BlogHer - Law - Comments

Responsibilities, not roles

nakedanarchists — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:13:16 -0600

"But a knee jerk reaction to news that dads want custody and that women must do everything they can to prevent this from happening is wrong."

When my ex wanted to move to fully shared custody after 2 years of only 25% custody, it worked. Money-wise and, most importantly, for the kids. Yet I had enormous resistance from family about allowing this. As though I was surrendering the kids to the seventh circle of hell. He was a lousy husband, but remains a delightful father.

We need a societal paradigm shift that addresses responsibilities, *not* roles. The most unconventional solutions can work, if the parties are willing and the children are central to the discussion.

Thank you for making that point.

http://nakedanarchists.wordpress.com

Nail. Head.

FerociousKitty — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:11:49 -0600

"Since I don't want to live in a world where women are made to feel guilty if they work and men are not expected to have real responsibility in raising the kiddies, I'm down with the idea that more men want to share custody of their kids. The key is to make sure that women are not punished for working while men are rewarded for changing an extra diaper or two every week. But a knee jerk reaction to news that dads want custody and that women must do everything they can to prevent this from happening is wrong. It doesn't serve working parents, stay-at-home parents, or most importantly, the kids."

This really bore repeating!

Let's advocate for change in a broken system and give a damn because that system flagrantly subscribes to biased notions about gender and parenting that do a disservice to men, women, and children.

The Faster Times - Co-Parenting

Co-Parenting 101

The Medill Innocence Project

Expat Mum — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:46:59 -0600

The Medill Innocence Project has done great work in the past and should not be hampered from continuing their investigative journalism by questionable legal interpretations. However, knowing Judge Cannon personally, and knowing her to be a sensible, rational and respectful person, I was curious as to what could have caused her reaction.

I have to say I'm surprised lawyers from Sidley and Austin would have presented such a brief. From the very first sentence, it is subjective, unprofessional and yes, sarcastic. Perhaps the Northwestern party is fed up to the back teeth of the machinations taking place, but presenting such an editorialized brief was not a smart move and risked their case.

I agree with Virginia

SarahButland — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:21:14 -0600

It's terrible that it takes the time and dedication of students to solve cases when it should be the justice system taking the time in the first place.

Thanks for reading, Sarah Butland www.SarahButland.com

An important case

Virginia DeBolt — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:00:25 -0600

but a sad indication of the state of the criminal justice system when journalism students are better at investigating that the investigators.

Virginia DeBolt
BlogHer Technology CE | Web Teacher | First 50 Words

Here's my question (which

Expat Mum — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:57:14 -0600

Here's my question (which has never been answered) - what's the difference between a baby born of incest and rape, and that which is just an accident? If you believe 100% that abortion is murder of the innocent, "destruction of innocent life" in your words, then why in your God's name does that not include rape and incest babies?

I could understand people wanting a law which restricts abortion solely to cases where the mother's life is in danger, but to decide to include cases where that same female has been violated by a man smacks to me of control of females depending on the wrongs of the man.

I would be interested to hear your defense of this.

Religious freedom

Jill Miller Zimon — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:45:23 -0600

Very fascinating post on this topic, I really appreciate reading how you broke it down for yourself.

The only thing I don't see you discuss directly (except w/a link to Charmaine Yoest w/whom I am familiar) is the notion that the Stupak amendment is unconstitutional because it restricts freedom of religion. I'm trying to imagine what some would say (or have said and I'm not aware) if notions enshrined in Sharia Law or Judaism for that matter were enshrined in our country's laws, which have always been and are still made by men and women, not by any one faith's God.

Jill Writes Like She Talks

Telling Stories is Powerful

Willful Woman — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:00:27 -0600

Thank you Kim for sharing part of my story!

I believe strongly in the power of story-telling as a healing force. I was so fascinated to hear part of John Muhammed's wife's story in the documentary about her. I moved away from the DC area 8 months after the shootings but I am very curious about what kind of storytelling the community has done among themselves since to help heal the wounds that terror inflicted. What happens to a community when that storytelling isn't encouraged? Of course, there are some voices we'll never get to hear from. We'll never hear the rest of Muhammed's and Malvo's victims' stories. Muhammed and Malvo silenced them. But we'lll never hear Muhammed's story either now. Maybe we never would have anyway. Or maybe it wouldn't have made any sense. But maybe it would have. Or maybe it would have brought comfort or a shred of understanding to someone. Or, in some way, helped prevent another similar attack. Now we'll never know.

You got right to the heart of my post with that paragraph you quoted. I did feel murderous for a while. I think it is a human response to feeling direly threatened. But I also feel it is our humane duty to rise above this response. Especially as a state. Always a... Willful Woman @ www.besidethestonewall.com Visitors always welcome! Bring your stories to share!

