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Depends on my ego and sex drive that day!

Delaine Moore — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:50:47 -0600

Hi Avflox.

I went to see He's Just Not That Into You a couple weeks ago with a few friends and then followed up with post-movie analysis over drinks (as great gfs do). We'd all read the book too (the mini-guide - it's a bunch of one-line pointers; VERY poignant).

And you know, at the end of the day I think people can argue points till their blue in the face over what constitutes 'interested' or 'not interested' behavior. But for me, I cut it down to basics: if a man is really interested in you, not even a herd of elephants will stand in his way! I know this because I'm the same way! And until such that spectacular guy comes along, I won't waste any time trying to figure out why the 'other men' don't call, not will I make any excuses for them whatsoever. It then becomes my choice as to whether I'm OK with the 'looseness' of our relationships or not. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Depends on the state of my ego that day and also how horny I am:)

Wonderful writing by the way Avlox.

Delaine Moore

www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

Because a woman's body never lies...

This is all making me want

avflox — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 05:59:54 -0600

This is all making me want to conduct a poll among men to see what they think. In fact, I think I'll start tomorrow!

do not call

love eloise — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 11:32:38 -0600

Like a few others, I immediately thought of He's Just Not That Into You when I saw this post (see the movie if you haven't yet!), but then I thought of the wise words of Liz Tuccillo, the co-author of HJNTIY, in her book How to be Single.

"Do not call, do not call, even when you have a reason, do not call."

Actually, here's another post on it:

http://loveeloise.typepad.com/love_eloise/2009/01/put-the-phone-down.html

mr Smith

angell3211 — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 09:12:08 -0600

Why do I get the feeling Mr. Smith is really married to a Mrs. Smith?

Workaholics

Nordette — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 02:10:57 -0600

Yeah, I know that to be true from personal experience, but I keep trying to give some people hope and others the benefit of the doubt. In the early stages of getting to know each other, men who are interested show it. :-)

And yes, most people put up a facade in the beginning, I think, unless they've overcomme that sort of thing.

Nordette is a BlogHer CE, personal blog WSATA. Also @ Twitter.

correction on badmuthablogger quote

badmuthablogger — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 20:20:43 -0600

Thanks for posting the link to my blog, but just to set the record straight I did not call my date first, he called me 2 weeks later and then left a message, and then I called him back (returned his call). I was wondering what had happened to him, but I was not having a panic attack about it. If you read my post on Zen and the Art of Dating, you'd see that I didn't really give a monkeys whether he called me or not.

BTW I would NEVER call a guy first after a date. I always put the ball in the man's court, because that lets me know he's interested. I like the man to do the chasing. I guess I'm old fashioned at heart.

Great post though!

badmuthablogger

www.badmuthablogger.com

Short story

Alex Harvey — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:23:00 -0600

Women will not know what type of man the're dating on the first date. All men know they're being tested on thier personality and shyness during a date. Don't take the word "tested" the wrong way. People are attracted to other people for different kinds of reasons. Maybe they remind you of someone from your past, or shower you with gifts. Remember, people often have conflicting beliefs abourt relationships.

Workaholics will not forget you if they're interested. The only difference between the world before and the world now, is technology. Men, women, and relationships will never change.

Call Him

mochadad — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 09:43:37 -0600

I think people miss too many opportunities worrying about who will call whom. If someone likes another person, he/she should pick up the phone and express that interest. Sure, there is risk associated with opening yourself up, but the payout could be enormous.

Mocha Dad

www.mochadad.com

Thanks for adding me on

avflox — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:45:59 -0600

Thanks for adding me on Twitter, Nordette! I can't wait to read your post about marriage material. I have a feeling we're going to get on famously!

I was just telling my friend Parker that I want to do some kind of a get-together with my girlfriends for the He's Just Not That Into you movie. I think it would be incredibly entertaining! I can't remember the last time I did anything like that with my girlfriends. God, these days, between all the jumping around I'm doing, it's amazing I get to see them at all!

