pickup lines

Bill Cammack — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:14:53 -0500

I like pickup lines, but only if they're SOOOOOO obviously humorous that it's actually an attempt to demonstrate sense of humor and NOT a lame way to get around just saying "hi", like you said.

Interrupting is lame, and definitely should be cause for dismissal. :)

As far as guys picking up your body language or cues you attempt to send that say "stay away", that only fends off guys that CARE what you think about them rapping to you. Most guys *don't* care, and are strictly focused on what they want from you or what they're already imagining about you.

I posted about this back in January, but briefly, if you look at erotica aimed at males, women's 'ideas' play ZERO part in it. What's important TO HIM is whether he's attracted to you and wants to talk to you. Signs that you're not interested in him don't make much difference at all.

Now that I'm thinking about it, something that I should have mentioned in that post is that with the number of women who "cry wolf" and act like they're not interested in a guy so they can "play hard to get", it's NORMAL for a guy to have to talk to a gal that starts off acting like she doesn't want to talk to him and ending up getting the number or taking her home that night.

So, you're not sending out any 'vibes' that make a difference to a guy whatsoever. He sees you, he wants you, he throws his hat in the ring.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Bars and smoking

Suzanne Reisman — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 22:47:08 -0500

Before NYC passed a smoking ban a few years ago, I never went to bars. So I hear you when you say that finding a place to go to that allows you to go home not smelling like an ashtray is key to a good night out!

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

Personal freedom vs. marriage

s.e.a.mom — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 10:16:59 -0500

Thanks for the thoughts and insight Nordette. I stumbled upon your post while trying to find stuff on affairs, believe it or not....After what has been an eye/mind opening summer, I have paused and actually considered having an affair, and it's not because I don't love my husband, because I do. In fact, the events of this summer have pulled us closer together than we've been in awhile. I think it has more to do with freedom, and personal insight and creativity, and all the things that can get swallowed up and hidden from oneself within the confines of a 'typical' marriage. When you rediscover them...Watch Out World!! It is freeing, & validating and a powerful feeling. I value my marriage and usually find comfort in it's routines and responsibilities, but.....sometimes I wonder about how much of me I have forsaken to continue in it.

Of course, I have three children that help to 'seal the deal', but even so, lately I've been asking a whole lot of questions which are very similair to the ones you posed. And I also believe that your list of characteristics in a woman which deem her 'unsuitable' for marriage (borrowed from another post) can and should be held up to men across the world. Each and every line applies to the male gender too, but unfortunaltely, we live in a society that still belives such issues such as "domineering and critical personalities...control issues....low self esteem, & deep insecurity and emotionally-neediness...." pertain especially to women, and that we are somehow *less* if we are guilty of any of them. And too, I think you are right about finding unconditional love.....not too sure if it exists, and if so, it's probably only from our moms, and unfortunately I got gyped out of that too, when she died when I was 7.

Perhaps finding a bendable man is the true aim, but for right now I am diggin' on re-finding me.

What I meant was: A festival

KLinnea — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:15:56 -0500

What I meant was: A festival to put focus on "whatever" may be a tad bit silly. Being single, by choice or unvoluntarily just is, until it canges, if that is what one wants. Main thing is to have fun, enjoy the foliage, brakfast, hiking, reading or other activities. Society can be very artificial somehow. One might want to blend in to some extent, being functional, working, doing what might be considered worthwhile, but such an emphasis on couples? There are so many ways to lead a fun, hightly enjoyable life.

Hey - are you alright?

Wyliekat — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:15:07 -0500

Hey - are you alright? You've been very quiet. Hope things are well. Ish.

Forced Into Awareness

Bill Cammack — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:16:15 -0500

I'm pretty sure single people are ALREADY aware that they're single. :) I don't think a designated week "forces" them into anything.

Having said that, I agree with you that it might not be very interesting. I don't see what kind of events you would have in order to "celebrate singleness". Still, being single is something that is normally looked upon as something that needs to be changed, so it's a good thing to act like it's "normal" once in a while. :)

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

A single's week! Hmmm,

KLinnea — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:08:53 -0500

A single's week! Hmmm, sounds a bit distressing to me. Like being forced into awarness, possibly on a subject that's not very interesting. Better to see where life leads you and have some serious fun on the way.

Very true, Bill.

Zandria — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:29:57 -0500

And when you look at it that way, choosing someone to be coupled with exclusively is a pretty big compliment!

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

It was an observation.

Zandria — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:28:55 -0500

My friend was basically saying that sometimes I make being single sound so great that she feels GUILTY for being married. She wasn't saying this in a negative way, and she definitely wasn't planning to get divorced because of it, but I guess she sometimes felt like she was missing out because she didn't have all the options I do.

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

National Singles Week?

Bill Cammack — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:14:43 -0500

wow. I didn't even realize there WAS a "National Singles Week" hahaha. Funny. :)

The only reason not to be single is that someone inspires you to choose them over everyone else on the planet you might like to spend time with.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

there's no such thing as perfect

smartchica47 — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:01:50 -0500

"A married friend told me a few months ago that sometimes I make being
single sound like the best thing in the world -- like I was coming
across as a single gal cheerleader (“Rah, rah! Being single is rad!”)
as I talked about all the great things I could accomplish in life
because I didn’t have anyone holding me back."

You didn't mention whether your friend's comment was meant as a compliment or complaint (or maybe just an observation?). I think one of the hard things to navigate as a single woman is the judgment of my friends. Sometimes if I talk too much about how much I like being single, I can understand why my married friends get defensive - too much cheerleading and it can sound like I'm denigrating marriage just by contrast. That's obviously not the way I intend it so I try to be careful about how I phrase stuff. But what I have also noticed is that the bias toward marriage and coupledom is so strong, and often not acknowledged, in our society that almost ANY praise of singletude is either dismissed as denial ("you have to tell yourself that so you won't feel bad about being alone") or it's considered a threat to marriage. But as you point out, the reality is that there are pros and cons to every situation - being single isn't perfect but neither is marriage and I think it's sad that so many people talk as if either state is all or nothing.That's not healthy for anyone...

Jenn

http://quirkyeconomist.blogspot.com

I feel the same way...

Dating Trooper — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:06:39 -0500

Too funny. And sadly true...sometimes my relationship makes me want to get plastered and go for a high-speed cruise through the neighborhood. But then again, sometimes it doesn't.

Dating Trooper
http://www.datingiswarfare.com