Thank you for your vivid retelling, Willful Woman

Kim Pearson — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 08:51:30 -0600

First, here are the direct links to your post on BlogHer and your personal blog. It may be that this kind of witness is necessary to exorcising the collective trauma of this horrific episode. I found this paragraph especially powerful:

I began to feel capable of murder. For the first time in my life. We all say it, right? We throw those words around like they mean nothing. I'm going to kill you! I could kill whoever invented this game... But I started to really mean it. I began to fantasize about it. Especially when I was driving around in my car. When I had to drive the kids somewhere or go out to pick something up. I felt so vulnerable. My family was threatened. And it enraged me. I felt that if I somehow found the person who was causing this terror, who had done this evil...I would try to stop them. Physically. That's how desperate I began to feel. How powerless. I've been a pacifist since I was a very young teen but I began to feel capable of real violence. If I spotted them - whoever they were - crouching in the woods with their gun I would steer the van off the road and run them over. Looking them right in the eye. I would run them over and hope they died. This was the only scenario I could conjure up. I've always felt empowered (maybe a little too?) behind the wheel of the car. People up north would talk about how unnerved they felt by the whole scenario. How freaked out they felt at the gas station. I felt like slapping them.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

this is funny

Virginia DeBolt — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 07:40:16 -0600

does he complain about being traumatized by the sound of pages turning? Then there's the problem of having a laptop in bed and clicking the mouse button–another etiquette issue.

Virginia DeBolt
BlogHer Technology CE | Web Teacher | First 50 Words

Kindle and Bedroom Etiquette?

Lotuslandry — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:18:47 -0600

I own a kindle and was reading Herodotus on it in bed.

My husband informed me the next morning that he was traumatized briefly by a mysterious clicking noise. He feared something unusual giving way in the plumbing..... but then was relieved to discover that it was my thumbs on the Kindle.

Now, I really think I am being less of a bother than he is with his snoring.

Would I take my iPOD to bed? No.

a Kindle novelist (www.matooskie.com)

He shouldn't have died by our hands

Willful Woman — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:12:02 -0600

Kim, I just posted my own account of living through the so-called "D.C. Sniper" days and my anti-death penalty stance despite my own very real and unsettling impulse to want to kill whoever was threatening me and my family during that frightening time.

I've become a little obsessed with reading the accounts and theories since those awful few weeks in October 2002. And, in the end, I've come to the conclusion that, like so many of our social nets, John Muhammed slipped through many inadequate legal and social programs that had gaping holes. The domestic violence net that Mildred Muhammed tried to get the authorities to catch him in. That's a joke. The mental health net provided by the army? It's mere threads.

To me, the question isn't whether or not, John Muhammed was responsible for his behavior based on how sane he was or wasn't. It's whether or not society was safe enough from danger with him imprisoned for life. Of course we were. Why did we have to kill him too?When we toss away a human life, no matter how damaged and vile it is, we lessen the value we place on all human life. We bring our world closer to the kind of base and bloodthirsty world that men like John Muhammed crave. It diminishes us all.

See my blog post detailing being on Connecticut Avenue with my 2 year old daughter the morning the shooting spree began here on Blogher. It's called: Me and the DC Sniper. It's under Politics, I think. Sorry, I'm not too good at this yet. Or it's on my blog, www.besidethestonewall.com

I'm so excited to see someone else writing on this!

Always a... Willful Woman @ www.besidethestonewall.com Visitors always welcome! Bring your stories to share!

The point is that we can't know

Kim Pearson — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:00:39 -0600

@pookielocks Yes the crimes spanned weeks, and according to his ex-wife, his abusive behavior and deranged thought patterns had been evident for years before. Did it occur to him during that long time that what he was doing was wrong, or was he so removed from reality and conventional morality that he really believed that he was innocent as he claimed? In one of the articles I read, he supposedly told his lawyers that he was in Germany having dental work during the murders. We can't know whether legal and therapeutic measures would have helped him and saved lives. I do think, though - and perhaps Cooper, this is what you are saying, that I would have preferred that more effort had been made to understand the source of his mental derangement. We know that we have a lot of mentally and emotionally damaged veterans walking around, and Muhammad's case. like the cases of Steven Green and perhap Malik Hasan. underscores that we ignore their mental health issues at our peril.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

Good Points

Willful Woman — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 11:28:29 -0600

Thanks so much for your comment. You said a lot. I know what you mean about how we ask our soldiers to shoulder the burden of war to shield us from it. Then what do they do with that burden when they come home? Of course, most don't unload that pain on a whole community....but some do. Or onto their families or onto themselves sometimes in bits and pieces their whole lives. I think it's one of the many ways we fail the women and men we send to war. Like I mentioned, in that documentary, The D.C. Sniper's Wife, Muhammed's wife saw a clear connection between her husband's time in the Gulf War and an extreme increase in his aggressive and controlling behavior at home.

Did he deserve to die for what he did? He had to pay. But I think the death penalty exacts too high a price from the rest of us. I think it diminishes us more than a crazed killer ever could.

That's my three cents. : ) Thanks for adding yours!

Always a... Willful Woman @ www.besidethestonewall.com Visitors always welcome! Bring your stories to share!

Wow! Great Post.

SpendWiselyTexas@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 10:30:55 -0600

This is a great account of what it was like to live through that time. I actually got up and ran to give my son a hug and kiss at what point. I do like your conclusion as well. Why was sniper killed? I don't feel bad for him, I don't believe he could be rehabilitated and I believe he should be punished for his crimes but do these factors equal death? Also after the Fort Hood killings, maybe we as a country should think about the effect wars have on our society in general. Soldiers bring the war home in one way or another even though we ask them to shoulder its effects for us.

Spend Wisely Texas - Living Well and Spending Less in Texas