BlogHer - worry - Comments

Hey Crabby

LucyandJane — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:10:13 -0500

Non-parent does not equal no opinion!

It's true. I think the only thing that's truly changed since my 70's childhood (other than the internet) is the immediacy and the sensationalizing of news. I almost can't visit cnn.com anymore because of the tittilating way they write headlines about sex crimes. And they ALWAYS have a sex crime in their headlines!!

Another thing I did not include in this post is the fact that a little girl was abducted from a baseball field about 50 miles form where I live, almost ten years ago. I didn't have my boys then, but this kidnapping was obviously a HUGE deal in this area. The girl has never been found. Her mother started the Morgan Nick Foundation, and they were featured on Extreme Makeovers: Home Edition last year. Again, I KNOW in my rational mind that statistically, my boys are safe most everywhere they go. But when I see an article in the paper or a story about Colleen Nick (her mother) I am usually reduced to tears, and convinced that my boys should just never leave my sight, ever. Crazy, irrational.

So I really think that's a big part of it. When moms see these types of stories on a near constant basis,or when one hits close to home, it seems like the danger is very really and very close. I am trying to re-visit which news sources I view. More importantly, I have to try to believe that my kids can still be safe in this world with a little help from mom and a lot of common sense and training.

thanks for the comment!

Lucy Cooper

http://fourjugs.blogspot.com

I'm a Non-Parent

Crabby McSlacker — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 12:52:12 -0500

So I really shouldn't weigh in. But if you want to know the secret truth about many of us childless adults: we really can't figure out what's up with the way parenting has changed since we were kids. We actually have puzzled conversations when you moms are not around wondering why we were allowed to roam all over the place (even with the Zodiac killer on the loose, psychos putting razors in halloween apples, etc), and yet all our friends who are moms and dads feel constant supervision is required. So its fascinating to read some of the psychology behind it!

On the other hand, I suspect if I had kids myself, I'd feel exactly the same way, especially since social norms seem to have changed.

Thanks for an interesting post!

You always will so better let go

Wilma Ham — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:55:39 -0500

Mine are 23 and 26 and I could still worry. One has just entered the corporate world and is being made fearful by all this recession talk.

The main thing is not to have too big an imagination. Don't even go to places where the mind should not go about all the dangers that are possible. That doesn't serve.

As Laurie says they need freedom to roam and experience for themselves within reasonable boundaries that you set because of their skills they have at the age they are at. And talk and inform and when they mess up, talk more.
Also observe your own limitations and she if they serve your children. We all look thourgh colored glasses and the more you know how colored they are, the better that is.

Never make them fearful though, that kills initiative and the world will do its best to do that for you. Teach them skills and let them learn.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Worry

GoodByeGracie — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 16:02:03 -0500

My oldest is 13 and I still worry when I send him off into the world. My youngest is 4 and the thought of sending her of to kindergarten in a few weeks makes me almost physically hurt. But...I do it. I do it because I trust my parenting has given my four kids the tools they need to make good decisions...and to learn from their not-so-good decisions. Afterall, our job as moms (and dads) is to prepare our kids for that big release into the world (in only 18 years!) so, no matter how difficult and scary it is, they need these tiny bits of freedom to help them get to know themselves and the world around them.

That's what I tell myself anyway. :)

*Laurie*

Hi mashadutoit

Mata H — Sat, 30 May 2009 09:39:14 -0500

When I log-jammed my life many years back, I got out of it by doing one thing every day that I did not want to do. Just one thing, however small. I would deny myself something I wanted until I had done that one thing. Before I knew it, a lot had gotten done and I was able to get my life back on track. Lots of meditation/prayer helped as well. I wish you well.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Christina , hi!

Mata H — Sat, 30 May 2009 09:35:04 -0500

I have gone back to doing yoga, too. It really does help. In my case I also find prayer helpful -- just turning my worry over to God/the Universe and releasing it can be very powerful. And I sure know the junk food remedy that does not work as well. If french fry therapy or ice cream therapy worked we'd all be blissed out! LOL

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

hi LPC

Mata H — Sat, 30 May 2009 09:32:08 -0500

They sure feel that way, don't they? :-)

Maybe trolls?

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Best thing

mashadutoit — Sat, 30 May 2009 06:33:57 -0500

At the moment I am in a "avoidance" phase of dealing with worry.

I've identified the things which worry me most. I've also identified a number of things I really really enjoy doing. Like drawing, walking the dogs and writing on my blog :)

At the moment, I am doing the minimum about my worrying things - just keeping the needle out of the red, as it were, to avoid total catastrophe - and spending as much time as I can doing things which make me happy.

Actually - the best cure for worry for me is doing something practical and not neccesarily related to the issue at hand, like cleaning the house. Also called proscrastination.

Worrying causes stress

christinajeanne — Fri, 29 May 2009 23:40:06 -0500

I have worried a lot and all it does is cause stress and health problems. Right now I am having serious back issues which I think are mostly due to stress. It can cause all sorts of health issues. I try to meditate and do yoga to relive stress that helps. I also end up eating too much junk food which is not so good.

Worries are goblins

LPC — Thu, 28 May 2009 20:44:57 -0500

Or so I believe.

http://amidlifeofprivilege.blogspot.com/2009/05/goblins-and-other-modern...

Hi mashadutoit

Mata H — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:16:56 -0500

I know I am in worry space when I start inserting other people. Example: If I do this then SoandSo will do that at which point I will say...and hey will do ...etc etc...essentially playing mental chess games with my future. Way too much drama.

Try asking yourself -- "Is all this worry able to impact the situation?"

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

the line between alert and worry

Mata H — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:13:31 -0500

I think that it makes sense that we get alert to something(s) that need fixing -- which is different than worrying about them. The kind of worry I meant was that endlessly circuitous thought process tat spins wheels rather than moves them. But I get your point that we have to hit some sort of point to know that things need changing/doing/repair.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

I'm trying to articulate it

mashadutoit — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:20:02 -0500

I'm trying to articulate a vague thought here -

I have a feeling that there is a mental mechanism which allows us to rehearse and solve problems in our imagination. Its probably extremely useful. Vital, in fact.

But a lot of the time we use it inapropriately, for situations that cannot be solved in thought. Or even if you come up with a possible solution, you dont "log off" but start the process up again over and over.

It reminds me of what happens when you have had a upsetting fight with some-one. You play the words over and over again in your head. Why is that? Is it an attempt to change what actually happened? Trying to remember it "right" and so de-fuse it?

Maybe worrying is the same thing cast into the future, instead of the past.

I've only recently become aware of the extent to which I uselessly worry. I try to have a rule that if I've thought about a possible solution to the issue - I have to put it aside until I've had a chance to try my solution. Otherwise I keep picking and picking at it.

Something I have found which does NOT work for me is that thing of "will it matter in ten years?" - a lot of the time, yes it certainly WILL matter in ten years. So that does not really work for me!

Worry Wart

biggirlblue — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:19:51 -0500

I see worry as a process I need to go through. If I didn't worry then I probably wouldn't work on possible solutions or ways to deal with whatever I worry about. I guess there comes a point where someone could over worry or dwell on the worrying part but I think if we didn't worry a little we wouldn't care much.

Moe

My Favorite Things, a plus size shopping blog

Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known." ~Nellie McClung, 1916

Anne, well done!

Mata H — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:00:05 -0500

One other phrase I love, in addition to "embracing uncertainty" is around the need to "detach from outcome". And you are so right that sometimes the simple precepts are the toughest to put into action.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool