BlogHer - Media & Journalism - Comments

I wonder what is brewing under the brooding?

Kim Pearson — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:29:06 -0600

First, thank you, Nordette for your affirmation. It means a great deal coming from someone whose writing and insight I respect greatly. Second, I suspect that something creative is beyond your brooding and frustration, which I share. Third, thanks for the reminder about the Grim Sleeper case.

I think that many of us recognize that there are connections between what happened in Cleveland and what is happening in many other places. Can we create a space for conversations that lead to better understanding, and possible solutions?

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

Thank you for breaking your silence

Kim Pearson — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:06:40 -0600

I think you are dead-on in all that you say, especially here:

There are cycles within the most strained families that virtually guarantee that the same factors that contributed to the troubled member's problems will remain to "infect" future generations. Maybe we need a similar model as the foster care one for families who are taking on the state's roles in caring for and supporting troubled members with drug, criminal, and serious mental health issues. Instead of treatment being individually-based with an accute care model, they should be family (especially extended family)-based and viewed in an on-going, chronic model of care.

You have given us a great deal to ponder - and raised an empowering possibility. What models of community care would we create, had we the power? What programs are out there that can serve as constructive models? And since this online community is a "Do-ocracy, how can we become part of the solution?

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

Families Under Strain

PPR_Scribe — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:52:22 -0600

I am going to break my self-imposed silence on "heavy" stories to comment on your wonderful post, Kim. :-)

I want to preface my comments by saying that I am not victim-blaming. Instead, I am trying to provide some context to the question you asked--What does this case say about us?--with a specific focus on the question of how these women could have gone missing and seemingly unnoticed by their family members.

What I think this case says about us is that some families are under a tremendous amount of strain. I have heard in the media and in the blogosphere that some (many?) of these women who were murdered were "throw-away" people and that is why they were such easy victims. Well, there is a pathway that results in people with drug, mental health, and other problems becoming "throw-away." (And I am not saying that every single one of these women had drug, criminal, and/or mental health histories, but this background is coming out about at least some of them.)

Traditionally, families have been the ones to care for troubled members, including drug addicted ones. We as a society only step in to provide such expensive and time-intensive care (or to simply pay attention) when things get really bad--e.g., the person commits a heinous crime or becomes a victim of a heinous crime. Specific to addiction, a lot of times drug problems are seen as "victimless" crimes. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Many times family members are the victims of drug addicted individuals in their clan. They are stolen from, they provide shelter and food (even if such things are tight to begin with), they care for the children that their troubled family member cannot. They are open to real violence from friends, "colleagues," and holders of their family member's debt.

(A scene from a work of fiction always comes to my mind when thinking about this. In SPike Lee's "Jungle Fever," the mother, played by Ruby Dee, is surprised that her new color TV set is missing from her living room. Her drug addicted son, played by Samuel L. Jackson, says "Mama I smoked the colore TV...")

In addition to what the family members must provide and must endure at the hands of their troubled member, is the opportunity cost of that member not being someone who can provide them with social support. You often cannot depend on a gangmember cousin to be on the "call list" at your child's preschool. You often cannot depend on a drug addicted brother to pitch in when Nana needs to be put in a care facility. You often best not count on a severely mentally ill, off-medication aunt to bring the potato salad to the family reunion.

Often the person who suffers and gives up the most because of these troubled family members is a woman: an aunt, a sister, a grandmother, a mother. And frequently this woman is always the one who ends up taking on these burdens and she sometimes may be in this role for multiple family members simultaneously. (The case of the soldier who did not deploy because her family care plan for her child fell apart comes to mind. Apparently her mother had been identified in her plan, but the mother was already taking care of more than one family member.)

Their troubled family members come and go, sometimes being gone for weeks or months at a time before resurfacing. When they are gone the reaction from their family is often not concern--as in, We've got to call the police because he or she is missing. The reaction is often a sigh of relief and a break from the victimization at their family member's hand and just the stress that the member places on their whole life.

It is easy to fault these family members when things go terribly wrong--for example when it turns out their troubled kin has not just gone on a 3-month bender but has been buried in a basement. But we do not have any mechanism in our society to help out families before things get to such a state. We have the idea that we do not "pay" families to help their own; That's just what families do. In fact, even if they were able to get paid or other support for their members, it is not clear that all caretaking family members would take advantage of this support since even they may feel like it is their "job" as family.