You're right: no one needs a call or text to remember they like you. But I don't see anything wrong with expressing a little interest, either.

I think you'll have another romance. I hope you're prepared to vlog the entire 36-roses over the head incident because we're all going to wanna see it. ;)

Reads like a novel.

Nordette — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:35:23 -0600

This post reads like a novel, and that's a compliment. :-)

Glad you mentioned He's Just Not that Into You because that's what popped into my head as soon as I saw the post title. Bought the book and plan to see the movie.

I think whether you call a man back depends on the kind of man you're dealing with and how you expect to be treated. If you like men who understand the art of courtship, you probably shouldn't call him back because if he doesn't call you himself, he's not all that interested. I find that even busy men will get back to you if they're interested.

However, an insecure male may be interested but unsure about how to proceed. A man who's absorbed by work, and I mean work-a-holic absorbed, may also forget to call. If you think shy and insecure is cute, then call the insecure guy back. If you're the type who doesn't mind being put on the backburner, call the workaholic back.

Male testosterone still makes men enjoy the chase (I don't mean game-playing. I mean allowing the male to take more of the lead.) So, a man hiding behind how much courtship and the world has changed is lying. The world's changed. Men haven't.

If you've given all the signals that you like him when you saw him last, then he doesn't need a phone call to remind him. The male memory is not so good when you give him a grocery list or a birth date to recall perhaps. Desire is different. If he wants a woman, his loins remind him to call.

But if you only want to have fun and keep it casual, relationship advice doesn't matter. Call everybody back.

Expecting instant replies is a bit much, though, and if a man were blowing up my phone with quick responses to my flirting or worse blowing up my phone when I haven't been flirting, a red flag would go up in my head. There's a fine line between attraction and obsession.

Keep in mind these opinions are based on a woman who stopped dating two years ago. I dated a while following the end of a 22-plus year marriage. Or was it 23 years? Fuzzy now. Anyway, the last two years have been too hectic for me to entertain the idea of dating. I realized this when I stood up dates twice because I forgot. And when I hear stories of women in their 40s or 50s having wild romances and getting married, I get nervous. So, should I ever have another romance, I suspect the man will have to hit me on the head with three dozen roses or something to get my attention. (I'm older than you, Flox.) :-)

Seriously though. I hope you're writing a book.

Nordette is a BlogHer CE, personal blog WSATA. Also @ Twitter.

I expect instant replies

avflox — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:08:18 -0600

I expect instant replies also, but I'm not above sending a quick one out of turn to revive a dead thread!

I expect instant replies

Michelle McKinley — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:35:40 -0600

to my texts. or at least the same day. Loved reading this, so glad I'm not on the dating scene though.

http://superfabuloushousewife.blogspot.com/

There was once a wall

avflox — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:11:19 -0600

There used to be a wall between the online life and offline life, but now there doesn't seem to be one so much for me anymore. Everyone I know in the analog life is also online--perhaps a result of our mobile lifestyles or how impossible it has become to get away from technology.

I am always touching on this subject in my blog, In-Person Relationships vs. Cyberspace Relationships and The Disconnect In The Age of Ambient Awareness are two pieces that deal directly with how online interaction is changing the way we forge and have relationships. I can't quite decide if technology is making it easier or harder, or is it just changing things and the malaise we feel is just the human inability to adapt more quickly?

I have no answers. I just watch and throw questions into the internet. ;)

Love the Old Fashioned Way

Leah_Mullen — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:56:56 -0600

Yes it will be interesting to see how all of this shakes out in the end. I met my husband the old fashioned way in colllege. I'm wondering if MySpace etc actually works in finding true and lasting love. Or if in the end most people date and marry those they know mainly offline...

We'll see.

I'm hollering back. I love

kauihart — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:43:24 -0500

I'm hollering back. I love all your posts--so funny!

--Kaui

http://www.partywithaninfant.blogspot.com

http://www.kauiharthemmings.com