In this present case, I think it is good that members are remembering and sharing the good of who their deceased kin were in life. It is important for the rest of us to know these things and to see these women as human beings. Just know that it is often these good memories that keep their family members providing support again and again. It is hard to put brother out of the house for good when you have such good memories of what a wonderful, promising child he was.

I think, then, what this case says about "us" is that we need a new attitude about how we view family. For example, some states are now providing support (funds and services) for family members who are serving as foster parents to related children, where in the past only unrelated foster parents could receive financial and other support. In many of these cases, family members do not even have to go through the often painful process of having their kin's parental rights terminated: instead they are being allowed to serve as permanent guardians.

There are cycles within the most strained families that virtually guarantee that the same factors that contributed to the troubled member's problems will remain to "infect" future generations. Maybe we need a similar model as the foster care one for families who are taking on the state's roles in caring for and supporting troubled members with drug, criminal, and serious mental health issues. Instead of treatment being individually-based with an accute care model, they should be family (especially extended family)-based and viewed in an on-going, chronic model of care.

Otherwise "throw-away" individuals will really become "throw-away" families or even whole communities who we just discount.

This So-Called, Post-Post-Racial Life

http://postpostracial.wordpress.com/

He has quietly touched so many lives

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:30:57 -0600

I'm finding these stories so interesting, especially the comments from those of you who are under 40. The conventional wisdom says that younger people aren't engaged by the kind of television Moyers makes, but the stories that many of you are sharing suggest that isn't true.

Thanks so much, Lara!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

How wonderful that you got to share that with your father!

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:27:04 -0600

My father and I have bonded over PBS shows over the years as well! Thanks for sharing that memory with us!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

9th grade English

Laracolvin — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:26:24 -0600

I can still capture the experience of sitting in English class and watching the Joseph Campbell series like it was yesterday instead of almost twenty years ago! He was riveting, and I've loved mythology ever since.

Too much seems to be changing these days. I don't want him to go!

Lara

Notions of Identity

Another great choice!

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:24:37 -0600

I really have to spend time with the Healing and the Mind series. It came along when I was busy trying to keep up with two kids in two different schools, etc. Thanks for the reminder!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

His call to conscience is so necessary

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:21:47 -0600

Moyers is a man of clear principles, who isn't afraid to say that principles matter. It seems like a quaint notion in these days when so many people seem willing to accept anything that turns a profit or secures some other kind of short-term gain.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

I hope you're right!

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:18:53 -0600

Even though he's 75, I'm not ready to let go of Moyers yet either. If he does give that seminar, I'm signing up too!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

I thought of you when I posted it :-)

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:17:08 -0600

Hey Denise,

I remember that you wrote about Sekou Sundiata when he died. It was a joy to find another fan, even on such a sad occasion. This performance was actually my introduction to him. Glad you enjoyed it!

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

Yup - saw it on YouTube

Kim Pearson — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:15:08 -0600

What I love about Moyers is that he gives his audiences credit for being able to absorb complex ideas. He resists the sound bite, dogmatism or knee-jerk responses. Glad he fact-checked that guy.

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor|KimPearson.net|

Write more!

sassymonkey — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:46:32 -0600

Excellent first post over on your blog. Keep it up.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Love him! Love him!

Nordette — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:57:26 -0600

I remember him from but way back, but was required to watch the Joseph Campbell interviews for a class. And when Fox News went after Moyers, I was as annoyed as if it was a close friend of mine, but really, they were so out of their league confronting him. And I loved that moment. He lectured the young man on what is and isn't journalism, and said, "Bill O'Reilly's not a journalist. He's a pugilist." :-) Did you see it?

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

As I listen to Michel's

Nordette — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:46:12 -0600

As I listen to Michel's report, I recall the Grim Sleeper case, which I think remains unsolved. The victims are mostly minority, poor, and some are prostitutes, and the case only recently (March 2009) received some of the attention it deserved.

I'm fairly sick of seeing people blame female victims for their beatings and even murders.

Again, this post is excellent. I'm still thinking about it. Hence my return, and I'm not saying much, which is usually a sign that I'm brooding over the whole situation, mostly how people are complaining about the coverage.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

Sekou Sundiata!

Denise — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:15:27 -0600

I didn't know Moyers had featured Sundiata, thanks so much for posting that.

And, can I just say all of the above?

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings